| 583.) Relieved. |
July 1, 2008 |
Listening to: Angel One - Hold Me Tonight
Feeling: relieved
I think I've finally found what I've been looking for. I think I finally have my answer.
So before I go to bed, I talk to God, usually til I fall asleep. Well last night I was talking to Him and I told Him "I'm tired of chasing him. Give me a sign. Just let me know if I should keep waiting or just give up. It's getting rediculous. Let me know if this will ever work out" I talked to Him about some other things and then I eventually fell asleep.
I woke up this morning around 10 cus Alma texted me, then I rolled back over and I got another text...but it was from Derrick. And after I texted back and put my phone down, it hit me...the sign. That was it. I have no doubts. He never texts me to begin with, and that early in the morning? That was no coincidence. We talked for about a half hour. Now I am just trusting that this is right. I'm not gonna do anything with any other guys, no, I know I have a good thing waiting for me. He is worth it.
I'm kinda iffy with relationships anyways. I never really wanted one, and I don't really want a boyfriend. It's too much stress. He didn't want a girlfriend either but...we kinda just...happened. And I mean, I loved it, it was great...but it was stressful.
So, now I'm really =D. I finally found what I've been searching for...I'm not giving up. I promise.
TAP♥// |
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| 582.) Good Weekend. |
June 30, 2008 |
Listening to: Now You're Gone - DJ Astro
Feeling: drowsy
So,
The weekend has been good! Saturday, I finally learned how to braid! I'm so happy. I've braided my hair about everyday. I mean like cornrow braids too. Derrick also texted me on Saturday and we just talked for a little. He said he has had no time for girls. I guess it kinda made me happy but why would he tell me that? And, he also calle me Mrs. Loser which I hate, cus when we were going out, He was Mr.Loser and I was Mrs. Loser. I don't know...just kinda brought back memories.
Yesterday, I went to AC with Brenda baby. It was fun. We almost got killed by this one wave it was really fun. Then we went to eat pizza for lunch and when we were done we came and tanned. I fell asleep until the waves like maybe it was high tide, i don't know, but they came way up on the beach where our stuff was and we had to hurry and get it but my bag got all wet and stuff. It was all good fun though. Then we walked the boardwalk. It was fun getting hit on by drunken 30 yr olds...lol...but I can't wait til I'm old enough to go a casino/bar. It's gonna be soo fun.Anyways, this old guy came up to us and was like "Ladies can you help a brotha out" We were just like uhm...I didn't know what to do. I saw some really cute playboy shirts =p but I wanted a hoodie. I finally got this brown & pink one that said Atlantic City on it. I'm tryna get one from each beach. Then we left and went to a Chinese Bufet for dinner. My eyes got bigger than my stomach. Her lil brother is so cute. His name is Andres. Oscar didn't go; kinda disappointed lmao. But it was all good fun.
Now, I'm bored. It's almost July. I hav to start my excercise plan. Waking up at 8AM to go running, then working out with the fitness crew. Crunches & pushups ad stretching beore bed. But, in the long run it'll be worth it =D. Also, I might be going to Texas with Laureen and Brittany in August. I'm so excited. We'd be staying for like 3 days. I've always wanted to go down south but I know I'd have to asically CLEAN the whole house. Not cleanup, CLEAN. But it'd be sooo worth it! Mom is also getting her eyes checked finally, so I'm excited about that too. I've been reading my summer books too. I didn't start my spanish project though.
I only went over $14 in texting. I guess I counted wrong. =]
Life's pretty sweet lately. I'm gonna go finish straighteneing and braiding my hair now. I'll write some other time.
Tiffani April |
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| 581.) Stuff. |
June 26, 2008 |
Listening to: maroon 5 ft. rihana - if i never see your face again
Feeling: broken
I guess I'm doing alright. I've been feeling really broken lately...
To start off with the good, Nia & Gabby slept over on Tuesday. It was a alot of fun. the lights went out, lol. We watched the BET awards too. Went to sleep around 3 AM. Gabby left at 8 the next morning and Nia at 2O8. Gabby left her camera so I called her to tell her then her phone started ringing cus she left that too ;p But it was fun. I'm supposed to go to brenda's tomorrow to chill with her oscar, t.elie, texas, & khalif. it should be a fun filled day if all goes well :D I went to the mall today with Laureen and I bought a cute black skirt. I like it and I will wear it. I also bought some flats. They have silver stars insie. I bought 3 shirts and a pair of earrings. Spent all my money except about $10. It was fun.
With Derrick, I feel like my world's been taken from me and I'll never get it back until I get him back. This is the last time... I was hurt one time too many. I will never be the same. I would do anything to go back in time and get everything back. He is worth everything to me and no one will ever replace him. It's ashame I can be so easily replaced. I've watched Love & Basketball everyday so far, because it's our movie. :[
Me & Alma were talking about love/relationships tonight. As you know, I don't believe in them. People ask me why and try to tell me I should and give me a million reasons but still....I've been given no reason to believe. I've been inlove, and when I fell, I've never been able to get up. But I would give everything I am to go back in time. They say when you fall inlove it changes your life completely and now I believe it. I'll never get me back. The person I was before it happened, I'll never be that way again. And it's a negative thing. I used to believe in love, until everything I believed in left me. And relationships just cause stress and they involve trust and you can never trust anyone. People lie, cheat and decieve you to get what they want. They never last forever, nothing lasts forever, so tell me whats the point? To learn something? What's to learn? That they're a waste of time. And, if you get married and divorce, it wasn't love. True love never dies. You can't accidentally mess up like have an affair. You don't just trip and land on his dick, and he don't trip and land in a girls vagina hole. Whre you are is where you want to be. In between the hooking up, touching and clothes coming off you could say no. If you didn't really want it it wouldnt be that hard to say no, and if you want it you arent satisfied with your partner....so you don't love them. Abuse or anything else, well, you wouldn't hurt the one you love so that's not real either. And why love if the "next person you love" is going to make you feel the special the person before left you to feel. If they make you feel more special yo didn't love the one before and if they make you feel elss special, you don't love them. On the whole I just on't believe in that shit. It's pointless and always ends in tears, heartbreak and being hurt. People can say what they want but in the end they all turn out to be the person they said they weren't and do the things they swore they'd never be.
Tiffani April. |
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| 580.) 1 week completed. |
June 20, 2008 |
Listening to: Danny Fernandes - Private Dancer
Feeling: crushed
So, the first week of summer has gone by. I think it's been pretty good.
Derrick finally called me on Tuesday. He fed me a load of bullshit if I must say so. Told me he loves me and that he cares. Told me the reason he didn't ask me back out was because he knows I can do better. Told me not to let him find out if I get with any other guys cus he will beat them up. He said he wanted to hit austin when he found out I grinded with him. Said he'd call me back the next day, but he didn't. I know the only reason he called me was cus Austin told him that and he wanted to let me know he's "watching" me I guess? But fuck that, I'm done with it all. I'm gonna do whatever I want with whomever I want. We'll see how much he really cares. If he cared so much, he wouldn't have told m the list of girls he wanted to get with. ANYWAYS,
Nicole slept over Wednesday. It was fun. We watched 1408, The Notebook, Georgia Rule & PS I Love You. That movie was really cute. It made me think some, and I cried to sleep that night. We called Izzy and were talking dirty to him. It was fun, haha. We went and chilled outside around 10 for a little too, that was before we called Izzy, and we were gonna have him come pick us up. But, we had fun I think. We walked to Weybridge around 3 because that's where she babysits.
Now, I've just been bored. I bought a ringtone today.! [Givin Me a Rush]. The phone month ended yesterday, so I can text again. Nia was supposed to come over today but mom was in one of her moods =/ tomorrow I'm either going to Tristannes BBQ and then to the movies with mad people or Clementon Park with Kendra if she calls me so yeah. Or maybe I'll hang out with Nia tomorrow. I don't know yet, but I want to have fun.
So, that's how my first week has been + Alexis party. Nothin' real special but I've had some fun. I think me & justin are "over" but I don't mind. I just want to be happy and no guy is making me happy.
Tiffani April |
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| 579.) SUMMER 0H EiGHt! |
June 15, 2008 |
Listening to: Livin' a Lie - The Dream ft. Rihanna
Feeling: happy
It's finally summer! Things are going really well.
The school year was crazy. I'm happy it's over of course but I'm also upset it's over. I'm gonna miss all my senior friends. Chandra, Daisha, Terrance, Douchi, Jay, Jarrell, Squeak, Joe, Kevin....They all made this year so great. It won't be the same next year without them. I cried alot on Friday.
Then that night me & nicole went to township. We went and saw "What Happens in Vegas" Good & funny movie. We ate at subway and shopped a lil. Derrick texted me while I was in the theater...it was weird.
Yesterday morning I had to get up at 9 for graduation. that was sad. I cried so much when Terrance went up. It's ashame I didn't get to know him longer. Then later that night at around 5 I went to Alexis's graduation party. It was fun. Especially in the basement where the dancing was going on omg it was so fun. I wanna go clubbin' now! But after all that I kinda don't even care about Derrick much. He's going to Melvn's party today & I know he won't be caring about me or lisa. But Nia & Gabby was there. It was so good to see them! We should be hanging out soon.
I really think I'm gettin' over Derrick, more each day. I don't even wait for him to call me. I know he isn't going to. It might still hurt for me to see him, but I'm getting over him little by little. I'm happy too.
I have so much planned for this summer & I'm so excited. Shopping, beaches, parties, cookouts, sleepovers & of course just time for myself. This will be the best summer yet, I guarentee it. I'm gonna go out everyday.
I've gotten real confident too. I don't care about wat anyone thinks. i live my own life. I wear whatever I want, do what I want, say what I want I feel comfortable with myself and I love it.
I plan on hanging out with Deja, Gabby, Nia & Tristanne this upcoming week. So life is good.
Tiffani April!
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