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tonight |
February 17th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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well here i go, i havent written in forever, as if any one reads my blogs... but tonight is the night...tonight its all about me.. i am...i am me, and im going to write what this broken heart is saying, so loud im sick of hearing its screamsfamily: 1. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children. 2. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.hmm sounds just like mine...all statistics and logic that fundamentally make up what we call the foutch family, but no one sees deep into the surface and stares at the inner justice that continues to murk inside each one of us....we are all together messed up in our own way held together by the common goal that one day...some day...it will all work out and we will be stronger...ofcourse the mother of this family is not willing to admit to change for any long periods of time, half the family is flunked out, the other striving for perfection to match the appreciation bestowed upon the prodigy son....if one is forced to respect another in terms of due process do es that make it work...does that make it right....or does it just make us low?then theres the relationship the one that continues to grow with each new spark i fall in love again every day and yet im still searching for my perfect romance, even when its staring me in the face, and yes he is the one...im quite if not completely certain, of course there can always be the arguement that yes i am young....but i also know what i essentially want out of life...andrew is part of that moldhow bout friends....ha to dig deep into that inner core you would find nothing more than a broken heart that was broken too many times by too many people who i stupidly gave my trust to and my heart....i always find myself somehow doing, running headlong into something i want so badly to mean something but in the end proves itself the opposite of my burning desires....but then i meet her, and she can save me finally from the pitfall of destruction, the problem is im not willing to give her anything because i have so little left so now she is the victim and im the heartless friend...ironic must i sayand what about jake.....ive forgotten about you long enough to forget why i need tothen there is the busy part of my life the school that i desperately need to go on, i love to learn its a passion of mine that broke out of its shell this year, its not so much a priority anymore than it is a strong hold in obtaining my sanity...so why am i fearing college...i fear its too hard buti know thats not right for what can be harder then what i set my capacity mentally and allow it to be...nothing...im recieving BULK mail i mean at least 5-6 letters A DAY...and my dream school Denver University actually wants me to chekc them out...but the problem is i also havea nother dream that sadly doesnt include andrew. agnes school for women..o god how i would love to thrill in their intelectual delights...but its in georgia and andrew is in colorado and im screwed...if i left him i know he would feel id idnt care enough to stay, because i cane asily go to college here...grr decisions decisions! and work, i am unable to promote the hand gesture i would attach to your portion being this is writtenso i wrote about my life but i didnt write about me, something i always ends up doing when someone asks how i am and what im doing....what i would really like tot ell them is how lost and confused i am, how each day to bring myself out from underneath my bed is a constant struggle , to put on each layer of clothing as if i was covering the open wounds that scrounge my soul...but ofcourse thats giving them more then they ask for..or so it seems, and i reply with, ay imdoing great and tell them about work and school family(which no matter how much they dont want to hear it i tell them is in sorry condition) and sometimes i show them the promise ring andrew gave me....but i dont ever dare to tell them about me...but i know each day when i close my eyes and try to drift off to the time in my life that i actually dont have to think....thought i hav ebeen getting painful dreams....i know that the next i will wake up drag myself from my cold bed and cover my wounds, for know one needs to see them....and know that as long as no one feels them...im ok..and thats all i need |
| 70 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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this is so yesterday |
July 9th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
im closing this chapter.....new ones have already begun, but doing THREE blogs is just too tricky....ive sold out (sorry sitdiary) to both xanga and myspace, catch me there www.xanga.com/qwyla
AND
www.myspace.com/qwyla
im always posting there, i cant promise ill stop posting here, but there will defintly be a let up....
i love my readers though |
| 77 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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this is so sad, that this is so me |
July 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
The morning sun's about to break
I'm looking in as you create someone
You lift your head and brush your teeth and make your bed
As if you won't sleep again
You fix your hair and tie your shoes
And tuck your shirt and now you feel new
The glass is full, the glass is broke
And every day desolves and there's no hope
Of ever leaving this temporary life
Of ever leaving this temporary life
Life, life, life, life
You may ask yourself: is there anyone so alone
That there's no beep before the dial tone
When you pick it up to see who called
If there is, its probably your Mom
Oh the rising sun brings little change
To this city with a stolen name
And you're wondering who's bright idea
It was to pack your things and leave your friends and move Down here |
| 42 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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losing it in you |
June 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: cranberries
Feeling: inpain
well let me turn this table around
and sit down to face this unknown
let me gaze into those brown eyes
tell me your secrets, even if they are lies
dont scare me away with your spurious decisions
that affect my every move
are you here with me
or have you lost that motive
ive gone away for the night
i might stay there forever
lost in this dream of life
and trading my future for never
come fly with me
isnt that what my future is adding up to
i dont wish to fly
i dont wish anything but to be where im suppose to be
but where is that
i cant seem to drag myself away from this melodramatic consequence
im sleeping too much
not crying enough
im holding onto what ive believed is true
but im losing it all
ive lost it all in you |
| 110 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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back from the fire |
June 22nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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i just got back from brazil
it broke my heart
and made my life
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain I like watchin the puddles gather rain And all I can do is just pour some tea for two And speak my point of view but its not sane, its not sane I just want someone to say to me I'll always be there when you wake Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today So stay with me and I'll have it made And I don't understand why I sleep all day And I start to complain that theres no rain And all I can do is read a book to stay awake It rips my life away but its a great escape...escape... All I can say is that my life is pretty plain You don't like my point of view Ya think that I'm insane Its not sane... its not sane I just want someone to say to me I'll always be there when you wake Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today So stay with me and I'll have it made |
| 45 hit(s) |
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missing |
May 23rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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i dont miss you, i miss who i thought you were.....
im walking away, and thats the easiest part, the hardest is knowing you wont be running after me... |
| 109 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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carlos this is for you |
May 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's whats going on, nothing's fine I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn
So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn. Torn.
There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on, nothings right, I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late, I'm already torn. |
| 49 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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is it my time yet |
May 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: bright eyes- i want a lover
Feeling: loopy
im buried so deep in this ashen puddle
im yearning for more then what im given
im falling deeper then i was into a grave distant, and future heartbreak, and manipulative crossing road. im hurt im crying im broken
but worst of all
im cutting |
| 87 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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a dream |
May 14th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: bright eyes
Feeling: disgusted
Now and again it seems worse than it is, but mostly the view is accurate. You see your breath in
the air while you climb up the stairs to that coffin you call your apartment. And you sink in your
chair, brush the snow from your hair and drink the cold away. You are not really sure what you
are doing this for but you need something to fill up the days. A few more hours. There is a
dream in my brain that just won't go away. It has been stuck there since it came a few nights
ago I'm standing on a bridge in the town where I lived as a kid with my mom and my brothers.
And then the bridge disappears and I'm standing on air with nothing holding me. And I hang like
a star, fucking glow in the dark, for all those starving eyes to see, like the ones we've wished on.
But now I'm confused. Is this death really you? Do these dreams have any meaning? No. No, I
think it is more like a ghost that has been following us both. Something vague that we are not
seeing, something more like a feeling. |
| 34 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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so alone |
May 6th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
today is a new beginning
im still blurred by yesterday's old
im hurting for this new feeling
the one ive burned into my soul
this life is less then ordinary, a frequent reminder i set aside
but im still lost in the extrodinary
everytime your looking into my eyes
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| 99 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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rain |
May 5th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
im totally perplexed and have fallen from blissful peace to anxiety like no other...i have this knot that swells inside of me and im unable to find the directions of untying it.
i passed co 36 tonight, that blissful highway that once lead me to home when i was so lost...no becomes my friend again, but one i want to travel to run away from everything im stuck battling at home
rain rain go away come again another day, because im too tired and im to cold to last through your pouring vain |
| 33 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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i survived you |
April 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Carlos-
remember when we first heard this song with timmy? never thought i would picture your face when i heard it....
I see the picture clear now, the fog has lifted.
The wool you tried to pull over my eyes was clever.
Yeah you're gifted.
But you forgot to dot some I's, and cross some T's along the way.
I'm better now despite you baby.
I'm stronger these days.
Stronger.
I survived the crash.
Survived the burn.
Survived the worst, yeah baby, but I learned.
Survived the lies.
Survived the blues.
Almost killed me, but I survived the truth.
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed.
I survived you.
I can look in the mirror now.
It's been a slow awakening.
Haunted by a heart full of you, couldn't help mistaking.
That you could ever care for anyone.
Anyone but yourself. Hey.
But you would have to have a conscience baby.
Good luck I wish you well.
I survived the crash.
Survived the burn.
Survived the worst, yeah baby, but I learned.
Survived the lies.
Survived the blues.
Almost killed me, but I survived the truth.
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed.
I survived you.
This heart has been torn in two.
Cut and bruised.
With too many bitter endings.
I'll be damned if I have thoughts of you
Rain on my new beginning.
I survived the crash.
Survived the burn.
Survived the worst, yeah baby, but I learned.
Survived the lies.
Survived the blues.
Almost killed me, but I survived the truth.
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed.
I survived you.
|
| 127 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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why is it like this |
April 18th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Joshua-
o, baby, how i want to hold you now and whisper to you that everything is okay, but thats the thing everythng isnt ok, and probally wont be in a while. when i read about your cutting i wanted to cry, just knowing my own personal struggle, its so hard to see someone else and realize they have that pain too. i dont feel sorry for people most of the time, but my heart longs to you, just knowing i cant help you. reassuring words in the end are just.....words, they arent going to fix a broken heart, mend the seams of others decietful work. your too far away right now to hold, to kiss, 'to crawl in bed with', but remember the want is still there. what i want is too offer some peaceful chrisitian advice, but i know i hate that when i hear it. so what im going to say is i wish icould kiss each scar away, dull each sharp object, and hold both your hands so you cant do anything....and since im not there right now to do, imagine i am each time you pick something up, when your tempted, imagine im holding your hands, or im right infront of you....would you deliberatly hurt me by cutting yourself...look at it that way, your hurting me by hurting you.
life is a mess, when is it not? ive been at peace with myself once, and guess what that lasted o about less then a month. life isnt ever going to be easy, but trust me it gets better, just wait....be a patient person my love.
imgoing to bed now because you didnt get on or call back, im sure nothing i said really affected you any, but i pray that it did. i wish i could crawl in your lap and just hold you, rest my head against your shoulder and take in your scent.....remember the beautiful things in life still exist and are longing to stare you straight in the eyes.
always,
Qwyla |
| 113 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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so true |
April 8th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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"TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS TO BE LOVED PURELY AND FURIOUSLY. AND A PERSON WHO THINKS HIMSELF UNLOVEABLE CANNOT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD BECAUSE HE CAN"T ACCEPT WHO GOD IS; A BEING THAT IS LOVE. WE LEARN THAT WE ARE LOVEABLE OR UNLOVEABLE FROM OTHER PEOPLE THAT IS WHY GOD TELLS US SO MANY TIMES TO LOVE EACHOTHER" ~Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz |
| 102 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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o God |
March 29th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I lay down
And I close my eyes
But I won't go to sleep tonight
There's too much on my mind
Holy God
You seem to be twice as far away from me
Than you have ever been before
Hold me safely in Your arms
And clear my crowded mind
And whisper words of peace
In the dark
Whisper to me
Oh, whisper
I'm afraid but they don't know it
I feel so weak
But I can't show it
So here I lay
Crying out with hears
Hold me gently in Your arms
And calm my beating heart
And whisper words of hope
In the dark
Whisper to me
Oh, whisper
Whisper
Make the day sleep
Make the noise cease
And give me peace
Whisper to me
How I need to hear You whisper
Whisper to me
Oh, Whisper
Hold me gently in Your arms
And calm my beating heart
And whisper words of hope
In the dark
Whisper to me
Words of hope
Words of peace
Whisper to me
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| 42 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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crap |
March 23rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
can you see the way i shine from far
a melody untrue
but you dont know what i hide
is a secret so corrupt
my very being shrinks in self pity
im unaware of these hurting lies
the ones i tell each day
waiting in a new form of breathing
my own eternal passion
undergo my self blame
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| 38 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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where are you now |
March 18th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: atreyu
Feeling: gelatinous
The seed of death grows slowly within me. Painlessly, whispering to me in tiny, choking breaths.
I'm not listening.
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| 40 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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broken eyes |
March 10th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these broken eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these broken eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these broken eyes |
| 183 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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heaven bent |
March 8th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.
I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so... |
| 93 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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orange juice |
March 5th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I'm having a hard time missing thises and thatses. The world is moving too slow for me. It makes me lazy. And days go by without an accomplishment, it seems.
I am stretched across hardwood floors, popping my lower back and shaking off the effects.
Drinking orange juice from the carton and trying to screw my head back into place.
All my fault. All my fault. All my fault. |
| 75 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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lies |
March 4th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
If you do not wish to be lied to, do not ask questions. If there were no questions, there would be no lies.
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| 150 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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i burn for you |
March 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
what can i do with my obsession
with the things i cannot see
is there madness in my being
is it the wind that blows the trees
and im so filthy with my sin
i carry pride like a disease
sometimes your farther then the moon
sometimes your closer then my skin
you surround me like a winter cold
you come and burn me with a kiss
and my heart burns for you
yea my heart
it burns
it burns for you
Lord my heart
it burns for you |
| 113 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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yeats |
March 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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I am looking for strayed sheep;
Something has troubled me and in my trouble
I let them stray. I thought of rhyme alone,
For rhyme can beat a measure out of trouble
And make the daylight sweet once more; but when
I had driven every rhyme into its place
The sheep had gone from theirs.
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| 90 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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finding myself |
March 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
im finding myself a little less lonely
a little less scared
im finding myself a little less sorrowed
a little more prepared
im finding myself little more gratefull
for the life ive been given
im finding myself a little more faithful
a little less angry
im finding myself a little less hurt
little more gentle
and im finding myself in You
the only Being i should be finding myself in.
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| 86 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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grandma |
March 2nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
i was sitting in spanish and the tears rushed to my eyes
i was confused because i was tired, and not quite sure my feelings were right on track.
then it dawned on me, and these thoughts crossed my mind
"im so sorry grandma i didnt visit you one last time. the pain i was feeling was overflowing and i couldnt deal, thats not your fault and you deserved so much more. i wish i couldve held your hand longer, and stroked your beautiful face. tell you i loved you and that youll soon be in a better place. that this chaotic world will soon be a distant nightmare, that i was excited for you to see grandpa up there....i wish i couldve heard your voice tell me how beautiful i was one last time, that your big brown eyes couldve stared into mine as you told me i was a sweet girl that no one could compare. you made me feel like i was worthy grandma of being something more then i couldve ever believed i couldve become...im sorry i didnt kiss your cheek one last time....i love you grandma, my not so distant memory..." |
| 75 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Hello God |
March 2nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Hello God,
I called tonight
To talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.
I thank you God for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.
Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!
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| 85 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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dark |
March 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Lord im tired,
so tired of walking
and Lord im so alone.
the dark is creeping in
its creeping up to swallow me..
i think ill stop
rest here awhile
and this is all that i can say right now
i know its not much
and this is all that i can give
and thats my everything
Lord this is all that i can say right now
i know its not much
and this is all that i can give
i give you everything.
im so fearful, im down on my knees.
and everyone just follows me
like a fly im trapped.
i need your warmth to guide me
be there in the storm
and this is all that i can say right now
i know its not much
and this is all that i can give
and thats my everything
Lord this is all that i can say right now
i know its not much
and this is all that i can give
i give you everything.
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| 166 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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death |
February 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
my grandma died this morning....
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| 118 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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fish bowl |
February 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
run away with me
im so cold and so weak
i need you to be here
but i look up into the limpid darkness
and theres no one there
i call out
can your deaf ears hear my pitchful screams
im so cold
im so alone
i need to find a grateful way of learning more
of feeling you
im here cant you see
dont you want to be me
..im here waiting for you
in the crushing waves
im naked like a fish in a glittering bowl
im shown to the world
but your no where in sight...
..and now i have no where for me to hide |
| 85 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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grateful mercy |
February 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
agh im so bored with life, with outcomes of certain unstabilities.
i have a pain in my upper back that wont disappear. and my grandma still struggles to die, but is hanging on.
isnt life strange, how you could want so much more and feel like your getting less then expected.
i was told the other night, when question arose, of 'If God is soo good, Why do bad things happen', and an explanation that will forever stick with me was God was merciful......look what he doesnt bring forth, if there was no God, like would be hell, he is merciful
if that makes any sense at all.
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| 131 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
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again |
February 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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he emailed AGAIN. im not going to post that for privacy sake. but he seemed genuinly interested...and he doesnt ahve a g/f, hes just involved with someone.... |
| 95 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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always and forever |
February 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
he emailed me...the one guy i was talking about. the guy at starbucks. he emailed me. i dont even know why im attracted to him. i just....am. heres his email...its sad so depressing...im gonna go wallow. j/k
Um... hi.
Thanks for the little message in a paper towel. I'm very flattered. However, being that I am currently seeing someone, I am not interested at the time. See you at Starbucks some time. Have a good one. BTW my name is Jim, not bow tie boy. But you can call me that if you please.
Jim
PS How in the world do I pronounce your name? Is it Qwyla? I had a hard time reading that part.
isnt that sad?
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| 89 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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forget me |
February 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
they gave her two days to live...and that was on thursday. she still is kicking, barely seduced.
i saw carlos on thursday night, i couldnt bare seeing my grandma like that, he was the first to >pop< in my mind. i called. he answered. we met at safeway, were together for an hour and split our seperate ways, with no sense of when the next spontaneous journy would be....so like us.
im missing jake less and less...out of sight...out of mind
dont tell me that its over
i fell in love at first sight... lol id like to call it LUST and first site, but it wasnt all about the body...sorta.
i dropped an application in at starbucks on 38th and kipling...and he was there, ive seen him before, went home looked in my yearbook and there he was...
dropping an application in at the safeway starbucks ( I GOT AN INTERVIEW HELL YA!)
too bad i dont have more time to dwell on boys anymore...
|
| 83 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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a time |
February 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go |
| 88 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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im not done breathing |
February 13th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
and as I sit and ponder this awkward reality o fall the thoughts that have recently been flying through my heard, overanalyzation is what its seldome called, and its hurting me. I sat and watched a beautiful love story…..i haven’t seen on like that in a while…ofcourse its all fake, but it sparked something so crazy. Two people who briefly meet are conncected and have to let go…and they don’t even try. No one tries.
We were right with what we did? But was it correct….was it honest in everything formed.
Why do I think of you….i thought I was soo little attatched. I hurt a little over the break up, but then now all the pain is hitting me hard. Maybe I was in denial that week, I don’t quite understand I was looking forward to being with you. Falling in love didn’t actually start to seem half bad anymore.
Life has become a whirlwind of busy, and I walk dazed through it. Ive become numb emotionless, sleeping is a chore in itself. Pouring hurt I cant begin to feel into my pillow. Im looking to it getting a lot worse before it gets a lot better…ive grown to just turning it off but the numb feeling is tingling a awkwardly painful sensation..
Your goofy grin haunts me…when I think of you, your pathetic try at a wink is mystifying and no one will, has, or tried to come close to the way you look(ed) at me. Penetrating, trying to find me, or maybe just look.
Im a pest, annoying, unsure and insecure in my relationships, but I wont say im sorry, it just wouldn’t feel right.
I didn’t comprehend possibly, is more correct, who you were, I was falling into pattern…where I get lost everytime.
Will you forget me……
I didn’t manage not to need you, or did I? was it that I needed you or was just undeniably insecure with how you felt about me. I didn’t think you did. I found myself pondering the essence of if the searing bite of lonliness lead you into me. And on I retreat into nothing.
Im not a dealible woman, most aren’t, and im no sure if that’s what you need or want….im silly of course it it.
The bracelet meant so little to….i wanted to see you…
The very thought of not being able to see those eyes again, was slowly burning its way through me. I don’t want to give up…no closure in the feeling of knowing….KNOWING there could be more…wanting more…yearning
I don’t want to walk away. I feel what we did was right….there was nothing wrong, but coming to the thought it just wasn’t true.
Remember you saying, you live without regrets, right? Don’t want to regret never seeing you again, holding your hand, smelling your nasty, but warm, breathe, tasting your chapstick….which is fading but ill never forget the taste, straight from the bottle or on your lips. Hearing your strangly alluring voice say my name.
don’t want to know we never actually tried.
And this is my feeble attempt of telling you how I feel…and something seems to be missing in all that im saying.
Remember my hands, Jacob Lisle, long, smooth, everywhere…I stroked you , felt you, scratched you and even hit you…but did I ever touch you?.......
Forget your stubbornness and don’t be a coward
Did I touch you….dont go on knowing I can
|
| 88 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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and its over |
February 10th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
you are an ass
and im foolish for ever believing other wise |
| 100 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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another sorrow yet unfullfilled |
February 9th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
im so sick of this constant swirl
im not tired just sick...like an eruption of choas...
today i hit brittany...broke my turn light thingy....
coffee spilt on my new jeans
..and old flame deletes my comments from his blog...which i dont know why was soo hurtful...
i get no response from you jake...wheres my bracelet?
" dont tell me im not in touch with rampant choas....your reality" |
| 84 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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|
jake |
February 8th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Close your eyes, you're beautiful when you're sleeping
Tonight may all your dreams come true.
It's so nice to hold you while you're sleeping
When I'm sleeping next to you
for some reason im finding myself haunted by a feeling i didnt even recognize
I know sometimes it's lonely while you're sleeping,
Well it's lonely for me too.
It's alright just know that while I'm sleeping
That I'm dreaming of you
is it all right if we are wrong, will it last another night....will it drown out?
No matter what we do it's always you and me
And it's always me and you.
We always have the stars to wish upon from where I'm at,
And where you are.
its not a sorrow that fills my mind as i miss you, but a sorta sad happiness that i met you
Goodnight
Goodnight
Goodnight, love
ps i want my bracelet back |
| 74 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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ahh what i really want |
February 6th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter
And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need know is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer
All I really want is some peace man
a place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice... |
| 96 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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hello |
February 5th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
playground school bell rings again
rain clouds come to play again
has no one told you she's not breathing?
hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
hello
if i smile and don't believe
soon i know i'll wake from this dream
don't try to fix me i'm not broken
hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide
don't cry
suddenly i know i'm not sleeping
hello i'm still here
all that's left of yesterday |
| 158 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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and then there was |
February 2nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
never close your beautiful brown eyes
ill never forget |
| 92 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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aww HIS word is like a double edged sword, cuts my heart |
January 30th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I have seen how they acted
but I will heal them,
I will lead them and help them
and i will comfort those who mourn
Isaiah 57:18
There was a time when i wouldnt admit what a sinner i was. But my dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration. All day and all night Your hand was heavy on me. my strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until i finally admitted all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. i said to myself ' i will confess them to the Lord' And You forgave me! All my guilt is gone
Psalm 32:3-5 |
| 158 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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the road long taken |
January 29th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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where is the dull life leading. nowhere down the long unending twists and turns and new discovers that haunt my every being
no more sweet dreams to rest my easy eyes too.
am i sad.. no i dont regret my decision..its one that had been on my mind since the time i needed comfort the most and none was provided. the bitter pain of lonliness just drives itself into me always reminding me its still here, and possibly never leaving...
o my green eyes, how i wish i could be with you...just loving you as a friend is all that can be done, i dont want you to hurt me...leave that to another guy...
...actually leave it to myself
i need to be free, get out of this fucking sea shell that traps me..every way i look im haunted by the hurt from others, dont draw me in i dont want to comfort you
your something ill never understand
but as i think back to the last awkward relationship i placed myself in
will you remember me...youll be just another guy in a few months...will i just be another girl to add to your roster with sarah and leslie
and then you my sweet strawberry....why do you have to live all the way over there...when im in constant loneliness i remember it didnt bite my ass so bad when our little long flown away fling was happening...
grandma i wish i could stop your suffering that i could wipe the pain away...id even take it on myself..why do you suffer....god why do you let her suffer in this life when she wishes only to be gone..shes lived her life and now she wants to exit out of the worl why is that so hard why is every move even a single breath a constant struggle. i see it in her eyes
those beautiful brown eyes |
| 164 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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you know who you are |
January 28th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand
The green eyes
Yeah the spotlight
Shines upon you
And how could
Anybody
Deny you
I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I met you
Honey you should know
That I could never go on
Without you
Green eyes
Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know
That green eyes
You're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you,
Must be out of their mind
Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you
And honey you should know,
That I could never go on
Without you
Green eyes, green eyes, ohohoh...
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand.
(my sweet green eyes, nows not the time)
|
| 95 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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mm and im lost again |
January 27th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I'm sick of myself. Well, maybe not, but I'm just tired of the way I see myself. For some strange reason I just can't make myself happy. The moment I am truly happy, I go and fuck it up.
I don't think I deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be able to smile sincerely.
I really don't. I'm one of those people...obsessed with chaos. and when things become too beautiful...too amazing for me...I have to turn it all around. It's as though I have more control over my life when it's bringing me down. That's what I'm used to, and that's what I have to throw myself into.
So, here it comes again. and I just bathe myself in my upset moments and long dreams to nowhere.
I'll still smile. I'll still love. I'll still be Qwyla.
But, I'll just keep up the all too familiar pain of my life that I just can't seem to get enough of.
|
| 159 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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spider web |
January 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
They spun a web for me
Oh no I see
A spider web and it’s me in the middle
So I twist and turn
Here I am in my little bubble
I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And i, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
Oh no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
Oh no what’s this?
A spider web, and I’m caught in the middle,
So I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I’ve done,
Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And i, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
|
| 79 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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cleansing me |
January 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
the shower cleanses my body
but it also cleanses my soul
as the water pours from me
all the pain and worry disappears
there is nothing but me
and the water that drips from my body
and I am comforted better
than I have ever been before
I realize ive wasted too much time
on everything I wanted to be mine
its time to think of others
and the water makes me see
I am just a sorrow in this body
I say I do good to others
but I only care about me
tonight all of it will wash away
and tomorrow there will be a new me
tears flow from my eyes
as the water does my face
I can tell the difference
because the salt I can taste
these are tears of undedication
but tomorrow that wont be me
because tonight
the shower cleanses my body
but most importantly
it cleanses the soul in me |
| 102 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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|
your laugh |
January 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
you smile
then slightly open your mouth to let out the most beautiful melody ive ever heard
and even though sorrow is oddly piercing my heart, i grin so slightly
youve touched my heart again
with your sweet laugh,
oh and how your eyes light up and im lost again in the sensual sensation of being so close to you
your laugh is so exhilarating i just want more of these moments with you |
| 164 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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err |
January 23rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
is it the lonliness that stabs liket he knife im touching every single night
how do you feel so utterly lost in a place that points your every which way to move
where do you go when your lonley
how do i find out your blue
im so tired of being broken
im restless when im with you |
| 90 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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most people |
January 22nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Bertrand Russell:
Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do. |
| 87 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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so far from here |
January 22nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the used
Feeling: narcissistic
Now I'm far from lonely
I sleep, I still see you lying next to me
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
and it's all that I've got
I need something average
someone please just give me
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
and it's all that I've got
I can't laugh
all I want inside I still am empty
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
and it's all that I've got
Eye's closed so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
|
| 79 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
|
|
Irish Proverb |
January 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
Great hate follows great love. |
| 90 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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forget it all |
January 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Forget love...
I'd rather fall in chocolate.
|
| 97 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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i cry out so loud |
January 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I've Fallen Lord. Pick Me Up, Hold Me Close.
I Need Forgiveness Again.
I've Come So Far Down This Road That You Have Shown Me.
But Sometimes I Just Don't See The End.
Comfort Me, Lord. Show Me Your Love, Fill My Soul.
I Don't See Clearly Anymore.
I Try So Hard To See Your Face In All I Do.
I Just Forget What I'm Looking For.
Your Healing Hands Will Always Embrace Me.
And Your Healing Hands Won't Let Me Go.
Your Healing Hands Pour Your Love Upon Me
Filling My Heart, Making Me Whole.
Speak To Me, Lord. Say The Words I Need To Hear.
When It Seems So Hard To Understand.
I Get So Lost With The Thoughts In My Head.
I Can't Remember Who I Am.
Strengthen Me, Lord. I Am Weak But You Are Strong.
Christ, Help Me Through Another Day.
I Need Your Help. Please Come And Rescue Me.
Guide Me And Show Me Your Way. |
| 136 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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few bandages |
January 18th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, because its a lot easier to mend a cut or scratch, but mending a broken heart...
that takes more than a few bandages... |
| 162 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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ugh |
January 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance
|
| 79 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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delightful |
January 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
its just you and me here now
only you and me
i wish you could see the view when its only you
its just you and me here now
only you and me
a weekend of unforgettable memories |
| 84 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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undermining essence |
January 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
ugh life is so bland
yet everflowingly vibrant
i cant seem to move outside of my shell, im being kept inside and it hurts. the cramped space of boredom overflows me, and again im lost at the begining...the end will never seem close. life seems so pointless a neverending journey with the painful twists of choas inbetween tthe long worn road im traveling. why is it so far infront of me. the answer i want...everyone seems so far away im in constant state of lonliness..is this self pity im grimed with. doubtfull the pity i feel for noone cant step back to myself just a wild complaining im so used to doing the heartbreak of an unending void. dont touch my i dont need to be touched or talked to softly i need to be understood something thatll never come. i dont need to be held or told im beautiful or great or that im going far in life. i dont need to be told im loved i already know who loves me and who just pretends. pretense such a funny way of putting life back on track with the person you hate the most. pretense is my life story. nothing is ever real. a constant state of fiction.
and your so far away
look around im already gone |
| 75 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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confused |
January 13th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
sleep
kiss on the cheek
again confused |
| 89 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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gone |
January 13th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
i sit there and sigh
one of those heavy sighs
because im in your arms and i feel
its not safe or secure
or is it
i look at those eyes
god i love those eyes
decerning questions of apathy in return
do you return the urge?
the insentuation smell of you uncovered
without perfume
|
| 94 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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forever alone |
January 12th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I cant wait for someone to hear me,
And wait for someone to touch me.
And wait forever to be told,
I'm forever alone.
I cant wait for someone to feel me,
And wait for someone to heal me.
And wait forever to be told,
Im forever alone..
|
| 181 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
|
|
scars |
January 12th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help to fix myself
Your making me insane
All I can say is
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
|
| 228 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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mistakes we knew we were making |
January 11th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Ataris
Feeling: distant
tell me a story
i dont know any
make me happy
i dont know how
story of my life
-_-
the tears dont stop
and for no reason i hurt
i want to feel comfort
what i really want is to be held....
-_-
i have to do it...
i cant believe i put so much energy into something that is about to become nothing
~~~~
maybe i didnt put any energy into it at all
|
| 62 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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too long to wait |
January 11th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
today isnt a good day
it all started when i went to bed last night
i was tired, had a stuffy nose, wasnt sleeping in my own bed, and for some reason sad and emotional.
well the some reason is a reason just wierd one....i didnt get why he wanted to leave so early, but we werent really doing much, and he said he was sick, but for some reason i was still upset.
im achy i didnt sleep one bit last night, and the bit i did sleep was full of bad dreams. why do i get the crazy dreams...mmm sweet dreams is a wish yet to be fulfilled my jake.
today isnt looking up to well either, its gray, i like the gray, not when im sorrowed because then it makes me feel gray and that sucks, if its gonnabe gray it can at least do us all a favor and rain...
mmm the rain
today isnt looking like its gonna be the best either...
|
| 85 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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and then i saw it.... |
January 10th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
People are afraid of themselves. Of the feelings the could feel. And then they shut themselves off to what could be the best part of life. People, even I, have talked of love as being the best thing in the world, which dont get me wrong it is...but in the end its all bullshit. its all pain. are you ready to feel it?i> |
| 82 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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if thou must love me.... |
January 9th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say,
I love her for her smile...her look...her way
Of speaking gently...for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and, certes, brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day -
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee - and love so wrought, May be unwrought so.
If thou must love me, let it be for naught Except for love's sake only.
You were made perfectly to be loved - and surely I have loved you, in the idea of you, my whole life long. I love thee with the breath,Smiles, tears of all my life. What I do and what I dream include thee, as the wine must taste of its own grapes. Who so loves believes the impossible.
-Elizabeth Barret Browning-
|
| 99 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
|
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mhm |
January 9th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers....
-William Shakespeare- |
| 69 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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goodnight |
January 5th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
sometimes i would rather cut your lips right off your face than kiss them goodnight |
| 163 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
|
|
a quote from a long one from a good site |
January 2nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
Take my hand i promise i wont let go, but i know youll walk away
Sometimes I feel like no one gives a fuck But it's not only this That scares me It's different than it was before
I just wish I fucking knew Something about anything In my life And that I could truly believe That someone cared
Wasn't triggered by any one event... just... a general negativity and pessimism
Never think you're okay never think you've found someone they're as empty as you they'll break your heart too
I'll promise you one thing, I don't intend to let you down unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships..."
take me and break me and make me strong like you
you're so guilty it's disgusting.. |
| 149 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
|
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kisses |
January 2nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Kisses are like tears.The only real ones are the ones you can't hold back
|
| 87 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
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beautiful smile |
January 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
I went to sleep last night with a smile because I knew I'd be dreaming of you ... but I woke up this morning with a smile because you weren't a dream |
| 104 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Spill Your Grill
|
|
twinkle |
December 31st, 2004 @ 12:00am |
close your eyes. youre beautiful when youre sleeping. tonight may all your dreams come true. its so nice to hold you while youre sleeping, when im sleeping next to you. i know sometimes its lonely while youre sleeping. well its lonely for me too. its alright just know that while im sleeping, that im dreaming of you.
when someone looks at you the way you look at me
it makes you wonder why God hasnt placed you in my life sooner
when someone kisses you the way you kiss me
it makes you wonder how you dealt with life not having these sweet candies
when someone speaks such beautiful things of you as you do me
it makes you wonder why you were so lucky to come across such a wonderful person who makes you feel like your on air and fearful of every new step because you dont want this feeling to float off, you wish to be held for hours at end and never have to stir from their arms because your enjoying the falling feeling
the fast feeling that you cant ignore that you dont want to stop
but what happens when youve fallen, are you gonna get hurt? |
| 105 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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blue |
December 29th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
why cant you listen
why cant i hear
why is everything so mixed up
and im now sitting upside down in my underwear |
| 88 hit(s) |
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aha |
December 26th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
will you be here waiting for me? i have to ask what we are, if i ask today it just wont last. so ill be here waiting for you. |
| 126 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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trends |
December 25th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
here i am
where you end
and i begin
and all fails
to recieve
the trends
~+~Merry Christmas~+~
o yea
Happy Holidays
i guess
wait no its christmas damnit
~+~Merry Christmas~+~ |
| 68 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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a time |
December 24th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
theres a time in everyones life where reality is just the past
and the past doesnt make sense
the presence is the beginning of life
and everyone walks around smiling
theres a time in everyones life where words arent enough
and no one is showing the tangible gestures you require
and everyone walks like GOD
theres a time in everyones life when love is a bitter crim
where you see your loved ones hearts being torn apart by the one they live and die for
why do we hurt the ones we love
senseless matters at hand
and everyones hands are cut off |
| 163 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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have you ever |
December 22nd, 2004 @ 12:00am |
have you ever
have you ever uhh
have you ever felt like you really know someone, yet know not enough about them, they are some mysterious wonder waiting to be found, some unknown color yet to be named...
infatuation is a crazy thing
but what happens when infatuation runs out
and again your left with a broken chain of undermining memories
of what was
what is
and what couldve been |
| 135 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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hey its my birthday! |
December 20th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
im getting into you
because you got to me
***happy birthday to me***
its my spicy 16. lol right jake?
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| 159 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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trying to breath |
December 19th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
i sat there and felt it
flow aroung me
little stars falling everywhere
and the earth shook with light
and thats where i died
buried underneath the rain
and the sharp lighting bolts
of fire and ice
and understanding im gone
will you miss me?
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| 118 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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some guys...say few words, and say everything |
December 17th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
...like working nights is weird because to me like wednesday evening is the mornign to me...
...i would have picked up had i been
concious at all...
... anyway no worries about you being broke cause i hope you didnt honestly think id let you pay...
...something ya know whatever dips your chip...
...apologize for not answering...
...this is becoming a reoccuring theme isnt it...
-jake
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| 112 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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broken angel |
December 15th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: hanson
Feeling: adventurous
Break my dreams, that's what they'll do
But I'm gonna run away and learn to fly with you
But you're so high and I'm still so low
They can't bring me down
Gonna be so proud |
| 155 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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drip slice cut bruise understood im used |
December 12th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
I
Never run out
Of reasons to cry
No matter what I do
I cant stand the look
In your eyes |
| 84 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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he said last night "i thought you suicided yourself" |
December 12th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
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Maybe I want what you needed..maybe I didnt need myself... |
| 112 hit(s) |
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when you say you love me |
December 12th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: josh groban
Feeling: patient
Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.
When you say you love me,
The world goes still, so still and silent.
When you say you love me,
For a moment, there's no one else alive | | |