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memories...? |
March 29th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
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why is it that we remember certain things and not others? why is it that we can try so hard to remember something and still forget it, yet we sometimes remember the things we wish we could forget? Sometimes we remember the most pointless things. other times we cant remember the things we swore we would never forget. Is this just a product of the busy lives we lead? Is there some way to remember those memories that we know we've forgotten? Most importantly, when we forget something, is it truly gone? how do we know when we've truly forgotten a memory? Sometimes it's the smallest little signals that trigger a memory to resurface in our consciousness. sometimes we dont even know what triggered the memory to return to our minds. How do we know when a memory has truly left our state of being, never to resurface again?
what is forgetting? is it simply the lack of rememberance? what happens to the memory once it has been forgotten? is it sent to the back of the brain, beyond the reach of conscious thought? is there some other logical reason to explain forgetting?
when we forget something, we don't even know we have forgotten it. if an event is forgotten by all, how can we prove it ever happened? is there a way to force a memory to come back into the light of remembrance?
why do memories change over time? sometimes we believe we remember something in perfect detail, only to be proven wrong; that it happened differently than we so confidently thought. some memories change to become more beautiful; others change to become more cruel. in truth, we are bound by our memory. we believe our memory to be true and we operate our moods, our emotions, our actions on those memories. our memories make up who we are. without our memories we would not know who our friends are, where our home is, where we belong, to whom are we loved by. our memories define how we grow. who we become is based upon how we remember certain events of our pasts. it is our past that gives us the sense of security in where we have been, what challenges we have overcome, which challenges of life we have defeated and which we have yet to conquer.
how can we base so much of ourselves on something so unpredictable as our memories, something so faulty that we dont even realize when we are wrong? how can memories disappear and reappear with so little conscious thought? how can memories fade away and change when we try so desperately to keep them so close to our hearts?
there are so many questions with no answers to be found here on Earth. God chooses what we remember and what we forget. our faulty memories are a tool of His to help us become who He wants us to be. He uses our memories to help us forgive in some cases. other times, He allows us to remember so we keep a lesson of life close to our hearts. even other times, He uses our forgetting to allow us to stop remembering the pain from events long past. God uses our memories for our good. He allows us to remember what must be remembered and slips away the memories better forgotten from our minds smoothly, painlessly.
Even in events we cannot remember forgetting, His mercy is evident. |
| 181 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
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Merry Christmas |
December 26th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Merry Christmas to all!
guess what!
Jesus loves you!
...thats all. |
| 69 hit(s) |
(5 comments) |
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The Break-up |
December 5th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
me and khia broke up today. it hurts. i was the one who broke up with her, but it still hurts.
she cares so much for me. how could i do this to her...? i dont know if she can take the scars on her heart that i must have inflicted on her today.
i dont want any scars on her wrists with my name on them...
how did things turn into this?
i think i understand why there are people in this world who will live a lie with a girl now. breaking up is so difficult.
its so hard to deal with the fact that I did this to her. the tears im sure shes crying right now are ones that i caused.
i could have waited. i could have let her fall out of love with me. i could have let things slip away slowly. i could have, i could have, i could have...
but i know in my heart that i couldnt have. i know i did the right thing by not waiting, by breaking up once im sure that this just cant work out, but that leaves me with one big question left.
why does it hurt so much to do whats right?
it makes me cry. |
| 74 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
give me the truth
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In honor of Joanna |
November 26th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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ok, im dedicating this entry to joanna. that might seem incredibly weird to everybody else in the world, but i was thinking back tonight (i dont do that very often anymore) and i realized that i wouldnt even have this diary if God hadnt placed joanna in my life. a couple weeks back i found the napkin that Grant wrote on over a year ago. 'www.sitdiary.net/danyou' is what it said in plain, pencil lead. thats what started almost a year of writing all of my hurts and inner agonies of life into this thing. somehow, its easier to sometimes write things out than it is to talk to with somebody. i never knew that a year ago. Joanna started that. i owe her big for that. i would have grown in a totally different way without her presence in my life. she started this diary and even after she left my life, the memory of her kept me writing.
funny how God works these things. i cared about her, then i crushed myself over her, then i wanted to die because of her, then i wrote for her, now i respect her. i wonder if God changed her life with my presence too...? does she ever look back on things like i do? ha, i wonder if im delusional.
either way, this entry is for joanna. a tribute to the difference she made in my life and the effect my getting into this diary has made on me. for all of that,
thank you joanna. |
| 82 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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"Havelock Vetinari" |
October 11th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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This was all that was written on a note a friend gave me today. i was really interested in the whole latin part.
If it continues long enough, even a period of terror may be fondly remember. people believe they want justice and a wise government, but really, all they want is an assurance that tomorrow will be very much like today.
Taxation, gentlemen, is much like dairy farming. The task is to get maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.
And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take on consequences. indeed, it is the freedom, upon which all others are based.
Dear me, no! Pulling together is the aim of despots and tyrants. free men pull in all sorts of directions.
This is the period in human history in which it is no longer viable to look to precedent to govern our actions. trying to keep the past alive will inevitably result in the wholesale destruction of society.
The with America is that they have forged an eptimistic psyche in which violence and murder crystalize as viable options in a conflict. it's the reason theirs is a culture of fear.
Either freedom is univeral and unlimited or it is nothing more than a mutual dream. and when even preventing a man from suiciding curtails his freedom, it is obvious. that freedom, like so much else we think of as real, exists only as a state of mind.
The more i study religions, the more im covinced that man has never worshipped anything but himself.
I desire to go to Hell and not to Heaven. In the former i shall enjoy the company of popes, kings and princes while in the latter are only beggars, monks, and apostles.
*Latin*
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
who will guard the guards?
Contra mundum
against the world
Vulnerant omnes, ultima necat
each hour wounds, but the last one kills
Carpe diem
sieze the day
Dies Irae
Judgement Day
Mundus vult decipi
all the world wants to be fooled
Nemo surdior est quam is qui non audiet
Nobody is more deaf than he who does not hear
Maior risus, acvior ensis
the bigger the smile, the sharper the knife
Carpe iugulum
Go for the throat |
| 126 hit(s) |
(7 comments) |
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