|
How did I miss that? |
June 23rd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
|
It has become..PAINFULLY apparent that I have absolutely NO sense of humour. None. Zilch. Nada. I can't believe I have missed this after all these years. I wonder if I -had- one and it just died on me? Or have I just never had one and just am NOW coming to realize it. It's horrible. I make jokes that I think are funny, that that people don't see as funny, so I sit and explain it for 15 minutes, and by then it's just totally ruined. Jokes that people say, I just stare blankly at, as if I suddenly have gone completely bonkers and they have two heads. I have no sense of humour. People have started to tell me BEFOREHAND that it's going to be a joke so that I can get it, and I've decided that sense I'm not funny, to stop trying to be. I think it's better for everyone if I do.
How horrible is that though? At least I have SOME brain power left to realize it and stop making a fool of myself sometimes. Blech! |
| 176 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
Annoyance |
June 8th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
|
Sooo much annoyance! I hate some things going on that I can't stop, I can't stop those things from happening so I'm stuck hating them and then chill out because of it all.
Though I can complain here that I hate that little freaking girl that sits in the WW EW who is ridiculously idiotic. Well actually she's very smart, she gets away with anything she wants by saying "Oh..I didn't know!" she plays the naive card to a T and it drives me insane having seen so many girls in my own high school do the same bullshit. I'm not jealous I just find having her redlined is a very nice thing.
Got a new chair today as mine decided to break at the arm and fall apart. However the kids are enjoying using the pieces to roll down the street being pulled by bikes. They took the back part off and tied two skateboards to it so they could STREET louge or something. Sheesh they were having fun. Zac bumped his butt twice and Devin got swirled into a puddle of mud, it was funny as hell.
Devin shaved his moustache for the first time. He'll be a freshman when school starts. Sheesh way too old. Zac is going to the 7th grade and Jake is a 6th grader. Everyone is doing good other then that and I'm just tired cause of this chair crap cause I had to pick mom up early from work so we could get it. Damn it all! |
| 34 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
Can't Be Better |
May 7th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
|
Why can't I be better? Why can't I just get over this bullshit that is around me? I let one thing dig into me until I can feel my insides want to rip apart and eat me alive. I just don't want to be calm. And instead of being totally off. Totally off base. Totally wrong. I'm always totally wrong. I mean there is never anything right about me. Nothing that is ever right. Not one little thing. I just can't imagine how it is for someone on the outside looking in. If I can see I am no good, what must other people see?
I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror, I try not to do it much as I go into the bathroom, and when I do look I hate what I see. Not just the outside, but I know what is laying beneath the skin, behind my eyes, behind everything. I am just not right. Not right at all. There is nothing that is right. Just not a damn thing.
Edited to Add the Japanese name thing:
My japanese name is 山下 Yamashita (under the mountain) 桃子 Momoko (peach tree child).Take your real japanese name generator! today!Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator. |
| 53 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
Urf |
April 30th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
|
I don't think I should have to have any expectations put on me. I really don't. Unless I am doing a job, or have promised someone something, I don't think putting any expectation on me isn't fair, expecially if you don't tell me what they are. I mean, if you want something from me, you expect something from me and you don't tell me, how am I ever going to live up to that? And if I don't live up to this notion how am I going to ever pass muster? All it does it make everyone feel painfully stupid in the end because you had this expectations and I didn't live up to them, evne though I didn't know they were there.
So there's something to remember. If you expect something from someone, tell them. That way someone can tell you whether or not you can live up to it. Sometimes people can't, or don't want to live up to any expectation.
Just so ...disheartened right now. I'm not perfect, I never wanted to be, I don't like to try and live up to an ideal because I know I never can. I'm just me. |
| 34 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
Hrmph |
April 28th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: There Is - Boxcar Racer
I want to to go to the movies. It's a strange occurance when I want to leave the house at all, but today for some reason I'd really like to do it. The chances of this happening are slim to none and slim just left town. But still I thought it was noteworthy enough to mention. Why did I feel that was noteworthy? Cause the last time I left the house to do anything but pick up my mother and my sister and all that junk was months ago.
Devin has a track meet tomorrow (yea, I forgot to mention that he runs track didn't I) and it's an invitational, which means he got an invitation to come run there, so I think some of us are going, I do believe me and Mum are along with his dad and maybe his mother, but I'm not so sure about Becky going.
I got this sample in the maile of Dale and Thomans Popcorn, Chocolate Chunk N' Caramel and I can now say that I have a new favourite popcorn and I have been totally spoiled too all others. Too bad the shit is fucking expensive as all hell, but HEY! Oprah likes it! That's cause she can afford it.
daleandthomas.com
Go there to check it out. Great stuff, but like I said, expensive! Mine was a free sample and a pretty big one at that..6.8 ounces! I couldn't find the sample link when I went to the site again but if you dig around maybe someone else will?
I have to read through my Kinfolk book some more so I can get a better handle on how to play M.C. my lovely little Fianna Kinfolk. And comically enough my little Garou Emmaline is coming along nicely, though getting attacked by BSD's SO needs to stop. One day she's gonna get shoved down that Spiral I am just not ready for it to happen just yet!
Off to go finish my popcorn and watch stupid court shows before picking up Mum cause I was stupid and finished all the banner graphic work I had last night instead of pacing myself. Cause I'm silly that's why! |
| 34 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
After All These Years |
April 24th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
|
It still bothers me. After all this minutes, hours, days, weeks and years, it still hits me closer to home then anything I have ever felt in my entire life. It's so damn confounding on how I can have something that happened 13 years ago still effect me as if I was going through it as a 14 year old kid. I can't fathom why I still hold on to it and not let it go. Well not exactly let it go, but let it become part of my past, something that I can look back on and hope that it made me stronger. But instead I become a walking bit of jelly when it comes to this time of year.
I snip at those closest to me. And so I pull away from them, trying not to yell and hurt them because I want people to hurt with me and I don't understand why they aren't. I do this and I get flack for it. All my coping mechanisms have become something bad if you look at them closely I guess. I've tried to drop the worst ones...so can't I just have this one for myself? Just this one thing so I don't have to worry about hurting anyone else? I just want to forget the day exists, but the more I try, the harder I feel it.
I miss my Dad. I'm a bit wussy baby when it comes to it. I cry if I tell the story, I cry when I think about him and all the time I missed with him. All the things I SHOULD have gotten to do with him. I have this hatred for the fact he left me, and I miss him. And I miss what I didn't get to have. I'm selfish and horrible when it comes to this, and I'll admit it. I haven't coped with his death like I should have. I didn't back then, and I haven't yet.
But I'm trying. I just wish it didn't hurt so much. |
| 36 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
New Layout....Again |
April 21st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
|
I got tired of looking at all the bright green so I redid everything. I don't have a background picture because I think I am just gonna bypass that for right now, and if I find one I like then I'll add it up.
Not much else to say other then that.
Life is pretty fucking boring. |
| 74 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
|
April 15th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
|
Yea, then enthusiasm is just overwhelming me. I can't believe it all. It's just wonderful. I've never been more proud and happy before.
/sarcasm
In other words I got msyelf broken it looks like. Looks like I might have broken my foot from the way it's swollen and my toes look like little sausages! I did it really stupid like too, I didn't lift my foot up enough when I was walking and my toes curled under my foot and then crack my foot went to the side, not good at all! It hurts, but not as bad as it could of course. It's just funny looking so swollen. |
| 62 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
Open again |
April 13th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
|
Shadowyn Manor is back up and going after changing servers and has gone through revamping. The forums were lost so everyone would need to register and all that, but they are up. If you know anyone that would like to come back and play we are trying to get the room going again, so email yer friends and bring the RP back!
http://www.shadowynmanor.com |
| 38 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
Today, Tonight |
March 29th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
|
Bah! Was supposed to do Trinity Hive stuff tonight but Loth never showed up for that, but it shows him on Retrogade 8 hours ago which is pretty weird, I dunno it's been wrong before, maybe his name was just logged in or something that has happened. I'm sorta glad we didn't get to the Trinity Hive just yet because I was tired from going to get Mum from the aiport today. She came back very tan from her trip in Florida and a little more rested, though she was annoyed that she had to go to work today right after she got home. So because of that I only had a little nap before getting up to get on to bug James Nathaniel and then Ian snagged me, damn Metis garou!!! But that was pretty fun as they talked. One of Emmaline's teachers ended up getting himself blown up in real life! Damnable man I told him to be careful on patrol, but random carbombings in Iraq happen, a friend of his over there is keeping me updated (as well as kicking Emma's ass for knowing a Dancer, bah!) so I can know what's going on.
Now that I think of it I really want to get to the Trinity Hive so that Chris and Loth can get down to having PERFECT Metis children, that means no bad genes would pass and Chris' first child is the bringer of the apocalypse. Because that's what's going on in our storyline, has no bit of effect whatsoever on anyone else. I also need to get Mum to let me order the books I need since she promised!
I got one of my Jaqua free gifts, it's a really nice hand creme that spells like peaches, it is SOO damn nice! They say I should be getting three more free gifts so I hope I do! I can't wait to see what else they are gonna send!! (if they do that is!)
|
| 43 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
What was that?
|
|
|
