why does my life always fuckin suck, theres so many ppl thats screw me ova, n all becoz i let them, n i hate myself 4 it, recently its been danny, who fucking bullshit lines i fell 4, he seemed so genuine n the fact that ive known him on n off 4 over 3 years made me think he wudnt screw me up, but no, 2 much 2 fucking ask 4 a male 2 b honest, i told him i didnt want a relationship n sex wud do me, n he came at me wiv all the shit, i really like u , things wud b gud, n telling me hed b 'gutted' if we neva worked out, yeh of course we fucked, which was pretty gud n then i neva hear from the cunt again!! nuthing less than i expected by why tell me the shit!! i dont fukin wanna hear it!! fucks sake!! why do guys feel the need 2 tell shit like that, its not like he didnt know the score, a shag was gonna happen, so why tell me things 2 fuck me up n make me wanna b with him, why do guys do that?!!?! maybe its just me it happens 2!!! grrrrrrr
I failed one of my assignments!!! but i passed one 2!!n there rnt ne results 4 one of them n i dunno why!!! but looks like i have 2 resits so far!! god i suck!!hehe o well one pass is ok i guess!! i soo need 2 work hard on my business assignment!! or im totallllly fukked!! xx
I keep having fucking lesbian dreams, n they r always the same i start fucking a guy n sum how during it he fucks off (not that i remember how or why he leaves!) n theres just a girl there whos naked, i kiss her n touch her tits n go down on her!!! its so annoying, its always the same!! grr i need a shower...im ttiirreedd..................
Last nite was such a great fucking nite, even tho we got kicked outta welly!! the bouncers r so mean n over react so much! wankers!! it was narly closing time neways so it wasnt that bad. in the club this random guy told me his pin number 4 his bank card and asked me 2 put it in 4 him!! n then he was like oo ur nose ring looks cute! he was so drunk!! he thought he took a tenner out but had like 40 quid! he was quite cute tho n kissed me on the cheek bless him!! random drunken guys r cool!! I fell out with both juztin n sam coz i rang them at like 3 am n they were both ded pissy with me, n sam was being well queer with me so i dont think were mates at all nemore, n juztin just blocked me again, but il give it a week n say sorry n he will chat 2 me again. It was a really mad nite after we got back, there was 4 of us n we spoke 50 fags in like 4 hours!! it was crazy, aswell as smoking so many fags in the club, my throat fucking hurts!! i made paul teach me a feew cords on my guitar n hes eventually gonna help me learn 2 play a full song, it was funny coz i made him eat 5 mini rolls n he was nearly sick!! n then got every1 2 near on the seats near the window n 'let of steam' by shouting 'you facking caant' at the top of their voices, when a cop car went past!! luckily our house it like far away from the street!! every1 had a gud time tho, even tho tom n stuart were talking politics in my room 4 like hours!! Stuart fucking pissed me off n was like randomly cuming on 2 me n rachel n saying m n him needed a chat! i just ignored him in the end!! Tom n stus convo was sooooo boring so we just listened 2 tunes in the kicthen with out them, every1 was wrecked in it was fucking, playing 'the hoff' at like 5 am full blast as craigs birthday song!! god we suck so much! i had a big argument wiv sam on msn, n then went 2 bed at like half 8, n i awoke at 9 oclock 2 this mental fucking bitch screaming that our kitchen needs 2 b clean by 10 o clock or were all gonna get reported, so craig fucking stumbles in 2 my room n mumbls sumthing like ' kitchen, clean' n i had 2 get up! sophie cum in 2 gloat at the fact she wasnt hungova/still drunk n that she had had numerous hours sleep! she was wise n stayed away!! I havent really dun much else 2day, tom left pretty early after dying 2 get breakfast at 10 oclock n me n rach were like noooo, but sophie was well up 4 it, then every1 went back 2 bed but i cudnt sleep so i didnt get 2 sleep til 7pm 2nite n woke up at like half 11 but im still knackered!! im watching quizmania tho coz i love it!! n im prob gonna fall asleep pretty soon!!
its now 12 oclock, ive been u ova 3 hours!! i was awoken sooo early by james, but i guess we did need 2 get our bank details in 4 the house so its gud, only dave has 2 do his now n were all sorted, he has a busy day tho so im not sure when hes off 2 do it. Its craigs party 2nite n im excited even tho we havent been shopping 2 get all the stuff i got a few balloons n stuff yesterday n i had 2 buy another heluim balloon coz i 4got 2 take the one i bought 2 b inflated! how dumb am i!! ive got a lecture at 2 n i cant b arsed 2 go but i really shud , ive not been 2 uni 4 2 weeks since the start of the semester so i really need 2, i just wont go 2 tutorial!! coz it sucks he asks u lame questions n i wont know the answer so im not going!! i havent been once yet so o well!! i just cant b bothered AGAIN 2day 2 go 2 a lecture, i dunno if unis 4 me or not, but ive signed 4 a house so i guess it will have 2 be!! i mite just change course tho, do english or sumthing if i can, i think if enjoy that more, but i dunno if they will let me, ive gotta make appointment 4 fucking gay pdp neways so i may aswell as when i go, il have 2 contact the woman/bloke 4 it *sigh* i think were ment 2 b off 2 welly later on after craigs party 2 nite but i dont wanna go there, im trying 2 save money and also not drink so il have 2 c if il go. well i need a shower n 2 get my self mentally prepeared 4 the bordem xx
Listening to: Fall Out Boy - Take this to your grave
Feeling: sunny
Everything went ok at the hospital and im glad that its all sorted now, me n sam kinda fell out 4 a while but thats all sorted 2, we can both just put it behind us. Ive just signed a contract 4 a new house 4 next year and im so excited, its great n its only like 20 mins away from uni so its kool and im saving like £1,600 a year!!
http://www.aps-system.co.uk/clubeasy_student_search/property_detail.asp?town=Hull&yeartosearch=1&area=&rooms=4&page=1&propertyid=30 My house!!!!
amazinly cheap! yay! i havent really dun much else 2day, just got sum stuff from craigs bday 2moz hopefully it will b a gud nite, n his friends r ment 2 b cuming up so it shud b gud, n phils mates n rachy so it will b a laugh. ive got 2 go 2 a lecture 2moz :( i really cant b arsed 2 go!! i hate lectures!!
Im kinda sad spohie isnt moving in wiv us, but i doubt she will b far away every1 else is like 5 mins away so its gonna b gud next year, n its closer 2 welly so no more taxis!!
im excited bout living wiv rach it will b fun but im miss every1 else, but we can have gud times coz she likes welly n spiders n i can do girly nites 2!! neways i need 2 update proper n il do it soon coz im off now!!
New year, new dairy. ive decided to keep a dairy again, hopefully everyday, part from days im not online which shudnt b that often. My life is at a really sucky point rite now, having just found out be4 xmas that i was pregant n having an abortion is a great way to start the new year, but by wednesday it will b all ova n i can move on from that chapter in my life, only 2 ppl know, so i wont have 2 keep thinking bout it when ppl see me and i wont have ppl asking me all about it so its gonna b ok, i mean im upset but ive not let myself get involved in it really so its not as hard as i thought this situation wud be, its just a bit stupid fucking mistake thats gonna go away. I wasnt gonna tell sam but i got drunk last nite n it happened, n i think he had a rite 2 know but i didnt really want him 2 know but he does n things rnt really that strange between us n i can finally let go from him now n that will be gud.
I havent really dun much today i missed my lecture coz i wasnt awake by 1 o clock!! so i havent really dun that much 2day n i doubt il go 2moz so just a chilling day 2moz aswell :) i was gonna go out 2nite but i cant b arsed so il c all the guys when then get back if im not asleep coz im pretty tired n its only 11 pm! it was great 2 cum back 2 uni n c every1 , ive got a gud feeling about this year, its gonna b a gud 1 i can tell, n i really hope its gonna be
I cant sleep to dream of ur face
Haunting vision of the one thing i hate
Take away all ur lies
Just leave me here to die
Dont wanna wake to the sound of ur voice
Listening to you was my pathetic choice
One that u begged me to make
Yes, it was a mistake
Dont ask me to question my feeling ever again
Dont ever ask me to call you a friend
You can not see
How you've hurt me
Thinkin of yourself once again
You can not believe
That il survive when u leave
Dont even dare say your sorry
I didnt ask to feel this way
Didnt ask you to lie to me and say you felt the same
I didnt ask you to invite me in, get inside of your skin
So cast me aside, you've payed your games
Tore up my heart, stopped the burning of the flames
Dont ask for another chance to be my friend, u've fucked it all up once again, you've broken my heart before, least i can truely say that I dont love you anymore
You, you said this wasnt the end
You, said it was real, but it was only just pretend
And now i know, who you are
I never wanted to
I knew we shudnt of taken it so far
I cant esacpe
These memories
I just retrace
All my unfilled fantasies
You brought me lies
And opened up my eyes to what was real
And what i feel
I feel nothing for you now
Why do i always fuck things up. i had a great friendship wiv a really great guy n its neva gonna b the same i always wreck things wiv ppl n i know its my own stupid fault but im used 2 guys wanting it, i very rarely meet a nice noraml respectful guy, n i did, but he has a g/f n i pushed it 2 far, n i think i pushed it 2 far 2 go back. Normally i wudnt care n just think fuck him off but its different there was actual friendship there n its not the same nemore n i dnt think i will b again,im glad, in a way, that he didnt take up the offer, but i just wished i neva offered it in the 1st place coz its makes things awkward n strange n i hate it, i just want it 2 b the same n us have a laugh takin the piss outta each other n stuff, n now its like forced its not like it was b4, last nite was shite n i wish it neva happened n i dunno wat 2 do 2 make things different now. N so im sat in my room pissed at myself whilst every1 else is enjoy there self n im not likin it, i hate it, fuckin hell why do i always screw up so bad ....grrrrrrrrrrr
