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[78o] don't trust me |
July 1st, 2009 @ 9:53am |
Listening to: In a Little While - U2
Feeling: broken
Happy Canada day.
I shouldn't write entires at 3AM, because generally around 3AM, I am somewhat emotionally retarded. You know, moreso than usual.
This song makes me cry.
I really almost hate how attached I am to Kat. I killed her for a reason, and I know almost exactly where it's going from here, and it's going to be good, good enough to keep the plot going for most of the summer, or even most of the rest of the year.
But I cried when I did it. I'm such a pussy, Jesus.
Sometimes I realize that I'm basically a pathological liar, and I don't know why. I think it might stem from this huge, horrific fear I have of being rejected or embarrassed, I start to invent plausible sounding lies for everything. Even when I don't have to lie. I don't usually use them, because I don't usually have too, but they're there, in the back of my mind.
You know. Just in case.
It's dumb really.
But I'm a really good liar nowadays. I mean, Oscar-worthy.
And sometimes I feel like telling people to stop trusting me. But I'm not really untrustworthy, I'm not telling lies about people, or spreading secrets, or making fun of people behind their backs (okay sometimes, but only when they're a real pain in the ass), or shit like that.
I just like lying.
Hrm.
I'm going to Niagara Falls for Canada, going to spend some time on Clifton Hill. Ugh, I so badly fuckin wish I was old enough to get into a club, because that's what I feel like doing. It fucking sucks being 18, and not allowed IN anywhere, all your nights end at midnight. I have no fucking curfew and I'm home by 11:30.
I'm so tired of being the good girl sometimes. I want to go out, and get really drunk, and not come home, and sleep with some guy, and be a wild child, because fuck if I'll be able to do it again.
Basically what I'm saying is I want to be Kat. Really badly sometimes. I don't know why, because she's more of an emotional basketcase than I am, and an alcoholic, so on and so forth. Anyone who accuses me of making a Mary Sue doesn't really know what the fuck, Kat's so flawed I'm not even sure if we'd be friends in real life.
Hell, then again I'm not sure I'd be friends with me either.
I really wish I was skinny as fuck. Like size 0. Fuck my sister, she doesn't even have to work for it. That's not fair.
Someday.
~Katie |
| 38 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
come what may
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[779] things were good when we were young |
July 1st, 2009 @ 1:54am |
Listening to: C'mon, C'mon - The Von Bondies
Feeling: hesitant
It still hurts sometimes, you know.
I'm pretty much okay with us nowadays, and we're cool and good and whatever.
But every once in a while, I think about it. I think about what we had, what we might've had, what we lost, what you trampled on, and it twinges.
In completely innocuous situations, it hurts. Listening to some songs, it reminds me, and it hurts.
It hurts really bad.
You're right, I will never, ever, ever be able to trust you the way I did. I told you things I had never told anybody before in my entire life, I let you in, in a way that I was afraid to let anybody else in, and you scarred me for life.
Yeah, it was a petty little teenage romance that would've never worked out, could not have possibly gotten much further than it did. And I don't give a fuck, really, because you stomped on my heart, and then spent a year tap dancing repeatedly over it.
You brought up my fucking pathetic ways. You rubbed that in my face.
I wish I could talk to you as easily as we did once upon a time, I wish I could still want to start conversations and wait for the magic to happen, but it doesn't work that way, so I'm sorry.
I can't even say I love you jokingly, because I'm still afraid you'll use that against me somehow.
I don't keep denying it because I don't, but I literally cannot put myself in a position where you have that kind of sway over me ever again.
Every single time I think I'm over and done with this shit, something happens and brings it up, and I'm mad at you all over again.
Sorry.
On the other hand, you really did break the barrier between my real life, and my online life. I can talk to my friends about my internet friends now, I mentioned you to my mom, and I wasn't afraid. So that was something you were good for.
But you put up the barriers too. You called me an emotional brick wall once, remember? There's two reasons for that wall that I can't break through.
My parents and their shitty ass idea of what constitutes a divorce.
And you.
Enjoy.
it still fucking hurts
I don't know why I get so upset over you anyways, it was just 7 months of my life, not like that's any great length of time, and we fought a bunch and you told me you didn't care, so.
Fuck.
~Katie
PS, if you, for some GODFORSAKEN REASON, stumble across this, don't you dare, and I mean don't you fucking DARE bring it up unless you have such a fucking good reason it would make Mother fucking Teresa bow at your feet, and fuck you if that doesn't make sense, it's 3AM and I don't care anymore. |
| 20 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
come what may
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[778] we are not the kids we used to be |
June 22nd, 2009 @ 9:47am |
Listening to: heading for the sun - alexisonfire
Edgefest was amazing. Beyond amazing, really, it completely blew my mind. Billy Talent stole the show.
I get to see Alexisonfire again tomorrow, at L3. And SCENE is next Sunday.
Today is a good week for music.
I can't make anything work in Photoshop,and that makes me sad.
Ho hum.
~Katie |
| 61 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
come what may
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|
June 17th, 2009 @ 7:12pm |
|
i hate my parents and their stupid fucking bullshit.
i hate it, i hate it, i hate it, i hate it, i hate it. |
| 37 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
come what may
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[776] i ain't fuckin' scared of him |
June 13th, 2009 @ 7:49am |
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I have 20 dollars to my name.
20 dollars and 13 cents, to be precise.
Why the fuck didn't I get paid?
I bend over motherfucking backwards for this place sometime, and I don't get paid? With no reason? At least give me a reason, fuck.
fucking fucker fuck.
fuck.
~Katie. |
| 30 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
come what may
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| Entry List |
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[78o] don't trust me
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[779] things were good when...
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[778] we are not the kids we...
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blank
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[776] i ain't fuckin' scared...
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[775] it's a death trap
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[744] i'm king of the world
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[743] billy jean is not my...
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[742] i'd be good to you
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[741] you gave me a life i...
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blank
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[739] la vie en rose
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blank
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[737] tramps like us, baby we...
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[736] this town rips the...
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[735] Rosalita, jump a little...
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[734] that's what you get for...
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[733] thought this wouldn't...
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[732] you said look at me, i...
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[731] 31 days.
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[73o] i feel your ghost when...
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[729] they're not talking to...
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[728] j'adore
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[727] Hardwire
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[726] the war won't stop
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blank
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[724] You are
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[723] Why?
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[722] Blinded by the light
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[721] Yeah, I saw sparks
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[72o]
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[719] you put on quite a show
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[718] sharks & danger
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[716] The Fame
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[715] bleed it out
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[714] Adrenaline running...
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[713] You've got a lot of...
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[712] It's not easy to erase...
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[711] Postcards from far away
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[71o] Upgrade You
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[7o9] happy birthday to me
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[7o8] shut the fuck up
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[7o7] Glass of Water
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[7o6] Don't you know that's...
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[7o5] Give me the music
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[7o4] You self destructive...
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[7o3] NaNoWriMo
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[7o2] I've run out of...
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[7o1] Maybe you're too old to...
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[7oo] But I don't believe...
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[699] So many times betrayed
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blank
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[697] We will not let time...
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[696] Thanks for acting like...
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[695] You've got to be...
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[694] I feel like a monster
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[693] Paris, j'taime!
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[692] American Idiot
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[691] La ferrasie
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[69o]
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[689] Kiss him goodbye
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[688] In a haze, a stormy haze
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[687] Doing what we do,...
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[686] Vertigo
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[685] Memories like embers...
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[684] Can anybody out there...
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[683] Hate brought to it's...
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[682] Watch her as she flew
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[681] Back to Vegas Skies
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[68o] Jesus, when it rains,...
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[679] So now that your whole...
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[678] Is that all there is?
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[677] All in all, you're just...
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[676] Steal my Sunshine
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~166~
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[675] I am still dreaming
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[674] You belong with me, not...
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[673] Poor little tin man
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[672] The day I found it...
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[671] Twisted logic
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[67o] The truth is, I miss you
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blank
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[638] Strange
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[637] Is it bright where you...
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[636] I'm typing this from my...
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[636] All that you break
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[635] Gimme More
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[634] IBaby, you're my disease
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[633] Anything at all
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[632] My Apologies
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[631] This is how it ends
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[63o] When I Grow Up
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[629] You just might get it
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[628] Be careful what you...
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blank
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[626] Every morning
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blank
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[623] Fuck this.
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[625] Disturbia
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[62o] I'd Lie
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[619] She said, next time...
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[621] Everything burns
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[622] Glow
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[618] Some kind of fairytale
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[617] Paradise Burning
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[616] The Main Universe
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[615] Nothing Special
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[613] Play with Fire
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[614] Deja Vu
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[612] Bitch, please
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[611] It's getting hot in here
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[61o] Ain't No Other Man
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[6o9] Please
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[6o8] Faraway, so close...
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[6o7] No one lives forever
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[6o6] Everything changes
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[6o5] Your little spies
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[6o4] Could be blue
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[6o3] I think I might know
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[6o2] And it was all Yellow
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[6o1] Viva La Vida
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[6oo] I want to be your...
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[599] Hold your mistake up
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[598] Thanks for making me a...
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[597] We're all wasted
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[596] Teenage Wasteland
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[595] Breakin' Dishes
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[594] Fly away
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[593] Hakuna Matata
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[592] This burden's not a...
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[591] In New York, I lost it...
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[59o] Sick of toy soldiers
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[589] The road to hell is...
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[588] My family tree is...
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[587] Dancing in the moonlight
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[586] And I could write a...
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[585] Calabria
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blank
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[583] I's the B'y
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[582] Good weather for...
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[581] Showtime
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[58o] All's quiet on the...
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[579] blank
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[578] So caught up
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[577] Pedal to the metal
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[576] Hey, hey, I wanna be a...
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[575] You don't wear my chains
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[574] Who's to say?
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[573] TNG with a side of...
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[572] It doesn't matter how...
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[571] Oh penguin, do you care...
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[57o] What goes around
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[569] And you give yourself...
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[568] Hold me
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[567] Untitled
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[566] I'm not paralyzed
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[565] Between who you are,...
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[564] White shadows
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[563] You were my shelter and...
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[562] I'll be home for...
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[561] So this is continuous...
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[56o] Miami
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[559] All that you break
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[558] Welcome to the 60's
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[557] Jingle bell rock
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[556] It's too late to...
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[555] My body is a cage
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[554] So many times betrayed
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[553] Come Together
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[552] Don't Let Me Down
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[55o] I've just seen a face
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[551] In the Backseat
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blank
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[549] Why does it hurt when I...
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[548] Did I waste it?
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[547] Thunder Road
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[546] I'm comin' home
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[545] Don't stay up and wait...
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[544] Hey batter, batter,...
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[543]
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[542] S
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[540] C
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[541] E
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[539] R
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[538] E
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[537] T
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[536] I
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[534] L
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[535] S
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[533] E
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[532] T
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[531] T
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[53o] I
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[529] N
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[528] G
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[527] G
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[526] O
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[525]
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[524]
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[522] e
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[523] b
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[521] L
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[52o] I
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[519] E
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[518] v
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[517 e
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[516]
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[515] E
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[514] V
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[513] E
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[512] R
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[511] Y
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[51o] T
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[5o9] H
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[5o8] I
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[5o7] N
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[5o6] G
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[5o4] Y
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[5o3] O
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[459] O
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[5oo] N
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[5o1] K
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[5o2] U
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[458] W
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[457] I
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[456] S
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[455] W
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[454] R
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[453] O
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[452] N
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[45o] AHHHHHHH
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[451] G
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[449] You were everything...
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[448] Nothing hurts, and...
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[447] Will you still call me...
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[446] Ny Batteri
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[445] I can't.
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[444] It's all I can do
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blank
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[443] Rawr.
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[442]
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blank
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[439] Think we can last...
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[44o] Come back to me when...
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[438] On a bed of nails, she...
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~437~ Why should I care?
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~436~ Knocking on Heavens door
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~435~ This doesn't hurt.
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~434~ Let's get these teen...
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~433~
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~432~ I think I wanna know...
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~431~ I miss you so bad.
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~430~ The day that you...
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~429~ Point form
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~428~ You don't know how...
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~427~ The Hardest part
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~426~ If you've gots the...
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~425~ Perfect situation
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~424~ I was blind, I could...
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~423~ Building a mystery
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~422~
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~422~ Black betty
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~421~ Let there be love
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~419~ Let's Go Oilers
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~420~ All your dreams are made
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~418~ Yeah, this whole world...
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~417~ Open up your heart now,...
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~416~ I'm just shot, then we...
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~415~ We're falling apart to...
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~414~ I'm pretty when I lie
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~412~ I tried to be perfect,...
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~413~ I can't.
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~412~ That every time I turn...
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~411~ Superhero
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~410~ You were always crazy...
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~409~ Can't explain all the...
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~408~ Will I never learn?
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~407~ Ain't Love the sweetest...
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~406~ Just for the record,...
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~405~ I drove the other ones...
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~404~ And I won' tell no one...
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~403~ We went back to Naboo
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~402~ But I'm afraid that I,...
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~401~ It's getting hot in here
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~400~ That's the Way it...
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~399~ You heard me in my...
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~398~ When you thought that...
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~397~ Shake that thing, miss...
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~396~ Am I retarded or am I...
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~395~ Boy you've got me...
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~394~ Nothing hurts and...
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~393~ It's something...
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~391~ Next is a trip to the...
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~392~ It's about time that I...
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~39o~ Cause we're all about...
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~389~ It's called Switch
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~388~ I am terrified of all...
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~387~ There was a terrible...
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~385~ Everytime you close...
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~386~ December songs no...
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~384~ It's a lip!
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~383~ Adia, I do believe I...
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~382~ FUCKING! AMISH!
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~381~ Spinning in the...
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~38o~ I got CCTV,...
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~379~ CHUCK NORRIS!
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~378~ Buy me things and I'll...
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~377~ Lit up like a cigar
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~376~ You gave me nothing and...
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~374~ Welcome to the fallout
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~375~ Digimons are the...
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~374~ Digimon, digital...
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~374~ Somebody get me out of...
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~373~ Move so fast, baby now...
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~372~ But I'm afraid that I,...
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~371~ Dislocation
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~369~ What a shame the poor...
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~368~ I don't know what's...
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~365~ I wait for the words on...
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~366~ But somehow I want more
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~367~ Condemnation
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~364~ Crossed lines that I...
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~363~ Its just a moment, this...
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~362~ Lights go out and I...
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~361~ Cause you're everywhere...
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~358~ If I could find you...
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~359~ Mormons are bad
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~36o~ Held so high, fell so...
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~357~ I miss you
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~356~ Don't have time for a...
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~353~ No one can find the...
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~354~ I'm missing your laugh,...
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~355~ In high speed
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~352~ You give me something I...
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~351~ Don't pretend to hold...
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~35o~ I just can't get you...
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~348~ I know its done for...
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~349~ It seems like forever...
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~347~ All I Want is You
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~346~ Stop, turn, take a look...
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~645~ I wanted you to know, I...
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~364~ I don't think they'd...
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~363~ If I stumble, catch me...
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~362~ I wasn't jumping, for...
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~361~ I can't live with or...
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~36o~ Exhale, another wasted...
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~358~ Cut the Curtains, the...
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~359~ Turn it Up
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~357~ Do what I please, gonna...
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~356~ Tear yourself in two...
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~355~ She is raging
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~353~ You've been keeping...
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~354~ Slowly breaking, slowly...
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~352~ Even the Best fall down...
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~351~ I don't believe that...
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~35o~ Nobody said it was easy.
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~349~ You make me feel like I...
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~348~ I know the truth about...
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~347~ I know I'm dead on the...
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~346~ STILL SICK!
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~345~ *coughs up a lung*
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~344~ There's no way I want...
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~343~ Light up, light up, as...
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~342~ Scream without raising...
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~34o~ Wtf?
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~341~ EE! GRAMMYS!
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~359~ She moves in mysterious...
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~358~ You said the brains I...
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~357~ So save your scissors...
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~356~ Lyrics a la mode
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~354~ Tell you I'm sorry
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~355~ Can't find yourself,...
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~353~ Here's my heart, I'll...
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~352~ Can't stand the beat
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~351~ I Caught Fire
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~35o~ Come on, my star is...
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~347~ I'm alive, I'm being...
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~348~ All these things that...
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~349~So here I go, scream my...
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~346~ Why Do I Love you?
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~345~ Everywhere you go, you...
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~343~ I am broken when I am...
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~342~ We're at a place called...
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~341~ SQUEE!!!
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~34o~ R.I.P.
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~339~ If you wanna kiss the...
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~338~ Broken back to the...
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~337~ But you taught me I...
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~336~ Once upon a year gone...
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~335~ Wishing for her broken...
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~323~ Staralfur
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~324~ And you give yourself...
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~322~ Somewhere past this...
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~321~ We're falling apart to...
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~32o~ Quiz time.
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~319~ Finding it hard to...
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~318~ Touch me, take me to...
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~317~I Want To Run, I want To...
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~316~ Want a trip inside your...
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~315~ Little late...
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~314~ Seriously now...
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~313~ What I did in 2oo5
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~312~ BAH! HIGH SPEED IS...
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~311~ (this is the real one)...
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~31o~ HAPPY NEW YEARS!(Well...
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~3o9~ Hehe. I always knew I...
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~3o8~ AHHHHHHH!!!
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~3o7~ Wedding
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~3o6~ v.v
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~3o5~
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~3o4~ Something you need to...
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~3o3~ Wow...Long way...
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~3o2~ Blah.
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~3o1~
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~3oo~
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~299~ SURVEY!
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~298~ woo
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~297~ The kilt pin is UP!
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~296~ (TODAY!)
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~295~ (TOMMOROW!)
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~294~(3days) PARTAY!
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~293~ (4days) *gigglesmore*
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~292~ (5days)
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~291~ (1odays)
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~29o~ (13days) *giggles*
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~289~ (17days) YAY!
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~287~ (19days) SURVEY TIME!
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~288~ (19days) Purpling.
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~286~ (2odays) The countdown...
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~285~ Overreaction much?
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~284~ I don't want to go...
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~283~
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~282~ I don't care who you...
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~281~
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~28o~
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~279~
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~278~
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~277~can't have everything
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~276~
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~275~ Sooooo
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~274~
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~273~
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~271~
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~272~
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~269~ Screwed
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~27o~ My dad rocks all socks
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~268~ HOCKEY
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~267~ Too lazy for a real...
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~266~
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~265~ I demand you ph3ar the...
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~264~ Hyperventilation
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~263~
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~262~ *choke*
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~261~ Moshtacular
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~26o~ The Hell Song - Sum41
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~259~
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~258~
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~257~ ...
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~256~ AH!
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~255~ crap
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~254~ XD
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~253~ Sooooo
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~252~ No better send off
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~251~ PURPLE
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~25o~ Every girl wants
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~249~ w00t w00t
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~248~
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~247~
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~245~ HAHAHAH!
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~244~ gym. is. evil.
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~246~
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~243~
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~242~
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~241~
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~24o~
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~239~
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~238~ Confuseded
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~236~ *sneezes*
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~237~ SURVEY!
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~235~ sick. Ugh.
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~233~ A whole week
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~231~ W00T W00T!
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~232~ Guys. Sucks.
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~23o~ woo
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~228~ YAY! TIME FOR A SURVEY!
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~229~ I have a question...
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~225~ Singleishness...
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~224~ A Beautiful Mistake...
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~226~ END OF ZE WORLD!
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~227~ I love this
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~222~ YAY!
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~223~ Don't screw with me
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~221~ Awww ><
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~219~
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~22o~ >< I hate crying
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~217~ Why?
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~218~ Inexplicable
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~216~
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~215~ DAMN!!
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~214~ EEEEE!!!
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~213~ EE! *fangirl scream*
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~212~ QUIZZES!
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~21o~ Break My Heart Lyrics
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~211~
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~2o9~
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~2o8~
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~2o7~
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~2o6~ O.O
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~2o5~
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~2o4~
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~2o3~ AHH! SCHOOL!
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~2o1~
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~2o2~
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~2oo~
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~199~
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~198~
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~197~
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~196~
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~195~ He's dead...NOT REALLY!...
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~194~ good news/Bad news.
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~193~
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~192~
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~191~
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~19o~
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~188~
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~189~
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~187~
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~185~
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~186~
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~185~
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~184~
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~182~ HECK YES I'M BACK!
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~183~ WORLDS LONGEST ENTRY!...
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~181~ AH! MISS YOU GUYS!!
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~18o~
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~178~ PURPLE! (real entry >.>)
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~179~
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~177~
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~176~ PURPLE!
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~173~
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~174~
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~175~
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~172~
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~171~
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~17o~ RANDOMEST POEM EVER!!
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~169~
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~167~ COLDS EAT MY SOUL!
|
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~168~
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~165~ SUNBURN!
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~163~
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~162~ WOOO!
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~161~ SICK! GAH!
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~16o~
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~159~ TIRED! GAH!
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~156~
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~155~ Shiny
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~153~
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~154~
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~152~
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~149~
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~150~
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~151~
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~148~
|
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~147~ AHAH!
|
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~146~ REALLY LONG QUIZ!
|
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~145~
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~143~ GAH!
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~142~
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~144~
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~14o~ BLAH!
|
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~141~
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~135~
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~138~
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~139~
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~137~ Oook
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~133~
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~131~
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~13o~
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~127~
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~123~
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~124~
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~122~ ^^
|
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~12o~
|
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~121~ Really weird survey...
|
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~119~ GAH! PAIN!
|
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~118~
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~117~
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~116~
|
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~115~ FCUK!!!!!
|
|
~114~ Help...
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~113~
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~111~
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~112~
|
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~1o9~
|
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~1o6~...Well I WAS feeling...
|
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~1o5~ Feeling better...I think
|
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~1o4~
|
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~1o3~
|
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~1o2~
|
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~1oo~
|
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~1o1~
|
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~97~
|
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~99~
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~98~
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~95~
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~96~
|
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~92~ GRR!!
|
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~94~
|
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~93~
|
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~91~
|
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~9o~
|
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~88~
|
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~86~ You wanna know how bored...
|
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~84~
|
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~85~ AH HA!!
|
|
~83~ GAH! HOT!!
|
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~82~
|
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~81~ Ummm
|
|
~8o~
|
|
~77~
|
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~79~
|
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~78~
|
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~74~
|
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~72~
|
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~68~ BORED!
|
|
~7o~
|
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~66~ Ha!
|
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~63~
|
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~61~ More lyrics
|
|
~6o~ bORED...
|
|
~59~ I think this is the most...
|
|
~58~
|
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~57~!
|
|
~56~ Remembering...
|
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~55~
|
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~53~ Be My Escape lyrics
|
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~52~ I think I'm scared...
|
|
~51~
|
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[5o] MUD BOG!! WOO HOO!
|
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[49] TO ALL ME FRIENDS!!
|
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[48]
|
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[47] STAR WARS COMES OUT...
|
|
[46] LOOK! NEW COLORS AND...
|
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[45]
|
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[44]
|
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[43] CAKE
|
|
[42] *bangs head on desk*
|
|
[41] Random Poem
|
|
[4o] HEY LOOK! ANOTHER RANDOM...
|
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[39] FRIDAY!
|
|
[38] AHHH! Con't
|
|
[37] AHH!!
|
|
[36] Don't wear kilts when...
|
|
[35] Someday We'll Know Lyrics
|
|
[34] Learnin To Breathe Lyrics
|
|
[33] *blinks*
|
|
[31] End of the world as we...
|
|
[3o] WTF??
|
|
[29] Alright...Breathe...
|
|
[27] Shouldn't I be...
|
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[28] AHHHHHH!
|
|
[26] Mondays SUCK!!
|
|
[25] Paper Heart - All...
|
|
[24] Moshing hurts...
|
|
[23] Woo?
|
|
[22] random survey 2
|
|
[21] 3rd worst night EVER
|
|
[2o] ^_^
|
|
[19] ....
|
|
[18] CD! YAY!
|
|
[17] Stand Alone
|
|
[16] Weirded-out
|
|
[15] random survey
|
|
[14] Random Poem
|
|
[12] *blink*
|
|
[13] Something about...
|
|
[1o] Freaked out
|
|
[11] Quiz Result
|
|
[9] Ignored
|
|
[8] Bored
|
|
[7] Never enough
|
|
[6] Icky
|
|
[5] Rockin' Out!
|
|
[4] HYPER!
|
|
[3] GAH!
|
|
[2] *sigh*
|
|
[1] New diary
|
|
[32] >.
|
|
~54~
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| 689 post(s) |
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