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Started out different |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:52pm |
Listening to: You're still the one
Feeling: addicted
Today started out shitty but now im so happy.
I bet they'll never make it
but look at us going
we're still together
still going strong
and nothing better
we beat the odds together
im glad we didnt listen
look at what we would be missing |
| 116 hit(s) |
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Back from SD |
April 8th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
Feeling: depressed
So around...after lunch each day my stomach starts to really hurt and I feel so horrible. I thought it was because of the monter I drank yesterday but i realized it's not just that. I feel so sad, with no modivation. My body just churns and aches. my head hurts and I just want to sleep. I keep having horrible dreams too where I get married to anthony (anna's ex) and he leaves me at the alter. or when I dreamed I went out with Brian Miller...or seeing Zach pulling up his pants in the bathroom. Super weird dreams...I'm moody. Going to SDSU for sure so I'm way excited :) but other than that just got back from visiting James in SD for four days. It was amazing. He took me out and we just cuddled all day long. I quit my job too. I couldnt take it anymore. Honestly. |
| 29 hit(s) |
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Finally I start |
January 20th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
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Saturday night...or sunday morning. who knows. finally i want what i have, and its nothing like i thought i wanted. I guess I like people not oogling all over me, theres no challenge in that. God, im so much like my mother is sick. this morning we got in a fight over a curling iron. sometimes I feel like the adult, or maybe she's my sister who knows? well i work during the day- new crayon things- and then i went on a run. I forgot how good it feels to break the breaking point as your cramps finally go away. then i went to the maccabes and hung out with YA-MES *james* It was really really really fun. then i went and saw cloverfeild with riley and taylor and yames. i thought the movie was very refreshing- anything new just makes my heart beat faster. i feel better than I did yesterday.I had my ups and downs today but my curfew got extended so I think that made up for all of it. goodnight. |
| 54 hit(s) |
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Hello or Goodbye |
January 17th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
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God, I wish what I did was beautiful. I hate how I sound in my head. I hate that I wake every morning with exact conviction- and three hours later I won't know what the fuck is going on. I don't want anything, no one. I can feel myself slipping into this quite isolation. I can't trust anyone so I use them to fill this place. the truth is there is no replacement for the optomism in innocence. there is no replacement for you and I don't even like you anymore. I feel blank. like I just don't care. just leave me alone so I can get mad at you for leaving me alone, so you'll get angry because all of this makes no sense. none of this makes sense. and finally you'll know how i feel. |
| 68 hit(s) |
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November 9th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
I just want someone to talk to.
about real things.
things that matter.
not people, not places
ideas and actions
I want someone to talk to |
| 69 hit(s) |
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Need |
November 3rd, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: The Trees Get Wheeled Away
Feeling: addicted
you have to hide how you feel to get what you want. thats sad. what about what you need? |
| 60 hit(s) |
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Just a Thought |
October 28th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: When it Rain- Paramore
Feeling: cherished
So James made me really realize something amazing last night.He kept telling me how amazing I am, how I can't compare, how everything about myself, every perfection is perfect. I knew he was lieing. Then it was just this light that went off.
We tend to be attached to people who make us feel good about who we are, just because they support us and believe in us more than we do. They seem so sure so we let them hold our self esteem. It seems they like us enough for the both of us. and it feels good. But it's funny that we start caring about these people so much that we suddenly need them- can't be without our confidence. So we do anything to keep them.
We change. We change to keep the person who feeds our ego, a ego that won't even exist in the same way when your done trying to desperatly impress. It's ironic. So it's this big trip. We have to be willing to accept these compliments but just as willing to forget them. For some people, once they find something good- they can't let go. Maybe it's the only good thing that's happened.
I refuse. I won't be made by someone else. |
| 49 hit(s) |
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College |
October 26th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Realize- Colbie
Feeling: ambitious
Wow, so it's really coming. The whole thing, what I've been working for since day one. I'll have the power to get into as much trouble as I want, but be smart enough to do the right things. I'm going to love it. I've known all along that this town never did me any good. The people here don't live here, they die here. And I say if you cant stand up for something, you fall for everything. So here I am- standing. Ready for fuckin bomb ass college parties and deep spirtual learning. God Damn Life Is Good. |
| 50 hit(s) |
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I know what I want |
October 1st, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: all music
Feeling: free
I want to be completely free
without being dead
just
free free free free free
:) |
| 47 hit(s) |
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sick |
September 12th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: pink floyd
Feeling: idiotic
Been sick almost three weeks now
and after a dozen different kinds of
pills
sprays
creams
diet treatments
suppliments
suppositories
sleep
3 viles of blood
urine samples
they still dont know what I have.
Today I had someone in every hole of my body.
still. This is getting to be too much.
pray for me. |
| 45 hit(s) |
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