It is listed under sorian

sorian

thats it just

sorian

ok ^_^

I wrote this to my boyfriend today and I have no idea what he is going to say or do. Its either going to end really well or make him nervous and run... but either way.... I just need to let him know. And I hope it all turns out for the best. _______________________________________________

I have come to an epiphany while painting... that night we were talking about the cities we loved, and the places that we would love to live in... I said something stupid and rather selfish it was... "I don't know why, but a part of me is starting to love Richmond too...." and you said "Maybe I could with your help, I could learn to love Richmond too...." and it was soooo sweet of you and I can't believe I didn't realize that you said it till now...

I'm actually quite mad at myself for not realizing you said that then. But at this moment now, I'm not afraid of letting you in, I'm not afraid of what may or may not happen. I'm just so happy and grateful to have found someone like you. And please don't be mad at me, but I was so worried about what could be, that I was over looking everything, but, not anymore. You have totally quelled all fears inside of me and given me sooo much more to look forward to.

In the span of a few months there has been this dramatic change in me. I've never been able to just be out there, and be happy, but you've some how managed that before. Every day you amaze me and just keep me in awe about everything. You over look all the flaws I have seen in myself and I don't know how you do it... but... you're just... I don't even have the words to describe how amazing and beautiful you are. I don't want to scare you away when I say I love you. I'm so afraid that something is going to happen or someone better might come by and take you away, and I know that there are probably better people out there than me... but some how out of all of this... you chose me... and I feel soooo alive because of you.

I feel so scared telling you how I feel because, well, A: I have never felt like this before about anyone, B: I don't want to scare you away by telling you how I feel, and C: I don't want to put any pressure on you. I've never been great at expressing emotion towards anyone and I have never been at the forefront of the line to fight for someone, but you make me feel that, and I know its safe to say that not matter what, I will always be by your side, no matter where you are in this world, my heart, body, mind, and soul are yours to keep. Again, if its a bit much, let me know... but I just felt like I had to tell you for some reason. But I just wanted to get this off my chest because I want you to know how amazing YOU are and how important YOU mean to me. Nothing and no one is going to change that, and nothing is going to stand in my way of caring about you, not distance, not time, nothing. Its just you and me Matteo.

Love,

李翰昇

PS- I really would give anything in the world to see you right now, and to just hold you in my arms, even if it were for a moment. And I really hope this doesn't make you too uncomfortable, but if it does, talk to me, I've found that you're the easiest person to talk to out of everyone... even some people that I have known for years. And I hope that I can be that person for you, and so much more because you deserve the best person out there in this world.

Goodnight my everything, my love, my Ritsuka, my Suai Ge. And pleasant dreams....

PPS-Yeah... I did actually force myself to punctuate this... as best as I could.

*Qin Wen, Yong Bao*

I'm getting tired of you pushing me 'round

Dragging me down

Making a sound because you wanna

I guess that's why I like messing with you

Putting you through

A lesson or two, because I'm gonna

Before I go my own way

I just gotta say

Leave me alone

Get out of my face

I'm tired of love

Feeling so misplaced

Time for you to go

'Cause I know I'm better off on my own, oh

Leave me alone

This isn't gonna work

Don't call me on the phone

Because I'm all out of words

I'll face the unknown

Thinking about all the ways that I've grown

Oh, Leave me alone

There was the time I thought you were the one

Having some fun

Getting it done

What an illusion

'Cause you were trying to take control of me

That couldn't be, I need to be free of this confusion

Don't give me a guilt trip, because I'm so over it

Leave me alone

Get out of my face

I'm tired of love

Feeling so misplaced

Time for you to go

'Cause I know I'm better off on my own, oh

Leave me alone

This isn't gonna work

Don't call me on the phone

Because I'm all out of words

I'll face the unknown

Thinking about all the ways that I've grown

Oh, leave me alone

Don't turn around and don't look back

I see right through all your selfless acts

Oh

Leave me alone

Get out of my face

I'm tired of love

Feeling so misplaced

Time for you to go

'Cause I know I'm better off on my own, oh

Leave me alone

This isn't gonna work

Don't call me on the phone

Because I'm all out of words

I'll face the unknown

Thinking about all the ways that I've grown

Oh, leave me alone

If you win your love

I'll feel better on my own

Leave me alone

I know this will not remain forever

However it's beautiful

Your eyes,hands and you warm smile

They're my treasure

It's hard to forget

I wish there was a solution

Don't spend your time in confusion

I will turn back now and spread

My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with

My broken wings How far should i go drifting in the wind

Higher and higher in the light

My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with

My broken wings How far should i go drifting in the wind

Across the sky,just keep on flying

keisoku no dekinai itami to keisoku no dekinai jikan no narega

subete wo umete shimaou toshitemo

soredemo watashi ni wa kanjirareru

sora kara ochitekuru no wa

sora kara ochitekuru no wa ame de wa nakute

Did i ever chain you down to my heart

'Cause i was never afraid of you ?

No,I couldn't hold you any longer

Love is not a toy

Let go of me now

The time we spend is perpetual

Our future is not real

I'll leap into the air

My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with

My broken wings How far should i go drifting in the wind

Higher and higher in the light

My broken wings still strong enough to cross the ocean with

My broken wings How far should i go drifting in the wind

Across the sky,just keep on flying

sora kara ochitekuru no wa are wa ame de wa nakute

This is a roller coaster life this is, you know up and down, up and down. Damn. All well, still trying to find out who i am. Found out another teacher acctually cares about students. Eh, we will see how much happens from here on out tho. This depressional rut... is much deeper than the others have been. ALOT deeper. But i will find a way out because! I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG Kahshan. I WILL.

yeah hey i am back as fucking promised. of corse none of you would know then would you?

look DONT fUCKING LIE TO ME. I WILL FIND OUT! DONT MAKE PROMISES YOU CANT KEEP. DONT GIVE ME UR WORD IF IT HAS NO WORTH.

I LOVED YOU BUT NOW. I REALISE I LOVED THE OLD YOU. BEFORE EVERYTHING CHANGED. AND THERE ISNT ANYTHING ANYONE CAN SO FOR YOU. PROVE TO ME WHY I SHOULD BEILIVE YOU EVERYTIME YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME.

I AM WILLING TO GIVE UP THE REST OF MY LIFE FOR YOU BUT YOU..... YOU DONT GIVE A DAMN!

DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND??????????? LET ME ANSWER FOR YOU NO YOU DONT. RIGHT GUY WRONG TIME.... IDK MAY BE ITS JUST ALL WRONG PERIOD

WELL I AM THROUGH IF YOU WANT ME PROVE IT TO ME. OTHER WISE ITS OVER. I CANT BE WITH YOU OR NEAR YOU. I DONT WANT TO BE UR FRIEND. YOU CANT BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ASPHAULT FOR SHOWING ME THE WAY.

AND ALICE FOR SUPPORTING ME. I LOVE YOU LIKE THE SISTER I NEVER HAD.

I spin this disk on my finger

Reluctant to let go

I was trying to runaway from my sorrow

It seems the wall comes closer

In the dresser of my dressing closet room door

I feel so emoted, is it cause i've been demoted again?

*SPIRALING! waiting to see

LIGHT OF ME! hoping to breath

Raptured in the lift of my blood

I am drowning, the only one who is closet to me

Please save me i am not this ready yet

And i am not so devout to tis prep

Pondering where i met you, i met you in my class

I was hoping that this evil bliss could last

But it didnt, To bad it didnt

*SPIRALING! waiting to see

LIGHT OF ME! hoping to breath

Raptured in the lift of my blood

^These emotions start to run high on now

With this sound i will start to cry

Absolutly when one wants to die

As you see, when you say, that i love you in every way

I dont care, you get scared, then you run away

Just run away....

*Spiraling just waiting to see

The light of me, hoping to breath

Rapturing the lift of my blood (crescendo)

SMILING! I WALK AWAY FROM THIS

A STRONGER MAN TO BE MISSED

I WILL WALK, I WILL RUN

I AM BETTER AT LAST, and i cant be fired for this,

FOR THIS

CAUSE I AM EMANCIPATED FROM... my love...

(This is about me saying good bye to my ex-fiance and that i am finaly over you. I love you and everything but all the SHE HIT that we've been through, and everything i have done for you. Well it just went down the drain. I am better than this, and i have more things to do then just to cry about it. I am sick of waiting and i am not going to live forever.If i make it to 25 i will be lucky to have survied and you kno i will always love you. But the thing is THIS WAS YOUR LOSS AND YOUR MISTAKE. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LET ME GO FREE. Thank you for pulling me in circles for months on end. For letting me see that your an ass. For wasting my time, love, life, and tears on you. For helping me to realise i can do better and you kno what. GOOD BYE, i walk out of this one alive.

PS- All the times that we have been together as friends or lovers, was just spent in you saying things that werent true. If you love me you can try but other wise this is good bye.)

Back and forth up and down. He claims he still loves me, he claims that i am the only one meant for him... then how come we arent together? Irony

Bad day today, work was a killer... i had to wear a fucking mask all day and and act happy infront of the coustomers.you know. 4 bottles of asprin should do the trick of easing the pain. and i dont care anymore... yet again i am back to my old self. dark and dreary. not so much weak tho... odd how things can change in an instant. well what ever it goes the only thing is. there isnt time to look back now. there is no use for it. regret can bring nothing back.

SCREAM AT ME ALL YOU WANT ABOUT HOW EMO I AM, IT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO NOT CUT MORE!

PROMISES WiLL BE BROKEN THERE IS NO POINT IN KEEPING THEM. And like i care. No one can do shit about it. go to guidance i wont shead a word. i will lie my way out of it and nothing more to be told. i can act better than you all think. in this world acting is what every one relies on. go ahead take your time to blink. but in that instant i will dissapear.

The serpents hiss and a fouls call

Screams unreaching and forbiden halls

Relms that may not be entered

Millions that lead to humanities fall

The many creepers that follow

This shell of mine so hollow

Sabatosh and remorce

Sentancing the issues i hide and swallow

Many march onward toward the indifference

I stay here and wander in the lonelyness

Heart ach is just anothery way of torture

The knives shoved in my back are useless

*Take this off of me

My mask that you all see

Remove the light inside

Take my life away

Seek eternity and make me whole again

Make me whole again*

You know the lies that fall of of you

A million times you never told the truth

Passers by wave my way

Thinking i have been subdued

Return one day to me you see

The eternity that fell on me

Ravage in the evapouration

Death is the one thing that i will forever be

Ravage through my bones (x4)

*Take this off of me

My mask that you all see

Remove the light inside

Take away my life

Seek eternity and make me whole again

Make me whole again*

Revise the draft of time

Take what you want of mine

and walk...off...this line........

"there is a poem carved into stone at a moutain temple. it is so easy to read because three letters are scrateched out... it read - you do not read loss... you feel it..."

I feel that loss now. and i promise from this point on as this statement and anyone who reads this as my witness:

The one that i loved will just be a past from now on. The love i had for him was lost. And the peices that are left of me and him will only be held in terms as a friend. That is all that is written.

The emotions i will now hide forever in the hopes of one day we might be together again will be locked here. Here untill the day that we may be together again.

Untill then let this be the one thing that keeps me going, and holds me behind.

Eternity -Salem Lee-

Chapter One: The after math.

The golden sun,

The silver moon,

The spot you shot today,

A solar part,

A lunar tear,

The thoughts that fade away

Adverting from his attention he realized it was late and time to drift into the realm of sleep. Ryan walked away and went up to his room, the fireplace was still lit and Chase still sat there in shock of what he heard. "I LOVE YOU" those words reverberated through his head like an explosion within. The luminosity of the light still beamed through the room despite the fact that the fire was perishing into the darkness leaving nothing but embers.

There Chase lay from the previous night where he was "shot," still stunned from the words, and fast asleep. Ryan walked out of his room noticing the fire was out. He walked over and covered Chase up with a blanket woven out of satins and silks; it was thin but kept in the heat like and oven. He looked at the clock "2:13 hmm" he said as he sighed. Chase awoke and looked up at Ryan for a moment; just enough for a glimpse of his face, and then passed back into the dimension of slumber. But before he passed out he mumbled something "I love you too" Ryan smiled and picked Chase up and took him back into his room and situated him on his bed toward the heated corner of the room. "Still 3" Ryan spoke, he walked towards the window. Frost had collaborated on the glass panes of the old rustic casement, though old, it still did its job. It kept whatever temperature in and the other out.

Ryan walked out of the plaster styled hall and into his bed room, and there lay Chase wide awake and watching the television, drinking his usual cup of tea before bed stirring away like there was nothing else to do. “Hey come look at this…” he stated in a sparked tone, “ there was an accident on route 88. Two tractors collided and killed a woman, cut he clear in two.” “That’s sad and repulsive Chase. Don’t you have anything better to do than mock the way people died? What if that was me? Would you be doing the same thing?” Ryan spoke with the intention of making a point. He limped a little as he walked way. “Ryan, are you all right?” Chase swiftly made his way towards Ryan maneuvering past the labyrinth of furniture they had acquired during the past year.

My ex: Tho he hurt me. I still love him. and i still want to be with him. And i know i wont ever get over him. Yes move on but never forget. And the thing is i dont want to move on.

Sami: I like him ALOT! but i am afraid it wont work out and i am afraid i am going to hurt him. He seems like the greatest guy. Like HE ISNT LOOKING FOR SEX! and thats what i want. A relationship that isnt based on sex. And yeah i want to see if it would work out.

But i am so afraid that my heart will still be lapsed on my ex. and i dont want that cause i dont want to hurt him. He is suck a sweet guy and just SOOOOOOOO OVERLY AWSOME. and yeah

EX: He still likes me and now he is single. And after everything i have gone through i just dont kno. I want to move on but i dont at the same time. And he is still there in my heart.

Sami: like i said i dont want to hurt him. And i really want to see. And if i do i dont want to hurt him, and thats the last thing i want to do to such a sweet guy. He is soooo Beautiful. No not cute, not hot, not hott, not i want that ass..., but Beautiful. I mean there is no other word for it. Because he is beautiful. AND he is into the same thing i am into. Music and all. He loves writing and i do too. I just dont kno.

HELP SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!

I am so mad that i feal like this... i wana kno what to do...

I love one and i really like the other... Tho i dont kno Sami that well. Sheesh am i gonna be hated.

Before when I was younger I needed you to stay alive

And I wanted you at my side

There were so many issues I had with you

Like when you used to lie

Or when I would cry

You said you cared

You lied you spared

My life, of yours,

You cleared the air

I can breathe now with out you

I can see now with out you

I can look past my nose and say

Everything was your fault

And I can look back there with no regrets today

*Today is a new day

No more throwing my life away

Seeing you kiss her in front of my eyes

Made me realize

That you were a love but I have to move on

And my friends they all whispered

Today is a new day

No more throwing my life away

And I can see the out side

And no more putting from my line

Because I don’t need you to live

I gave you all I had to give*

See there it is

I have moved on

You’re mad because you cant hold on

I hope you see you did this to youself

And I had nothing to do (say) with it

And I wont die I wont even cry

No I’m not gonna die!

BECAUSE:

*Chorus*

See you were the first but not the only

I can move on because you were wrong

I have no regrets your fault will last for you

But not for me, and I can walk past you

And I can move faster, I can fly higher

Your old desires (JUST FLEW OUT THOSE DOORS)

YOU DITCHED ME ON DECEMBER EE THAT’S ONE IN CHINESE

AND I GAVE IT TO YOU

THAT TIME GOES ON

MY DREAMS ROLL ON

AND I WONT GIVE UP

CAUSE YOU FUCKED IT UP!

~OH OH~

*Chorus*

You did this to your self your fear

Of loosing me and now I am gone you see

To day is my day

Today I do things my way!!!!!!!!!

____________________________________________

Yeah its about my ex-fiance fucking up, and how i can move on.i mean come on, he dumped me after 1year 3months and 29 days. and now he is sorry for it i guess. but in the end we will be there for eachother thick and thin. and mabe some day when he is ready for a real relationship then we will get back together.

Sweet Misery – Salem Lee

Oh sweet misery

The dear and heartfelt beloved

The resentment of the line of fire

Amiably is the sent of tears

And passionately lies the woes

Nothing can deny the infinite lies

Beyond the grave in the time

Take my soul and use it well

My weakness in the fallen

Ship wrecked by the ocean side.

Noon tide reawakens me to bitter sweet misery

The night life is the mornings after glow

And then I

I speak it well

Here I dwell in the light of the moon light

In the eternal sunshine

After the falling sunrise

Here it remains twilight

Upon the ebony blue.

Speak to me I am too weak to see

The resenting love life

And the fallen rainbows

In the shattered flowers glow

And upon the earth will see the tears I feel

As if in the field of dreams I wield

Your yerning heart set feel-ings

Is brought to the healing

And in the right time you will pass on

And eventually move on.

*Oh sweet misery I have found thee

And woes the sweet misery in the castaway

Bye the moon light

Shunt about me is the heart nets

And OH SWEET MISERY

Is there a forgotten mind

The forbidden soul

And the tortured simile is the metaphor

And the undying love

Of mine……….

Ponder this me divine right

To be the damned sent child

In the hearsay world

Oh sweet misery I have found thee

Hiding in the clouds

Worry my time

In the mess of things

I have lost everything I have found.

Stagger these pieces of me

Shaken this eternal moon lit ground

And beckon these into the star-shaped mound

Reawakened the quivering is this the open tide

Am I in the final battle

Over the stunning starlit moonlight?

*Oh sweet misery I have found thee

And woes the sweet misery in the castaway

Bye the moon light

Shunt about me is the heart nets

And OH SWEET MISERY

Is there a forgotten mind

The forbidden soul

And the tortured simile is the metaphor

And the undying love

Of mine……….

Oh sweet misery

My sweet misery

My only memory of the spot lights

Taken from the afterglow

Of the war

Of the moon

Of my life

Of the living lie

It is the empty moon

Lies………..

Too many people at my school are finding about my fiane and boyfriend. so we are havoing huge problems. we might end up breaking up because of it. i dont want to and neither does he. but for now it might be the best thing to do.

And obviously there is someone out there who is spreading it to other people that me and him have something.

And who ever that is that is trying to break our love for each other is going to die.

No matter what it takes Eclipse and i are going to get married. Its done. We have each other now. and though we may get into fights but we will work through them.

I PROMISE THAT I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY LOVE.

I am missing every single fiber in his body. I just wish that we could see each other more often. Not seeing him really hurts. And even though we go to school together. It doesnt meen a thing because we dont have any classes next to each other. And the closest class he has to me is next door. but i still cant see or hang out with him. I hate this soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much oi i need help.

Eclipse2: I LOVE YOU, i want to hold you in my arms...

Navybrat08: hey, my day sucked.

Ok

CAD:SLEEP

WH2: TEST

PE: NOTHING BUT TALK TO BYRON AND SHAN

ENG:Not much

LUNCH:Talked with friends

and Liz got her phone taken away.

Math: Right now. I am so bored. like into hell kind of bored.

adopt your own virtual pet!

Eclipse2: I love you. I hope you are ok.

Navybrat08: You should call me later to talk about the project thingys ok :) and dont worry i dont think anything is up with him.

Opposite ends of the earth.

They and me

Separation.

Me and you.

Tossed away.

GoNe.......

Boom, explosions.

Drama, drama, drama

Bombs, dumbasses.

Guilt trips

Secrets, lies

Tormentations

Smoking, drugs, drinking.

My head hurts

Heartach, happieness pains

Nothing, no its not me.

Its them.

Them to me.

THEM AND ME

North and South.

SHIT SHIT SHIT.

AWAY.

NOTHNG. Me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

______________________________________

Everytime i am happy most of my other friends are hurting.

______________________________________

This could be...

WH2: Boring

MY WHOLE DAY WAS BORING.

I want to be with Eclipse.

I am having a slumber party although none of us are going to sleep. Jusst hang out, and stuff.

Suicide

Posion

Disappear

Stabbed

Disease

Accident

Gunshot

Suffocated

Eaten

Cut Throat

Drowning

Bomb

Natural Causes

Some one help me

People hey get to me.

My mind is driving me crazy

They're all around me.

Alienating my space

My life, my property.

I want to be alone.

I feel it.

I want to see it.

The hesitant gates of folley.

But the only thing i see

Is the emptyness

Of what is me.

Taska in the meadow i am really bord

I wanna kick the negroid's fucking turd.

The i will shove his head up his ass.

And then some more cuz he stole my best friends ass.

Now she is crying away from everyone else.

I really want to help her.

But she wont let anyone in.

This is not the time for morons to play in.

Bordom is with spoken to help the fall within.

BORDEDEDEDED

Eclipse: read your comment

Navybrat: Hey, bordeded, but not mad at anyone.

-----------------------------===================-------------

on another note aperently my ex bf found this site and wrote a nasty comment on my last entry. he is the third comment down in case any one is interested.

TODAYS THE DAY I START LOOKING FOR A PUBLISHING COMPANY!!!!!

I am so excited. ok due to the fact that i have had so many requests ti publish my poetry and stuff i am actually going to do it. well i hope i make it.

On another not. I am sorry everybody but i my past poems now have to be closed into private entries due to some fucker trying to steal my stuff. oh well. its hhis luck if he cant write.

************************************************************

well any ways it is about 1:58 here so goodnight all. I need to take a shower. Sheesh, damn gym class.

Balforus into the sunlight

Return to the moon light

In the distance

The stars start to cry

I wake every moment

I sing every evening

And wish that i could die

*In return how do i run

How do i hide

I wish that

That this would go away

And in return teach me how to cry*

Bleeding back into the sea

Its just not you or me.

Its the wrong time.

In your life

Why cant you see

Me for me

And the fact that i run

Run to your side

*chorus*

And the diffrence is not clear

The Hazyness in your eyes

And for that i want to cry.

The tears begin to build

Tears begin to

Tears begin to

Tears begin to build.

*chorus*

==============================================

This song is about some one really dear to me. But i still cant see anything. But the feelings are there on my end. Just friends on the other. Oh well. what can i do. It strikes me as easy but it seems that is just inside my mind. Oh well. What ever happens, happens.

Is this boy so sullen and silent

Meant to be the next hero?

Why does it seem he helps others

With out a second thought

But down to bone

He is sick and minggled

Its happiness but pain within

And the hands around his throught

Are squeezing in harder

Colapsing the spuratic apple of adam.

Low key and out of tune

The dropings of a nuclear melt down

Are attaking the people

He never should have kissed you

This is his trouble

His head's thought

In the opium filled tank

And the extensive bottle of wisky and wine

An addiction to what he cant have

But now he is in trouble

He cant break free

It is a hole in the net

His thought is to go but he is caught

Like a fly on the paper.

The toxic substance drowns his lungs

Love, it is his weakness

Yet his strength

Fire is flashing over head creeping forward

Malnutrision in the world disruption,

Quieted and calmed to lies.

He cannot think any more

He cant help it.

He is not fading any more.

Not back into the darkness

He must break free.

He is me.

You are a Samurai.You are full of honour and value respect. Youare not really the stereotypical hero, but youdo fight for good. Just in your own way. Foryou, it is most certainly okay to kill an evilperson, if it is for justice and peace. Youalso don't belive in mourning all the time andthink that once you've hit a bad stage in lifeyou just have to get up again. It's pointlessto concentrate on emotional pain and better tojust get on with everything. You also are adown to earth type of person and think beforeyou act. Impulsive people may annoy you sometimessomewhat.Main weapon: SwordQuote: "Do what one thinks, as long as one follows the heart, one is never wrong."Facial expression:Cold Heartless Eyes w. a slight Flare to them.

Some fields you might consider goingin when you are older...Judge, author,songwriter, producer, therapist, psychologist,philosopher, or forensic scientist. You need ajob where you can express yourself and yourviews on life. Or you need a field where youcan judge others and predict what is going onin others life. Either way... you have thepersonality to get you a good job that willsupport you throughout life. What type of teenager are you? brought to you by Quizilla Your wise quote is: "Reality bites with avariety of sizes of teeth"(-Tony Follari)As a person, you think life is just plainpainful, horrible and everything else you don'tlike. Happy people confuse you. Alot. I mean,why are they so happy anyway? You are depressedand perhaps utterly alone and live life rathermontone. You feel there is no reason to reallybe here and feel helpless. What wise quote fits you?(pics) UPDATED brought to you by Quizilla

Will i ever be happy?No

Will i ever love again?No

Will i ever trust again? NOOOOO

Will i ever learn? No

Will i ever stop being self centered? No

Does that concern me? NO

Should it concern me? NO

I am truly not sorry for being the way i am and i'm proud to say it.

I am sorry that i cant:

1. trust

2. love

3.be happy

4. be joyous

5. rejoice

6. dance

7. care

I am sorry that i (am):

1.selfcentered

2.in bad moods all the time

3.suicidal

4.an individualist

5. dont care a flying fuck

6.like who i am

7. a cold hearted bitch

It is hard not to be self centered when:

1. I havent had friends for 4 years.

2. I havent talked much for 4 years

3. My boyfriend (6 months ago) broke up with me on the phone saying " hey i am in Georgia right now and well, its not working out and i have found some one else.

4. Most people that i trust have stabbed me in the back at lest once.

But i am not sorry for:

1. being me

2. being mean

3. being the way i am

4. dressing how i wanna dress

5. complaining about my life

6. not caring for alot of people

7. hating people

8. not trusting people

9. being who i wanna be

10. likeing who i like.

My weaknessess are:

1. I care either too little or too much.

2. Love

3. Trust

Bordom over takes this body

I need sleep.

Good day for now

I will write back

For all to see

Later...

Brain Lateralization Test ResultsRight Brain (74%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (26%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain Are You Right or Left Brained?(word test) personality tests by similarminds.com

Oh well

Still love him.

Currently these two songs are my feelings right as of now:

We were ment to be sposed to be but we lost it, all this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending. its nice to know that you were there thanks for acting like you cared and makin me feel like i was the only one.its nice to know we had it all thanks for watching us fall and letting me know we were tall. He was everything everything that i wanted.... We were meant to be supposed to be but we lost it. all this time you were pretending well so much for my happy ending. oh oh, so much for my happy ending.................

Well i couldnt tell you

Why she felt that way but she felt it everyday

And i couldnt help her. i just watched her make the same mistakes again. whats wronge whats wrong now? to many too many problems. dont know where she belongs, where she belongs. she wants to go home. but nobody's home. thats where she lies. broken inside. with noplace to go. no place to go to dry her eyes. broken inside. oh oh

Open your eyes and look out side. find the reasons why. you've been rejected. and now you cant find what youve left behind. be strong be strong now. to many to many problems. dont know where she belongs. where she belongs. she wants to go home. but nobodys home. thats where she lies broken inside. shes lost inside, lost inside oh oh,

Her feeling she hides

Her dreams she cant find

Shes losing her mind

Shes fallin behind

She cant find her place

Shes loosing her faith

Shes fallin form grace

Shes all over the place

Yeah

She wants to go home but nobodys home

Thats were she lies broken inside

with noplace to go. no place to go. to dry her eyes. then inside. shes lost inside lost inside. oh oh. oh.......

My mother

My creator

An illness

So sleek

Could kill her

Might take her

Why me?

What happens

When she leaves

Will i cry

Will i die

Will i fade

My escapade....

You Are 55% Normal

(Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal...

Other things you do are downright strange

You've got a little of your freak going on

But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

You Are 21 Years Old

21

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

This prison the school

The pit of hell

For an intant

A moment i think i feel happy

Time has haulted and the vial hearts run

Pure through the woods fast done hark.

I pleade to you

PLease be true

or Go away your nothing new.............

You are everything i have

I hold in my hand.

You are the only thig inside.

Keeping me alive.

Last year i met you in my class,

You were tall and sleek and you kept looking at me.

A week later you were at my house we got along.

And we never fought.

Well now i am standing here and it is clearly a year.

So tell me how i got through with you.

*Your everything i hold

Your everything i have

Keeping me alive.

You're the only thing in side.

Last month you asked to marry me.

And i just couldnt beilive.

This past weekend was our big 1 year annaversary.

And your still here with me.

Some one tell me how that could be?

*Your everything i hold

Your everything i have

Keeping me alive.

You're the only thing in side.

You saved me more than once.

And i wondered how it was possible.

Cause it seemed impossible.

But you made it possible.

Yeah you made it possible.

*Your everything i hold

Your everything i have

Keeping me alive.

You're the only thing inside.

________________________________________

TILL THE END OF TIME I LOVE YOU!!!!!

You know who you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK so he promises me that he would wake me up if i fell asleep. Did he? NOPE

Instead he goes off and goes over to McDonald's, 2 other people's houses, and doesnt bother to call.

He ignores me just to watch a damn movie about weed. And it seems like he doent care at all for me.

And when he goes to leave all he has to say is. "I'm sorry but i am in a hurry."

WHAT EVER!

I dont need this shit.

But i still Love him thats the thing.

and i dont mean to be conseded but he hinks about himself. my mistake for getting in your way and bothering you wile your watching a movie about WEED. You know the thing you promised you wouldnt do...

WHATEVER WORDS ARE WORDS, NOW LETS SEE YOUR ACTIONS THAT FOLLOW IT UP.

1(if your) single

2(if your ) taken

3(if your) single and luvin it

4(if you) want to tell someone u like them

5(if you) have a crush

6(if you) like someone you can't have

7(if your) heartbroken

8(if your) taken and in love

9(if you) like someone but to afraid to tell them

10(if you ) just want to have FUN

11(if you) like someone but they dont like you

12(if you) are in love with someone but they dont feel the same

13(if you) arnt sure about things

Working on shit for my band. not a good day but not bad either, just a boring day.

Dont let him know you are crying. He will ask whts wronge. Dont think i didnt see you kiss her. what ever. its the works of it all. Gists and my fist. I wonder. How much and to what e......x...t...e...n...t you will go. but yeah as of now. what do you want?

Tears burn my eyes.......

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I got a mySpace.

www.myspace.com/nightshade8869 (what else)

www.xanga.com/nightshade8869 (uh huh)

www.vampirefreaks.com/nightshade8869 (and again)

email: nightshade8869@yahoo.com (yuppo its that name again)

Aim: nightshade8869 (what can i say)

Yahoo: nightshade8869 (like i said)

MSN:sonnylee49 )fooled you(

I cant take this any more my hesitation.

The stress is getting to me, my dedication.

These illusions are pounding me.

And my brian is rushing and breaking in pain.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++MORE LATER++++++++

Eclipse please tell me that you are coming over today. or torrow.

Cutter goth

sexxi goth

shy goth

independant goth

trifty goth

punk goth

angel/dreamer goth

Spirit

Earth

Air

Water

Fire

Cyclops

Beast

Professor X

Storm

Shadowcat

Jean Grey

Rogue

Wolverine

Banshee

Iceman

Archangel

Nightcrawler

Colossus

I am ok again.

I am happy again.

AND me and Eclipse are going to be together forever. i hope anyways but i dont have ny doubts. so how are yall?

Attack me, Change me, My ways.

Pornos and photos.

Mold, rot, and someone has soiled himself.

I hate this.

Bordom

Blood

Bras

Boobs.

Dicks

Cocks

Blood

Chicks.

borded as fucking hell right now and Salem's ex lover type person is being a bitch. and annoying me . hi its been a while but i am stealing internet at home now muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

so i can get on more often now. yay (T.T)

welll i guess i willl up date latererererer kays byes.

adue for now. siyonara bitches and a happy new year.

I CAN LEAVE HERE HAPPY. THE PERSON I LOVE IS STILL THERE IN A SENCE AND STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR ME. YEAH. I AM SOOOOOO HAPPY. THE THING IS THE PHSYCHIC WAS RIGHT!!!! AND THING IS THAT I AM HAPPY. AND I CAN LEAVE HERE FOR THE NEXT 3 MONTHS AND COME BACK HAPPY. YEAH. I AM HAPPY. PERFECT. I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME. THERE I AM HAPPY I AM SATISFIYED. AND THERE IS NOTHING I WANT MORE.

EXCEPT TO KEEP MY IBOOK SO I COULD STAY ON SITDIARY FOREVER.

BUT WE CANT BE TOGETHER FOR HE IS GOING OUT WITH MY FRIEND BUT WELL. SHES CHEATING ON HIM AND HE KNOWS IT AND SO HE WAS LIKE YEAH. WELL I MAY GO TO THE LIBRARY TO FILL YOU IN THIS WEEKEND IF I GO TO THE LIBRARY. OK,

I WILL MISS YOU ALL. SEE YOU IN 3 MONTHS. SOMETIME IN SEPTEMBER. I WILL MISS YOU. ALL OF YOU.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++================

ECLIPSE2; I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, BODY, SOUL AND MIND.

NAVYBRAT08; HEY, LIFE SEEMS TO BE PERFECT. I HOPE IT GOES WELL FOR YOU TOO.

Its official. I cant live with him, and i cant live with out him. He is my soul mate and i cant deniy it any more. I wish i could let him know though.It is going to be really tough but in the end i think it will come out ok. And i still love him. And in the end isnt that all that matters? Well it is to me. And just to see his smiling face is enough to make my day. I LOVE YOU I really really do. So for your sake if you want me to i will move on. And The Psychic i went to in Jersey said something to me. And i wanted to know if it is true.

GOOD BYE FOR NOW SIT DIARY!! BE BACK IN 3 MONTHS I PROMISE AND THE THING IS I DONT WANNA GO!!. I LOSE MY IBOOK TOMMORROW FROM SCHOOL AND IT REALLY SUCKS. LOVE YOU ALL AND I WILL MISS YOU ALL. I WILL WRITE LOTS WHEN I GET BACKS OK. BYE FOR NOWS.

NAVYBRAT08: I WILL SEE YOU IN SCHOOL OK. BYE I LUV YA.

ECLIPSE2: I LOVE YOU AND ITS ALL THAT MATTERS TO ME.

SORROWANGEL: 3 MONTHS WILL PASS IN NO TIME. TRUST ME.SEE YOU THEN

SEE YOU ALL THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.....

DURING THE SUMMER WITHOUT YOUR SMILE,

WHO WILL BRIGHTENN MY SUMMER'S DAY?

I LOVE YOU.

AND FOREVER ADUE.

NO NOT I AUDE, I DO.

I AM MOVING ON ONLY FOR YOU.

JUST TELL ME TO.

AND IF IT HOW YOU REALLY FEEL

TELL ME WHAT WE HAD WAS REAL.

GOODBYE IN THAT WAY.

I'LL SE YOU THIS SUMMER WONT I AT LEAST ONE DAY?

SIYONARA I SHITIRU ECLIPSE (good bye i love you eclipse)

REACH ME AT nightshade8869@yahoo.com ok try to and mabe i can call some of you. i dont mind the long distance charge. i hope. well later for now guys.

PS-

WHOEVER LEFT ME THAT COMMENT TELL ME WHO YOU ARE. IT WOULD BE NICE TO KNOW SO I DIDNT HAVE TO WONDER ALL SUMMER. PLEASE?

After this ends will you still be there?

Will you still care?

This brotherhood a bond of misfortune.

A love abound the insesed wound so crune.

When our love stops and we grow apart

Will we still run away in the dark?

Eventually youmay stop loving me or mabe

It is me who will stop loving you, you'll see.

But if this relation lasts between us.

Will our brotherhood be something more?

I want to know i really do implore.

Tell me after collegate affairs

That the person i love still cares

And after your marrage is sought

The kindness and love we had wont be lost.

Or tell me this brotherhood is a mask of glue.

So that mabe one day i can say i do

Because the fact that i love you.

Eclipse2: I love you, you are probably getting annoiyed at me for this but i cant help my feelings anymore. i have never felt like this before. but i am borded so can you do anything this weekend? Call me or something. PS -good luck on your game tomorrow. I hope you feel better so you can play today ok. I know that ulser will go away.

Navybrat08: Hey i cant be on for long mr. oneal said so, but i am ok. i guess just really crummy yet happy. Well later for now if i can call you i will ok later.

Tapping and rapping

The scratching of glass

Dressing deprssing

Blood that spilt past

My dream

Decives me

Percived thee

And killed him

It drowned him.

I couldnt make it.

I couldnt save it

The one i cared

The one who was there.

I wont crie over this.

But tonight i hope it will

Be better.

For.....

The both of us.,,,,

Hey whats up with every one else?

Right now nothing is going on with me. and my parents havent found out about the charges. but they will soon. oh well. i will write more later.

Eclipse2: Call me later.

Navybrat08: dont feel bad. but any ways how are you?

OK THAT IS IT. STOP REVOLVING THIS FIGHT AROUND ME. I AM SICK OF BEING IN THE CENTER OF IT. NO I AM NOT MAD AT YOU TWO BUT I AM SICK OF ONE TO THE OTHER THING. IT IS REALLY ANNOYING.

NAVYBRAT: STOP THREATENING HIM AND SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT

ECLIPSE: STOP SAYING YOU DONT CARE CUZ I KNOW U DO.

BOTH : I REALLY COULD CARELESS IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET MAD AT ME FOR THIS BUT

GROW THE FUCK UP BOTH OF YOU.

Navybrat08: any ways things change, times change and so do people.

Eclipse2: Your welcome for the gift this morning, it was nothing ^-^

LATER- For - NOW

It is the pain we all feel inside

The only thing that keeps us alive.

So why is what helps us live

What also help us die.

Is no clue to me.

Just that things go

And thats just how they will be.

Sorrow is morned fot only so long.

Sullen is left behind

And the erratic memories of people

Will linger like the cold hard touch of DEATH.

Hey there

You seem familiar.

Hey there,

You voice lifts me up like air

I drift away into your arms

Can i be by your side forever?

Or can i just sit and stare?

Why do you torment me?

I just want to be there for you

Can i be the one who pick you up,

When you are down

A friend of fun

Laughs and a person of care.

I dont want to be a shadow on your wall

Or a speck in the corner of your eye

The gleem is too strong for me and

I only want for us to be.

So please stop this madness

And what happens let it be.

Hey, today is a good day. a wonderful day. a good day for moving on and changing. But how are yall on SitD? < Fishie Hehe. well i will right later tonight bye for now.

Its amazing how happy i am STILL and it is nothing like before.

No More:

Empty Smiles

Fake Happiness

Groggy Self

I am happy now and i hopw it lasts for now. I wonder hhow long it will last. My weekend was sheer bliss and it was awsome. i had fun with friends, and had a leizurly monday at home without any distruption. It is awsome. i am happy and i still can write poems about me. AND MOST OF ALL I CAN TRUST AGAIN!!!!! I KNOW IT ISNT LIKE ME BUT IT IS THE NEW ME. WELL SORT OF. I am still me just happier and i like it sort of. And i like the fact that i know how it feels to be down, and that i have an awsome life at this point. And people who are being bitches, DONT BOTHER ME. What so ever. and it is awsome. Well Adue for now.

Hey, happiness is now me. All over last night was magickal and i had so much fun to. We were watching movies and have in fun. Played some vidio games and some other stuff. But any ways how are yall doing? Well as you can see i am fine. but it is amazing, ME HAPPY! Well i hope this feeling stays for a while.

Hey people i have found myself to be really happy with ou tsome people. but any ways. Today was great. I had alot of fun with brett. We hung out all day and went shopping w/ my mom of corse. Nut he is so awsome and i think he is really cute. Still like him tho but DAMN MAN IS FUCKING STRIGHT...... FOR NOW. Muhahahaha but i am not the type to turn someone. ether they are or they arent. but any who. i am fine how is everybody else?

Hi people. i am in electronics class borded out of my mind watching people play Halo. OMFG this is sooooo boring. but any ways. Yeah today is really non chalaunt. not caring and yeah. dont mind to live or not. but any ways.

I wonder if tasha is ok. she seems to have been having problems with ronnie so i wonder if she is ok?

*Brett cursing in the background*

*pokes him*

but oh wait i am supposed to be a not caring basturd who only thinks of himself so later for now.

PS- how stupid cane a person get? When he/ she thinks that words effect a person who has learned to fend for themself. but oh well. yeah i can still trust people surprizingly just people i have known for a wile. @ least 1 1/2 year. but later for now.

Ok for all you people who are mad at me because i put you on my friends list. I only put people on my friend's list if i can relate to them or if i like their poetry OR i know them. So back the fuck off to those of you.

PS- I am ok again with him.....

Its been like almost 1 years so i am updating as to not get this diary deleted. so yeah... be back next year.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

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The Passing Highschool Test

free online dating and free

match at ok cupid

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This

It moves away

Echoes

In the pouring rain

He runs away

The shadow thats left of fate

Walking the empty halls in a grey font page

The rows of words fade

The door opens, he walks outside

Sandy storm beach miles covered in sky

Ocean waves sway back and forth

Froth and foam soak his shorts

He lingers and waits

The rain streams down his shirt

Reavealing all his scars

The canvas of his work

Oh how often has he thought of blood

The purest form of truth and love

Crimson dropplets manifest his heart

So glacially cold set in frost

Permanently bleating and palpataing

The violent sea begins consticting

He smiles and walks deeper

Yet another long time has passed since i have been here.... ahh well.. must update this soon... be back later

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I HOPE THIS SHOWS UP... IT DOESNT SEEM TO LIKE JAPANESE HERE.

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BOREDOM... I got My license yesterday.....

There the entity falls

Getting up it walks

Tripping down,

It crawls...

There.

Sitting down

Was wrong,

Passing out

Condemned

Rape.

Seven years later

Alone.

Sulking on the floor

Detone.

Now,

it difted away

into the sea

forever.

A tear rolls down my face

You don�ft see it because you�fre walking away

And I fall, slowly to the ground

But you don�ft notice.

You turned around to say something

But ran at me in fear, why?

I cried at that because it was the last thing I saw

You smiled and told me it would be ok

^You grabbed my arm and shook me awake

You woke me up from my sweetest mistake

Alcohol and poison didn�ft keep me today

Today

Cause loving you was my greatest mistake

I never should have let you get away

But in the end it was your choice to walk away

*Happiness in pain

Sugar in my vain

The oil burned inside

Is starting to affect my mind

Why is it this way

This love has made me wane

Oh ho and I am drowning

I am downing the bleach

These light are start to scream

You stupid boy it seems

That love has been your doom

Demise defeat so soon

I�fm sorry about this mess

My mind had no time rest

This adrenaline�fs making me drool

Without a doubt I was a fool

^Please stop shaking me awake

You woke me up from my sweetest mistake

Alcohol and poison didn�ft keep me today

Today

Cause loving you was my greatest mistake

I never should have let you go that day

But in the end it was your choice to walk away

*Happiness in pain

Sugar in my vain

The turpentine inside

Is starting to afflict my mind

Why is it this way

This love has made me fade

Oh oh and I am drowning

I am downing the bleach

By the bottle

I didnt know how much i had missed him till he came over tonight, damn, tonight felt like it did back then........ happy times. damn ahhhh the good old days............................... well night everyone...

I didnt really plan on writing or much of anything. Honestly is didnt want to do anything today. But some how i am here. Cant really type considering i just typed bust and ham while trying to write but and am. Oh well... it has been a long time since i have been here. Its been a long time i have been on anyof my sites. But eh whatever.

There is a Reason.... Fonogenico.... AWSOME SONG. ^.^ Its so up beat.

I have been sick lately and havent been able to sing or do anything of important use so yeah whatever.

But now that i can sing, smell and taste again. It all feels different. Im not as depressed as i used to be although i am thinking this is just a high point for some reason. I dont know what it just is. Eh well i am just gonna enjoy it for once instead of thinking "When am i gonna fall again?" which usually leads to me falling. Shit. Oh well.

Now listening to Globe- What's the Justice and then Genisis of a Next (both really good techno trance songs... look them up)

So yeah....................

I am staring at my Phantasmagoria poster thanks to The Cure magazine of New Japanese Bands and Fasions.... i love it. Its fun. That and when i need to order contacts i know where to go. Do you know that contacts are like 20 dollars a box for the colored and stylized crap too!!!!!!!!!!! verses the american 60+ shit.... oi i have been wasting some serious money lately. Ahh well. i am gonna go but it feels good to come back here.

Oh yeah i took an IQ test and i got 112 above average by 2 points lol. well later (^o^)

-La Fat Fag Gay_ZN-

Ok there are some things in this wold that you cant pull on me. To me money is one of the least of my worries when i am not worring about rent and when the next time i am going to eat is. It just pisses me off that my parents think they can get me something and it makes everything better... i would prefer they just apologies then throw some stupid shit at me and say nothing at all... its soooo erritating the fact that they were raised that way cause my grandmother type thing is l;ike that too....

Yeah so my mom and i had a fight last night and i didnt talk to her anymore afterwards... and this morning she think she can take me to go on a shopping sporee to just make things up to me.. no thanks i have my own money and i dont need yours you want to make me feel better... APOLOGISE! Its that fucking simple.... call me old fashioned but i prefer a sorry more than a gift. i dont need people for that.

Look in the mirror what has changed?

Your eyes once innocent now muttered with junk

I can see the excuses forming in your mouth

Are you happy where you are now?

Who are you now?

What is your purpose?

You don�t see who you are anymore

No, you don�t see what you are

What is it that you want?

You seem so miserable now

Why don�t you just change it?

You say you can�t change it

What is it you cannot change?

You don�t know yourself,

Pitiful how your have degenerated

Sullen how you are silenced

You�re just another one

You�re just like them

You�re just a memory

Take a look in that mirror

Tell me what has changed

As Of Yet (to be discovered...)

I spin this disk on my finger

Reluctant to let go

I was trying to runaway from my sorrow

It seems the wall comes closer

In the dresser of my dressing closet room door

I feel so emoted, is it cause i've been demoted again?

*SPIRALING! waiting to see

LIGHT OF ME! hoping to breath

Raptured in the lift of my blood

I am drowning, the only one who is closet to me

Please save me i am not this ready yet

And i am not so devout to tis prep

Pondering where i met you, i met you in my class

I was hoping that this evil bliss could last

But it didnt, To bad it didnt

*SPIRALING! waiting to see

LIGHT OF ME! hoping to breath

Raptured in the lift of my blood

^These emotions start to run high on now

With this sound i will start to cry

Absolutly when one wants to die

As you see, when you say, that i love you in every way

I dont care, you get scared, then you run away

Just run away....

*Spiraling just waiting to see

The light of me, hoping to breath

Rapturing the lift of my blood (crescendo)

SMILING! I WALK AWAY FROM THIS

A STRONGER MAN TO BE MISSED

I WILL WALK, I WILL RUN

I AM BETTER AT LAST, and i cant be fired for this,

FOR THIS

CAUSE I AM EMANCIPATED FROM... my love...

(This is about me saying good bye to my ex-fiance and that i am finaly over you. I love you and everything but all the SHE HIT that we've been through, and everything i have done for you. Well it just went down the drain. I am better than this, and i have more things to do then just to cry about it. I am sick of waiting and i am not going to live forever.If i make it to 25 i will be lucky to have survied and you kno i will always love you. But the thing is THIS WAS YOUR LOSS AND YOUR MISTAKE. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LET ME GO FREE. Thank you for pulling me in circles for months on end. For letting me see that your an ass. For wasting my time, love, life, and tears on you. For helping me to realise i can do better and you kno what. GOOD BYE, i walk out of this one alive.

PS- All the times that we have been together as friends or lovers, was just spent in you saying things that werent true. If you love me you can try but other wise this is good bye.)

Yeah its been a while since i have been on. Yeah so let me tell you whats happened.

Brett and i arent really talking anymore. Not my fault.

I like a freshman hes would be perfect for me if he was gay. or bi. but hes not... oh well. anywho.

Brad and i went out for 3 weeks then he became a psychopath and started doing crystal meth and now me and him arent talking.

drama. and other bullshit.

but life is good. i like it. its going ok could be better. but yeah. i like where i am right now. i would like it better if it was better but its not. eh well. ttyl.

Yeah in art histsory right now. and i feel like crap after getting yelled at by my teacher. i have a lot of shit to do and this isnt really helping me out much. its just pissing me off.

There thee stands in an 8 box fold

The bloody path of crimson flows

Signals of oden flash in the sky

Thy love for the flutters good bye.

Acres and acres ache in my sight

The foxtrots and hound dogs

Run full length in fright

I scream that the just killuth me.

Its another corner of a cave.

Even darker than that of envy itself.

�Ѥѩ]�] ��R��} �R�R�]�]�Ѥ�

Woa Ie Ni

Why is it that i have to fuck everything up? Cause yeah this guy i really like said something andi just threw it back at him. and yeah. I just wish i wasnt like this anymore.... UGH. but yeah more on this later.

And to Jon if you see this i am sorry.

PAPERS 4 pages of hell with a 1000 sum odd page book DAMN IT BRETT YOU FUCKED ME OVER AGAIN.

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

so i finally told him to either get with it or walk away. i just couldnt take it anymore.

i will always love you brett. but you kno i just cant take it anymore.

I am alive bitches stop spreading the rumors of my death it gets back to me on myspace. ASS HOLES LIKE YOU CAN GO FUCK MY GRANDMA-PA

Have a nice day.

Me: Do you want to be with me?

Him: Yes, but not right now.

Me: Do you want me to wait?

Him: Yes... if you dont mind it.

Me: For you i dont care anything. I will wait till i die.

Him: I love you

Me: I love you too

i am gonna wait that answered all my questions. i dont have to pend on it anymore. i will be pending for him now. if i find anyone then we will see. otherwise my heart is on a stand still.

Decaying in the ruines of a lost city from hell.

Wander this lonely path alone as those who cant see,

Him.

Degenerated and consumed in a load of factuated erratic spazmas of pain.

Those fluctuations of interperetations fail.

Miserable.

Secluded into this shroud of a nautilis.

The fragile creature that has survived.

The chambers being built one by one.

While i am being killed.

One tic at a time.

Its funny how one second you think that you are gonna live forever and the next you dont know if you will live to see ur next birth day...

my liver condision has gotten worse and well yeah. 5 years ? i am on the transplant list. so yeah the big wait.

no its not a big wait.

i will always wait for him to come back. i hope. i love him and i just wana be with him. as long as i am with him. i will be ok. thats all i want. i can die happy with him at my side too.

yeah i watched it finaly. and i saw my relationship with my ex. and i dont want that. i just want everything to be either there or not. so yeah.

i cried for the first time in months again. whoopie. i am so sick of this shit.

He told me that he was gay, but now e is bi. He is still in love with me. and that he wants to be with me. but he has a gf. and you kno i still love him.

the day we get back together will be a great and blissful dream come true. if it ever happens...

happy spring break night.

Yeah i dont know.... he says he is straight. yet he still loves me? how does that work?

i just wana kno if we have a chance and you wana be together then why arent we together?

if you are gonna go straight and thats it dont bother with me anymore. it hurts and its false hope. ever had the pain delt onto you? what ever.

i just want a clear answer now. there is more to life than chasing out every temporary hype to satisfy oneself. if you keep it up you will end up alone. and no one is gonna be there. and the person who loved you is gonna be gone.

Ok so yeah read the revised and edited version of chapter one for Eternity... i think it is one of my best works yet... not poetry writings... lol

Yeah so its been a while since i have been back here.

Yeppers

i am on MySpace alot more now. I know i used to hate it but yeah whatever.

www.myspace.com/nightshade8869

if you ever wana talk.

oh and my aim is now

Poisoned Ash88

I fell off the earth

I don’t know what to do

I fell off the earth

Everything has come unglued

I fell off the earth

And the space is cold and empty

I fell off the earth

Where the night is dark and lonely

I shed a singe tear

And I move along alone

I shed a single tear

The silence is my home

I shed a single tear

It froze half way down my face

I shed a single tear

Realization had no taste

I crawled in the emptiness

Then I slipped again

I crawled in the emptiness

And I threw up my veins

I crawled in the emptiness

And I started to freeze over

I crawled in the emptiness

The light was not a warm shoulder

I cried my self to sleep

To wither away as I weep

I cried myself to sleep

And I wonder who I would meet

I cried myself to sleep

Thinking about them

I cried my self to sleep

No one is going to win

The left is one of the past

The right is the future sight

The middle is my nature

The last is my own act

There is flies again

The cold shards of ice

That burning sting of regret

And the cradled punches of envy

The torn lost held vat

These are my miseries

Yet the happiness of me

These are my miseries

The only glimpse to be

These are my miseries

The things that keep me alive

These are my miseries

The ones who won’t let me die

These are my miseries

The ones I care for and cry

These are my miseries

The harmful harmless spies

Cuts gather up my skin

But I will get up again

Cuts gather up my skin

But I won’t let them win

Cuts gather up my skin

There are many things within

The one I love

The one I like

The one I know

The one to be known

The future unfolds

With the moving of the sand…..

yeah, um.... love is:

♥ is when you can finish anothers sentance without even looking at them. or when you hit the other person causeing them pain but your laughing cause its just funny. or when you walk 2 miles just to say good night and give them a kiss. or sitting under the stars for hours not even having to talk and loosing track of time. till the sun comes up. or when you can cry on his(her) shoulders and know that he(she) is a friend too. ♥ is when your willing to give up the world and life you know it just to see him. or jump infront of a bullet to save his life.

♥ is twisted but fun. and another way to have a great relationship. ♥ is falling into the water only to drag the other person in with you. ♥ is a fire of burning passion of burning cold fusion in the soul.

♥ is everything in the world and the final step in a ladder. ♥ is amazing...

LOVE IS LIFE. ou cant live unless you have had it!

This song is dedicated to my ex... not in a bad way i am serious. i mean this in a good. way. i love you still but i have to move on. i am sorry.

Release My Love - Originally by FIR but its in mandarin. so i translated it and added some stuff to it too.

Release My Love.

From the begining this is what you wanted.

But you let go of your values

And eventually your love left too.

We both said t'was wronge

That from the start, I understood our love

You didnt.

Our Love, Our Love...

When i fianly had the time

It was allready to late

Because of your actions

Your love drained from me

I tried to accept

The little bits of heartach from

Our love, Our Love

*Release my love, release my hand

My heart doesnt want you here anymore

Release my love, Iwont wait no more

For your heart to realize

Release my love, Open up your heart

Thats all i wanted from the start

For our hearts to be merged as one

And realise true love from the start.

There were that i was miserable for days on

And there were other times where i was happy.

Then it began the day that pains began to form

Our Love, Our Love...

Each and every night kept crawling by

Trying to survive the simplicity of the heart.

But you just let it slip away from your grasp

Our love, Our Love

*Chorus

Though were over

I am still here for you.

And though the times may seem hard

I still care for in in some ways

But its not always....

*Chorus

I just wanted our hearts to learn true love...

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

Oh, whoa.

There are so many simple things

So many things I thought I’d win

And when I fell a part

I thought I’d lost the art to cry

Inside myself I lied to my face to my heart

Then my soul, but I couldn’t hide

Emotions rise, and there you were

Out this blur, the thing that made my mind

Decisions rose to me

I had to open and see

The only thing I’d do

Would be to die for you

But you see that’s not me

Nor is it this entity

Wouldn’t you see the things

The things I used to sing

I was happier than life it self

Now there’s and emptiness

The only thing I witness

Through my eyes

*This is the lie that will breathe life to me

And the glass that the hours hold

There are things that would not be told

If there are secrets to be

Infinity…*

Step away there are no more things

Nothing more things to be seen

There are a lot of lies floating around in my mind

Where the world ceases to be

And you think there’s more to me

Cause there’s more to life than to be seen

And the wolves cry

For the distance of the cold

Where the rainbow holds true to this life

My era of time and misery,

Memoirs that still exist to me

*This is the lie that will breathe life to me

And the glass that the hours hold

There are things that would not be told

If there are secrets to be

Infinity…*

This my infinity…

Time set in the darkness

Never moves but only fades

Dreams that scare me

Because of their truthful reality

Sets of pendulums swing across

The road we all know of

As life.

It slices the every fiber

Of beings we are

Testing and waiting

Waiting for a victim who

Can not take this tale anymore

Or for someone to make a

Stupid mistake… suicide.

It was and never will be

Just this dream of you

Will make me shoot up

Sweating and tearing

Rabidly increasing the liquid salt

And ingredient in salt

This is what’s known of as pain.

A sort of self sacrifice

Pain is a self sacrifice

The touch of it is hotter

Than the sun it self

And colder than ice

Ice from anywhere this

Planet will ever know

But if you can tap the glass

And figure out how to heat the ice

And cool the fire there is

A loop in hope, understanding

Learn to get this and you are

Set for the world.

But people are people and

Some never grow old

But the glimpse of things are extreme

And there are those who will

Never understand or learn from their mistakes

They’ll never correct their mistakes

And they will mature when its too late

I sorrow for them.

I mourn to their future selves

Never knowing what is too much

Too little and never walking alone.

Just lifted to the highest point never allowed to be dropped

That is not the way to do things

They must be let loose so they can think

Bloom for themselves

How can a flower bloom if it is in a box with no air?

It dies like the sun when the moon raises

Temper the tides into this.

This is my way of thinking.

Yeah borded at 4am. and yeah. so yeah i need physciatric help. total bordom in the world. oi some one shoot me allready i am dieing slowly of bordom.

Subjected, the mind of the stabbed skies

The sky spews the symphonic mind.

Save this the twirling propelled movement.

Circles and circles a vortex of doom

There it goes the memoirs are gone

Take this and take me, bury me by the sea

I am gone and a rag doll is in my place.

Remember me as the happy-go-lucky

Nothing is left in my empty body

And there is no way my sublime messages will undertake

See the sight and receive my thought send the folding taunts

My way, deceive and reveille to me the intimacy

Our secrets of secrets and of secrets to be.

Will my wandering spirit leave

The answer is no, even though I begged it be.

My please and cries restrained to me

My blessed love is now my love no more.

Take my immortal emotions

And use the severed solvated

My solution for the even detour

Is to drive off the road

And get out of this world.

Maybe not now but there is a fore lorne

The hope that will never be reached,

My life line has now faded to a dull

My heart is not moving it’s deterred into a jell.

Flesh and bone and marrow squeak as my body hits the heat

Is there something is there more?

I dare not ask I will not explore

All that’s left is my tortured soul here lies my immortal hole.

Rejected from the world, love, and the life

Rejected from hell, to dark too, deprived

Sensibility lingers on me

All on the word that reverberated through me.

Those words that won’t leave my head:

“Every time I am around them I think of her.

But every time I am around her, I think of you”

-Ex fiancé-

I told my mom i was gay. and she mad so yeah. It was awsome she doesnt care and she isnt gonna tell my father either untill i am ready. well later for all you that i know ok bye and for all who i see in schoolc u 2morrow.

PLEASE JOIN HERE

adopt your own virtual pet!

sweet ok so heres how it runs.

He called appologied FOR everything and more and everything is back to normal. Whoa whoa whoa......

HAPPIER THAN HAPPY

//y //@rage is $@ved

[13:17] pin2winbg: fine then i was going to be friends with u but i guess u dont want to

[13:17] nightshade8869: i wanted to

[13:18] nightshade8869: i wanted to stay together

[13:18] nightshade8869: i wanted us to be us

[13:18] pin2winbg: well i mean we can be friends but if u act like this i guess not

[13:18] nightshade8869: i wasnt trying to be bitch

[13:18] nightshade8869: i was putting my point out there

[13:19] nightshade8869: i am sorry but i HATE being lied to and you know that

[13:19] pin2winbg: sure u just called me a nigger ur not being a bitch at all

[13:19] nightshade8869: oops

[13:19] nightshade8869: wrong screen

[13:19] nightshade8869: talking to terri too

[13:19] pin2winbg: w/e

[13:19] nightshade8869: any ways

[13:20] nightshade8869: i dont care if you beilive me or not

[13:20] pin2winbg: w/e

[13:21] nightshade8869: i am just saying i love you but you just let it drop like it meant nothing you didnt even try to solve it

[13:21] nightshade8869: you just let it go

[13:21] pin2winbg: let me be like u

[13:21] pin2winbg: w/e

[13:21] nightshade8869: ok then fine

[13:21] nightshade8869: i love you good bye

[13:24] nightshade8869: oh i want my rammstein cd back.

[13:25] pin2winbg: w/e

[13:25] nightshade8869: is that all you have to say

[13:28] nightshade8869: guess so

[13:28] Meebo Message: pin2winbg is offline

22:40] YOuMiGHTLiKiT: fag

[22:40] nightshade8869: who the hell r u?

[22:40] Meebo Message: YOuMiGHTLiKiT is now online

[22:40] YOuMiGHTLiKiT: ur lover's sister

[22:41] nightshade8869: who?

[22:41] YOuMiGHTLiKiT: amanda u goober

[22:41] YOuMiGHTLiKiT: melissa's ur lover

some one tell me what this means

www.onebigvillage.com

scroll down and on the left hand margin there will be the words web chat

TALK TO ME!!!

________________________________-

MAN NO ONE GOT ON<

I AM OUT OF THAT BITCHES CLASS FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!111

NO MORE MS. CULP

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!11111

Wondering –Salem Lee

Recirculation my absolution

Rest my heart in this notion

&No matter where you are.

No matter what you do

*Come stay with me

Run away with me

Take me from this place

Take my yearning heart away

Cause I wanna stay by your side

If you calculate

How many times you masturbate

Is there enough time in your day

To respace my life

Into your’s

All along…

&Bridge&

*Chorus*

How can you say

There another melodramatic day?

What is it like

To live a spoiled life

And what do you do

To keep me with you

Mystify your mirror mind

Liquify your insides.

*Chorus*

My fiance and i made up. EVERYTHING.

Hewas so romantic. But yeah i LOVE YOU JUSTIN BRETT ZENNER. LOL

but now that i have a job again i hope i can still see Justin.

But i will be working with liz.

but i wont get to hang out as much.

HELP ME....................................

I LOVE YOU ECLIPSE....

C U L8R

mark with a x

(x)Smoked.

(x)Drank alcohol.

(x)Cried when someone died.

( )Been drunk.

(x)Had sex.

(x)Been to a concert.

(x)Given a handjob/gotten a handjob.

(x)Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob.

(x)Been verbally sexually harassed.

(x)Verbally sexually harassed somebody.

(x)Felt someone up and/or been felt up.

(x)Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.

( )Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.

(x)Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.

( )Been to prom.

(x)Cried at school.

(x)Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.

(x)Went streaking (not EXACTLY but close)

( )Given a lap dance.

(x)Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.

(x)Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.

(x)Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.

(x)Kissed a stranger.

(x)Hugged a stranger.

( )Went scuba diving.

(x)Driven a car.

(x)Gotten an xray.

(x)Hit by a car.

(x)Had a party.

( )Done drugs.

( )Played strip poker.

(x)Got paid to strip for someone.

(x)Ran away from home.

(x)Broken a bone.

(x)Eaten sushi.

(x)Bought porn.

(x)Watched porn.

(x)Made porn.(sort of...)

(x)Had a crush on someone of the same sex.

(x)Been in love.

(x)Frenched kissed.

(x)Laughed so hard you cried.

(x)Cried yourself to sleep.

(x)Laughed yourself to sleep.

(x)Stabbed yourself.

(x)Shot a gun.

(x)Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.

(x)Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.

(x)Been online for 9 consecutive hours.

(x)Watched an animal die.

(x)Watched a person die.

(x)Had sex and/or messed around somewhere with atleast 1 person present.

(x)Pranked somebody.

(x)Put somebody in the hospital.

(x)Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.

(x)Kissed somebody of the same sex.

(x)Dressed punk.

(x)Dressed goth.

( )Dressed preppy.

(x)Been to a motocross race.

(x)Avoided somebody.

(x)Been stalked.

(x)Stalked someone.

(x)Met a celebrity.

(x)Played an instrument.

(x)Ridden a horse.

(x)Cut yourself.

(x)Bungee jumped.

(x)Ding dong ditched somebody.

(x)Been to a wild party.

( )Got caught stealing something.

(x)Kicked a guy in the balls.

( )Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.

( )Went out with your friend's crush.

(x)Got arrested.

( )Been pregnant.

(x)Babysat.

(x)Been to another country.

(x)Started your house on fire.

(x)Had an encounter with a ghost.

(x)Donated your hair to cancer patients.

(x)Been asked out by someone that you never though you'd to be asked out by.

(x)Cried over a member of the opposite sex.

(x)Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.

(x)Sat on your ass all day.

( )Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.

(x)Had a job.

(x)Gotten cut from a sports team.

(x)Been called a whore.

(x)Danced like a whore.

(x)Been mistaken for a celebrity.

(x)Been in a car accident.

(x)Been told you have beautiful eyes.

(x)Been told you have beautiful hair.

( )Raped somebody.

(x)Danced in the rain.

(x)Been rejected.

(x)Walked out of a restaurant without paying.

(x)Punched someone/slapped someone in the face

Ever felt like no one is there and there is nothing you can do to make it feel better? Yeah thats how i feel right now for anyone who cares. But besides that. There are somany things wronge. Alone is sometimes the best thing one can do to heal himself. I dont like feeling this way when friends are over but i dont care anymore. WHAT EVER has become my new favorite word. I think i am falling again i feel like it. Oh well.

WHAT EVER

I LOVE YOU... What ever

See you later...What ever

Whats wronge...what ever

Whats up...what ever

Help me up... what ever.

Save me...what ever

normal day....

I WAS IN A SKIRT!!!!

I LOVE ECLIPSE TILL THE END.

WRITE MORE LATER.

I GOT A SNAKE.

Bordom in class. Got a B on my test but my papers will bring it down alot.

Cold as Steel

Dirty, Black, Free

In Control.

Confused.

Believer.

Trapped.

WereWolf

Faerie

Demon

Mermaid

Dragon

Angel

Ware wolf

The reaper

Vampire

Zoe Alleyne Washburne

Capt. Mal Reynolds

Hoban 'Wash' Washburne

Simon Tam

River Tam

The Operative

Inara Serra

Kaylee Frye

Shepherd Derrial Book

Jayne Cobb

Blade

Marius

Spike

Dracula

Lestat

Armand

Angel

Deacon Frost

Akasha

Louis

Malkavian

Tremere

Gangrel

Brujah

Nosferatu

Toreador

Ventrue

Angry Eye

Crying Eye

Hurt Eye

Dramatic Eye

Sexy Eye

Starry Eye

MOOD: LOVE

I promise to love Eclipse until the end of time.

Wheather together or apart.

Till death do us part.

Our love stronger than the light of the sun

Or the pull of gravity.

I will never give up our love for anything.

There is nothing to stop me from finding a way to you.

In the darkest of days and rightest of nights

I wont be afraid and i will sleep without fright.

I Mark Salem Lee take Eclipse to have and to hold til death due us part. In sickness and in health.

I LOVE YOU ECLIPSE.

READ BELOW TO SEE WHY I AM DOING THIS.

WHAT I SIAD EARLIER STILL APPLIES.

THE WORLD HISTORY PAPER.

THE ENGLISH PAPER.

THE SCIENCE LECTURE &&&&&& PAPER

THE SCIENCE BUG PROJECT

THE SCIENCE VJAS PROJECT

THE 90 PROBLEMS IN MATH (I HAD TO DO BECAUSE PEOPLE CANT KEEP THIER DAMN MOUTH SHUT)

MY GRANDMA IN THE HOSPITAL

MY CAD PROJECT

MY FUCKING SIDE SPLITTING HEADACH

MISSING MY BOYFRIEND/FIANCE

HAVING SOME PREPPY ASS BITCH TRYING TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME.

HAVING A FRIEND BE A BITCH TO ME JUST BECAUSE HE HAS RELATIONSHIP ISSUES. IT DOESNT MEAN I AM GOING TO PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD FOR HIM. ESPECIALLY AFTER HE ABUSED HER. JUST NO.

I AM PISSY, AND TIRED. SICK OF IT ALL.

5 MINUTES FROM KILLING MYSELF.

4 MINUTES FROM CHUGGING THE BLEACH.

3 DAYS FROM HOPEFULLY SEEING MY FIANCE

2 DAYS FROM FRIDAY WEEKEND REILIFE

1 SECOND FROM CRYING MY FUCKING EYES OUT

I AM TOO TIRED AND SICK OF IT. DRAMA AND MORE DRAMA.

3 FRIENDS WHO COULD BE PREGNATE AND SHIT ON YOU ALL WHO MADE MY DAY WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL I WANT IS TO BE WITH MY FRIENDS AND MY FIANCE(FUTURE HUSBAND XXBLACKHOLEXX NOT ECLIPSE2 ANYMORE) AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER BEFORE I KILL MYSELF BY DOING NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

90 questions in math to do

3 projects in bio

cad paper

wh2 paper

and all this other shit!!

missing my fiance, wanting a big hug

and 5 fucking seconds from breaking down and crying.

My feiance got a job...

And i am afraid that i wont get to see him as much........

I really dont want us to drift.

I miss him allready, and i dont know what to do.

___________________________________________

The Honorary Title

"Everything I Once Had"

Everything I once had

The bar on 1st Avenue, we went there solely for you

So you can flirt with my best friend

Kiss a girl, tell me why you're laughing

I won't hold on

I can’t hold on

I won’t hold on to this

There's a hole in the trust that we mapped out

In my bed for six long months

I won’t hold on to this

February, Valentines Day

Did my best to avoid the red cliches

So you dumped me on the subway

On my way to work at 9 in the morning

Everybody else is holding bouquets

Now I'm holding my face in the basement

Scratching away for any trace

Of affection you will leave

Falling victim as the publics prey

I won't hold on

I can’t hold on

I won’t hold on to this

Anyone is suitable for you, I guess, tonight

You weren't fazed

It's over with

You my beautiful

You weren't fazed

It's over with you my beautiful

With your beautiful blue and white

I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STILL IN SHOCK THAT I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!I AM ENGAGED!

I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED I AM ENGAGED !!!!!!!!

To Eclpise.

READ BELOW ENTRY TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED.

World History2: Boring...

English: Same

Lunch: Awsome. Owed Daniel an ice cream.

Eclipse hit my butt with a bottle of soda.

I am so happy i saw him. It hurts badly when i dont.

I miss him. He is grounded.

Math: Fun. Our Band finaly worked together to make things all right. We got our CD list thingy done. And our first album + all 36 songs down on paper and copied.

Art: Interesting.

NOW: BOrdeded.

kill me mr. right

take my soul

rebound the twine.

stab my back again,

its better when

i bleed for you.

spurratic vowels of love

churn into the erratic spontanious

hualts of wisdom.

I have strepp throught so i wont be at school much guys.

And some one stole my battery.

Brittany: Call me tonight and find out what my home work is in Biology and see if i left my charger in there.

Eclipse: sorry i cant be there, i wish i could but yeah i am sick so call me tonight if you can. miss you and i love you.

I GOT MY LAPTOP 2DAY so now i can get on at night again. it is soooo awsome i miss you guys very much. but yeah how are you all? i have been good.

Me and Eclipse are on and off. I dont like sertain thing but we can work through it. 10 Months now.

Yeah still have feelings towards will but i have a man so i guess i am happy.

School is a killer and i love biology just not the way the teacher teaches.

Nick called me a peice of sweet and sour shit today at lunch and i blew up on that piece of burnt contry fried chicken. Oh well Fucker needs to die.

Write more later tonight byez

I have now met a new guy.

Eclipse and i are still friends that god. I dont know what i would have done if i lost him. He may not be my bf any more but he is still my brother.

As for the new guy ... his name is Will and i really care alot about him. I mean i fealt more for him that i did even for eclipse. And that is a realy big deal.

I havent known Will for that long but i know him long enough to know that i love him. And thats allthat matters. I love him and you know what.

I am really happy

EVEN THOUGH I GOT CAUGHT BY THE COPS YESTERDAY FOR SNEAKING OUT. LOOK I AM 17 AND THERE IS NO CURFEW RULE FOR ME. I GOT BUSTED FOR SITTING ON SCHOOL PROPERTY. IF YOU ASK ME ITS TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!!!

Well Later

I am missing your smile

That theatrical gleam in your eye

Blank expressions that can say a million

And love that derived from your heart

Your voice so loud and strong

Opinianated and welcome

Your lips that can do a million things

A kiss, to a make out session.

I just want you to know i am missing you

And I LOVE YOU.

Hey all i have been gone for a while i know its because i have had to work. Its life but hey i gots to makes a aliving. Any who.

I have now bee going out with the special someone for oh about 3 weeks now. YEAH!!!!

And i finally got a library card thingy which is why i can now talk to you all again.

I know i should have gotten a card 2 years ago. And the thing i s i did its just i lost it so yeah.

Any ways call me if any of yall want to talk i have to go to work soon but here is my numer.

OH AND I AM GETTING MY BOOK PUBLISHED NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but yeah....

my cell....1-804-909-3361

but call after 7pm please i get free mins after hehe.

I keep loving a person who doesnt love me. But by his actions he seems like he does. I dont know. LOVE, SEX, DRUGS, WHAT? I JUST DONT KNOW. I just dont know. I wonder every day if he loves me enough to make me stay.

Well got things to do and things to cry about. LATER

I cant help loving him. Eclipse2 as most know him on sitDiary but yeah i am sort of still his.

AND HE FINALLY FUCKING REALIZED THAT I LOVE HIM TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is over at my house right now. Sleeping (duh its 3:55 am) but i wont sleep untill 8 or someting. But yeah i still love him. PATHETIC I KNOW. its just that. there is something about him.

but still $50,000 for winning the poetry contest so i guess i cant be too pathetic.

But to everyone who wrote back hey and hi.

I am ok i guess i mean i dont know. LiFe Is A bItCh. OH YEAH.

WELL LAter all.

1-Nick Ver. DUMPED

2-Joe Van. DUMPED (STILL FRIENDS)

3-Chris Mead USED AND DUMPED

4-Josh Heeth USED

5-Julia Messer DUMPED

6- NEED I GO ON?????

oh yeah not to mention 10

10-Eclipse G. - DUMPED AND USED

I loved him and gave him my heart but instead he tossed it into the garbage and threw up on it. Then ran over it with his blind ass eyes.

Not to mension i have other shit going on at this time and he thinks he knows me perfectly. And he thinks he knows my family. YEAH 7 MONTHS but still.

HE COULDNT SE THAT I LOVED HIM. THAT WAS MY FAULT AND IT ISNT GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN. I HOPE....

______________________________________________

ON THE OTHER OPEN HAND.

I WON THE POETRY CONTEST FOR MY ENTRY

RUNAWAY ROMANCE

I am getting my check in August. $50,000 bitch FUCK YEAH. and you know what he can blow me if he wants the money. I worked hard for it. But you know what. He is an ass about things and i dont like it at all and i am done.

I am back muahahahahaha. I had so much fun. I went to Manhatten and went shopping too. But i will NEVER EVER walk from the New York Penn Station to Rockafeller Center again. IT WAS HELL WALKING THERE AND BACK!!! IT YOU EVER GET THE CHOICE DONT DO IT!!!!!!

But yeah i have another preumvatated predicament.

You know. Does he love me or not? I mean he has a gf and he is all worked up about the crap and stuff. But he still says he loves ma AND ALL THAT JAZZ. I am just starting to wonder now. Because now that i won the poetry contest he is always hitting me up fior money. First i said yeah i would give him 5,000 but now he is all like. "Well since i triggered the dream thing i should get more shouldnt i?" I was like no. I worked hard on that poem and he just kept at it an i was like fine whatever. (i was thinking this) not like you give a damn anyways. as long as you have sex, money, and a person like me to fall back on then its all dandy to you.(ends here)

The thing is i love him. and i need to know if he is using me or is he just nervous about things. godddamn it. i wish i knew. it would save me the time and the heart ach. as if my heart hasent ached enough.

I love you, you know who you are.

And the thing is. I dont care if i get kicked out any more. I want my parents to know. I am sick of hiding i am sick of running. I want to be out fully in the open. And it seems impossible so. Yeah.

When i get back from Jersey i am going to tell them.

I miss seeing your face and your smile.

Most of all i miss you.

The warm looks you give the happy feeling hat flows into my heart. Everytime i see you its like there is a gun shot. An explosion of felling. I want to be with you and i want to be there for you. As a brother or as a boyfriend i dont care. Just listen and understand.

I love you. I have tryed to move on. But i cant. So Yeah.

Hey all i am in New Jersey right now and i dont get back untill Wendsay the 29 but i am on a buisness trip. Its the anime stuff this time. And also about my book. I cant wait till its done. I am hoping to talk to you guys soon

PS- Eclipse if you read this. I cant get you off of my mind. I have tryed to find and love someone else. But i cant. The thing is i really love you. And i miss seeing your face. Call me on my cell and dial 1-804 ok bye for now. I love you.

I finally got a FUCKING PUBLISHING COMPANY. Its just called tallent. I am also now a semi-finalist to a poetry contest for $50,000 and winner goes to nationals to win a wopping 287,000!!! i hope i win. But i am happy with were i am now. I am in love and i feel better than ever. Oh yeah and bye the way

The poem i entered was RUNAWAY ROMANCE it was one of my old entries.

My guy is pissed at me. I think he thinks i broke him and hid gf up. But i didnt now he is ignoring me. This really sucks. I love him too much to loose him. I will give him his space then help pick up the pices of hyis brocken body and soul. I hope my baby is ok. I really hope he is.

But any who. I am at a friend's house. Its really not that bad. For any of you all who know futurequeen666 i am at her house.

Eclipse2: I hope you arenty mad at me. It really wasnt my fault. I miss you and i hopw you feel better. Love you still -Nightshade

To any and all who want to reach me i can be found at

nightshade8869@yahoo.com

LOVE

LUST

Sailor Saturn

Sailor Jupiter

Sailor Mercury

Sailor Uranus.

Sailor Mars

Sailor Pluto

Sailor Neptune

Sailor Chibi Moon

Sailor Moon

Sailor Venus

Unipolar Depression

Schizophrenia

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Antisocial Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Eating Disorders

Loner

Goth

Punk/Rebel

Drama nerd

Ghetto gangsta

Geek

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

Stoner

Age 13-19 years

20-35

Age 0-12 years

Age 36-70 years

Age 71+ years

NORMAL GAY GUY....yeah........RiGhT

Jock & Gay Man....Does that Mix?

Gay And Proud

Closet Case

FEMININE GAY MAN

Idont want to go to jersey. I want to stay here with him. Even though he doesnt lover me. I doubt he ever did. but still. the point is i love him and that is all that metters. I want to be with him. By his side like a friend and a brother. Because i know we cant and never will be lovers. I need to movecon. and in a way i have but. in others i havent. i ish he would stop pushing me away then pulling me back in. I am so glad that he is going to be ok. It is hard to see him when he is not. it sucks. still love him but who cares? It doesnt matter to hiim.

Goin 2 Jersey. Running away to NY office for a while. I need time to think. And make the right choice. I love him. And allways will. I know that.

Call you when i get there Eclipse.

Eclipse2: I love you. see you Monday or something. I wish you came with us.

Navybrat08: is it ok to be heartless now?

you fucking lied to him.

Decived him for your needs.

I trusted him,

And i thought he trusted me.

But then you lied

And he went to your side.

He beilives what he wants to believe.

You are the one who fucking decives.

Chad you ass

i was neer your friends.

Because of the damage you do

When a person comes unglued.

You arent there

You dont ever care,

Only for yourself.

Because they are your spares.

++++++++_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+__+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

To put it simply a person told the one i love and trusted that i was a worthless lieing basturd and he beilives him. The thing is. I could never lie to the one i love and i know what it is like to be used, abused, and tossed to the side. Are you that jelous chad that every time i get a friends you have to try to steal them away? Are you jelous? Are you that stupid?

You know it is funny because every time you came over, you and Jessie and melony would fuck up my house and i would always be the one to clean i up. I was the one who always covered for your asses well there is a reason i am not your friend any more. It pissed me off. And i just didnt need your shit.

To bad you dont have anyone of your own to really love and trust. do you have love? where is she? are you gay? just admit it. you made out with jessie.

You mean nothing to me. you never did.and you will never faze or bother me again.

=-=-=-=-=--=-==--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=---=-=-==-=

Eclipse if you truly love/loved me like you say or said you do or did. then why the fuck are you gonna beilive someone like chad who isnt my frind and i dont like? it makes perfect sence why he would do something like this.

I gave you my heart, soul, body, mind. And if all you can do is waste it and throught it all away like it meant nothing. Then that means you never loved me! Too bad i loved you. i guess it was the wronge person. i guess it was a mistake. and it is not something i will make again master.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

Navybrat08: THAT JERK! I HATE CHAD!! FUCKING BITCH.

Eclipse2: Do you trust me yes or no? If not then let all of this go. I need your trust to be a friend and a brother to you. If i dont have that then i dont have anything with you. I love you because you got to know me and i trusted you. And without trust i would have never loved you. And if you dont trust me then i guess it was a mistake.

I am thinking about smoking.

I am thinking about dieing.

I am thinking about not going.

I am thinking about killing.

I am thinking about him.

I am thinking about me.

I am thinking did he ever love me.

I am thinking will he care.

I am thinking does he notice.

I am thinking happy i could be.

I am thinking i want to take opium again.

I am thinking about being a druggie.

But i am not going to because i have to fight for my life. And i am fighting for him. I just wish he knew how much i cared. I love him. Too bad he didnt and mabe never felt the same. My mind is made up. Fight to stay alive and save him and help him out in the future. Just hop he knows exactly how i feel.

I am hoping to see him.

I am hoping not to go to jersy.

I am hoping to stay by his side as a friend.

I am hoping to be with him for a long time.

I am hoping to live past the age of 18.

I am hoping to live past the age of 21.

I am hoping to live past my parents.

(SO I CAN SHIT ON MY FATHER's GRAVE)

I am wishing. to see him........

Because i still love him.............................

I am sad that i am leaving tomorrow. I dont want to go. I want to see a srtain person. And i want to know that its ok. I just dont. Technically todays my last day. It is just like death in the making. But i wont reall be dead just my mind. I hope you are ok my love when i am gone there is only so much i can do to help to help you, Good luck in with your life and Michelle. Genisis will take care of my body.

I love you. and Good Bye.

XOXO...

Aladose here. I am sorry for your loss. But we can still be friends. Cant we? The thing is. I cant risk his life. If he dies now i can bring him back later. If i cant bring him back then you can kill me too. I really am sorry for doing this. I know how much this hurts. But he is being torturediside his mind cell and he will die of stress. I will be at school tomorrow. He is still here though, weak but here. 1:00 tomoorow night is his last breath. Then the fun starts. See you there at 9 or 10? We need to do what we can. But i dont know how to break the Zepher Cross. I will look into it tonight.

Pheonix, Gryphon, Lycose: We are in too. Sort of.

Drac: Still dont care. only untill the final moment will i make my decision.

Sorian Nightshade: Good-bye for now. I will miss you both as a brother and as a friend and also well you know. I love you.

Go a head and break me too.

Then mabe i could become unglued.

I know i wont for this love is strong

And i know your life is set very long.

Your goals and dreams flie in the air.

Like whispy white clouds forming out of nowhere.

The day i die is the one i cant deny.

My love for you will be buried inside.

The casket opens and the bones will ring.

As the skeleton fractures and is lost to that thing.

Will you be there in your old formsl clothes.

Wishing and wanting me not to go?

Or is it that you will be busy at home,

Boragging the open skapode.

If that is yes then i should give up now.

Because i have no reason to be proud.

I still love you i would like to say.

Before my time comes and i wither away.

My bond with you

Is what is carring me though.

So when i die

I'll see you in my next life.

But as for now.

All i can say is have a good life.

And i love you.

++++++++++++++_________________________+++++++________=

Navybrat08: lifes a bitch. and it is gonna end sooner or later. well Luv ya.

Eclipse2: Yeah i might see you in the after life. Mabe then i will be open to trust and love again. Just not now. But yeah PLAN!!!!! Love you.

You took the liberty.

To get to know me.

My life was bound for you.

And i thought you had loved me too.

But instead you....

*Use me, abuse me

Toss me, you lost me.

Stab me, deny me.

Use me, abuse me again.*

Let me live my life.

Let me be who i wanna be.

Somebody save me.

Was it love.

Or was it lust.

This thing inside.

Shoots me in my mind.

I truly loved.

I know i did.

And this love i now hide.

You know your the one,

Always, in my mind.

*Chorus*

Abuse me again.

How the fuck are you gonna say.

Nothing happened be tween us today.

It never happened?

What the hell do you meen?

*Chorus X2*

Again.........

_________________________________________________________

Wrote this song because of the pain and because despite what he says i jsut dont know anymore.

Navybrat08: yeah it hurts but i will move on. Eventually.

Eclipse2: To you, good luck. and i am not moving i talked my parents out of it.

I am so glad i was right and i was meant to be alone. None understands my position exactly. No one ever will. i thought he did but i cant help it. It was a mistake and it wont happen again.

Nightshade: You know it is 2 days left.

Genisis: 2 days left. Then hes mine.

Aladose:You never cared, you dont now. And idont beilive you. And deals off you wont be there.

Lycose: Dont care

Pheonite: Dont care

Draco: Nothing matters

Gryph: I vote take him over.cant help the inevitably.

++++++++++++++++++++______________________________________

Navybrat08: i am getting out of this. love just ist for me. only the death to come.

{blind spot spell}

Eclipse2:there is no way i can get out of the Zenith cross. I just cant find it. There is no answer. i am so lost. Well i would say i love you here. But i give up. i just dont care. ;) but this weekend is really fucked up. friday i have training till 8 so that means you cant come over till nine. my mom says we dont have room in thier house and i feel like abosolute shit. and my powers are draining like a fucking shower room in american family. HELP WOULD BE LOVELY RIGHT ABOUT NOW.{blind spot spell}

You dont care

You never did

The air i took in.

Was my down fall.

Use me

Abuse me.

Toss me you lost me.

Still love you.

But i resent you.

I love you.

But i hate you.

Kill me

Bewilder me.

Kill me.

Then toss me.

Use me.

Delute me.

Wow, the darkness has taken over me again. The solumn of silence in the inverse has reawakened. Happy for you Eclipse. or should i say Master Eclipse. You know ziakodice has dies. And Aladose agrees. Oh and friends dont matter as they used to. Darkness rules this world of mine. And it will soon spread around to the rest. And no i am not schitzo i may seem it but MPD multiple personality disorder isnt schjitzofrinia and the thing is they have bound to one.

Navybrat08: I dont know but it is his buisness. And thats all it is to him.

Eclipse2: Stilllove you and i never said i was over you, you idiot! And the deal is struck. And now. Well you will see. The "happy side of me" i dont see why i should show the world the real me.

Scarletrain: hey, call me today if you can. The evil consumes me again. And this time i dont care.

Sorrowangel: I am ok. i guess. but i fel so good.

Even though i still love him, It still hurts. I wish i could be with him. Oh well he is straight, It bite and it bit me HARD.WOW. i hate this.

Eclipse2: hey yeah um my mom says you can sleep over on friday but i am leaving on saturday, ok love you still.

PS- how are things with michelle going?

Navybrat08:hey , i hopw you feel better.

It hurts more now than it did then.....

(C pre. entry)

The boy in the darkened room.

Now sits there curled up like in a woum.

The time has stopped and so has his heart.

It hurts too much to be a part of.

Is it that this world cant see

Him for him, and me for me.

The two of us are one in the same.

Nothing diffrent everything to gain.

The sinking feeling of it being over

Just means that his feellings are covered.

This one is going back into the shell

The darkned pit much like hell.

All alone for now to be.

Mabe later he will let you in and see.

Delayed feelings from this time on.

Will carry past into the dawn.

Palpitations from the single heart stop

As the happyness suddenly drops.

Kill me again like the rest of them did.

The tears wont come all overagain.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=============++++++++

Well the feeling of trust, love, yada yada yada. Didnt last long. I guess it is there only when love is. Dont be surprised when this person starts to withdraw and decline from the rest of the world.

Why is love, trust ect. so hard to grasp for me. There is something wrong damn it. I hate this I HATE THIS!!!!! I HATE EVERYTHING I HATE ME I HATE MY HAIR I HATE MY BODY I HATE MY MIND. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY LIFE. I HATE EVERYTHING THAT I HIDE. I HATE MY LIFE.

Navybrat08: hey, whats up. i lost it.

Eclipse2: i am going to jersey this weekend. so i wont see you untill tuesday. Im sorry. But um about Michelle. I was talking to her and she said some stuff. Well i still love you. and i know i always will.

Well later.

You Are From the Moon

You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon.

You're in touch with your emotions and intuition.

You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory.

Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone).

A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many.

What Planet Are You From?

You Are Green Tea Pocky

Your attitude: natural and zen

Peaceful yet full of life. Deep and thoughtful.

You're halfway to tantric bliss!

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

You Are A Realistic Romantic

You are more romantic than 70% of the population.

It's easy for you to get swept away by romance...

But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective.

You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets

You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

Toobad he didnt give one. and you jsut fell for it but oh well it is life and it is love.

You wont ever forget this person will you.

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

Sorry guys my mistake,turns out that we loose our ibooks next week. but hey what the hell. Its all the same 3months anyways.

Its over. My relationship is over. The thing is its not too bad, i can see past my outer wall. And well i trust again!!!!it is awsome.

ECLIPSE2: THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR MAKING ME TRUST, LOVE,FEEL, AND SEE AGAIN. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU, AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

IGOT A HAIR CUT. IT IS LIKE UBER SHORT MAN!!!!!

BUT OH WELL>>>>>> MY LIFE GOES ON.

My Last entry here for the next 3 months. Untill then....

Its over my relationship is over. But the thing is i am not so much upset as i am dissapointed. I just wish we could have been an open item. It really bites badly. but oh well. Now i can breath again.

I still love him and i will never forget him, and i will always be there for him. We were just in the wrong part of our lives now. But either way i love him. And the thing is. well you know.

ECLIPSE2: THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME LOVE AGAIN, TRUST AGAIN, AND FEEL AGAIN. I LOVE YOU STILL AND ALWAYS WILL.

NAVYBRAT08: HEY WHATS UP? WELL I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW OK. LATER FOR NOW.

Camp Ground Love (Dream)

Walking down a mossy camp ground, we spoted a sicluded area where people couldnt see us but we ccould see them. The funny thing is that there was n one there at the camp or so we thought. But about day three into the camping trip we got closer and closer and then one day when we were fishing he just pushed me down and we started kissing and fucking. It was bliss. Sheer and total bliss if only i could have that dream again.

_____________________________-----------------___________

My Last Words Here For Now:

As i go away

Waiting for summers end

Please know that i will miss

All of you very much.

And if i ever get a chance

I will get on and make things last.

As long as i possibly can get on

Our connection of friends ship will never be lost.

And so for now i bid you all adue

Untill next time......

When the Augtumn flowers turn blue.

________________________________________________

I will miss you all soooo much. I will be back on around SEPTEMBER ISH ok BUT I WILL BE BACK.

LATER FOR NOW, I will miss you all very very much. And i promise wheni get back i will write more for everyone who wants to hear.

The school is taking up ibooks on Monday! That means i cant get on any more for the next 3 MONTHS!!!!! SHIT THIS IS GOING TO SUCK. J wont be able to talk to any on you.

But you all can email me at

nightshade8869@yahoo.com

i will go to the library as much as possible ok.

LOVE YOU ALL AND UNTILL NEXT SCHOOL TERM BYE FOR NOW I BID YOU ALL ADUE.

PS- YOU CAN EMAIL ME AT

nightshade8869@yahoo.com

OK G2G FOR NOW BUT UNTILL NEXT TIME.

I miss your smile

Your laughter so pure.

Your eyes make me so insecure.

The way you make me uncomfortable.

Its the way you talk to me

And how yo always walk with me

Its your friendship and love i like.

The love i give.

And the love i fight.

But as it seems that resistance

So obseane

This wonderlust to be with you the agleem

My jet black eyes.

And your brown sagg hair

The way i see you

I hope you can tell that i love you,

And what you do.

Keep it up going the times will come thru.

And from what the test said i will never forget you.

Most definatly i will hope to see you again

Mabe one day in my wonderland.

Eclipse2: Yeah i am missing you and your smile. I hope i can see you tonight. And about the shower thing ok today if you want." whos gonna talk to me till the sun comes up? aint nobody better."

Navybrat08: hey, i miss him too.

Sorrowangel: yeah lifes a bitch, but what about it? You will find someone even better than me. Eventually.

Your Extroversion Profile:Assertiveness: Very HighExcitement Seeking: Very High

Activity Level: HighFriendliness: HighCheerfulness: MediumSociability: Low

How Extroverted Are You?

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.

Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.

You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.

Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.

For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

The one person i was hoping to brighten my rainny day isnt here. And i am sad. I hope he can come over today.

HOW CAN THIS THING BE RIGHT BECAUSE IT IS.

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Brett is your soulmate.

You truly love Brett.

You consider Tasha your true friend.

You know that Brett is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Brett for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Liza is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Lizzy is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Michelle is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Michelle changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Brittany is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Brittany has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're a bit disturbed... but nothing serious.

You may have a problem you're trying to work out in your sleep.

Overall, you are very content in your life.

Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.

You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.

You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind.

What Do Your Dreams Mean?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless and cold-blooded.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Birthdate: February 7

Born on the 7th day of month gives you a tendency to be something of a perfectionist and makes you more individualistic in many ways.

Your mind is good at deep mental analysis and complicated reasoning.

You are very psychic and sensitive, and you should usually follow your hunches.

You may not take orders too well, so you may want to work alone or in a situation where you can be the boss.

This birthday gives a tendency to be somewhat self-centered and a little stubborn.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.

Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.

It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.

But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #2 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.

You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.

Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.

You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #3 Match: INTP

The Thinker

You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.

Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.

Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.

A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.

You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

Your #4 Match: ENTP

The Visionary

You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.

You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.

Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.

You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.

You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #5 Match: INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.

Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.

You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.

You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

Navybrat08: Hey, he isnt heare today :( oh well. i can deal, i think. Mabe. Luv Ya

Eclipse2: I am sorry if i have upset you. But yesterday's game was poepoe. Can you hang out this weekends? Still Love You

"whos gonna talk to me till the sun comes up? aint nobody better,

Sorrowangel: Hey, i am sorry. Love is different but that doesnt meen we cant be friends. Friends?

This entry is in memory of Micheal Lin. He died yesterday. He was shot on his way to school. I havent seen him for 3 years and i said i would call him this weekend. To bad i never go a chance. Now he is gone. And his killer, still free. Isnt this world grand?

Navybrat08: hey, i want revenge. but any ways what are you up to? well later. luv ya.

Eclipse2: sorry for the trouble. but good game. I love you. still. call me later if you can.

Sorrowangel: im sorry, its just that i love someone else. and i cant help it.

HOW CAN THIS THING BE RIGHT BECAUSE IT IS.

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Brett is your soulmate.

You truly love Brett.

You consider Tasha your true friend.

You know that Brett is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Brett for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Liza is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Lizzy is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Michelle is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Michelle changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Adelle is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Adelle has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

I have fallen again

I fell back in.

This pit of hatred

And angsty lfe style

The wounds reopen.

My darkside awaken.

I was treatened.

And now this demon has taken enough.

Shoot me again

It doesnt matter life said

Sorrow not taken

I am forsaken

Its life.

To my denial i still love him.

And i will protect him.

My will to save him.

My only recolection

Is the bid of imortation.

A form of teleportation.

I will protect all that are left to save.

Even if it kills me.

So kill me again.

I'll die just the same.

MY FRIEND JUST DIED. IT WAS A BULLET WOUND TO THE HEAD AND STOMACH. DIED AT THE SCENE.

Eclipse2: Still love you. I need your help, this demon has re awakened.

Navybrat08: Something has happened.

Sorrowangel: hey, it is flattering that you like me. But do you know the other side of me?

Moods:

In Love,pain, sorrow, happyness, wondering, rejected, unloved, alone, energetic, scared.

For once i am scared of what might happen in the future. I cant see you not in it. Well I cant get you out of my head and it is bugging me. Not in a bad way but not in a good one either. I cant help it. I really like you and in many ways i love you. This sucks. I dont even know if he likes me. But i am still worried about how he looks at me. Love is sucha painful and phickle thing. But i like it anyways.

They say out of mind out of sight

In this case it isnt true,

In or out, i still see you.

Next to me. Inside me.

This is abuse not from you,

But from my mind.

And from all the feelings i try to hide.

From tears to fears

I am awake and i hide.

Hoping you could be set aside,

Within my crowded mind.

how could i so young think that i am in love?

Is that possible..... yes, i think it is.

Mabe one day

You and i could be a couple.

And i wouldnt have to cry.

(I only cry when i think about what could happen or if something bad happens. It is so much better now. And it is mostly thanks to you,)

You pulled me up

From a bottomless pit.

And kept me from droping back

And kept me alit.

This stronge hold bond we have.

I hope it stays fit.

Lets blame our not working out,

On the fact of time.

And hope that one day

We could call each other,

My love of mine.

Damn it i said i wasnt going to write about love today. Oi am i a hippocrite. Well i cant hide my emotions when i write, But know that even if we arent in a relationship i will still love you like a brother and more.

_____________________________________________________

How could i possibly be in love it is so freaky weirdo. I mean i like it, but am i getting the same action back? This is so cruel. I cant turn my head, blink, breath or think with out seeing, hearing, or yerning for you. This is deffinatly not lust. Because..... well. If i had to i would let go in a way. But i could never forget you or stop loving you. The thing is..............

You are probbably better off with some one else. Some one better. Who wont put you at risk. Your future carrier and all. And the fact that i love you means it all. I know how hard life could be just remember you can lean on me. I am here a crutch for you. Just say the word and i am there for you.

_________________++++++++++++__________

Navybrat08: I see you hehehehehe.

Eclipse2: I meant everything i wrote and KICK DEEPRUN'S ASS!!!!! KICK THE BALL LIKE IT WAS HUNTER VAN BECKMAN's HEAD!!!!! I HATE DEEPRUN HIGH!!! KICK THEIR FUCKING ASS!!!!

Good Luck. Love you.

I love you

And i think you love me too

I need you

And i know we will be together forever

And if not,

It will be for a long time.

I hope if this relation ends

That you and me would still be friends

Devistation wouldnt last long

Because our love is oh so strong.

Maybe later but not now

We could be open lovers

And no body could put us down

But untill then still know

That i love you

And the stars in the sky

Points your way too.

Souly becaue I'm in love with you.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY MOM SAID I

COULDNT GO TO THE GAME. ITS BECAUSE OF THE PROJECT I HAVE!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!

Navybrat08: Hey whats up. Nothing much on my end. I am wondering what our project will be like..... oh well see you tommorrow i guess. Luv Ya bye.

Eclipse2: Hey man whats up? I am borded. I cant stop thinking about you. Why? well any who, How are you? I am ok i guess but i am having bad allergies right now. Well see you tomorrow. I love you.

PS- KICK DEEP RUN HIGH's ASS I HATE THEM SOOOOOOOO MUCH. KICK THEIR ASS. KICK IT. KICK IT LIKE IT WAS HUNTER VON BECKMAN"S HEAD !!!!!!!!

Its been a year

Since the opium days

The final fears realeased

In the air.

No more tears of pain and suffering

Only good years of happiness slash wondering.

Test me now for any drug, poison or beer.

Nothing will be found because i am clean

And reveared.

Now my opium days are gone

The opium denies

For basis and punn.

Navybrat08: Hey hey, i am bordeded and i have Inegrated Math Next. DAMN IT. I HATE THAT CLASS. Whats up though?

Eclipse2: Hey whats up?I Love You. Wasnt that new girl hot? That is what i am gonna say when i am around your parents to act more straight. but hey what can one do? Later. Freaking Negroids stop throughing things at me!!!!

WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPEND. READ THE LAST COMMENT ON MY PREVIOUS ENTRY,

Oh my god, today was too close. My guy' s mom is being suspicious of my sexuality. It really bites. i dont want her to know.And if she did i might never see him again and i couldnt bare that.

No my secret my selfstature

It cannot be reavealed.

The love i have

Must remained concealed.

If word gets out that i am gay.

Ineed to reword it that i am straight.

I need to see him,

The stars in my sky.

Somebody help me.

I think i am going to die.

This feeling i really need to hide.

Some someone teach me and tell me how.

To be insensitive, a bitch nd know how.

There is no way i am giving up now.

I love him to much to give up,

And turn around.

My refusal to give up my love.

May drag me down into a deeper termoil.

This really deprives my deep sleep dream.

Now it is a splinter a part of me torn clean.

Eclipse2: HOLY SHIT WHAT DO I DO? I dont want to stop seeing you. I love you too much just to let go. BUT if i have to i will. Its going to be hard and i wont be able to get over you i know that, but if it will help you then i couldnt careless what i have to do.

Navybrat08: Oh god damnit. Now what do i do? There is a major problem now. I cant just up and leave him. I will but i need to hide who i am now inside. AHHHHH. I hate this soo much. There is some major trouble erupting. damn it all. this always happens to me. I guess i wont ever be happy.

WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPEND. READ THE LAST COMMENT ON MY PREVIOUS ENTRY,

Perfection valley.

He is ok.

Better now.

Simply ok.

Happiness has flown back in

My love for him starts again.

Relife flows through my veins.

Eclipse2: i am glad you are ok. this sucks, we lost 3-2. i wish they all choke on dog shit! they had good, headers. But you got moved up.and you guys didnt do soo bad.

Navybrat08:if you get on and read this, call me ok.

I need to know you are ok.

I want this feeling to go away.

Your sadness and pain

Hurt me so.

Because i cant stand your sorrow.

So let your happiness flow.

Please tell me you are ok.

I really love you dont go away.

Get help as needed

And dont stop till your there.

You need the help

This pain i cant bare. ( OK NOW I AM CRYING)

If only i could be there right now.

Maybe some how.

We would both be better.

Tell me that i dont need to worry.

And if i do let me be with you.

I want to be a part of you.

No more wandering for lost love.

I have found it.

This feeling now.

If you leave i wont cry.

I will just hope you will stay alive.

All of my tears will be wiped dry.

Just to know you are awake inside.

If it is my fault i am really sorry.

Tell me what i can do to be more apologetic.

I love you please dont cry.

I love you.

I really do.

I hope he is ok this really sucks ass. If he is sick or something then i will find out what happened. If some one gave it to him i will deminish that soul. Unless it was me. HEHE. Well any ways i am borded listening to the preppie bitched in my class whisper and giggle. GOD I HATE THEM SO.

Eclipse2: read my preivious entry, and good luck on your game today. I hope you have fun and i really hope you feel better. It is a real pain worrying about yo like this but i cant help that. but what hurts me more is the fact that i cant do anything ot helo you. Oh well. I still love you. And i always will.

Navybrat08: Tell those bitched to shut UP. GOD DAMN IT I HATE THEM SO MUCH. I really hope he is ok. I love him too much to just let him die.

If you love someone sooo much that if they were going to die of STD's would you take the STD and get infected too just to die by their side? I WOULD

I know it sounds stupid too but when you love some one so much that you could let go to him but not life. Then talk!

I swear if it is an STD. Then i will kill myself. You cant have an STD because we are both clean i know i have my check up and got tested for everything too! And if you die i will fucking cry and fucking kill myself! I dont know how to live with out you, if only i didnt meet you. God Damn it why does this happen to me? Either way i love you and i wont let you go! There is no way i am letting go! Not now i will not give up. There is no way. I love you too much just to let you go. I have casted a spell and it WILL come to me. You WILL be fine. I know because I LOVE YOU. An if you die then i would die too, because....... you are a part of me. And if you leave now. I couldnt move on and i know that. I know i cant! so that damn thing better go away or else i willl give you surgery myself.

After the End

After this ends will you still be there?

Will you still care?

This brotherhood a bond of misfortune.

A love abound the insesed wound so crune.

When our love stops and we grow apart

Will we still run away in the dark?

Eventually youmay stop loving me or mabe

It is me who will stop loving you, you'll see.

But if this relation lasts between us.

Will our brotherhood be something more?

I want to know i really do implore.

Tell me after collegate affairs

That the person i love still cares

And after your marrage is sought

The kindness and love we had wont be lost.

Or tell me this brotherhood is a mask of glue.

So that mabe one day i can say i do

Because the fact that i love you.

Eclipse2: I love you, you are probably getting annoiyed at me for this but i cant help my feelings anymore. i have never felt like this before. but i am borded so can you do anything this weekend? Call me or something. PS -good luck on your game tomorrow. I hope you feel better so you can play today ok. I know that ulser will go away.

Navybrat08: Hey i cant be on for long mr. oneal said so, but i am ok. i guess just really crummy yet happy. Well later for now if i can call you i will ok later. MY LIFE SHOULD BE A MOVIE. it will be called : SALEM DRAMATIC OF LIFE or A REALITY SHOW CALLED LIFE

This song most definatly puts into my feelings right now.

" I looked away then i looked back at you. You tryed to say things that you cant undo,if i had my way i'd never get over you. todays the day. i pray that we make it through, make it through the fall. make it through it all.Cause i dont wanna fall to peices i just want to sit and stare at you i dont wanna talk about cause i dont want a conversation i just want to cry in front of you(AND I HAVE BEFORE) i dont wanna talk about it cause i'm in love with you.becasue i'm in love with you. and your the only i'd be worht telling when, when i come undone you bring me back again. back under the fall back into it all, because i dont wanna fall to paices i just want to si and stare at you, and i dont wanna talk about bout it cause i dont want a conversation i just want to cry in front of you, i dont wanna talk about it because i'm in love with you. Wanna know who you are wanna know where to start i wana know what this means, wanna know how you feel, wanna know what is real, i wanna know everything, every thing, because i dont wanna fall to peices i just want to sit and stare at you i dont wanna talk about it cause i dont wanna conversation i just wanna cry in front of you i dont wanna talk about it cause i'm in love with you, im in love with you, im in love with you."

Love is such a phickle thing. It really bites. So many obsticles so little time. But still i love you. It is there now, i know it is. I just dont know for how long. I know i cant get over you, and i will try to be by your side for as long as possible. And if you die so will i. And there is no more words for it excpet for my poems and even then i still cant put the words out right.

After the End

After this ends will you still be there?

Will you still care?

This brotherhood a bond of misfortune.

A love abound the insesed wound so crune.

When our love stops and we grow apart

Will we still run away in the dark?

Eventually youmay stop loving me or mabe

It is me who will stop loving you, you'll see.

But if this relation lasts between us.

Will our brotherhood be something more?

I want to know i really do implore.

Tell me after collegate affairs

That the person i love still cares

And after your marrage is sought

The kindness and love we had wont be lost.

Or tell me this brotherhood is a mask of glue.

So that mabe one day i can say i do

Because the fact that i love you.

Eclipse2: I love you, you are probably getting annoiyed at me for this but i cant help my feelings anymore. i have never felt like this before. but i am borded so can you do anything this weekend? Call me or something. PS -good luck on your game tomorrow. I hope you feel better so you can play today ok. I know that ulser will go away. GET WELL SOON I MEAN IT! * runs off worrying.*

Navybrat08: Hey i cant be on for long mr. oneal said so, but i am ok. i guess just really crummy yet happy. Well later for now if i can call you i will ok later. MY LIFE SHOULD BE A MOVIE. it will be called : SALEM DRAMATIC OF LIFE or A REALITY SHOW CALLED LIFE

Surrent Mood: No mood could possibly describe my happiness right now.

Oh my Gods. This weekend was the best day of my whole life so far. I got to spend this weekend with the person i love. I went to dinner with my family. And best of all. My life is sort of coming together. I hopw it stayd this way for a long time. Oh and i can wear some of my old clothing again! i am skinnier! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Now i can rule the world in a slimmer suite!

Oh and i am sooooooo sorry for Chrisdiamo. He has been arrested for death threats to me and my other friends. And i am very sorry to all those on sitdiary affected but his dumb idiotic actions. So to all those who have been affected by him. i am very sorry. And if there is anything i can do to ammend it i will try my bestest to so let me know.

CHRISDIAMO, I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN IN JAIL BECAUSE YOU WONT BE OUT FOR A WHILE!!!!! ASS HOLE. SEE THE POWER OF HAVING GOOD FRIENDS? OF COURSE NOT,FROM NO FRIENDS TO MANY IN LESS THAN 8 MONTHS. CAN DO ALOT. I HAVE LEARNED HOW TO LOVE, LIKE, AND TRUST AGAIN, AND NO THANKS TO YOU.

YOU CANT STOP THE POWER OF MY LOVE AND FRIENDS. AND IF YOU TRY TO YOU WILL FAIL. BECAUSE I AM NOT WEAK LIKE I WAS BEFORE.

I HAVE FRIENDS NOW AND I HAVE TRUST TOO.

BUT MOST OF ALL I HAVE LOVE. AND YOU DONT HAVE CONTROL OF ME NOW.

AND WHEN YOU GET OUT I WILL BE WAITING. BRING YOUR HANDS, FEET, AND YOUR SWORD, BUT BY THEN, KNOW THAT ALL OF MY FRINDS WILL BE THERE TOO.... WITH THE SAME THING!!!!!!!!!!!

Navybrat08: hey, hey. i am glad for you. We did have fun. It was awsome!

Eclipse2: You left a shirt over here! But any who, you doing anything next weekend? Oh and my mom says hi. Love You, later.

Chrisdiamo has been arrested!!!!!! His mom texed me in class yesterday and was all like you got my son arrested. so i gave her this site adn she texed back saying i am sooooo sorry.

I couldnt be any happier right now. I am with my brother. aka the person i like..... wait doesnt that mean i am insesed if i like him. DAMN IT. NOW I NEED TO MOVE A STATE OVER TO WEST VIRGINIA. Well it would be worth it. but

I LOVE YOU ECLIPSE.

I have many moods right now.

And yet again i am so happy i am depressed. How the fuck is that possible? God am i weird. Even though it hurts incrdibly bad i still will love him forever. And this isnt obsession despite what you say.

The gashed of love

And the crimson cobalt blood

Streak accross the screen

In this golden ebony screen

This perfection called life

And a wanting to be perfect.

And in doing so we set ourselves up.

Up for redemption

Greed, denial, and destruction.

In the end is it worth it all

Is the love that befalls

Still keep our bond held tight?

Or will it be our undoing.

The thing that keeps us abort.

And in the end of this all

I know i will still love you.

Because i love you now,

And always will.

How?

Simple because you are always there for me.

And in many ways i think you are the one for me.

Eclipse2: I Love you

navybrat08: hey, i still think you should have gone to the game.

I am glad that you won the soccer game!Great job today at tucker. U did great. And now you are tied for first in the season on most goals kicked. Yay. But any who. Not bad 2-0. No offence though your team needs to be more of well.... a team! Pass the ball.

Eclipse2:Yay congrats!!!!!Thanks for dedecating the game to us.

Navybrat08: Hey you should have gone to the game!!!!!

Chrisdiamo: GO FUCK YOURSELF OR YOUR BROTHER! ITS ALL THE SAME!

If anyone wants to find out about this Chrisdiamo aka Christopher Marilyn Meads look at the preivious entry and read the comments, more towards the bottom.

Wanna know why i am so mad, upset, pissed off? Read this entry and the comments made by chrisdiamo.

Ok that is it. You were the one who called me from Georgia. Not telling me you had moved. Then you say its over and you found someone else. WHAT THE FUCK? And now YOU want us to get back together? NO FUCKING WAY. DREAM THE FUCK ON. NEVER. I made a mistake it was you! But that isnt happening again. HOW HARD IS IT TO LEAVE ME ALONE. I HATE YOU. FUCK OFF.

CHRISDIAMO I WILL FUCKING DIP YOUR BALLS IN LIQUID NITROGEN AND YOUR DICK IN ASID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eclipse2: HELP ME. Tell this guy i am over him. And that i like some one else! Please, you know i do! but see you later.

Navybrat08: Hunting anyone? Because i feel like it.

Photogramaphon: oh ok i guess this works. LOL :)

but i know he is a phykopath! and he is so completely insesed.

OOPS DID I SAY THAT CHRIS WAS INSESED WITH HIS OWN BROTHER? TOO BAD IT IS TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHA HA HA . PROMISES MY ASS! yeah i know i promised, but didnt you promise that you would never hurt me? oh or how about you never cheated on me? and the time you said you did your brother because he "forced" you to? FUCKING LIAR I HATE YOU.

OH AND FOR SOME GOOD NEWS I GOT A JOB AT KINGSDOMINION!!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SOOO HAPPY I GOT THIS PHOTO JOB.

I plan on keeping this a public diary because any one who wants to read into my life or is looking for peotry should be able to. And just because some lustful heartbreaking worthless pile of maggot shit is bothering me doesnt mean i am going to change it to keep that thing out!

just a lil pissed. read my comments on my preivious entry to find out. Look for an anonomous comment. FROM CHRISTOPHER MARYLIN MEADS

An entity in my head is calling me

Its telling me

Yelliung at me.

Bitch and moan all you want

You cant take control of me.

__________________________________

Chris: stop commenting on my diary its over, it has been for 7 months now. AND YOU DUMPED ME. AND I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU NOW.

oh by the way it is spelled FUCKING NOT FUCLING

To chris from apple

chris u better shut the fuck up for u get ur ass beat cuz u coming to hermitage next year so u better look out...and watch what u say bout salem cuz i'll make sure your next few years here sux......

Eclipse2:Hey i am borded. Still no midnight

Navybrat08: BORDEDED times like 200 and one.

When the tears are falling

And one is bauling

There is no one there

And you feel scared

You have crawled into bed

Nothing said

Family distressed

But you could care less.

Its easier to sleep

The black hearted dream

And wash away the memories

So sinful and unclean

In the end it will come back

And eventually

Time runs forth.

Erratic emotions start to stir.

I for one hate to concer

But i havent a choice

Because it is true

And i will not allow this facade

To go for much more.

+++++++++++++++++++--------------------------++++++++++

Eclipse2: Hey how was the soccer game, sorry i couldnt go. The father was being a douch.

Navybrat08: Hey i will see you tomorrow i hope. But how was your day, you lucky dog. You left school early. Man i wish i had too.

wow i scored a 23 on my spoiled factor.

OK now that i have spent a night spilling my guts to the person i love and my diary. I feel WORSE! It is funny how sometimes something that helps so much can do somuch more damage than something that isnt. why is it when i feel bad every body around me is in a good mood. and vice versa. oi, i live in a backwards world.

Eclipse2: read the entry plz it is very important.

Navybrat: i see you. hehe T.T borded lik hell. But the sols were easy.

Is it ok to be inlove but still cry because of the pain?

someone help me because it really hurts and i a in a total wreck right now.

eclipse2:read the entry before this

navybrat08: i guess i will have to wait forever

oh well, i am sad and pathetic any ways

photogramaphon: how do i comment? and i like that song.

You were the ones in the back corner

Or the people i never thought i would get along with

But now you have become the biggest thing next to life to me.

And for that i thank you.

And i would like to be there along time for you.

That i can promise you.

The boy in the corner

Can be set free

Happy and well paced

Most definately

Nothing can stop him now it is only up from here.

I cant help it now.

But i garentee you no more fear

Love is in reach

And friends abound

To catch him if he falls

And to wake up a frown

There is nothing else

To be said here

What were friends

Now are family.

So dear.

Love so erratic

Time spurratic

Heavenly atracted, to you

Shoot me all ready.

I love you

This is so weird

Me in love

Happy around

This feeling so profound

Crazy i know.

But i love you.

So.....

Does it matter?

No

Flouting in the air

And my heart is palpitating i swear

I want you know that i know

That i am in love with you,

And i care.

No matter how the world sets in,

And the people ridicule the past herein

Our lives will converge togethher as one.

And eventually be together holeness complete.

Its farther than anyone can possibly reach

But with you, i feel it is only a small feat.

I cant help this feeling wirling inside,

And it is something i dont want to hide.

There is the door

And here is my hand

Take it lets leave here

And take command.

Its so empty inside

I cant sleep

But why must i weep

For the sake of the sanity.

Drouning the memories

And ripping out my sanity.

The woundless cuts that gash me.

All around me people cant see

The reason i am me.

Something is changing and cant play it

I wont stay here.

My life wont stand here,

But i will wait for you.

And i shal never leave you.

Because....

I love you

Its is really really confused. Ok we have officially decided to be friends but i just dont know. I want to be but i also want us to be lovers. And it just shoots me up that it isnt going to happen. I guess it is a good thing. But i am glad that we are friends. And we will be for a long time. I am happy that he is happy. I wish that it didnt matter what race, gender, color, sexuality, or anything we were. It really sucks. But i am still happy we are friends. And if you are reading this dont be sorry. I am happy we are still friends.Every moment i am away from him i am really sad and depressed. I am so pathetic, hints why i started the pathetic club!

Trumbleing waters stop moving

And the world keeps revolving

Tipsy and turney

Openly mottly

Completely disdraught

But still loving his thoughts.

In the end....

Only love and friends matter.

And i dont think i have either right now.

hey hey all

i am with the one i love. i wish that he knew how much i love him tho. there is so much in this life now. i went from nothing to everything in less than a sec. ever since i met him. i have been happyer. and noww i know what true happiness feels like. i really dont care if i ever go out with him. i mean i would like to but, our relationship right now is better off with out it . isnt it? well i like it this way. i dont care any more if i die for him. or what i would and it seems that we have a really strong tight friendship together. and friends are forever. well later.... :D



Laboratory of the eternal brain

All of the memories in vain

The rushin feeling of remorse

Is just another problem like devorce

An apathy of everything

And a wanting on nothing

Left alone for centries to come

Waiting for things to be undone

Ebony woods in his back yard weep

Sing the morbididty while he sleeps

Into the darkness and up the hills

Where the black blood had been spilled.

Pain and damnation

Rule this land now

To all who are abdatious

And the weak abound

Rapturous voices ring in the air

All because of one little scare

He runs away deeper and deeper

Because in his home lies his own reeper.

His screams are within but loud to the touch

All in his head and the pain not so much.

Rattles of the bone

Around the carved stone.

The graveyard lit by a cresent moon

All in the spring night's tune.

Animals sing their last and lonely cries

As the two kiss goodbye.

+++++++++++++=======================++++++++

This is from a dream of mine that has been reocurring. It is about me and the one i love.

It is about running away into my back woods where there is a graveyard. And there we phuck. And the night is filled with sining insects. There we stay untill it id dawn and then we run back home.

from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

The concert was........

AWSOME :D

Number One Fan:

They looked sort of anerecsik. They were ok.

Action Action:

They were fucking awsome, and the bass player was HOTT. I got a picture of him.

And then there was.........................................................

THE ALL AMERICAN REJECTS:

THEY WERE FUCKING AWSOME. And it is Tysons 21st birthday today. But they were awsome. AWSOME. But some people were rediculous there. They were moshing to no music at all when the bands were changing. And a little girl passed out. Me and my friends had to save her. It was scary but funny at the same time. But i plan on going to another concert soon. I got caught in the moshes which was fun, untill the jocks started doing stupid shit. I wish they had gotten kicked out or something. And there was this prepie bitch next to me and she was all like goflick freak. and i said, "shut you you saggy breasted 49th street ho. Go back to kentucky and marry your cousin." and she walked away crying boo hoo. like i care. but all in all

IT WAS FUCKING AWSOME.

Thank you octoberskys:

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH EVERONE. IT ISNT HELPING ME WHEN SOMEONE KEEPS ASKING ME WHATS WRONGE, LIKE 50 TIMES A SECOND. IT ANNOYS ME AN PISSES ME OFF EVEN MORE. AND IF I DONT WANT TO TALK THAN I DONT WANT TO TALK GOD DAMNIT. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. SOME PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN WHEN TO GO AWAY LIKE THE NEGROIDS(or so they call them selves) IN MY 5TH!!!!!

Forgive me if i push you away and if i dont speek for the rest of the fucking school year, Yeah i will shut people out. IF I WANT TO I WILL. DEAL WITH IT STOP BITCHNG AND MOANING TO ME.

HAVE A NICE LIFE :D

Wow

5 days happy and then back to the pit of denial, hate, and ect. It really suxs badly. The knives cut so deeply that i am not bleeding. And this pain isnt ciceing. It hurts badly and i am going insane, with this pain. Its amazing that i was happy but never will it ever be again and it seems like an eternity for me. And yet i do live in a backward world. I am sad and things are reterning to normal for other people. Will he realiz this pain inside and finaly mak up his mind? Or is it in an oblivion. Either way i am still here for him, and i hope i always can be untill the day i die.An eternity in the light sucks.

Eclipse: Hey.....i really hopeyou didnt do anything bad yesterday.

Navy Brat: This is like taking poison.

Current Moods: Heart Broken, Loved, Unloved

I am a rush of emothion right now

But in a way it is all good.

I am ok just confused and be mused.

It is painful, yet blissful

Unattended and completely

Unwanted

Yet loved and seen

Loved

Carpe Noctem.( Seize the night)

The night is still young.

Moods: Too Many at the moment.

Rejected

Hurt

Love

Unwanted

Unloved

Confuzed

Happy (Sort of)

I love him soooo much

But Does he realize it?

Does he understand it?

I dont know any more

But all i can say is

If he falls i will be there to pick him up

And i will be there

To put him back together again

Even if he makes some stupid choices

He is still the one i care about

Nothing less

And a whole lot more.

I Love This Song:

-So Deep That it didnt even bleed and catch me,

So deep that i didnt even scream when you fucked me, I'll be just fine pretending i''m not. Im far from lonely and its all that i got. SO DEEP THAT IT DIDNT EVEN BLEED AND CATCH ME.

Still pulling through

Making my way in my life

In my time

Not really knowing

Not reallhy caring

Only wanting to know

And hoping he'll see me

For who i am

And how i wanna be

And if he falls

I am there to catch him

There for ever because

I finally care

And i am there.

Today, a good day.

My day, a haooy day

This day, an awsome day.

Today, a happpy day.

Still wondering if he wants me or not. Waiting to see if he chooses me and hoping. But all hope is not lost and there is a light that is pulling me up and out of my hole. WoW life is good. and it is still getting better. I wonder and ponder and stare into space. I am finaly in my place. I hope. Well adue.

I woke up this morning to my mother yelling at me. My grandmother was bitching me out. and i was supoosedly going to be late for school. Later for now i will finish this when i am hopefully happier.

PS- I have fucking gym today. i hate this sooooooo much.

Gay Protest Gay

Under silent protest for the Lesbians Gays Bisexuals and Transgenders (LGBT's) And for anyone who is for gay rights.

So under this i vow not to speek until 3:45 this afternoon or later.

Teite is a sickness like coma. It is when someone gets too depressed, stressed, or sad aboout something that the body withdraws.It really sux badly. There is no way to bring the body out of it and when the body comes back it could take seconds to years! Luckily that hasnt happened to me YET. but i dont know any more. My heart starts to slow pace i take a breath once every 1-8 mins or less but it really is bad. I have been tiete free for about 6 months now but i feel as if it is comming back. Oh man.

Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all thedragons, you are most powerful but do not liketo show it. A rare and special creture, youhave artistic style and are great at expressingyourself. You think friends and Familly are themost important, and are a hopeless romantic.But of course, as ice goes, you can be a littlecold or harsh at times. But not to worry, youalways apoligize later!

What elemental dragon are you? brought to you by Quizilla

All is true exept the love part.

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.

Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.

You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.

Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.

For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What's Your Love Style?

You Are 100% Psychic

You are so very psychic.

But you already predicted that, didn't you?

You have the gift - and you use it daily to connect with others.

You're very tapped into the world around you...

Just make sure to use your powers for good!

Are You Psychic?

Still looking for a publishing company. Getting closer. But still cant find anyone who is willing to publish a 17 year old's book. This really sucks. The sooner i start making money the sooner i can move out. It would be awsome. I have alot of photograghy friends who are willing to help.

Oh and i am dedicating the book to everyone on sit diary, It is this place that made me see what i could do, and reach my potencial as a writer. Hey, i am not complaining. Sooner or later i will find a placce that will publish my book. Untill then, i am still in my crummy house ewriting the poems that are expressing my thoughts and feelings to the train of my mind. And my views.

________________________----------------------_______

Yesturday my horoscope came true, It said all is not lost in my relationship. And yesterday my crush called and i was saying i dont think i am ever gonna get over him, and i know i wony be able to. But he said ".......you dont have to getover me, you know...."those words meant something. and i beilive them. so i will wait until i die i guess. but forever is nothing compared to an eternity of being with him. Well later.

Eclipse2: My poems are now going to be in prvate entries because of some fucking plageritic theives.

Navybrat08: Dont frett about it. its no big deal. Times will change and so will he. If he doesnt then thats how it was meant to be. but he and i have made up pretty much and i am not mad at him. i dont think i could be.

Hi Augtumn

My Question to you is.

Do you boobs hang low do they wobble to and fro can you tien the in a knot can you tie it in a bow can you though it over your sholder like a continental soldier do your boobs hang low.

My next Question is:

Does your ass hang low do they wobble to and fro can you tien the in a knot can you tie it in a bow can you though it over your sholder like a continental soldier does your ass hang low.

And the answer is............ YES!

You use two bras dont you?

YES

WHY?

Because if you dont your ass would be down to the ground and so would your breasticles.

adopt your own virtual pet!

adopt your own virtual pet!

The problem with Augtumn or should i say Brittany is that she talks constantly about other people behind thier backs. But she cant whisper so we all hear it. And by this time next year she isnt going to have any friends. She is a saggy flat chested bitch who needs to fucking die. Yeah i am emo and i am proud. And i am GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY and at the least i can admitt it. What now? all you have left is your wigger pop-poser look with your hi i am a bitch who is a fucking backstabber attitude. Fuck you cause i dont need this. I wont take your bullshit attitude! You are worthless and you are nothing you will never be anything ever. I am proud of who i am and i wil never let a bitch like you TRY to put me down. I have stood up for you and i have tried to stay your friend but now i realize

I CANT NONE OF US CAN. Y? because you are the type to sell us out. And i garuntee that you wont go any where in life.

PS- Step off of me and my friends you fucking whore go get spayed go get nudered. I should say.

Bordom is so excrutiating.

It pulverizes the mind into submission.

I hold there too. I hold the pain

I am the death of you.

Why dont close minded straight people mind their own business?

Why because there too htero to let other people live their own fucking lives. And also the like making other people feel like shit!Because it makes them feel "better" well hmmm it just makes them worse.

And Damn Christians need to fuck off marrage is not beteen a male and a female. Marrage is Beteen 2 individuals who love each other and that is all that should matter!!

You cant look at a couple as oh my god its two men or eww its two girls. You have to look at it as two people/individuals who love each other and would do anything to protect one another.

Its not right to make 2 ppl miserable because you dont think its right. You dont see Gay people out there saying straight people shouldn't be allowed to marry. And ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL THAT GOES WITH OUT SAYING THAT GAAY OR STRAIGHT WE HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS.Also .......The are endowed by their creator for sertain unalienable rights that umong these are: life, liberty, AND THE PERSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

Happiness- meaning joyful, the availiility ot be happy with a person!!! ANY PERSON!!!!

hi

There are 4 types of FAT!

1.Fluffy

2.Chuncky

3.Big Boned

4. DAMN!!!!!!

I feel like it will dissapear

The instant that i look away yeah

And all the traces of lonely ness that ive

Throughn up, have now gone to waste.

Every moment i am awake

The pain over whelms my brain

And everything seems dead to me

Then i jusy want to run away

*In this time

That seems so dry to my heart

Is thrashing around and drowning

Out the sounds

It takes those lies

That make my head want to spin

And tears them to peices

And the place i lose my way

Yeah the place i loose my way

Is this dark and dusky world*

All the sorrow i feel within

Are surpressed by my will to go on

It is caused by heartache and pains

In my mind, that keeps me moving on.

And the rush i get in my veins

Are calmed by lonelyness

That is why i start to cry.

*In this dying time

It seems so dry to my heart

And it thrashes around the drowning sinking feeling yeah

It takes those lies

that make my eyes want to cry

And it shreds them to peices yeah

And the place i still get lost

The place i still get lost

And the place i still get lost.

Is this dark and dusky world.*

It is too late to cry

I love you the wind blows

Loosing falsehood catching chances in

Muddy water

Is what you said to me

True to time or is,

It just another one of your lies?

People in this place

Treat me like i am

Nothing with out you

And thats not true

^That never dies

That never fails and

Thats what never fades away!^

*The real folk blues

I only wanted to know

How love truely eternaly feels

The only one thing

That I am shure of

Is the love burning deep inside my heart

Is slowly fading out

Fading away*

Why couldnt we just stay

The way we were

Or was it to complicated for your chances?

The day you came up to me

You seemed miserable

You were lieing

You were faking

And that is the truth

^You should have done

What you went to do

But now its all ready too late^

*The real folk blues

I just want you to know

All that glitters is not gold

I really hope you know

Eternal life is just like life

It has to end eventually

Oh

The real folk blues

How do i stop

this yerning deep inside of me

And thas the end of the rainbow

The rainbow was shattered*

Oh its not fair

No its not fair

No its not

Not

Not

Not Fair

Oh its not fair

Its not fair.

THIS IS SORIAN DUNPEALS NEW DIARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!