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Holy hell hole in a damned basket, baby! |
April 10th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Wow... so, when i said i was back, i obviously wasnt very serious now, was I? geez, november 15th was my last entry... now it's april 10th... last day i remember was on november 16th i was sitting in my chair looking at a picture of your mom ad next thing i knew it's april 10th... i need to calm down a bit... |
| 193 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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It's Beginning... |
November 15th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Ladies and gentlemen... Phineus is back... after a long set back at the studio, i am finally here once again, so you all may dry your tears away, then scrape them off of your crusted faces...And as for today's episode... KISS MY ASS PART 2!!!!! |
| 147 hit(s) |
(10 comments) |
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Having A Copy Of This One Thing... |
October 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: System of A Down - Psycho
I have a feeling something is about to happen... Something that involves you, and I. Perhaps it's something to do with death... maybe I am to kill you, or the other way around. I have no clue. But no matter what, always remember that I wish you as much pain as possible in the years to come, as long as it's not going to affect me negatively in any way, ok? See y'all later... |
| 97 hit(s) |
(5 comments) |
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Half Past Mast Blast |
October 23rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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If you can see into the future, then you would see that I am not making this next part up: There will come a time when all those who stand before the great wall of China will become gods. They will find that within themselves is the all knowing beauty of the first thing to come to pass this world, and that is this: the only actual and real Pokemon, Godachoo, a.k.a. Jesus. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Jesus. He was the true Pokemon. So, the Pokemon trading card game and video games should be treated as holy relics because they all spawned from God and for this we should thank him... or deny him, depending on how you feel about the Pokemon... Damn, the little bastards talk by saying their own name! How conceded is that? Geez, I can't believe God would send us something sooooo damn annoying... however, perhaps it was a test? |
| 76 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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McDonald's Monopoly |
October 22nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Hmm..... Yes.... Indeed..... How many times have you asked yourself "Why the fuck am I not having my period?" and then later find out it's because boys don't have periods? It happens to me all the time. I just keep forgetting. Damn McDonald's... They're sooooooo unhealthy but damn are they good.... mmmmmm... so, anyone eat a candle lately? yup, i did that today too... seems i just can't get enough o' that candle crisp! Name what show and episode this is from, and you get 5 cool points: "Can't get enough of that sugar crisp!"... good luck! |
| 46 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Something Tells Me I'm Into Something Good |
October 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Sooooo..... what's new y'all? any new and exciting stuff going on? Well? ok? i guess you won't tell me cause you all are a bunch of bitches... kiss my ass then! |
| 64 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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Loser! LOSER I SAY!!! |
October 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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WHAT!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!! i fucking hate "Lil' Jon"... he's a fucking shitstain in the back of my tighty whities. i'm pretty sure i know why they call him "little" though... get it? well? do ya? IT'S A PENIS JOKE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! but seriously folks.... i don't wear tighty whities... they hurt my huge package too much... it's just so huge, you know? you know ladies? it just needs alot of room to hang in there because it's so huge... sometimes it givesme back problems... yup... makes my back hurt... cause it's so hard to lift up... mmhmm... sooooooo huge... |
| 91 hit(s) |
(6 comments) |
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Why Does This Always Happen? |
October 18th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I was watching my T.V. one night when they broke in with a special report about some devestating earthquake in Peru. There were 30,000 crushed to death, even more were buried alive, and on the rictor scale it measured 8.2. I said, "God, please answer me one question... Why'd they have to interupt the Simpsons just for this? What a drag 'cause I was taping it and everything and now I'll have to wait for the re-run to see the part of the show I missed." Oh, why does this always happen? Why doese this always happen to me?
I was driving down the Highway when all the traffic slowed to a crawl. There was a ten car pile up, everybody dead. And I saw brains and guts and vital organs splattered everywhere, including my friend Robert's disembodied head. And I thought, "Poor Rob I just had lunch with him. Hey wait a minute, he still owes me money what a jerk! Well there's five bucks that I'm never gonna see again and plus on top of everything else, it looks like I'm gonna be late for work!" Oh, why does this always happen? Why does this always happen to me?
Well the other day my boss said that we were running low on toner, and he asked if i could buy another case. Well I told him I was busy, but he still just kept on asking, so I turned around and stabbed him in the face! Oh and, wouldn't you know it my knife got stuck! I guess that's probably bound to happen now and then! But, I'm affraid I may have bent the tip a little and now I know that blade will never ever be quite as sharp again. Not quite as sharp again! Oh tell me! Why does this always happen? Why does this always happen to me??? |
| 61 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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Why? Why Does This Shit Happen To Me? |
October 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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It seems like no matter where i turn to, someone is danceing. it's really annoying. I mean, I like dancing just as much as this guy, but come on people! give it a damn rest! is thatall you do? It seems that all anyone does anymore is fuck! Where's the fucking romance! is true love dead? i for one think not. I for one say that true love does still exist, and it lives deep down inside the black, cold and bitter hearts of everyone of the 29th century. And i think it is indeed time that we show that it is there! i say, we rise up against the machine that is tomarrow, and that we crush those damn Naziistic bastards right where they stand, before they get the chance to slaughter more of those poor helpless and defensless trick-or-treaters! We won't do this for me, oh no. We will do this instead for a brighter, and happier tomarrow! WHO'S WITH ME??? |
| 79 hit(s) |
(5 comments) |
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Just Your Mothers Ho! |
October 15th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: System of a Down - Revenga
Feeling: misunderstood
Well folks, I'm back... that vacation was shit. Not only did the place i went to suck, but it wasn't even the rightplace! I definutely took a wrong turn at Albequerky. Also, Santa won't een talk to me now because i missed our meeting because of this crap going on between Pat and Geoffery! Just kiss and make up and quit getting me involved damnit!!! I'm sick of this shit! every day it's the same old same old.
Patric: "Geoffery! Give me back my ass massager!"
Geoffery: "No, you fat fuck! I'm using it on my Moose testicle collection! You'll get it back in a second dick-weed!"
Geez! Get over it pisswhipes! |
| 62 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
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Mecha Armor 21 |
October 11th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Sinnerman - Cellular
Feeling: achy
Mecha Armor 21, GO! Now that things have finally smoothed out in bizzaro world, i think it's time for Ol' Phineus to take a bit of a vacation... where will he go do you ask? he will run away to Jumper City CA. It's a terrible place, but hey, it's a start... after that, i have no clue where i'm going to go. Maybe I'll finally take that long needed trip to the North Pole and finally clear up my differences with Santa Clause. I hate him... I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!!! |
| 79 hit(s) |
(5 comments) |
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To Understand the Human Mind... |
October 2nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Understanding things can be difficult at times... like the human mind, that's a very good example... If you looked at a map of a child's mind, you'd see a map of Neverland. Children are crazy, just like Neverland. I hate children. they are retarted. yes... they are retarted. i do, however, love Ho-Hos... Mmmmm... little chocolate snacks that were made by santa and his gang of hookers on 22nd street in New York City... Amazing... amazing i say... amazing indeed... |
| 77 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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What Does It Take, Man? |
September 11th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: System of a Down - Forrest
Feeling: addicted
Geez... How long has it been? read the fucking dates and you do the math, I'm not holding your hand through this one damnit... Well, I figured that it's been quite a while since I wrote something so I decided I should get crackin', eh? I've been on here everyday just didn't care to write nothin' else... Oh, hey, it's Sept. 11th... huh... I went through the whole day and didn't even realize it... "isn't dat veird?" OK then... I guess I'm done damnit... |
| 203 hit(s) |
(9 comments) |
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Susan and the Duke of Shit |
August 27th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Star Wars - Main Theme
Feeling: bloated
You see a long, long time ago, in a magical land far far away called Canada, there lived this man named Susan. He used to go around refilling everyone's toilets for them so that when the Duke of Shit did his morning rounds they wouldn't get thrown in jail, for some reason... anyways, one day the Duke got wise to what Susan was doing and order a spy called Thumbleenah to follow him around.
Thumbleenah didn't want to do it at first, but the Duke offered to pay him 10,000 coins worth in shit (which was their currencey at the time) to perform this task so Thumbleenah gallantly accepted. So he went off to find Susan and sure enough when Susan was found he was shtting in someone elses chamber pot. Thumbleenah told the Duke of his wrong doing and the Duke was furious.
He immediately summoned Susan to him and they had a chat. In the middle of this discussion, Geoffery the court monkey ran in the room throwing fieces EVERYWHERE! Susan, seeing this as his only escape hid behing a huge pillar of poo until the coast was clear, and escaped to France where the Duke will never find him (because everyone smells like shit there).
then, to disguise himself even more, Susan put on a tu-tu and danced in the streets for money. And to this day the Duke still searches for the shit fiend that got away. THE END.
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| 95 hit(s) |
(8 comments) |
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Hey Mr. Jack |
August 27th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Mr. Jack - System of a Down
Feeling: witchy
Hey Mr. Jack,
Do you have a couple of bucks to spare,
Hey Mr. Jack,
Do you even think they give a care,
Hey where you at???
On the side of the building ready to jump,
Why'd you do that???
Cause a police officer touched your rump!!!
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Hmm... I just ruined a perfectly good song, didn't I? for those of you who didn't know, that is NOT how the song goes... but i just felt like... putting it anyways... Poor Mr. Jack... he has such a generic name... however he has a great song modeled after him!!! so it's all good... too bad he's either dead or in jail now... oh well... if you have never heard the real song, then listen to it... you'll then know what i'm talking about... GOOD DAY TO YOU!!! |
| 63 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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Why don't people read the whole fucking thing? |
August 27th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: None - no one
Feeling: pissy
OK people, this is to clear up the last one... it seems that there are some people who neglected to read the last few lines of the entry before this one, completely missing the point, and completely missing the fucking joke!!! Cookies, it was about fucking cookies. it was not about a person, it was simply about cookies. you would realize it wasn't about a person if you would have just read the last few lines! i thank freakthegeek (nathaniel) because he seems to be the only shit head out there that read the whole thing!!! yes ladies and gents, i'll say it again, cookies... now, i must say another thing, my online journal is NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!! you would know that if you would have read the whole thing of "A little off topic"... and so i say this: if you are going to leave a comment about one of my entries (a side comment is different, if it's not about the entry itself then thats ok) then read the whole fucking thing and don't take it to heart!!! thank you ffor making me ruin the goddamn joke... good night! |
| 103 hit(s) |
(5 comments) |
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You give me that funny feeling in my tummy |
August 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Rollercoster of Love - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Feeling: invisible
Ever get the feeling that you're in love? anyone? well, i now feel it... yes ladies and gentlemen, i have actually fallen in love. The love i dream about every night, the love i wish to be with always, it's amazing, is it not? correct me if i'm wrong, but i feel that love is the most magnificent feeling in the entire world, and nothing can even come close to comparing to it. i love being in love! i realize that this is a weird thing for Ol' Phineus to be writing about, and i'm sorry if it scares some of you, but i have to let it all out. i have to express myself right now, and how in love i am. i feel that there is nothing more important then this love in the universe... this love is the universe, it's what keeps it together, it's what holds it up... if this love ever dies, my universe will cave in, and there will be no point in living anymore, nothingwould ever feel the same and i would be unhappy for the rest of my depressing life... so i hope they don't stop making them... mmmmm..... |
| 87 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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Once apon a time... |
August 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: nothing - no one
Feeling: tipsy
Once apon a time i ate a small hamster named Ofreeferoo. When i swallowed him and he went into my stomach, he grew three times the size of an atom... so it didn't really do much... anyways, now everytime i go to bed i have a hard time sleeping because the little hair-monster just keeps on scratching away at me and tickling my insides... THE END |
| 83 hit(s) |
(10 comments) |
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Well, now that i know... |
August 21st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Sin City - Opening Theme
Feeling: icky
Well, now that i know what freaking blotto means, i can say things... like... umm... jesus titty fucking christ... i have no freaking clue where the hell i'm going with this... uhh... so how is everyone doing out there in the world...? you don't have to answer that, i mean, i probably won't even read it to be honest... if you want to go right ahead, but i could seriously care less... whatever... call me! my number is 1-847-583-9987!!! (i just made that number up, man if someone actually calls that number and a person actually answers it, give 'em a shout out from ol' Phineus, ok?) |
| 73 hit(s) |
(7 comments) |
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Brand new shoes and a pocket full of change |
August 21st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Paradise City - Guns N Roses
Feeling: selfish
Keep talking man, keep talking. All I know is that when i'm out on my own, you're gonna be the one who's gonna want some of these cheerios. they're good for your heart you know. once i find my place in the world, i'm gonna sit back, and kick it with jesus... yeah... kick it with jesus... |
| 105 hit(s) |
(8 comments) |
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People and their damn measles |
August 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Old School Hollywood - System of a Down
Feeling: blotto
Measles... measles... what the hell??? why am I typing about measles??? and what the fuck does blotto mean, seriously??? if anyone has the answer to this, please let me know, ok? Well, im gonna go play checkers with ryan, so i guess i'll see y'all later... please tell me what the fuck blotto is though, ok??? |
| 54 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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A little off topic |
August 14th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Well, normally I'd put something weird here that doesn't really belong in a journal, but tonight I think I'm gonna vent. Almost everyday I go on this site to read all of my friend's diaries (pat, ryan, ash, rach, nate, carla, kyle, etc., etc.), and all they talk about anymore is how pissed they are at each other, or what OTHER people did wrong... or they are only boring (nudgeing towards pat)... so it made me think, i think it's time for old Phineus tostart typing about things HE hates and is mad at, becausei'm sick of just reading them, I wanna see what the hubub is all about, why is it such a fad to type about who or what you hate and why, and what they did wrong to you and how you're perfect in everyway and can't ever possibly be wrong once in a while... or just something boring (nudges toward pat)... so, here it is, my list of things that piss me off:
bees
killer bees
flys
gnats
fleas (i've got lots)
broken cd's
anime
first names that start with Q (ie:Q-Bert)
children's shows
anime
things getting caught in my eye
pourposes (It's so freaking hard to spell, I'm sure I spelled it wrong)
peeple hoo speel things rong
burnt popcorn
christian children's fund (it's a good thing what they are doing, but what about the kids in OUR country who are starving to death too?)
abortion
anime
broken pens
car windows that won't go up or down
people who talk about other people behind their backs and pretend they are friends to their face (I would NEVER do that)
hypocrits
fighting dojos
anime
people who have sexy in their online usernames (because more often then not, they're hideous)
people who rant (I mean it's just rediculous. They have no freaking right to just rant and rant and rant. I mean, who gives them the right? Half the time, they don't even know what they're freaking talking about, am I right??? What basterds they are, just going off on someone or something for what usually seems to be no reason at all. It's rediculous! And normally in a rant, they just repeat themselves over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.)
boring people
hot potatoes
barking dogs
most dogs
people who think they aren't better then everyone
and finally, anime...
well, i don't really see what the big deal is, can someone explain it to me?
OH! and one more thing I really hate,
people who take my online journal seriously |
| 100 hit(s) |
(6 comments) |
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It's been a while |
August 14th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: i give up on music...
Feeling: starstruck
Ok, so it's been a while, eh? Alright, on to my next questions...
The first one is simple:
Q: Will i win the lottery, if i give 23 dollars to a mexican miget covered in thousand island dressing???
A: Yes... and that someone was probably me...
This one's a little more difficult.
Q: Where do tootsie rolls come from?
A: I could tell you, but finding this oneout for yourself would be much more fulfilling my friend. First, to understand the tootsie roll, you must understand exactly why the tootsie roll is here. After you find the answer to this, then and only then will you be able to find out that they come from a candy factory, and are created by a large man named Barnabie... from his butt... but man are they tastey!!!
P.S.: My pants just officially fell off... |
| 44 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Most of y'all SUCK!!! except two, one i don't know... |
August 6th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
First off, before I answer your questions, I have to say that I was upset with the outcome of questions I got... for Christ's sake guys, two??? Is that all I'm worth here??? Two freaking questions??? Oh well... Anyways, I do have some answers for you two who left me questions, and here they are:
The first question was:
Q:Should i stay here in tennessee or should i go back home to NY?
A:This one is very simple really, you just have to look outside of the box... I am reminded of my childhood with this because I had this exact same question running through my head. Should i stay here in tennessee or should i go back home to NY? Funny thing about this was, I wasn't in Tennessee, nor did I have a home in NY... so I'm a bit confused about why I was asking myself that... But hey, I was young and I needed the money...? Anyways... where was I? OH! Right, ok, so here's what you need to do. First, you need to get a huge tub of gasoline, ok? Then, after that you must pour it all over the Capitol building in Tennassee and set it on fire. After this happens, the cops will probably be looking for you and you will be a fugitive... fun life by the way... Now, after that you need to get outta the country because they will stop at nothing to find you and once you cross a border then you are free to go (or are you?). Go to Canada instead of Mexico, I mean I hate Canada, but there are alot less Mexicans there. Now, if you do that then you won't have to deal with choosing between Tenessee or New York, and it just makes things alot easier on you... Hey, I'm just trying to help you, I mean, that's what I would do...
Now the second question was:
Q:What's the point of asparagus?
A:This one is very simple. I don't understand how you didn't know this one. Didn't you ever take health class??? It's where babies come from, duh... |
| 87 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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The Keeper of secrets, and the Knower of Knowledge |
August 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, Studio Z proudly brings to you, the Keeper of secrets, the Knower of Knowledge, and the Holder of all that is true. Go ahead, ask unforth your question to the all knowing Phineus Q and you shall recieve the answer of correctatude within the week. All you need to do is leave a comment with your question and it shall be answered in my next entry... |
| 81 hit(s) |
(6 comments) |
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Kick me in the head and call me funky!!!! |
July 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: nothing.....still
Feeling: funky
Ever since I was a young boy, i've played that silver ball! Yeah, pinball rocks... so does the Who, and that movie they made loosly based off pinball... i think itwas called Timmy or something... oh well... |
| 105 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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Another one Dammit |
July 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: A movie
Feeling: bootylicious
I'm Gumby Dammit |
| 45 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Well ladies and gents, here's another |
July 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: The really annoying music from Tomone and Pumba's Lion King 1 1/2
Feeling: cute
I feel pretty, oh so pretty! Actually, I feel like hell... I'm at someone elses house and I hate it!!! This is crap! I want to go home!!! I've been trapped in this dungeon for three years and mallrats keep chewing away at my fucking brain!!!! and if I don't get outta here soon i'm gonna dance dance dance the night away!!! |
| 78 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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My first one dammit!!! Maybe this time it'll save!!!... Let |
July 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Not a fucking thing dammit!!!! My computer's not too good with music... Doese that make sense?... SHUT UP!!!!
Feeling: brilliant
Well ladies and gentlemen... perhaps this time the stupid thing will save. You know i've tried to write one of these God damn things like five times but the stupid website sucks ass and won't save them... EVER!!! I'll shit myself if it does this time. Ok, so why don't we start off with a little background on myself, hm? I was born in Scottland in a place where the sun never shined. My father, Klyve Butterfinger McGee, used to own his own watermelon patch somewhere east of Ohio (but us living in Scottland, we didn't get to work it much so we lost it). My father soon went outta buisiness and I decided that I needed to help my family... so I ran away from home and joined the traveling circus. Oh it was WONDERFUL there, and "Oh, The Thinks You Could Think"!!! I saw some pretty amazing things there like elephants and ephalumps and weasles and woozles and big blue people and giant razor blades that cut the shit outta paople when they got hungery (which was more often then not), and killer bees and motorcyclists and oxygen and corn on the cob and harry potter (he's the biggest freak of them all) and monkys that do tricks with their buttcheeks and dancing rynos and bewildered bears and friggin' frogs and hopping humping hazordous horses!!!... oh and that's where i met Ryan... anyways, me and Ryan hit it off pretty well, we were like best friends! See Ryan was there because he had a freakishly huge forhead and birds were attracted to trying to kill him. His section of the show was amazing! they would open the top of the tent and hundreds of birds would dive into the circus and engulf him in a bloody mess... unfortunately he only got to do his act once before he was brutally murdered by the crazed things but, hey, that's show biz right? Anyways, after that I decided that there had to be more to life than freaks in a circus, so I left to Cucamonga California! Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root-beer and the towels are oh so fluffy! And the lepers and the shriners play their ukelalies all day long and anyone on the streets would gladly shave your back for a nickle!!! Oh, Ryan would have LOVED it there... oh man, that reminds me, I gotta take out the garbage today... you ever wake up and just want to start a fire just for the sheer joy of watching something big burn down? Man, I feel like that ALL the time man. Like this one time, Tony the Tiger was dancing naked in the rain and the little leprechaun dude from the lucky charms box... oh what's his name... KYLE that's it, well he said "Hey you friggin' two-timing bitch, eat lead!!!" and shot the living hell outta him 'till the world stopped turning for a second and every fairy in the entire universe collapse and starting gasping for air and their lungs exploded because president George W. Bush sucks, and thefirst monkey in space said "Screw this crap!" and snorted a whole shitload of cocain and went on a murderous rampage through the "Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar!!!" Man, that was sweet! I remember that like it was yesterday!!! Holy crap!!! I'm missing Bible Man!!! Well, I gotta go, so just remember kids, if anyone on the streets ever asks you to hold his hand and opens his trench coat and this skin colored tube comes out, don't do it... I can't stress that enough... God I had to learn that the hard way... oh well, at least I've sill got my books...Wait a minute... I HATE reading???? NOOOOO!!! |
| 95 hit(s) |
(6 comments) |
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