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October 8th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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well its been a week that i haven't been able to leave the house on acount of my grounding but thats cool I was pretty sick for like four of those days so I wasn't planing on going out any way.
So right know I am just chilling with my cat and playing on the computer I have one more week to go yah.
So basically I don't even need to talk to Mr.M any more becasue he can just talk about me to other people, fuck that pisses me off if you are going to be talking about me you may as well be do it to me I mean I am me and I think that i would beable to you know talk about me the best consideringf I am me and every thing but hell I am sure that other people know me much better.
Its been like 3 day of cleaness not that great but I guess it is better than no day like I was three days ago so I think taht I am doing better I don't want it as much. I keep on seeing how failers live and that kinda truns me off of it so thats cool.
Yah I picked up a quater (i think thats how you spell it) So I have every thing that i need weed and smokes. (the weed does not dissapoint) not to metion that fact that I have movie money and munchies so basically i just pain out love payday who wouldn't.
BOB |
| 81 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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October 4th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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fuck being sick is hard work being sick and on coke is worse. Honestly I was doing so good 5 days hole days with nothing. I thought about it everyday and kept my money in my pocket pat me on the back right. I slip up today not to bad just one line one bump but really that could send you into tremoil. I went to the councler man and talked for a bit. Just like things I've seen and done and all it could be the reflection of my future or not. I guess its up to me. People say they are there for me and that I will be ok. That is so nice of them but there is nothing they can do. I can cry on 30 shoulders and I can talk till my face is blue to all of these people but really in the end it is just me. I am in the most rediculuse fright its almost funny its so dumb. I am fright with a poweder something that I could just blow and it would go every where and just vacum it up, or sweep it with a broom so really why in gods name am I even frighting it if it is such a simple little pile of poweder. You think taht my brain fell out of my ears last week and I am in some kind of boxing ring, with the smallest most insugnificant thing ever. I may as well be yelling at a chair becuase its just a chair and coke is just a poweder, and I am sure that most of it is baking soda or some other stupid substance and it is all in my head for all I know I am have been taking rails of flour and convincing my self that it is some kind of stimulant. I need to smoke a bowl because I just scaerd my self with what is probibly the honest truth. weird I think I might have just fixed my self even if I am wronge leave it the fuck alone. |
| 33 hit(s) |
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September 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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it has happened I see every thing that I normally just egnor. I am what you would say addicted and know I refuse to do any more coke I woun't even drink the dame drink it is over done gone I don't want it I don't want the fucking monsters in my closet any more, I am going to tie them up under my bed I am going to gage them or him. I hate who I am right know. So yah this change is needs to happen. I am shaky and paranoid and sad and happy and I can't tell who or what i am any more so you know for all my friend who know who I am better then me know is the time to tell me who I am becasue I lost me, and I want to find me and kill the monster and yah so any of you insault as to what I have become any of the the talk that has been said behind my back about my stupity is more than welcome to be said to my face because its more halpful to know that I am a screw up by friends. Than having a monster convince me that I am healthy and happy when I am becomeing the monster myself.
give me the brutle and bloody truth please!!! |
| 55 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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August 10th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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I think that its weird how I always say i can't wait till summer vaca because I will have more time, right.... this is the first night of like the hole summer that i have been home lol.
Iunno I just seem to end up buying cold shots run around the streets party and break in to pools, amouge other things... Yah so work is hard and gossipy, thats what I get for working with 15 year olds :( I went out with a like 3 spanish guys and larain last night and this 30 year old guy was like hitting on me and trying to get my number and I was just like please porceed to the exit I think I could have vomited I was just to discusted to.
SO yah next year I am gone and I have seen Katherin Guely more that I have you guys call me! every time I call your out or somehing.
SO yah I am just sitting here lisoning to "I'm just a teenaged dirt bag baby" Every body loves that song, beign at home is weird I need to do something or something. I can't beleive That 70's show is over I am pretty sad about that but this is just a bunch of none sence so
PEACE |
| 75 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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July 29th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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today was pay day so I sure can not complain, I had to run to the bank like a fucking cheeta befor it close because that would have fucking suck. my mom is home again its not a pretty thing she is just too odd with in the house becayse now I just do every thing in the house because I am just used to it. I do the dishes cook for every one laundry, cat stuff... and other stuff and I hate doing for some reason I can;t figure out why I don't just stop....? weird
I bought a new bob marley cd....if fUcking rocks.... Also I am goign to see that movies with the umpa lumpas in it, I can't remeber what it is called right know. meh! I think that I am going to be saving the rest of my money because I just got a 360 cheak and I only have like 200 left, because I owed my mom so much money lol. Oh charly and the chocolate factory. But yah BRITTANY THERE IS ANOTHER SEX GOD BOOK AND IT LOOKS LIKE ITS GONEING TO BE A FUNNY. But yah I have nothing else to say......
steph |
| 80 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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July 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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I don't know why people date its really not fun to put your self in a unconforitable postion with a person you don't really know all that well.
So yah I give up on that and I have only been on one so I guess you can tell that I was more anoyed by the lame sex jokes and failed attempts to kiss me. I would much rather hang out with a group of friends and just get drunk or play nintendo and give each other high fives, both remottly boring things but at least the thought of a gun to my head out not be there. I would just have to say that if even smoking a lot of pot can't even make a person the least bit interesting I really couldn't tell what would.
i really needed to get that out of me!!Q!
Wow well other than that ever since I was payed and my mom left last week I have been haveing randon people come over staying out till like five and doing sper of the moment drugs. I think it was last night I went to matt round heads house and had some beers, the night befor I got some fucking sleep, thrusday I did coke with ali we went to marks house, weds me lorain brenden, and corry did ex and broke in to the kings men pool at night, tuesday coke, and I was at ali cabin befor then when I discoverd that I will never get alchohal posinging:) |
| 63 hit(s) |
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July 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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well I am soo fucking sun burnt omg. Me and Alli started drinking at 10 in the morning in saturday and continued untill 3 in the morning. We bought a 40 of rye and finidhed it and went back and bought a twosix. lol. I would tell you about the night but I really I just don't remeber. I know that we kept on goinh for walks even though we didn't want to, there was this white car that would not stop driving past us so we sat in the middle of the road at like 8 o clock, and we must of sat there for some time because eventualy there were stars out... Than Alli stode infront of the white car and we hoped in for a ride pick up some guy I like to call ernie (i think his name is eral) Than swam and Alli took her dads rental and we went crusing at 180 miles perhour and swerved everywhere than went to the baseball feild and did some donuts. THere were many other things that I am sure went on tonight but I can't remeber...
man I am just to fucking hung over and my liver hurts, but i have dome to a conclusion taht i will never get alchole poisoning like we drank so much booze and really we should have been like barfing or passing out but there was no such thing, I don't get how we drank that much alcohle, like my blood imean woooow peer alchole or something there were a lot of drunk masquitoessssss out that night...my brain hurts
peace
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| 42 hit(s) |
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July 14th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Well he doesn't have a girl friend any more and I got off work today and we just smoked a bowl and walk around the mall talk and what not he really is so sweet. We went out for a smoke and just ended up sitting on a bench and just talking for like two hours about what ever we felt like. It seems like it would be extremly perfict its not like a game like most relationship hes open about every thing, if theres something on his mind it comes out and its alway so honest. When we were done talking we were going to go back into the mall and look around more but it truned out that it was closed and we talk all the way until nine. Then he waiting for a bus with me and gave me a huge good bye. Tomorrow is our date how cool is all of this!!! |
| 57 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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July 11th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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I have made a dision, I am getting a cell phone not really all that exciting but I won't be like some dumb asses and post the number...you know who you are... Well my mother for some odd reason disided to come home yesyerday but I think that i took advantage of her being gone quit well, I got to hang with darelle, got drunk with larraine, went to a movie with matt and britt, and basically layed around the house in place that I have never been a slob in befor so yes I think it was quit succesful and so she shall be leaving again for camping I shall continues making plans of lazzyness and money speading... yes yes good fun |
| 66 hit(s) |
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