Pressure
Listening to: Radiolab

I am 33. I am single. 

These are two innocuous facts, right? Just data. Just information. But almost every day something happens, someone says something, that reminds me: Your single and your eggs are getting old you're going to die childless and alone. 

People like to say "It will happen when it's supposed to happen" um... based on what?! Based on all the relationships in existence currently occured at the most ideral appropriate time and the moste ideal approprate way? Because noone has ever died alone and childless before who wanted a family? Yeah, that's what I thought. Sometimes it doesn't happen. Sometimes you die alone. Sometimes your reproductive organs age beyond the point of fertility. These things do happen. Will it happen to me? Yet to be determined, but don't be an idiot. 

This is a complete shock in my mind because I've always been, up to a few years ago. very firmly of the school that I don't need a man, I don't want children, relationships are nice but not necissary, I'm independent and complete. 

It's a huge shift, in my actual feeling. There's not a lot changed about the rest of my personality which is problematic. It's problematic because when I say to someone that I am bummed because the guy I have been most interested in has moved out of state when I feel like my career is getting started, they all look at me confused. There's no other option in the other womens mind to just follow the man- go where he goes. What's complicated, Meg, just quit your job and move to Bumfuck, Indiana.

Nevermind that I've worked very hard to get to where I am. Nevermind that bailing on my career could cause irreprible career damage... 

I want to go visit him, I do, I miss him. But... if I go I will want to stay... I will picture all the ways I could make that my home... 

But will that be living my life or ... just following a man.... but what if just following a man is what will make me happiest... 

I suck at making the big decisions.  

95 hit(s) What say you?  
Comments
December 8th, 2017 @ 2:51am
I don't know if its appropiate to comment, but i'll do it.
In my opinion, you already made your decision. You think about having a family, your biological clock is ticking - how they call it here in germany. And there is a saying: if two dont want children, there is always one wanting that more. I dunno if i expressed myself right. My Sister is the Person which always followed her man. And he really is not the guy having kids - not even pets he is a macho arse. So she is now 47 and has no kids. She is a kindergarden teacher by profession and scratched her plan to have kids on hew own due to this guy. She never said it but i know she regrets this. I think its more important to find a partner who shares the same wishes and plans a future fitting in the imaginations and dreams of yourself. If it then doesnt work out with kids, there is not only one person carrying the grief. But hey, my wife had our little son with 36 and we've tried until Winter of last year to have another.
December 8th, 2017 @ 2:53am
(she's 39 and im 40 now) and we had to use a fetility clinic anyway, even with our other children. So we just didnt want the stress anymore. If you dream about kids you have made your decision already. I also dont like the therm that he said 'i should have brought you with me' you're not a suitcase, you know? Just my two euros about that.
December 13th, 2017 @ 1:55am
I know I want kids, I'm not indecisive about that. I guess the thing I can't settle on is do I stay here and try and find someone to have kids with here....seems unlikely...
Or
Do I pursue John in Indiana (who I know also wants kids) and put my carer in jeopardy? I think for now... I'm going to do both. I'm making plans to go out there in April... but I'm also still open to dating here.

The case of your sister and also you and your wife... those two fates are things I am actively trying to avoid (as far as kids- no judgement to the relationships of course!)
December 13th, 2017 @ 8:13am
No judgement or offense taken.
If it's a choice between career and love & family. Well. i don't have to answer to that :)
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