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*rawr* |
May 29th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
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Oh, it is time to go. |
| 90 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Say you love it
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Hungry |
May 24th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
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OMG! I want to have sticky, sloppy sex with Jake RIGHT NOW!!! Oooooohhhhh............ So frustrating. |
| 16 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Say you love it
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All happy |
May 20th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: random russian pop/dance
Feeling: complete
Well, all is good. I leave for San Antonio in like 2 and a half weeks. Jake and I are back together and very much in love. Like you wouldn't believe. I live with Dani now I have severed ties with my parents (temporarily...) and I am enjoing my freedom. And enjoying Jake, if you know what I mean... lolz. I no longer work at Williamson's, Yesterday was my last day, I'll miss them all very much with the exception of Scott and Mark, of course. (They were so mean.) Jake is picking me up at 2pm-ish for the Baccalaureate (sp?) thing. I hope we get to hang out a while before and after...
G2g, Sam |
| 16 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Say you love it
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Ugh |
March 2nd, 2007 @ 12:00am |
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My last entry didn't ave. Damn it all. I have to do homework. *sigh* |
| 13 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Say you love it
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Oh, bugger |
January 26th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Last Day on Earth - Marilyn Manson
Feeling: alright
I want to go to the Medieval Faire so bad. I prolly won't be able to though. That sucks. I want to buy a corset.
Oh, I got my W2 yesterday. I made four thousand something dollars in 2006. So I get like $330 back. Coolness. I'm gonna go to the bank and open a checking/savings account. I'm gonna go and delete friends that havent updated in the past 3 months or have privatized their diaries..... |
| 15 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Say you love it
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Not so mad |
January 25th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Spiders- System of Down
Feeling: abnormal
I guess I overreacted a bit yesterday. I'm sure Mark didn't mean anything by it... I've been feeling low lately, that's all. |
| 13 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Say you love it
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How blind I am |
January 24th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Well, it has been quite a while since I've written. Jake and I are really over this time. We broke up for the last time in September. He's dated 2 girls and he's still with the second, Megan Watkins. I have dated no one. But therre's Mark Manning..... That's going nowhere. Then this morning he says to me, "You need a new jacket. This one looks like it came from the family dollar."
1.) I like my hoodie.
2.) It didn't come from the Family Dollar. I got it at Bealls.
3.) I don't give a damn what other people think about what I wear. I wear it for me. Not them.
4.) I don't need a new one.
I guess Mar is a stuck up little bastard. I guess he thinks I am a cheap little bitch, unworthy of his time because I bought an item of clothing at an outlet mall, and it cost less than $30. The fact that that particular comment was made doesn't bother me. The fact that Mark said it does bother me. I thought he was cooler than that. Oops. I was wrong. Like I'm wrong most of the time when it comes to the male gender.
So, after he said that I told him he was stuck up and he's like, "I don't know what tha means." Seriously? OMG. Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we?
Then Iput on my headphones and proceeded to ignore him. I guess he didn't get it because when I leaned my head against the window, he put his head on my shoulder.
I was so mad that I cried. I cried from Ochwilla to the bus loop, and although he was leaning on my shoulder, he never even noticed. Good. Fucking insensitive male bastard. |
| 14 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Say you love it
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Not so hungry for vengance |
September 22nd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Well, it seems odd, at least to me, but I'm tired of trying to think up ways to piss Jake off. I think that the more I try, the more obsessed I will become. I don't want to be obsessed. I hate being obsessed. It takes up way too much time and leaves me feeling too empty to really think it's worth it. |
| 11 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Say you love it
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A Note. Me & Devin |
September 21st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Me:
Devin,
Ok, so Jake was a mistake. Or at least he was the third and fourth time. And things never go the way they'er supposed to.
....................
ok. let me get to the point of this note here...
Me: I don't know how Jake does it.
Somehow in between our past spurts of "togetherness" he manages to squeeze in 1 or 2 girlfriends. How is it he can get someone and we can't? That really pisses me off. We are so much cooler. Or at least we won't be cheaters.
Devin: Very true! I've wondered the same thing. It's like every time he thinks another girl would suit him better, he's got her within the week! And I've got to be nice and coutreous and funny and write fucking poems and songs and really sweet notes. Fuck that! Fuck that shit! Damn him. And furthermore he (from what I've know) cheats on most of them and treats them crap and yet they still line up like those little duckies at tha fair! |
| 15 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Say you love it
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Support |
September 20th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
I'm really glad for all the lovely support from the peeps on Mr Walker's forum...
Me:Hey, do you guys think it's o good idea to break up with someone in a note? Isn't it better to do so to their face? I got dumped with a note and that fact has been bothering me. Just so you know, if you don't, I'm the Sam who is now known as Jake's ex. I feel like I didn't mean enough to him for him to extend the courtesy to break up with me face to face. Some other things about our past "relationship" bother me too, but I won't post them yet, if at all.
Gigi: Wow...I know you, and that is ridiculous, I can't believe Jake. Face to face would have been much more needed especially because of how long ya'll were together. Well, if you don't know who Gigi is, It's Ginger
Leah: Face to Face... no doubt... btw, if you don't remember, I'm the chick who you hugged and played with her hair the other day... (Sean's gf) but, cha, d00d's are jerks... expecially if they go and do somethin' lika' dat'
Jessie2:HEY SAM!!! (Jessie from the bus, der) Yea, considering all the .... "ness" you guys have been through in the past, there's absolutly no excuse for being that way to you. Honestly... at the begining of the year, after all that happened last year, I was wondering WHY you were going out with him again. *Shrugs* I know peple can't help who yas like. I LOVE YOU SAM! *hug*
B.C. Kiefy: Ouch leah. Under specific circumstances I can see it being understandable but just a standard break up I say it is not acceptable. Ok I'm officially going to sound like an idiot when you say jake do you mean the tuba player jake?
Leah: *rephrase* d00d's can become jerks when put in a position of high-standing or even mild power(sorta like a relationship)(the rage of jerkiness ranges from d00d to d00d)... chill Brandon...
I'll be completely honest, there is not ONE SINGLE GUY I've EVER met, that at some point has NOT been a jerk to me or a girl that I/they know.
kay?
Jessie2: I've NEVER met a chick that's never been a jerk to someone either though, being a jerk is in human nature and is sometimes necessary
Leah: cough* missing the objective *cough*
B.C. Kiefy:she is right though leah
Me: I really luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuve you guys! I feel better though. (yeah, jake is the tuba player. Emphasis on player.)
Me: "I've NEVER met a chick that's never been a jerk to someone either though, being a jerk is in human nature and is sometimes necessary. "-Jessie2
Yeah, I've had my moments too. But I never
cheated!! |
| 12 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Say you love it
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moonstruck |
August 18th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Unbe-freakin-lievable. But in a good way. Okay. (don't hit me: Lindsay and whoever else told me not to do what I did) But I have decided to give Jake “another chance” as he so aptly put it. I told him I’d give him another chance if he understood that I don’t fully trust him. He said he did and that trust is something he’ll have to earn. Unfortunately, things are a little awkward. But I guess that’s understandable. I'm pretty happy about it. But the 'rents will flip out. *sigh* Well, I guess I could not tell them... But.... idk. |
| 19 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Say you love it
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hard love |
August 17th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Ya know... it really sucks. We are friends and it hurts.
Somewhere, far away from here
I saw stars, stars that I could reach
It was a midnight, a silent twilight
Fell down, beyond the ocean beach
I assemble all the sand that cover wedding beaches
To build a castle so your mom would have a place to stay
Behind the water slide and down the hill where heaven reaches
Land and time is left to float away
So rest assured I have the key to every opening
To every wishing well that’s deep enough to drink
I want to show you just how fascinating kissing is
When earth collides with all the space between
I’m reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more
So never look behind you, spooky people bring you down
The world is ending there’s a party by the bay
I’ll wear my suit and tie, would I get by and toasting to
The way you put that smile upon my face
Fill up the air balloon and ride with me
Yeah heaven’s jealous of the rain
Make love like time and space is ending
While befriending fate’s alluring way of putting us to shame
I’m reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more
You make the sound of pulling heaven down
You brought the rain’s romantic pour
You make the sound
You make the sound
Of pulling heaven down
I’m reaching farther than I ever have before
(god I’ve reached the top)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more
|
| 13 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Say you love it
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Hiya |
June 28th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Well, I got a job at Williamson's in Melrose. I don't hate it so I guess that's a good thing. I'm making money. That's a bonus. My last paycheck was 205.18. Yeah. |
| 46 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
Say you love it
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Administration |
May 18th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Well, I just got back from the dean's office. Burnette and Harper wanted to make sure that I was ok and that I wasn't going to fight her (jenna the skank). I also told them that it wasn't just her that I was mad at. It was Jake and the people who were spreading rumors, too. I'm mostly mad at Jake for leading me on for 6 fucking months. He stopped liking me in fricken November!! Why the hell didn't he tell me. I feel so used. But I'm getting over it I think. Jake just wasn't who I thought he was. He wasn't as I saw him. I hope next time I'll be able to open my eyes and see the person I think I care about. (Except that I did care about him and I stillcare for him, though I don't know why.)
And I musn't forget My absolutely Groovy friends. Thaks you guys for not letting me tear the slutqueen's perky blonde head off. I love you guys! |
| 35 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
Say you love it
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burning brightly |
May 17th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Well, I knew it would come to pass. Jake broke up with me yesterday. "I don't care what people are saying. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry."
Yeah, well that makes two of us.
As it turns out, he hasn't liked me since November. But instead of telling me and breaking it off, he just led me on blindly. I was devoted. Completely. I love him. That's right. Present tense. And it sucks. I can't seem to control myself. Just ask Rikki and Mary. We all had the same lunch today. And guess who else had 2nd lunch. Yep. That's right. Jenna of Slutland. Mary and Rikki were each on one side of me holding me down. I wanted to jump the wall of the senior section and rip her slut head off her skank shoulders. Oh, and earlier, I saw them (Jake and Queen Slut) walking together and Katrina put her arms around me until we were past them. Then I turned around a moment later to go and be violent but Mac pulled me around so I went to new hall bathroom and had a homicidal spaz attack. Why must my emotions be so out of control?? I want to trade in my sorrow for some deep physical pain. That means it's time to go "break another razor." Yee-haw! Paaaaartay! I much prefer the sting of the razor over the sting of the heart. I need a hole in the head to match the hole in my heart.
Oh, and Lindsay told me that Jake said when I dropped his backpack that contained his precious camera, he wanted to punch me. I wish he would have. |
| 24 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Say you love it
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To love is to die |
May 16th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
This morning was terrible. It can only get worse from here. I wasn't expecting him to be here today. But he was. And she was next to him. Kady and I passed a note 1st period:
"Me: So what happened earlier?
Kady: Me and Mac went over there and it looked like they were holding hands, but I'm not sure. Then Mac said something like"shouldn't you wait till you break up with Sam before you do that?" Then they went into the rumors about Brett and we told him about the rumors we heard about him and jenna.
Me: What did he say about the rumors about him and jenna?
Kady: That they weren't doing anything until he heard about you and Brett.
Me: There WAS NO ME AND BRETT!! Brett told me yesterday that people had been asking him if we were going out. He told me that Kevin Gilbo asked him more than once. Somebody is gonna get hit... I don't know what to do.
Kady: That's what Mac told him and then he said something, but I didn't hear what it was, to Mac. She told him to tell you not her. Then he got up and went to you. We went over to Brett, talked to him, and he said it wasn't true and ranto you and Jake. But then the bell rang."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rumor has it (I'm making it clear that I'm not sure if this is true) that Jake cheated on me three times that I may or may not know about and he feels no remorse.
I did bring this upon myself, didn't I? |
| 26 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Say you love it
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Anxious in my apathy for what is to come |
May 15th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Okay. I have to ground myself. I have to find my center. I have to ready myself for tomorrow... Or Wednesday... He might not come to school tomorrow. That would be good... that would be bad... I know that he's going to end it. I know and that should help when the time comes but it won't. I can feel it. I know it in the very depths of my soul. Yeah. Am I ready? No. |
| 19 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Say you love it
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Then again, maybe not... |
May 12th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Well, maybe not. There probably isn't any hope. I talked to Lindsay last night. She heard about Jake saying that he didn't like me. She told me that Jake had said that he didn't want to be "bothered" on the trip. So now I'm a bother. Well, I guess I shouldn't have tried to talk to him over the phone. I should've waited until he came back. I should know that he wouldn't cheat on me unless he has a reason.... He's mad at me now so the probability of him doing so has risen. Lindsay said Jake said he'd settle this when he gets back. I'm scared. I don't want to lose him. But let's face it.... He's done with me.... At laest I can be prepared.... Though it's not going to make it any easier.... I'm keeping my fingers crossed so that everything might turn out all right... |
| 15 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Say you love it
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There is hope yet |
May 11th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Matt said that he talked to Jake around 10 pm last night. He told me that Jake said that I was worried that he'd cheat on me and that I shouldn't be, but the fact that I am worried about that has made him mad. So maybe he didn't say what Rick told Brett Jake said. Or, if Jake did say it, maybe it was just out of anger...... Bridges burned, fingers crossed..... |
| 13 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Say you love it
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From my written journal |
May 11th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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5:20am Thurs. May 11, 2006
This sucks so bad. Ok. Brett told me that on sunday Jake and Jenna (my b/f, his g/f) were holding hands at church. Brett said that Jenna sounded really happy about it. Brett mentioned to Jenna the fact that she and Jake would both be going to Canada on the Band Trip. Jenna said, "I know," in a really enthusiastic voice, according to Brett. Then he told me that Jenna could not promise that nothing would happen between her and Jake. (I'm in tears by this time.) So Brett broke up with her. So yesterday (after I found all of this out) during 2nd period I used Michelle's phone to call Rick's cell. I asked if he could let me talk to Jake. So when I spoke to Jake, I asked him what was going on between him and Jenna. He said "Nothing." I don't remember the rest of the conversation. The class was loud and the signal was bad.
Later that day, I was thinking about the whole hand-holding-at-church thing. Well they were at church. And people hold hands at church, right? So maybe Jake and Jenna were just doing the church-hand-hold-in-a-group ritual and Jenna just made it sound like it was more than it actually was. But I was told about a letter or letters between Jake and Jenna. She said she liked him. He said he liked her but didn't want to hurt me or ruin our relationship or something. I hate all this he said-she said crap. It's so confusing.
Then last night Brett called me and said that Jenna called him to bitch him out for calling Rick 5 times to talk to her. Jenna said That's what Rick told her. That pissed Brett off, now he wants to kick Rick's arse for lying, but Jenna could be lying about Rick, right? Oh, and get this: That bitch had the nerve to saythat what happens between her and Jake is no one's business but their own and that brett had "no right" telling me anything. Bullshit. I want to choke that nasty chicken neck of hers. Jake is MY BOYFRIEND!! I will not stand by and let her waltz in and steal Jake form me. Who does that slut think she is??Then, later, Brett called me again and said that Jake was as good as dead or something. "Why?" I asked. He then told me that he was told that Jake didn't want/like me anymore. I almost died, right there on the phone. I couldn't hear if he had talked to Jake directly or if someone told him that Jake said it. I lost the signal and got ready for bed.I cried myself to sleep as quietly as I could.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5:43am
And another thing. I shouldn't have called Rick to talk to Jake. I feel bad for making him a go-between and getting him tangled in this mess, he doesn't deserve this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6:53am
Just talked to Brett. Last night he talked to Rick. Rick was the one who told Brett that Jake said he didn't like me anymore. Well, hell. I don't know if Rick would lie... I gotta talk to Jake. Face to face. |
| 28 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Say you love it
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unless thy lover's false to thee |
May 10th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
This morning was so crappy. Brett told me that his former gf, Jenna, was holding hands with Jake. My boyfriend. He told me that this happened before the two of them (Brett and Jenna) had broken up. Like two days ago, or something. At church. She also told him that she could not promise him (Brett) that nothing would happen between her and Jake on the Canada trip. That is why they broke up. After I found that out, I started wigging out. I was curled up in a semi-ball on the bus, crying.
And now Jake is on his merry way to Canada. With Jenna, presumably. They're both in band but I don't know whether or not they're on the same bus.
Oh, and Jenna let Heather Rome read a note to her from Jake. Heather said that it said something about how Jake liked Jenna but did not want to hurt me or whatever.
So, second period I finally got a hold of Jake (Thanks Michelle, for the use of your phone) via Rick's phone number. (Called Rick's phone, let me talk to Jake) I asked him, "What's going on with you and Jenna?"
He said, "Nothing."
I want to believe him but I am so scared. I don't want to lose him. Friends have been telling me to dump him. Forget about him. But I can't. I won't.
I feel like I'm going to die.
I want to.
Oh. And another thing. If Jake likes Jenna, why'd he let us get back together? Whywhywhywhywhy? O me miseram!!!
|
| 28 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
Say you love it
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Things that suck |
May 9th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Lots of things suck.
I'll make a list.
1. Jake is leaving for Canada.
2. I think I've got strep again.
3. Jake is going far far away.
4. I am in pain.
5. Blakelyn. |
| 31 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Say you love it
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What a grotty day... |
May 3rd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tATu
Feeling: detached
I got an email from Jake. Good thing.... I thought he might ignore me...
"ok so your right, you told me about your problem... but you never tell me about whats wrong or why your always down in the dumps. plus, even if you are mad at blakelyn for talking to me, that gives you NO RIGHT to walk out on me like you did. that pissed me and hurt me more than anything else...life is too short to act like that. and just as a note i cant "just blow you off," but i cant deal with all of it sometimes. im sorry."
Then 2nd period I got this from Justin:
"Sam,
Hey whats up? Me nothing much just thinking of you. How was your day yesterday? Mine was ok. But I want to ask you something. Would you go out with me? I think you are very pretty and very smart. Well Im going to go now and let yo decide. Whatever your decision is tell me. Bye.
Justin."
I said no. I was just going to write no on the note and give it back... but I thought I owed him an explaination. (I didn't.) But I did it anyway. I told him that I still had feelings for Jake. (A very true understatement.) *sigh* I hope Jake gives me a reply to the note I gave him at lunch...
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| 32 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Say you love it
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A crime of passion |
May 2nd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Tatu
Feeling: dead
I had a really weird dream.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror. As I was staring into it I saw things. Bad, terrible things. I saw a man raping a pregnant woman. On both sides of this image, I saw two versions of myself. The left was crying. The right was laughing. I looked away and saw that the sink was full of blood. I looked back up at the mirror. the image was gone. The bathroom door, previously closed, was now open. Jake was standing behind me. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him. but i saw the same thing. My reflection in the mirror, with Jake standing behind me.
"Why won't you face me?!" he cried. I started to cry. "I can't!" "Why?" "I don't know"
He grbbed me by the back of the neck, held me still, and suddenly there was a knife in his other hand. He started stabbing me. The more he stabbed the more I bled, the less blood there was in the sink. My vision started to fade. He kept up the now steady motion of the knife. I felt no pain. I was happy that he was no longer ignoring me. I could hear Perfect enemy. I took one last look in the mirror before falling. I didn't seee my face. I was Blakelyn's.
Why should I welcome
Your domination
Why should I listen
To explanations
I’m not pretending
To make it simple
Try to be something
Experimental
You don’t turn me off
I will never fail
Things I loved before,
Are not for sale
Keep yourself away
Far away from me
I forever stay
Your perfect enemy
No longer waiting
Remove illusions
No more complaining
Forget confusion
No more confession
Not sentimental
I am now something
Experimental
You don’t turn me off
I will never fail
Things I loved before,
Are not for sale
Keep yourself away
Far away from me
I forever stay
Your perfect enemy
|
| 38 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
Say you love it
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Loves me not |
May 1st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
I woke up with a voracios appetite for my boyfriend's company. But after the cloudy, sleepiness cleared, I realized that Jake had dumped me. Oh, oopsie, I forgot. Fuck.
I saw him Saturday. I went with Lindsay to some band thing in Interlachen. So it's a given that he was there. It gave me a chance to just sort of look at him without him really noticing. But I think he did. It's pretty hard to miss someone staring at you. Maybe. Okay, it is hard to miss unless you're looking at them too. I doubt he was looking at me on purpose, though. I mean I never went to a band thing while we were still together. So I imagine he was a bit surprised to see me there.... I saw him toting around a little kid. I wonder whose he was..... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It hurts so BAD!!!!! I can't take it!! I miss him and I don't don't DON"T want to. Fuck.
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| 25 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Say you love it
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Hell hath stolen my heart |
April 28th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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I had a dream he was kissing me on a bridge. It was night all around and everything felt right. I woke up feeling rejuvinated and happier than ever. But then I remembered what was going on.... (not that it was a clear picture..) Then, I felt so down. So lost and utterly depleated.
Yesterday Lindsay told me what Jake said about not wanting anything to do with me. I never knew what true pain felt like until I heard her say that. I keep crying at odd moments. I am so tired.
I really wouldn't mind if I never fell in love again. |
| 33 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Say you love it
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I'm NOT Stupid! |
April 6th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
I am so pissed off. Jake called me stupid. And not only am I pissed off, I am upset as well. It's bad enough that one of my parents told me yesterday that an 87 (My lowest grade, the rest were A's) was unacceptible. So not only was I feeling low and incompetant, I was feeling stupid also. Thanks a lot. Fuck.
So, I went to sit across the table. He didn't care. Then he went to get food, so I left.
I doubt he even noticed. |
| 33 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Say you love it
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It's been a while... |
April 4th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Well, it's been qute a while since I've last updated. I kind of miss it. I shall try to log in more often.
Well, my bday was kinda boring. Dylan had a siezure and we had to go to the ER. Then we had to get rid of Tinkerbell. Then Jake scratched the crap oyt of my chest. There's a big red scrape between my boobs.
I went to the doctor testerday. I am 5'4" and 104lbs. I do not weigh enough to donate blood. Damn. Oh, well.
Yeah well, blah de blah blah. I never have anything interesting to say. Wish I were a fly on the wall... |
| 25 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Say you love it
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Passkey found |
March 17th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
I am finally am able to return to my dear diary. After a long period of time the honorable Mr. Scott Weaver has created a password regenerator! Thak you, thank you, thank you. I could kiss your feet. Fortunately, that will not be necessary.
Tis St. Patrick's Day. My undewear and the eyes of the cat on my shirt are the requisite green.
Oh, and it's 7 days till the 24th, my womb liberation day. (Birthday, to all you that don't get it.)
Today is the last day of school before spring break and I wont be seeing Jake until the 27/28. I can't remember which.
Well, I think there are people reading over my shoulder..... so I'm gonna go back and read my past entries and decide whether or not I want to make this public, friends only, or keep it private...
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| 30 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Say you love it
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Book |
September 16th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I am in the library. Mom is looking for books. She doesnt know I'm on the internet.
Lalalala. No one can read this. Hahahaha. |
| 20 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Say you love it
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My self righteous suicide |
September 16th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I hate seeing Jake because it makes me sad. Ugh. I am such a loser.
I should kill myself. Sounds good but then Katrina will kill herself also. Damn. Well, if I move away, I can do it if I don't get better. I am SO STUPID!!!!!!! Fuck! I hate myself! I hate being single! |
| 22 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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I can't help myself |
September 15th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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I cannot help but wonder if I did the right thing by breaking up with Jake. I often feel lonely and bereft. Mostly when I see him. It's like someone has stuck a knife in me and is twisting it. If I could I'd cry. But I have not. I can't bring myself to try and Talk to him. I'm scared. I don't want to know what he has to say and yet I do. Mac says I miss him because I am used to being in a relationship with him. I hope she's right. |
| 21 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Song |
September 12th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Song
Go, and catch a falling star,
Get with child a mandrake root,
Tell me where all past years are,
Or who cleft the Devil’s foot,
Teach me to hear mermaids singing,
Or to keep off envy’s stinging,
And find
What wind
Serves to advance an honest mind.
If thou be’est born to strange sights,
Things invisible to see,
Ride ten thousand days and nights.
Till age snow white hairs on thee,
Thou, when thou return’st, wilt tell me,
All strange wonders that befell thee,
And swear
Nowhere
Lives a woman true, and fair.
If thou finds one, let me know,
Such a pilgrimage were sweet,
Yet do not, I would not go,
Though at next door we might meet,
Though she were true when you met her
And last, till you write your letter,
Yet she
Will be
False, ere I come, to two, or three.
-John Donne, 1572-1631
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| 19 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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the new disease |
September 8th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I hate.
Shit.
I dont know.
Whatever. I've decided that I dont like being human.
This girl on my bus has this really awesome keychain. It says "Aliens are Coming," and then its got aliens in various sex positions! Exophile! |
| 25 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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ameoba |
September 7th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Sometimes I wonder if I've made a HUGE mistake. By ending my relationship with Jake, that is. But it's over now and I'm not going to crawl back to him and expect him to welcome me back with open arms. Never will I perpetrate such an act of pathetic, worthless, servility. A screaming, whining, crying, snot-nosed act of self-indulgent-pity. No. Not EVER. Yes, I am letting my pride dictate the choices that I make. Not good in general, but it does wonders for my self-esteem. Which needs all the help it can get, by the way. Whatever. |
| 21 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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confused isnt the word |
September 6th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: why do you love me? - garbage
Feeling: confuzzled
Well, on Friday I got this strange note from Devin. It was weird. It had some stuff about our "past." I wrote back and I was guarded but trying not to be obvious. Maybe I'm being paranoid... but some things in the letter made me feel as if it were a plot to get me to say some things that would tell another person my reasons for doing something. Like I am being conspired against. Well, I'm paranoid because Jimmy read my cards and said that people were going to gang up on me. But he also said that I would "win" in the end. But I want to be careful all the same. Thats not a bad thing, right?
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| 24 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Under their thumb |
September 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I'm sorry!
Damn it all to hell and back.
I broke up with Jake.
I did.
It is over and I feel like shit.
But I think it felt weird. It was different. Maybe.
"The walls have eyes," said my dad.
He called the school and now hes got people
(administrators) spying on me and shit.
Then my mom said something about sending me to Hawthorne,
I wasnt really listening but then she said,
"... and you'll never see Jake again."
So I took any satisfaction that they (my parent)
could possibly get and flushed it down the fucking crapper.
Ha! A victory at the expense of happiness.
Oh, well. Sacrifice, and all that, I guess.
But maybe its for the wrong reasons.....
Shit. I dont know. |
| 25 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Atypical to christian Belief.... |
August 30th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Well, I've had a minor mental mood swing. I'm feeling..... ummm. damn. KILL GOD AND RAPE JESUS!!!!!!!!!! YEAH, BABY, YEAH! |
| 26 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Matt stole My balls |
August 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Volleyball sux when people (ahem, Matt) steal your ball. It was mine, mine, mine!!!!!!!!
Damnation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Man, I Dont wanna move. Dad is thinking about making me go to Hawthorne becuase he does not like the way I'm acting. Well, dear old dad, I don't like the way you've been acting. So there! *blows a raspberry*
Childish, yes, but-oh-so satisfying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My stress level 495.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Kombucha Mushroom Poeple Sitting around all day
Who can believe you who can believe you let your Mother pray
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maturbation focks my rocks!! |
| 22 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Bone me |
August 23rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
I am feelin REAL goood! Masturbation Is The Best Extracurricular activity ever! If I were on the masturbation team, we'd make the fuckin' olympics!!! Woo! Whipped cream, handcuffs and cherries!!!!
Horn Dogs 4 Life!!!! |
| 28 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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So Long and Goodnight |
May 27th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Well, it's the last day of scool. The last entry that I'll write for 80 days. *sigh* But I'll be ok. Yeah. Everything is gonna work out fine.
I'll come back next year, be back with my friends, do more crazy shit, act immature, complain about the assignments and the nazi administrators, etc.
Yeah, I've got a lot to look forward to.
This school year has been.... ummmm.... eventful.
Well, Katrina is here and I'm going to save this and leave now.
Goodnight. |
| 42 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
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Oooh, Norwegia! |
May 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
 You scored as Dimmu Borgir. Norwegian black metal band named after a volcanic rock formation in Iceland, meaning 'Dark Castle'. They won the "Spellemannsprisen" (Norwegian Grammy award) in the metal category for ‘Death Cult Armageddon’ in 2004.Dimmu Borgir 90%Deicide 88%Slayer 80%Cradle of Filth 80%Emperor 73%Slipknot 73%Which self-styled 'satanic' metal band are you?created with QuizFarm.com |
| 40 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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How will I die??? |
May 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
 You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.Suicide 100%Stabbed 93%Accident 67%Eaten 67%Disappear 53%Drowning 53%Bomb 47%Posion 33%Suffocated 13%Disease 0%Gunshot 0%Cut Throat 0%Natural Causes 0%How Will You Die??created with QuizFarm.com |
| 24 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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...and he was weeping tears of blood... |
May 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: They Say My Soul was Lost - Systematic
Well, I went to bed at 8 and woke up at 9:30 ish I played my gameboy until 2am cuz my dad had to get up and go to work. I didn't want to get caught playing it cuz I'm grounded from it and I figured that I should catch some z's.
When I got up at 5am, I went to take a shower and I happened to catch sight of myself in the mirror. I looked like a junkie. My face was pale except for the bright red flush on my cheeks. My eyes were bloodshot and I had dark circles under them. My eyes were also half glued shut. Ick.
Yeah. Only 3 and 1/3ish days of school left. *thinks to self"I better just get it over with" sigh*
I dont want summer to be 80 days long like it is.
I don't want to do the summer reading projects.... hrmmmmm.....
I'm 16... I can drop out of school.... Nah. I don't want to end up like THEM.
Oh, hell no.
I feel sad.
*sobs uncontrollably*
*falls over and dies* |
| 41 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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Lusssst |
May 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
 You scored as Lust. Lust 100%Wrath 94%Greed 50%Sloth 38%Pride 25%Envy 25%Gluttony 19%Seven deadly sinscreated with QuizFarm.com |
| 37 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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I'm so Scared |
May 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Why do you love me- Garbage
Feeling: uneasy
I don't know.... If I .... I cant dooooooo it!!!!
I cant tell.... I cant even type what it is... o gods.....
Blast you, ye unwanted feelings! Get thee gone!!!
Its too late... Ummm, well, not really. I've got 2 or 3 days left...
WTF am I gonna DO?!
Gah, shit!!! I hope I come to my senses and CLOSE THIS BROWSER BEFORE I POST THIS ENTRY. But. I. W.O.N.T. Dammitall.
Fuckity Fuck fuck.
Grrrr. And if that's not bad enough, Burnett took Katrina's whipped cream! What kind of shit was that? Bullshit. Thats what.
Hrmmm... Grrrrrr..... |
| 26 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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I play Russian Roulette Every Day |
May 23rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Sugar
Feeling: sorrowful
My weekend sucked. I guess.... I got a new cat. She's gray.
I wish I were dead. I have next to nothing to live for.
Lalalala.
It has become increasingly difficult to breathe. I feel choked. I feel like I am being smothered. Like I'm drowning... In a pool of my own VOMIT. Or blood.
I have an Idea for Keeping up with my LJ and My diary. Yeah. I am so brilliant. I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.
Ah. Sarcasm so thick I could cut it with a knife.
Chist banana-hole. Wish my dad wouldn't have snatched the knife from me when I was trying to end this pointless existance.
He didn't have a right to as he was the one to hand me the knife in the first place.... Yeesh.
Why do people constantly contradict themselves? It's not fair. I get Bitched at when I do it But it's ok for everyone else?
Dammit! Fuckity fuck fuck. And PISS!
If I had a weapon, I could end it now......
For me and someone else, too. Maybe a buch of someone elses and then me...
Good Idea, Sam. It's the best one you've had since trying to *hand reaches out and chokes off the rest of that sentance*
Oh. A good Idea. I finally have a good Idea. *does a dance*
Ya know.... My biological mater almost got an abortion. Damn you, woman!!! Why didn't you???
I hope you rot in hell for bringing me into this world!
Well, I can take myself out. So ha!
But it's one thing to do something in theory and to do something in practice.
So if I do anything in practice I will do it this summer after school gets out. |
| 43 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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Hit me baby one more time |
May 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Hmmm... Well, last night I bashed my face repeatedly into the wall. I stopped when my nose began to bleed. You can't even tell, though because My face doesnt bruise. You could deck me super hard and yeah, it would be red for a while, but it wont bruise.
Go ahead and hit me. Take out you anger. Take out your pain and rage and hate on my face. Just bash it in. It's ok. I understand why you hate me. I'm just hateable. Its the way things are.... No need to apologize.... You're already forgiven.
But unfourtunatly, thats what makes me weak. I think I forgive to easily. I forget. Then I get hurt again.
Oh, well. I brought it upon myself.
It's all my fault. |
| 35 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Sinfully Delicious |
May 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Closer
Feeling: sinister
Your Deadly Sins
Envy: 80%
Lust: 80%
Gluttony: 60%
Greed: 60%
Wrath: 60%
Pride: 40%
Sloth: 40%
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 60%
You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic.
How Sinful Are You?
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| 34 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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Dissection |
May 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: People Talking
Oh-Kay. Dissecting stuff virtually is so boring. Especially if it is only a demo. I'm not subscribing to something useless and boring if I have to pay for it.
Oooh. I just reassebled the skeleton of a vole. Whoot. |
| 32 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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The Spice Girls are cool too... |
May 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: David Bowie- All the Pretty Things Are Going to Hell
Feeling: secretive
You're still breathing but you don't know why
Life's a bit and sometimes you die
You're still breathing but you just can't tell
Don't hold your breath but the pretty things are going to hell
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is eternal?
What is damned?
What is clay and what is sand?
Who to dis?
Who to truss?
Who to listen to?
Who to suss?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Backstreets back ALRIGHT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh. I'm scaring myself...
DAvid Bowie... Ok.
Spice Girls........ *scratches head*... I can deal.
Backstreeet Boys... No! Never!!
Whats wrong with me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy orange juice day every-buddy! Wooooooo-ness. Porn-tasmism. *whispers to self*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BANG! "Gah, I've been shot!" *bleeds a lot*
"Help! Anyone!" *bleeds a lot more* "hellllp..." *gasp* "some...one..."
*dies* |
| 36 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Roses Toeses (Or Rose Sucks) |
May 18th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Clone Wars
Feeling: abused
Gah! Rose deleted my entry!!!!! Aaaarrrrrgh! Then I took her shoe and then she pinched Me with her Toes! Her TOES!!!! Ack!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First she was singing/humming the West Side Story theme. I hate West Side Story. I had to watch it in 6th grade. I was scarred emotionally for LIFE!!!! (Thanks Mr. P wherever you are....)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Star Wars Sucks!!! Hahahahaha! Jake is going to see it tonight at midnight... I think its a bloody waste of sleep if ye ask me.
Oooops. I am in a room almost full of Star Wars nerds. (I didn't say that. Sssshhhh!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh. Kim told me something about Jake. He was in the art room and Mike S. came in and was givin' people massages. Well, Kim said that Mike hit a spot on Jake's lower back and Jake said somethin like "You don't know what you're doin' to me" and his face got red and he kept lookin' down and he left the room for a bit. haha I'm assuming that..... Well I wont go there..... *giggles*
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| 26 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Mobscene |
May 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
This morning we (Katrina, Mac, Miriah, Mike S., Jake, me, Mary and A whole bunch of other people. The mob kept breaking apart so it was hard to tell who was in and who was out.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Went to find the girl Mike cheated on Katrina with. Her name is Nicole Hunt. Or sommat. Who cares what 'er name is. Whats in a name? That which we call a whore would smell as rank.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, anyways, Nicole Hunt became the hunted. Hmmm, some how that sounded funnier in my head... *shrugs*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway, she wasn't in the parking lot hiding behind or under any cars. She ended up being in the library.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not much confrontation. Not even after we all left and we were over by that place near the caff doors where the Nazi admins stand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After that, I went with Katrina and Mac to the caff and Kartina and I got MUFFINS!!!!
Muffins Rock!!! They are tthe Mount Rushmore of rock. Wooo!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, and apparently, Jake and Mike are wanting to jump Mike. Uh, Jake and Mike S. are wanting to kick Mike's ass. Just thought I'd clear that up. |
| 39 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Grrr. |
May 13th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill
Feeling: manic
O my goddess. Mike cheated on Katrina. I shall kill him. I went to yell at him and Becky stood up for him. What the Fuck!? She said something like, oh, i cant stand to see my friends cry. Well, I told her that he deserves every ache and pain that comes his way and what about how Katrina feels.
I hope all of his pain increases tenfold. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
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kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill
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