| THE JENI |
| Age: 21 |
| Sex: girl |
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| back 30 >> |
| [1390] Hands Down |
May 12, 2008 |
this is the stupidest thing I've ever said:
"this tastes funny...
maybe its because i ate something...
...but i didn't"
Random bursts of dyslexia have been happening more frequently lately.. like "far to back" instead of "back to far" and such... like tom hanks in the terminal.. maybe the inner Mexican inside of me is finally coming out. o geez.
MOre on this later...
________________________________________________
Timmy asked me to come to be early.. he's been asking me lately. but i can't help it.. i always feel like there is something else to do. and then on the nights I don't feel like being productive.. i can't sleep because there's too much in my head. thinking is stupid. i should be in bed right now.. do u even know what time it is? well its 5 am.. I would much rather have spent 5 hours with timmy instead of in here alone. but then i'll just keep him up all night because i can't get comfortable and get myself to go to bed. i have to be up tomorrow before noon so i can go to coc. Since the CS3 trial ran out on both of our computers.. i have to go to the tlc lab to do a photoshop assignment.. shouldn't be that bad.. usually they only take an hour.. and that's on Timmy's horribly slow computer.... and it shouldn't take too long also since the class is for CS2 and i have been using CS3.. and some features aren't supported in CS3.. like the one in this chapter so yeah.. no improvisation needed. woot.
ok. im forcing sleep.
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| (2 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1389] Oh Sexxay Giiirlfrieeeend |
May 8, 2008 |
Listening to: Colbie Caillat - Realize
so yesterday.
I told tim i was going to go shopping for new shoes.. aaaaaand he gave me his card and told me to go crazy... AHHH.. i did. i feel awkward.
Anywho so i went to the mall this morning to get these crazy shoes because i wanted to look nice for my.... *drum roll* interview :} that is right.. I had an interview! finally huh? geesh . i have sent out 50 resumes in less than a month!!! thats insane! and i only got 1 interview out of it! SOME people don't seem to think thats enough.. some people not in the picture anymore but who really put a damper on the whole searching motivation.. But tim said he is sooo proud of me and I think he understands why I waited for a job in somewhat of the industry i want or at least one I can get comfortable in for a while and grow in while I go to school. but yeah.. the job is for a company called Volusion. I would be a customer service/ IT tech. Basically I'd be answering questions about html and such. "why isn't this code working on my site" sort of thing. Huge resume builder. Plus it pays more than my last job of $12/hr :} It really is a really good opportunity because the company is growing fast and there's tons of room for growth. I think it would be a fun environment. theres a lot of different looking people there and soon they're getting a bigger building which might open up the option of a graphics department. right now the graphics department is in Texas. but yeah. they're located in simi valley and it is LITERALLY right next to the condo we're getting. not joking. the entrance of our complex and the shopping center share the same street.. i could walk to work everyday in less than 3 minutes.
Anyway so thats the job... sounds good huh? That's because, as in most cases, there is a catch... basically the hours in the beginning will suck balls. 3am-11am! I know. OUCH! but.. i can't afford to be picky right? I need a job. its been long enough and I was just telling timmy a few days ago that its been a long time and I hadn't been getting responses to my resumes, so I was going to wait out the week and start applying to jobs not exactly in the industry I am working towards.. like starbucks and stuff which is great but I just want as much training as I can in the field I am going to school for.. but then this came up. and its not exactly the MOST ideal job. but its close. theres always the possibility of the hours changing in my favor or maybe something better might come up within the next week. Training is from 8-5 like a normal job so thats cool.. but it sucks because we don't more to simi for 45 days so thats a lot of driving in traffic. oh well. at least it wont interfere with my timmy time.They said it pays more than my last job.. but I think I am going to ask for $13-14/hr... because of the gas prices right now.
I read and hear from a lot of different people that one of the first things an interviewer notices is your shoes. Not sure if thats true but they sure do make a difference in confidence.
And buying the shoes was fun. I find that its much funner to buy shoes while getting the opinion of a gay boy. I love gay boys. He was soo gay. So this really nice girl and the spectacular gay boy helped me pick out my shoes and suggested that i go with the pointed toe heel.. never worn a pointed toe before but he said that it looked really good on me and more professional than the rounded toe.. and who ever questions a gay man's opinion... especially when it comes to shoes? exactly.
So the interview went really well. I met with the woman who works in HR and then this guy who i thought was the CEO but he is something else.. i forget actually.. I took an html text and then a typing test.. didn't get any results.. that would have been nice.. but I definitely think this was my best interview yet, and they want me to come back tomorrow to meet the CEO.. so I think I got the job.
Jason Castro was eliminated from American idol.. :{ I mean he did kinda get suckier over the weeks but his suckiest is better than syesha's best.. she is annoying. and has no personality.. its like forced and fake and once again.. annoying... boo to syesha. how did she get to the top 3? bs. david cook is sexual. in a nonsexual way. what?
oh yeah. on the way out of the mall i ran into jenn and matt! they're still awesome. I missed them man. I forget if they said they'd call me tonight or last night but i hope we hang out soon.. I miss having friends :[ and they are hella tight. heh cuz im black.
lol oh funny story. for my last photo assignment, the assignment was "portraiture". one photo of just a "portrait", a candid portrait, and a context portrait. i was running low on time.. and good pictures.. so i improvised. i went through a bunch of my old photos and found some sexy pictures I took of Timmy playing the guitar. Lol unfortunately for me.. I forgot about metadata.. !! soo i get an email from my teacher saying that i shot my pictures in automatic mode, and too please reshoot them in manual mode.. i couldnt blieve he was giving me another chance to do the assignment and then he wrote under that "by the way, i can see all the metadata for all your pictures" lol..... it was so embarrassing. not only could he see the camera modes.. but the date.. it was taken almost 2 years ago and with a different camera.. yeah... embarrassing.
hehe timmy likes colbie caillat..
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| (2 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1388] |
May 5, 2008 |
today was really nice. tim had the day off.
i went to bed so late last night. i came to bed and me and timmy talked a little even tho it was late.. i had gone to 7/11 to get some snacks earlier (at 2 am) and so i was all hopped up on sugar.. i was soo hyper. i couldnt stop laughing.. then tim said "banana stand" and i lost it. i seriously couldn't stop moving. i literally had to move my leg back and forth to sort of "rock" myself to sleep. it was so strange.
in the morning i was having a weird dream. i was at my moms house and she was trying to set me up with some guy. there was no timmy :{. and the guy was all tan but it was gross tan.. and he kept getting tanner and tanner.. until he looked like a barbie.. and then. he actually was a ken barbie doll. a life size one. and he started dating my mom.. which was weird. so anyways.. he's tlaking to me about sandwiches.. and it was weird because in the morning tim got up to talk to his dad on the phone. and they were talking about that building thing they're selling and so in my dream "ken" was talking to me about sandwiches and then i ask him how much they costed and he's telling me but i can here tim and i guess tim said $4000 because i thought the ken guy said $4000 and i was like "really??" out loud.. and then i woke up. it was stupid. anyways.
i forget what we did this morning. lots of cuddling. and.. i cant rememberrr. but we had lunch. i made the best tuna melts because we got that french toast bread and its the best on french toast bread. tim says he doesn't think he can have them any other way now.. spoiled bread haver :p then we ended up taking a nap. i was so tired. we were going to go to the beach but we're lazy bum faces.
we went shopping at walmart twice today.
first we stopped by styles and timmy bought me some jeans and a necklace :] then we went to walmart and he got some new work shoes.. then we came for a while but went back to go grocery shopping. mostly for food i can actually eat. since my lactose intoleranceness is getting stupid.
he takes care of me.
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| (1 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1387] Like A Desperate Thirst In A Raging Drought |
May 3, 2008 |
Listening to: The Distillers - The Young Crazed Peeling
I don't deserve timmy.
I try. not hard enough.. But that's going to change.. trying isn't good enough. doing is the new trying.
I can't even leave him alone when he's trying to lay down and relax.. i was being annoying. and i got mad at him for no reason all day today. all day. it wasn't all day but i don't even know why. i feel like crying all the time. and instead i yell at people. I don't want to turn into my mother. tim says I'm not and I think he's right but.. for now.. i can definitely see it as a possibility. its starting to freak me out.
maybe i am crazy.
sometimes i want to cut again. i haven't in a looooooooooong time and my scars are still there but fading.. i mean i can still see them and I'm sure people can notice sometimes if they're looking, but I haven't noticed in a while.. until this week. its hard not to.
I don't know what I'd do or who I'd be without timmy, I don't know why I tempt fate. He is my family. my home. my future.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1386] |
April 30, 2008 |
last night was crazy. a crazy burst of nonsense. out of nowhere. but its over and everything is fine now :]
so. today i got up and worked out :] it feels good to work out. my butt doesn't feel good :[ its sore... squats hurt! but i have a cute butt so soon it will be.. hot? lol.. I'm not vain.. my butt is the only thing i've got. I finished up some web dev hw and then i went to school. Got 14 out of 15 on my test. which i think is pretty good since i didn't study :].. was open book tho. idc I'm proud of me!
came home and finished my hw. timmy helped me cuz he lovies mee. tomorrow i have a quiz which sucks because i thought my photo book would be here by now and its not and the class is almost over. i wanted it in time to study for the text but i guess i'll have to go to the library again :[ on thursday i have to turn in my "portrait" assignment. we're going to the beach tomorrow so i was thinking i'd take some cool pics with the beach as the background.. but then i was thinking.. everyone in that class is always trying to go places that are "cool" and get "cool" backgrounds. and idk.. i think that kind of stuff is overrated in a picture.. especially in a portrait. for today's assignment we had to research a photographer.. i chose richard avedon.. the pictures he takes are soo simple but he really captures an emotion. you see the people he photographs as their true selves. Kinda dumb but.. i'm inspired. instead of hyping up my portrait with a background and hope it distracts from a crappy picture.. I'm really going to try and do what he did and get a raw emotion from my subject.. subject being timmy MUAHAHAHA...
oh..! so at the start of the class, i didn't understand that the responses, along with the discussion board assignment, had to also be a certain length. and you get credit or no credit and i got no credit. only 10 points but still.. anyways so.. today i spent a looong time on this Discussion board assignment so it was over the requirement and not full of filler like a lot of these other people. and as always submitted a picture with my post.. and like 20 minutes later.. this chick not only submits the SAME picture as i did.. but she says like 40 words that sounds like she was on crack "yeah so like I really love this picture. its great and stuff"! what was she on? Is she kidding? posting that on a chat room is great but for a freaking assignment.. i think she just procrastinated and didn't feel like being a big girl and doing the assignment, she had to copy mine.. out of a billion pictures he's taken.. oh it just really made me angry. if she gets credit for that garbage.. i'm going to throw a camera at her face.
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| (3 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1384] |
April 26, 2008 |
Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
yes
Is someone in love with you?
i hope so
Is there someone you know you should hate, but can't?
yes.
Have you ever lost anyone close to you?
yep
Is there anyone you trust who you shouldnt?
i have a hard time trusting anyone
Ever loved someone who wasn't good for you?
yeah
Hows your heart lately?
okay
The last song you listened to?
keep bleeding love
If you could change your name what would it be?
idk. oh yeah. baby, like from dirty dancing
Do you think you would make a good boyfriend/girlfriend?
i suck
Are you afraid of falling in love?
i would be if I wasn't already
What are you wearing right now?
a black tank top. and shorts. no socks.
What did you do today?
hw. sent out a bunch of resumes. went grocery shopping with timmy. ate dinner. watched the piano.
Are you a forgiving person?
idk. depends i guess.
When was your last kiss?
on the lips? idk. around 10 or something i guess.
Are you talking to someone while doing this?
no
Do you like your myspace?
i suppose
What are you going to do with your life?
well, hopefully something..
Do you think it would be more fun to be a model or shoot the photographs?
both. but since i am uggies. photographer.
Are you younger then 21?
no
Do you like winter?
yes i do
How clean is your room?
pretty clean.
Do you fall for guys/girls easily?
i have. so yes. i fall fast and hard but i get over it even faster. which isn't good.
Do you know someone named Dan?
yeah
Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
no
Do you currently want to scream at the top of your lungs?
honestly it'd probably feel pretty nice right now.
What do you want right now?
a job. finish school.
Do you think hair extensions look skanky?
sometimes.
Last person you talked to on the phone?
tim
Do you like heated pools?
i guess
What are your plans for the week?
the week is over but tomorrow i have to do a photo project and finish photoshop hw. and then sunday i have to do web development hw and study for my photo quiz on wednesday. so school stuff all weekend.
Ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs?
???
Do you think you can last for an hour without talking?
if no one is in the room, yes. i do it all the time.
When was the last time you saw the fifth person on your top?
i only have 5
Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
have but don't.
Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
I assume there are
Next time you will kiss someone?
in the morning i guess :/
Are looks important?
i dont have to worry about that. tim is hot.
Do you like getting things from others?
i do really like presents. thoughtful presents that have a story and make me feel special.
What is your current mood?
sad.
Were you smiling when you woke up this morning?
idk i cant remember
Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
sunset
Do you live near any of your friends?
i guess we live close to our friends. the ones we have.
Are you scared of spiders?
big ones.
Do you have a piercing? where?
two in ears
When do you want to get married?
i wish i already was. i guess as soon as possible. i wanted to be married at by 21. i guess that's not happening. but i guess it wasn't the right time. tim was right about not being ready.
Do you curse a lot?
no. not at all. but more than i used to. because i am dumb.
Do you wish someone would text you?
i don't get texts.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1382] |
April 25, 2008 |
So Tim has been searching for a place to buy since October. Its been a long time, and we've seen a LOT of places. There have been times where I thought the process was taking way longer than it needed and even wanted to switch realtors. (But that'd be stupid because Michelle is great and probably the best realtor we could have gotten). We found a place about 3-4 months ago that was decent and it wasn't that expensive so.. we were willing to settle thinking it would be the best place we could get. Thank God we finally got out of that deal. It was 3 bedrooms and thats probably the best thing about it. it had a weird layout.. it was in canyon country (which is bad because we want to live closer to tim's work).. and everything needed work. But we've been patient (mostly tim.. he keeps me patient too). About 3 weeks ago we found a condo in Moorpark... like 15 minutes from Thousand Oaks :). And its 3 bedrooms and its in a very nice complex. So we put in an offer and they were playing all these games and came down like $2,000 at a time. Finally got it for an "ok" price. During all that our loan lady person deally was telling us to hurry and get this place because they are changing a lot of the loan policies or something and if we wanted the loan we got it wouldn't be available soon. So Tim freaked out a little bit because the loan we had was already like 5% down.. and anything higher would be stupid. Not because he can't afford it, but why if you don't have to? So he was talking to his service advisor at work and he told us to call this guy who own his own lending company. He basically told us we could get an fha loan.. which would only be 3% down.. so a smaller down payment and lower monthly payments. but we thought it was weird because our current loan person kept telling us the complex wasnt fha approved and when we asked if there was anything better than the loan we had all she said was something about an adjustable rate i think. when we asked her about it, she denied saying they werent approved. But she seemed kind of shady.. seeing as how she is the middle man for other lending companies.. she was probably just trying to add a bunch of fees and i dont think you can do that with fha loans.. or i don't know what I'm talking about.. point is.. she lied and it was kinda weird. Plus after the very awkward conversation tim had with her about it.. she said she wanted to look up some rates for fha loans and then call us back.. she never did. tim said she just wanted an excuse to get off the phone because she knows she messed up :s. o well. SOOOOO then we got approved for the moorpark place and were waiting to go into escrow... and Michelle sent us a new place too look at a few days ago. and we looked at it wednesday and were approved yesterday. Its a 2 bedroom in Simi Valley and its very cute. It has vaulted ceilings, but they are slanted so its pretty interesting.. its move in ready and it has some nice features like.. nice carpet, pretty countertops, a good layout, and since this is a private seller instead of a bank the process would be a lot smoother. and since they are relocating, they might sell us their very nice washer/dryer and fridge for cheap. So instead of no places.. now we have 2 places that accepted our offers. Michelle said she would have a hard time deciding. but we talked about it a lot.. I think we're leaning more towards Simi Valley. Just because its cheaper overall. and nicer overall. downers are.. its a little further from tims work but only by 10 minutes and it only has 1 car garage but those things aren't a huge deal. 3 bedrooms would be better for resale.. but i think this place would sell for just as much just because of all the updates.. we'd have to put so much work into moorpark to get it to look as good as simi. well not that much. its actually pretty cute.. idk. SO thats the scoop on that..
I have so much hw. all the time :[
Its reasonable in my CIT classes (photoshop and web development). about an assignment a week in Photoshop for a 4-6 part assignment and then like an assignment every 1-2 weeks in web dev because the assignments are a little harder, they're like 3-6 exercises and then 2-4 cases which are basically mini websites that the textbook has at the end of each chapter. they take a little longer. typing html is time consuming. but its fine.. its reasonable. But in my Photo class. omg. this teacher is nuts. he has a project every week that u have to write a description about when u post it on the discussion board and then u have to write reviews on 2 other photos. then theres a weekly discussion board topic and a quiz every week. i know it doesn't sound like much.. if it was just the one class it wouldn't be.. but just in that class alone.. thats like 3 things every week... not including the time spent studying for the quiz.. AND on top of that! the quiz is 20 questions and u have to complete it in 15 minutes.. thats less than a minute a question!... so between all my classes.. I am always here! sitting here... getting worse and worse posture and even worse..er.. carpal tunnel.. haha.. well not yet but i know its in my future.
my mom called again. and i haven't called back. its not even that i am meaning to not call her.. i just forget. but i don't really want to talk to her either.
I've been having some messed up dreams. creepy ones. getting chased and scary people wearing masks and and people who want to eat me. yeah its weird.
Cloverfield is gay. Don't watch it. Don't.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1381] Mini Roses |
April 23, 2008 |
Timmy brought me home roses :]
For no reasons. Just cuz. I've been having a crappy week... I've been all snappy at him too :( But he bought me flowers cuz he loves me. He said I am having a hard week and deserve flowers. He is the most spectacular.
I studied for my photo quiz in the library today. I got 18/20... not good enough :[ I need an A in the class. Because my CIT teacher hates me and I'm only going to get like C's. If that. Urg.
Our inspection is on Thursday. We're going to look at another place in Simi Valley this week too. hopefully tomorrow.
David Cook is hot (musically)
Timmy is a sexy beast :]
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1380] "MOO" |
April 22, 2008 |
Feeling: annoyed
so sometimes i like having aim on in the background just because. i barely talk to people but if im available why not. especially since all my classes are online and most of my life involves a computer.. so anyways.. Sunday night I'm working away on some hw. well not hw i finished it all but some book practice stuff. and i noticed i wasnt logged in so.. i logged in.. and whooooo was on??? who?? jason.. *shifty eyes*
ugh. it bugged me. and then. tonight... I am all worky on school stuff and out of nowhere.. blaring out of my speakers was a crazy loud "MOOO!" and IM like what the heck?? and i guess when i was "seeing" Jason I put an alert on his sn. and it bugged me again. yesterday i didn't know why but now i do. Because.. its like you have a person in your life and its fine.. but then you detach yourself from them and its all great and after a while you start to forget about them.. and then its like they don't exist at all. and its nice. because then its like... all the stuff you didn't want to happen didn't actually happen. make believe is how I get through life. but make believe doesn't work when its moo-ing in your face... erg. and also.. why now? he said he didn't ever go on aim.. why is he ruining my aim time.. now I have to like get a new sn just to have some normalcy again. its haunting.
it just brings up all the crap that made up a month of nonsense. and i was blamed for it. "everything you put me through".. what a jerk. ahh.. will not go into excruciating detail about why. want to. but wont.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1379] In the Hole |
April 21, 2008 |
Listening to: All Time Low - Dear Maria, Count Me In
So they lesbians across the street were having sex again today.. they're so freaking loud. maybe it wasnt them. but i think the other people are brother and sister.. so i really hope it wasn't them... timmy woke up because he was thirsty and i asked if he heard them.. he said he thought it was a cat or something. it almost sounds like she's screaming "john.. john.. john..." ahh its disturbing..
speaking of disturbing..
nvm.
so all my hw is done woot. that was crazy there for a second. i had a big photo assignment... a 6 part web development assingment and a 4 part photoshop assignment.. booo.
since i'm awesome and know how to check other peoples web spaces in my web dev class. i check to see when people have been turning in their assignments and i was the ONLY one who turned this assignment in on time. so im going to ask the only other person who actually completed it, if he got credit because if he did thats crazy horses and I'm going to scream... at my teacher. because his was a day late and my last assignment was like an hour late and i didnt get credit. we'll see what happens i guess. so far I am the only one who did every assignment and all my links work and look good.. i better get at least a B. but he doesn't like me :[
i picked my classes for next semester. a light load since its summer andddd soo much will be going on.. or just settling down and the last thing i wanna do is hw every 5 minutes. so its gonna be 7 credits.. starting with GMD 044 intro to illustrator (since CIT illustrator isnt available), CMPSCI 190: javascript and theatre 110 (just because i need to make it up b/c i forgot to drop it on time like a year ago cuz i suckies..). all online classes. and the cool thing is javascript ends before theatre begins and GMD 044 isnt even 3 weeks long.. (its a 1 credit class) so its pretty much awesome. plus we'll be in Moorpark by then so i dont want to be driving back and forth. i applied to a bunch of jobs.. OMG the lesbians are having sex again LOL.. wow. this is the 3rd time tonight... what a life they lead...
anyways I applied to a bunch of jobs the other day and one replied saying "i think canyon country is a little too far. thanks anyways"... what? they are in moorpark. who cares how far it is if i get there on time and get the work done..? ridiculous. plus i'm moving in a month or 2 and i'd rather have the inconvenience for a short time than indefinitely. bleh.
it smells like peppermint in here..
So I think tim made an appointment to have our new condo inspected.. think he said thursday. I think that's when escrow starts. dun dun dun. no. I'm happy. I like it.. its just scary moving. good scary. that's in the morning and then i would have school but I'm skipping and we're going to the beach :]
sometimes timmy looks like blake sennet. kinda. his hair. blake and timmys have sexy-exy hair. for realski's.
"cuuuuuuuuuz.
I got your pictuuuure
I'm comin' wichuuuuu
Dear Maria, count me in
There's a story on the bottom
of this bottle
and I'm the pen..................."
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1378] |
April 15, 2008 |
So timmy was really nervous today about calling pam. but after a long nap and some encouragement.. he pulled thru and it wasnt as bad as he thought it'd be. SOmetimes he builds things up in his head into bigger situations than they are.. but he really does get better at this stuff every time something comes up. he was afraid she would try to get him to go with another loan with her, but we already signed all the paper work with this other guy so he didn't want to deal with telling her that it was like too late and such. he said she was actually worse than he thought she'd be. she does this thing where you try to talk but she talks over you.. he had to say "well what i was saying..." and stuff like that like 3 times to actually get her to stop talking. its weird. she told him like 3 different times that the place wasnt fha approved and today on the phone she actually said "i never said that". why would tim just make that up? plus he talks to me about conversations with pam like right after he gets off the phone with her to keep me updated. and i remember her saying that. he also tells michelle right away too and she remembers. and when tim asked why she didnt offer us the fha loan when she was capable of doing so and why she didn't even make it an option.. she didnt even answer him.. she just said "well if you want to do an fha loan then we'll do an fha loan..." but its like.. if its so easy to do it.. why didnt she do it before? because when we asked if we had other options, the only thing she mentioned was an adjustable rate or something.. and she had plenty of time to bring it up.. and never did. its weird. she's weird. the conversation basically ended with tim saying if she wanted to get us a better loan than what te guy is giving us, we'll consider going back with her but otherwise we're sticking with him. she said she was going to compare rates and call us back. tim said he doesnt think she is going to call us back and it was more of just a way of getting off the phone because she realized she messed up and felt well.. im guessing kinda stupid. she called michelle after we got off the phone and got mad at her for not telling her sooner. first of all, michelle is like one of the nicest ladies I've met and also, she had nothing to do with our decision to go with this other guy. but yeah.. its all taken care of now so hopefully things go smoothly from now on.
escrow hasn't actually started yet. it should start in a couple days and then 30 days from there we get our keys :] we're going to plan it out so were still in this apartment 2-3 weeks after we get the keys so we have time to paint and decorate and move in and such. plus we kind of want to plan our honeymoon so we pretty much leave on our last day in this apartment and when we come back we go to the new condo. but thats soo fast! we looked at tim's schedule so it'd probably be around the 4th- 17th of July. On july 1st he'll be able to gets paid vacation. so he'll get 8 days paid and only be on non paid vacation like 3 days. we're kind of confused about what i should do about a job. we dont know if i should keep looking or wait until we get back. because if i find something in a week or 2 and then ask for a 2 week vacation like 3 weeks later.. would be weird.
i have school tomorrow. i should be in bed.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1377] Rock the Cradle |
April 14, 2008 |
its like 4 am. tim is in bed and I am on sitd. how lame am i? but Im not tired. its weird because all day I felt sick like i had the flu or something. boo.
my mom keeps calling me. It makes me sad sometimes to think that I am not a part of my own family. But I think it actually makes me more upset to think of being a part of a family that doesn't give a crap about me.
i have nothing interesting to say right now I'm just bored out of my banana stand.. heh.
oh. i did see one interesting thing today. well.. not interesting just funny. i went to jasons myspace. i do that from time to time. not just his.. just everyone i can think of in a span of like 2 minutes or however long I'm bored.. aaaaaaaaand i was just looking around . wasnt much to look at but i noticed his status thingy still says single.. and its funny because what does it even mean? for most people it would just mean single but i mean.. for him.. yeah, it could mean single but it could also mean he's out having sex and telling girls he's "falling in love with them" with no intentions of ever going thru with anything that could actually lead to a real relationship. like having a conversation that doesnt involve a bunch of lame jokes i've heard a million times or changing the subject when you get serious. so yeah, it will remain "single". i wonder what it would actually take to change that status. he'd probably have to actually be engaged or married or have a kid idk. is that how he thinks it works? sex for years as "just friends" (or his poetic words "whatever you want to call it" lol.) and then you out of the blue pop the question.. if that would ever happen. poor girl he chooses is going to have a nice life of 3 unplanned kids and nothing but a boyfriend to show for it. if that. ifff that. kids.
meh. i get random bursts of anger when i think of him.
speaking of kids :/ i wanna baby. no no no. not yet. not for a few years :{ the longer i am not a part of my own family, the more i want to create my own.. and timmy was so cute as a baby... and i was pretty adorable.. we'd make cute kids.. creepy teens but cute babies.
tomorrow we're going to confront pam our loan person about our loan. she told us the place we want isnt fha approved. but we spoke to another person.. who is actually the president of a lending company.. and he said it is approved. timmy also looked online and it said it was approved. so either pam knows something we all dont know.. or she lied to get more money. I'm going with the second one. first of all she isnt the president of a lending company.. she is a broker or something. and she's basically the middle man between us and the bank that loans us the money. so they put in their own little fees.. thats how they make money. with fha loans.. its cheaper so she wouldnt make nearly as much. so i just think she thought she could pull the wool over our eyes.. like we're these first time buyer idiots and we'll just listen to her because she knows everything. i really dont think she ever thought we'd find out she was lying.well. if she was.. but she was. i'd be really surprised if she wasnt. we'll find out tomorrow. michelle our relator is going to call our new loan guy to make sure he is 100% certain the place is fha approved. and then she'll call us and then we're going to call pam. We're all really curious to hear her response.
no more rob and big :{
its overrr.
but.
hills tomorrow. woot :}
strawberries are yummy.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1375] As Soon As You Start To Make Room For The Parts That |
April 7, 2008 |
Listening to: Sara Bareilles - Bottle It Up
Aren't You. It Gets Harder To Bloom In A Garden Of LOVE.
So we've been looking for a place for about 6 months now. We put offers on about 6 and 2 accepted. The first one we changed our minds. The second one is taking place right now and altho its better because of the location... we feel like we're settling. Our loan person told us we need to hurry because they are changing things and she wont be able to get us as good a loan in like a week. Which we thought was kind of weird.. So today Tim was just talking to his service adviser about it and he mentioned a friend of his who does loan stuff. So Tim called him and the guy said he could get us a FHA loan which would be way better than the loan we were going to get with our loan person now. Which is weird because.. it just seems like she's trying to get more money out of us. Either the loans are changing just for her company or she lied to make a bigger profit. I had a weird feeling about her though. Tim is usually a really good judge of character and I think the guy he talked to is going to be way better for us. His service adviser says he is just really straightforward and a good guy and since he owns the lending company, he wont attach any fees to make a profit. We were getting pretty scared for a while thinking we were going to be stuck with this place we're waiting for, even tho it is nice and its closer, we'd both rather have one of the 2 story townhomes that are in the same complex. Like I said before, they feel more open and homey. Our apartment right now feels bigger than the condo we'd be buying because we have high ceilings and the other one doesn't. So I think we're definitely going to go with this new guy because that way we can take our time and not rush. I think we're going to find something soon tho. Like this month or next at the most.
But yeah, now I am looking for a job in Moorpark since anything we get is going to probably be in Moorpark.. it's just so much closer and a nice area. Hard to come by. Oxnard is pretty close to TO but it's also pretty crappy. Sorry all you Oxnards our there.. nothing against it.. we actually really liked it.. until we saw Moorpark. So I was looking for a job in Moorpark when we were still looking all over, and there we're TONS of jobs but we werent sure if I should pursue them because we didn't know where we'd end up.. now that we know for sure.. I am looking again and theres barely any. its like they all got snatched up when i wasnt looking and there are no new jobs available. I look on craigslist because thats the only site in my experience that actually produces results.. and usually there have been at least a handful of new jobs a day.. but since last week.. theres like 1 or 2 new jobs.. sometimes none at all. and most of them aren't even things I can apply to anyways. BAH.
We went to Salphnie's baby shower. I was dreading it but it actually wasn't that bad at all. We got there half way through and stayed till a little after it ended. Stephnie was really nice.. it seemed like she made more of an effort to talk to us so that was nice. Mike and Laura got engaged so that's cool. The people who we're hosting we're so cute and they had the cutest baby. They invited us to be apart of their halo 3 Thursday nights which was unexpected but awesome because we love love love halo 3. The only gay part was Becca lol. She is so ridiculous. First of all, idk why she has a problem with me.. I'm the one who doesn't really care for her.. But when i saw her I said "Hey Becca" and she acted like she didn't hear me but whatever I'm actually glad because otherwise I'd have had to talk to her. ew. There was a game where you aska question and the person to your right answers it. So when she was answering her question, her mother was staring at me like i was the devil. i didnt even notice at first and then i see this scary woman with a rat tail hairdo looking at me. i do the double take.. only i do it like 3 times and she is still staring right at me.. the woman has issues. I gave her a nice raise of the eyebrow like wtf? and I must be a magnet for babies because Becca's kid kept coming over to me. she would let him go all over the place but if he got near me.. she'd be like "JACOB! get over here!" lol. And how she talked to him was so awkward. Everyone I know with babies talks to their baby in the oh so popular baby voice.. Not Becca.. she talked to him more like.. Martha Stewart. lol. and if you know how Martha Stewart sounds you can imagine how awkward it was to watch. Although I think even Martha herself has a baby voice. And at the end she tells Sal how mike (her arrogant husband)wanted to put a jaw breaker in the microwave so it explodes in Sal's mouth or something.. and he wasn't even there when mike said it.. its just funny how some things never change.. I know everyone used to talk about Sal. He's an entertaining subject i suppose... as a teenager. But its like, grow up already.. You have a wife and a baby and you're an adult now.. act like it. For Mike and that whole group.. its like a hobby... Sal Bashing. And they know nothing else. what a sad little life they lead.
I gotsta hop in the shower and then do the homework thing. Boo.
PS. My professor is a douche bag.
AAAAAAAAAND then I am going to make this place spotless for my Timmyyyy.
PSS! New back to back episodes of The Hills on TONIGHT! :} weee. drama drama drama.
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| (1 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1372] Run Baby, Run |
April 3, 2008 |
Listening to: We The Kings - Check Yes Juliet
so the bank accepted our offer for the condo or townehome.. in moorpark. tim told me this morning. which is.. great. i kind of rained on his parade. because its a little over our budget for a condo.. because of the high HOA fees. its the rent and $300 in HOA fees... ouch. with a house we could afford a little higher price since they don't have HOA fees. but there aren't any houses in Moorpark around our price. and yeah we could live comfortably. i mean, tim could technically live there by himself at that price and manage and have a money cushion.. so i know it'll be fine because I'll be working too and we'll get tax breaks since we'll be homeowners :} and tim is doing so good at work and we'll save on gas... but. what about other bills? The place is soo.. apartment feeling. there are cuter units in the same complex that are 2 story that are the same price.. so if we could have one or the other I'd want the 2 story one.. but i guess we have 17 days to think it over. its going to be so weird moving to Moorpark. I've lived in Santa Clarita my whole life. since 6 months. its crazy. but exciting too. Moorpark seems cool and theres a lot to do and its definitely an upgrade from canyon country or saugus. its so boring over here. we'd be closer to the beach and to Tim's work so maybe we could go out with some of his work friends.. or something. i dunno. i know at tim's work the guys like to play basketball after work sometimes.. but Timmy would get home so late so he doesn't go. but he wants to. and it'd be cool if we lived so close, to go and watch him play.. just weird.
i was getting some bobby pins at sally beauty and stopped by the pet store.. there was the CUTEST little bulldog ever. me and Timmy want a bulldog so bad. like rob and Big's only not smelly. but he didn't look smelly. i wanted to squeeze him into a billion pieces :{ but we cants. someday.
Timmy knows sometimes i get sad that we aren't married yet and he knows I want babies someday and i don't want them now or soon but the desire is there.. he came home today and was talking to me in the kitchen and said "soon we will be married homeowners" :} I like when he starts conversations with us being married. he said that he knows I want a baby and that everyone i know is pretty much having a baby.. but he said.. right now, at this age, wouldn't you want to be a married homeowner? instead of a married baby haver? lol i don't think he said "baby haver" but i cant remember his exact words. but hes right. I would really would prefer this. I know we aren't perfect. we haven't done everything in the right order.. but at least we got the important stuff in order. not that I'm against people having babies at my age and such.. I'd just prefer to be stable first. stable financially and stable in my marriage. they say the first year is the hardest.. why would someone choose to bring a baby into that? not that its bad if you didn't choose it tho. some things are just meant to be.
so yeah. Timmy said since we'll have a house he can change his w2's so less of his check goes to taxes.. which means he doesn't get as much back but he gets like $300 more in his paycheck every 2 weeks... thats huge. thats like $600 in a month and last year he got $900 back for the whole year.. so its like way better..
run baby run. don't ever look back.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1371] And it teases you for weeks |
April 2, 2008 |
Listening to: rilo kiley - a better son/daughter
UUUUUUUUUUUUUHAAAAAAAAHHHHHAHAG!
that was the sound of fun being SUCKED out of my weekend :[
and replaced with *dun dun dun* awkwardness... what gives??
timmy's first 3 day weekend in like a month. so long we have been planning to go away when it finally did happen. and all week we've been talking about it. and then today tim's like "wait we cant go. isnt that baby shower thing on saturday?" and I'm like... "oh cwwwaaap...". I've been reminding him about it but forgetting to remind myself almost. G's. I don't even want to gooooooo. booooooo. i hate baby showers. i went to like 2 and they are lame and gay and boring and lame. and i know thats mostly because they are filled with old women who dont have lives.. and i know this one wont be that bad in terms of a typical baby shower.. thats really not even it. i just really wanted to get away.. I've been dying for this.. :[ and and now its gone. I dont even know half the people there. and the ones i do know are like those awkwards acquaintances you have nothing to talk about with or jerks i dont want to talk to. and crowds in general pretty much make me want to punch myself in the face but a crowd of awkward is.. just.. unnecessary? i'm happy for sal and stephnie i really am. and i'm getting them a gift and its exciting and all but uhggg. do they even qualify as friends? i mean we never talk. we never hang out. but i guess bea and ryan are the same way. i just want to be married already. i feel like an idiot. being engaged for over a year and a half and here are all these teenagers married and pregnant and everyone is okay with it. and when i wanted that for me everyone would tell me to wait and say i needed to finish school and get a career and blah blah blah and tim is already there. finished with school and at a great job and Im on the path just havent gotten to the destination and some of these kids arent even trying. well i actually have no clue but kinda.. and its depressing. and i swear if mike chooses to propose to his gf at the shower.. lol how lame would that be?.. but seriously.. i think itd be kinda rude to sal and stephnie. but more importantly.. just lame. and im like 99.9% sure thats how it'll turn out. kids. i give them 2 months being married before squeezing out a tator tot of their own. everyone there is married and turning into baby makers. and that is like what determines if your life is "together" with these people.. they all kind of follow each other and mimic one another.. its like its all for show. and i know tim doesnt want to go. i told him about it and he was basically like "have fun at that" kinda thing... and then i told him it was co-ed. he wasn't too thrilled but he is a gentleman so he's going with me. Im thinking I'll put the present on the porch with a note and like ding dong ditch.. "happy baby time.. had to run. far far away." :{ no amount of writing is going to give me a good enough excuse not to go.......... Ahhhg.
i guess going an hour and leaving is fine. tim said we can just go away another weekend. i suggested we try doing both and leave thursday night and be back sat before. he said that might work so.. hopefully. i was just thinking the beach if we did that but he said maybe we could still do vegas:} i dont care where.. i just need out of this stupid apartment.
oh so great news.. nightmares are back woohoo. :[ might have even come back sooner than i even knew of. i guess i was like making noise or something in my sleep a few days ago and tim asked if i was ok.. and i was like half asleep and half awake.. so i didnt know i was having a nightmare till i was woken up.. kind weird and then it really freaked me out because nightmares are always scariest when ur half awake and u see whats going on but u cant get yourself to wake up. u kinda have to get jerked out of it. anyways since then i can remember the nightmares. wont go into detail about it or anything because theyre actually quite disturbing.. but hopefully they go away faster this time.
i love the hills... what?
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1370] Images |
March 31, 2008 |
Listening to: A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover
we looked at 4 places today. 2 were house houses. with big yards and everything. the first one was ugly. the second was soo cute and it had a huge backyard and side yard and cute cabinets and 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and it was just really nice. but we realized right away.. that would add an extra 10-15 minutes on tims drive and why would we do that when the goal is to cut time? so we had to eliminate that from our decisionnn.. grr. so the next place was in the apartments called the american beauties over by rainbow glen. i love those apartments. the windows and high ceilings make everything seem so much bigger. and it was within out price range this time and way better than the last ones we saw there. but the hoa fees are ridiculous. last place was the best. it was over on sandpiper the hoa fees are low.. probably the lowest we know of. and the apartment, altho it wasnt 100% what we wanted.. it worked and its cute. its not move in ready BUT it is WAY WAY under budget at only $199,000.. crazy! so we could still put a lot of work into it and be way under what we'd pay for anything we've seen so far and all it really needs is new floors and i forget if it had washer and dryer. and some paint.. maybe new cabinets. and thats about it. oh and because the living room has no place for our big tv expect a spot over the fireplace :] timmy wants to buy a flatscreen tv hee. fun fun. but thats way in the future soo.. yeah. we were thinking of where we would put everything.. right now we have a 2 bedroom 2 bath and so we have our bedroom and then like a catch-all room. but with 3 bedrooms and a loft its almost like too much space. the moorpark one is so great becuase of the location but they keep countering with lthese ridiculous offers.. they have had this place on the market for over 4 months i think or something.. maybe more.. and theyve had NO offers. and we offer and they just play these power games.. its like.. u have no other offers... just accept. g's.
talked to timmy about getting away. we might go to the beach for the weekend. like leave after work on thursday night and come back late sunday. we kinda wanted to go out to the channel islands idk it looked cool. woohooey.
i have been watching the hills season 1-3 since yesterday. stayed up all night on saturday watching it lol. its addicting. i was watching the last episodes of the 3rd season today and timmy was on his computer watching with me... i'd look over and he'd jiggle his mouse like he was actually on his computer lol but he was into it. muahahaha ha
i hate when guys say "hun". babe, ok. baby, awesome. darlin, ok for cowboys. dear.. ew. honey sometimes. love, lovely.. if you can pull it off. but hun? no. its just trying way too hard. too hard to be what? honestly?.. a girl. its like guys mistake "cool" for homosexuality.. you don't have to act like a homo to get a girl.. in fact i think you could bring on the opposite effect. especially if u find yourself wearing a lot of sweater vests..
my moms friend christi asked me to create a logo for her friends company or something like that. I'm not really sure who it is for. I just know that they said they would pay me. I told her not to worry about it since I've never actually done a logo for someone.. but then again I didnt ever do a business card before and they turned out pretty awesome.. BUT i dont want to disappoint. she told me we'll see what happens and if its good they'd pay me. I feel kind of weird accepting money from christi or a friend of christi. it's just kind of cool to have an actual job I can put in my portfolio. not just mock-ups. not that those aren't good.. just feel more valid when you can say.. that's for an actual company and such.
me and tim had some interesting conversations last night. like it was 4 in the morning and we're barely awake and i dont even know how it came up. something about strip clubs. and i asked him if he'd ever been. he had. a few times. and i thought it would turn into a thing but it didnt. he was so open about it and i could ask anything i wanted and he'd answer with an actual full length honest answer. even if it was kind of.. uncomfortable lol. but i know it was before he met me so.. you know.. its not like it matters.. its weird.. i never even thought to ask cuz i just cant picture him in one.. but he said he was a follower and that it was weird and uncomfortable. we actually laughed about it too. i like late night conversations. u cant really remember actually falling asleep.. just talking.
I need to clean and make myself pretty. so.. goodnight internetly world. and don't forget to flush..
what??
i want to go to paris.
tim is so cute. he knows I want to learn french. when we got back together in november and i was still at my moms.. i put up post its all over my room so we could learn that way but the post its lost their sticky and we never paid any attention to them anyways so it was kind of pointless. but yesterday he turned on a podcast of french and we're going to learn it every night during dinner. we think it'd be cool to teach our kids a different language. at least 1. french and spanish. because french is powerful and spanish is practical. so far we can greet each other. lol. we just greet each other over and over. we're dorks.
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super soft ultra sexy hair.. what could be better? I've been having some nice hair days.. low maintenance and easy.. yet full of volume. i love good. no. great hair days :} envy me. I'm fabulous. haha. jk I suck.. but my hair doesnt !! lol I'm so weird..
so i cant sleep... (havent tried but I can predict the future.... I'm just good like that)
SO time for a Quizzy McQuiz...
Do you hate the last girl you were talking to?
the last girl I talked to was christi no.. our realtor. or alisha if a myspace message counts. i dont hate any of them.
When is the last time you took a nap?
bah i sleep too much at night to take naps.. i'm not that lazy... *shifty eyes*
Do you only drink bottled water?
uhm. no. yes. a bit.
What are you listening to right now?
a fine frenzy- almost lover. its a sad song and sometimes i like listening to sad songs. and stuff.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
uhhhhhh i think it was christi. yeah.
To text you?
like tim or the people who say how many minutes i have
To send you a Myspace message?
christi
What's on your mind most today?
uhhh the most.. idk i have a lot on my mind.
Something that happened today that made you angry?
sometimes timmy can be a confusing little monkey and and i gets a frustrated ats him. but its ok. i loved him up good. lol i talks funnies. jk.. forget u read that.
Have you dated anyone on your top friends?
like omg yeah.. and he is like so totally rad n stuffffffs
Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
depends on the sitch. mostly talk about them. but sometimes i want to talk a lot. and people can only listen so much. so i guess i get as much as i can out and hide the rest. mostly. sometimes i hide it all and block things out until i forget and then they pop up and im like woah g's
Do you wear makeup?
i try but i fail :{ I cant make myself pretty :/
Are you missing someone?
uuuuuuuuuh idk i guess some people..
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
yeah. i think so.. i knows so.
What instant messaging service do you use?
aim or yahoo. mostly aim but no one talks to me really.
Would you date/hook up with your sisters best friend?
i don't have a sister but.. if my sister had a best friend.. I'm just guessing it'd be a girl.. and that'd make me a lesbian.. is she hot? lol jk. but no. if it was a dude face then no absolutely not. drama.
What did you do last night?
i went to see 21 that blackjack movie with jim sturgess :}. i went with timmy and bea and ryan. lenny and his gf were gonna go but they didnt..
What color is your hair?
blackish
Where was the last place you hugged someone?
on my bed
Who was the last person you talked to in person besides family?
in person.. the personat food for less said hi to me and tim. i've talked to timmy since then but.. he is my family g's :}
What do you want most right now?
a wedding dress to fall out of the sky. i'm not joking... aaand nope that's really all...
What are you doing tonight?
after this I'm sleeping.. even tho its morninggg.
Are you happy right now?
right this second? i'm okay. I'm good. I'm loved.
Is your phone right beside you?
idk where it is.. i think its in my purse thing
Are you cold?
a bit.
What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
getting married hopefully :/
First thing you do when you wake up?
kiss timmy. turn on the tv and fall back asleep. brush the teeth
What does your best friend call you?
gangster.. lol jk?
Would you prefer a thunderstorm or for it to be snowing?
snow!
Who do you call the most?
tim for sure.
Have you ever kissed just a friend?
yeah one time it was so weird. it wasnt even like a kiss kiss.. it was like a kiss and a half. o lol. i guess thats more than a kiss. but no tongue. andddddd it was awkward.. for me anyways. it was one of those things where u know ur not going to date the person but u both have a thing for each other and u have to see if there are sparks or u'll just wonder forever. no sparks.. meh.
Have you ever fought for the opposite sex?
ha yeah once and never again g's. with a friend over a friend we had feelings for and it was stupid. i didnt realize that fighting for a guy was stupid and that the guy should fight for u until like.. like now.
Ever dyed your hair?
yeah a few times
Do you cry a lot?
lately :/ lately i cry at everything.
Are you good at keeping secrets?
yes i think so. didnt used to be.
Did you participate in gym class?
yeah it wasnt too bad
What does your last text message in your inbox say?
phone. too. far.
Do you crack your knuckles?
only when i hear timmy do it. otherwise no.
Have you ever been in love?
i have. i am.
Do you believe there's always room in your heart for your first love?
i think u keep certain memories of every love you have in ur head, but ur first love always stays in ur heart. even if u dont want them to.
Have you ever kissed in a pool?
mhmm
What kind of tattoos do you want/have?
ew
Do you give special ringtones to certain people?
no
What will you eat next?
breakfast
Why do/don't you want to get married?
i do becauseee i found my match. my balance in another person. you can like a lot of people and love a handful but i think you only have one soul mate and I found mine.
What's the lamest movie you've ever seen?
uh lamest.. i dont watch lame movies. i hate movies with crappy endings. recently watch gone baby gone. had a crappy ending. so that was lame. couldve been good. i cant think of any off the top of my head..
How old do you wish you were?
17 or 25
Do you know any foreign languages?
we are learning french
What was your favorite class in high school?
meh
What's your favorite pizza company?
dominoes?
What was your first job and for how long?
er solutions.. 3 months lol
What do you like to do when you're bored?
surveys??
Would you carry somebody else's baby?
no way. i couldnt give away my baby.
What tv show did you watch the most when you were a kid?
idk. i cant remember. i can remember scooby doo and flinstones. ducktales. care bears.. idk
What kind of car do you have?
a black honda civic.
How do you think the world will end?
the sun is gonna blow us ups!
What's the first thing you'd buy if you won the lottery?
a house. and a car for timmy. and a truck for me. and pony cuz u know.. its a pony. and cloths. and a mac computer and such..
What college do you wish you could go to/went to?
i wanna go to the Pasadena art center
What was the worst fashion statement you've ever made?
probably have to be.. everyday of elementary school. and some of jr high.
Who would you fight if you had the chance to right now?
haha.. i know a lot of people i'd like to punch in the face.. like a chick from my last job. the boss. mike. my mom lol but that's taken care of. jk. jk. g's
What historical figure would you want to be for the day?
Cleopatra
When's the last time you've been to the doctor and what for?
too long :/ like 3 years ago!! i have so much wrong with me I'm surprised I'm not dead yet..
What do you day dream about the most?
oh stuff
What's the last song to get stuck in your head?
stop and stare
What's your favorite kind of plant?
sunflowers are #1. daffodils. peonies. and roses
What's your favorite season?
fall
What's your favorite piece of clothing?
tank tops. all.
What kind of underwear do you usually wear?
uhm, idk whatever i grab first. right now theyre lite pink with black polka dots.
What would be the perfect gift you could receive from your bf/gf?
a puppy!? no.. not now. a plane ticket to anywhere with a chapel on a hill.
What kind of cell phone do you have?
nokia?
What's the longest amount of time you've slept?
lately? idk 10 hours?
What food can you cook the best?
i like my enchiladas.
What's your favorite coffee beverage?
EW.
How old were you when you had your first serious bf/gf?
17-18
What do you think about Pluto not being a planet anymore?
lol what? poor pluto.. you are still a planet in my eyes :/
Do you think that it's ok to kill animals for sport?
no and people who do should be kicked in the tummy.
What part of the newspaper do you read?
the classifieds :{ not in a while tho. i dont read news. i watch it on tv when timmy does.
How many piercings have you had in your lifetime?
2
What country would you most like to visit?
paris. or london. venice. rome. florence. sydney. thailand. etc. but mostly paris.
What did you usually eat for lunch in high school?
idk i can only remember asking random people for money and we'd buy mc griddles. o wait that wasnt lunch.. idk..
Are you a vegetarian, and if you are, why did you make that choice?
no but i should be cuz im a fatty and i'mma eatchoo..
What color are your bedroom walls?
white
What's your favorite color to wear?
blue. green. black. white.
What facial feature creeps you out the most about someone?
i love eyebrows when they are great but if u have creepy messy unkempt or unibrow eyebrows.. im concerned.. or big ears lol. yeah that has to be the worst. think about it. your nose and your ears.. NEVER stop growing. till u die. so. starting small is ideal. ugly sideburns. if u cant pull it off.. dont. please dont.
Do you prefer long/short hair, and dark or light hair?
mmm short light ish brown hair. or pitch black. u have to really know what ur doing to pull off long hair. especially long light hair.. we're talking about guys still right?
What has been the best place you've ever visited?
colorado was nice.
Do you have any nervous habits?
biting my nails. grinding my teeth in my sleep.. doesnt happen a lot only once in a while. biting the inside of my cheek :/ shaking my leg. playing with my belly button.
Do you smoke cigarettes?
ew.
What's your favorite TV channel?
idk.
What was your favorite pair of shoes as a kid?
i dont know. oh i loved my oxfords.
What's your favorite kind of pastry?
huh? uhm. yummy kinds. i like blueberry muffins..
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| [1369] The Closer |
March 30, 2008 |
Listening to: lovers electric - closer
closer
you want more space
i want less distance
you want more words
I want less noise
you speak in rythmes
i dream in wishes
we've got nowhere left to hide
you see the sun
I see the burning
you see good things in everyone
The closer my heart is
the further my head is from you
The more that I need you
the less I can see what to do
you want my hand
I want the darkness
you want the warmth
I want the cold
you walk ahead
I walk in circles
we've got nowhere left to go
you see the sun
I see the burning
you see good things in everyone
The closer my heart is
the further my head is from you
The more that I need you
the less I can see what to do
that song is sad.
I need a vacation. sometimes i just get this weird urge to run. since i can remember. usually i just want to run away from everyone around me.. and tim is around me so i guess thatd be him.. but this time i would like to run away with him. i think we could both use a break from this place. vegas? wouldnt that be nice. that would be so fun. i feel like i never got a real 21st birthday.. it was my golden birthday idk it makes me sad sometimes. like tonight we went to see the movie 21 lol and i just thought about how my 21st birthday was by far the worst one yet. because tim wasnt there and i'd like to relive it with him.
its almost 4 and he is passed out on the floor next to me. lol. i always ask him why he dosnt go lay on our big comfy bed, and he's like.. "i like being in here with u" awww shuckies.
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| [1367] Release |
March 28, 2008 |
last night we were waiting to watch make me a supermodel. i know its stupid but we have a bunch of shows we watch together and thats become one of them. i walked into the bedroom and told him to come with me. we fell asleep and missed the show. I woke up around 1am. we got up and got ready for bed. i like bravo because they replay their shows when they just aired so it was on again. tim went to sleep but i stayed up to watch it. he was tossing and turning and he just couldnt sleep. i tried rubbing his back and stuff. i thought maybe it was the volume so i turned it down and laid closer. after it was over i scooched up to my pillow and tim turned around and said "that's why i couldnt fall asleep, no cuddle bugs". hehe. i loves him. I also love when he says "burrrsies".. oh his random moments of homosexuality. theyre what i live for lol. he'd kill me if he knew i said that. just joking babe, you're adorable.
uhg. reality tv is addictive. i started watching the hills from the beginning cuz i got sucked in at the middle. so im getting caught up. so much drama.
follow through. its all about follow through. sometimes you get your answers from lack of follow through. this doesnt make sense unless ur in my head and i dont have to worry about it since tim is wonderful. and i'm glad i dont have to. he wants me and if i didnt want him he'd still want me because his feelings arent based on situations. and for people who do base their feelings on emotion and situation.. i just fee really bad for them and hope i dont have anyone like that in my life. i'm pretty good at weeding them out tho.
i just want to be married already. i need a dress :{
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sometimes I feel like my head is on backwards.
right now. nothing makes any sense.
i wish there was an on/off switch for thinking.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1366] What Gets You Through The Night |
March 27, 2008 |
Listening to: The Audition - What Gets You Through The Night
its sad because its true....
Tried to find both my life and my love
Took the time
to write down all my thoughts
Found that I need to let go of you
(let go oh let go)
All of my worthless insecurities
Cause I've got the tendencies
Of dancing away at anything alarming
And so...
Can you, will you
At least attempt to stay now?
Just turn around
I'll make you breakthrough
Never betray you
And now
I know that I
Can't go back
on all those promises
I shredded but
Can you, will you
At least attempt to stay now?
Wonder why,
why it's taking so long
To step back and admit all my wrongs
Always gave everything you had to me
(everything to me)
Tell me why I continue abusing
My insecurities have taken away
What I consider charming
And so...
Can you, will you
At least attempt to stay now?
Just turn around
I'll make you breakthrough
Never betray you
And now I know that I
Can't go back
on all those promises
I shredded but
Can you, will you
At least attempt to stay now?
Whoa,
I'll never tell you why
I do those things I do
Whoa,
oh please just show me
some understanding, baby
Whoa, just trust my soul that I,
I'm trying,
God I'm trying
Oh, to let you know that I,
I've tried to tell you that...
My insecurities have taken away
What I consider charming
And so...
Can you, will you
At least attempt to stay now?
Just turn around
I'll make you breakthrough
Never betray you
And now I know that I
Can't go back on all those promises I shredded but
Can you, will you
At least attempt to stay now?
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1365] Stop and Stare |
March 27, 2008 |
Listening to: one republic - stopa nd stare
I am a reality tv junkie. cant help it and i dont care if its scripted. its intoxicating.
David Cook is is is.. the love of my musical heart. Besides justin t. He send chills down my spine. Serious.. I'm not like attracted to him tho. and whoever has his babies is going to have a very hard time squeezing out his offspring. i felt bad for me cuz of tim.. but that guys head is huge. HUGE! but his voice is like.. like an orgasm on the moon. lol. what?
QUIZZY TIME!
Who was the last person you laid in bed with?
the one and only timothy w frei
When was the last time you went to dinner? where? with who?
uhm. chi chis with my timmy bear
Do you own ugg's?
no i want some tho. i know theyre kinda trendy and i am not but they look so comfortable.
How did you do on the last test you took?
uhm. i got a C+ :/
Who was the last person of the opposite gender that you hugged?
my timmmyyyy a few hours ago when he went to sleep.
What are you most looking forward to?
getting a new job. being mrs jenifer charlene frei lol. better than belty.
Do you wear hollister?
no.
What food makes you sick?
anything with milk. sometimes sugar. caffeine. its a miracle I am alive right now..
Do you get nervous around the guy/girl you like?
well not anymore. i gots him. but yes in the past
Do you remember what you were like exactly one year ago?
uhm.. i was happy. newly engaged. we jut moved into this apartment. and everything was lovely. not much has changed..
Who was your last text from?
text about how many minutes i have
When was the last time you saw this person?
i have never met them. im sure its just a robot
Do you have pictures of you with your friends?
uhm. yeah... but not recently. unless u count tim.i do. he's my best.
Where are you right now?
computer room
Do you give special ringtones to certain people?
not enough people call me to go thru so much trouble
What's the weather like outside?
perfect
What are you eating?
nothing. i want chocolate..
What is your favorite holiday?
christmas
Where'd you get your clothing from:
thrift stores lol.
Do you text with t9 or abc?
i dont know. whichever really.
Have you memorized your social security number?
yeah like 5 years ago
Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
omg there was a time about a month ago when that was all i dreamed about.. i would wake up all sweaty and my eyes were allpuffy cuz i guess its possible to cry in ur sleep.. didnt know that.. and i would look over and just stare at tim because it felt so real. it was like at least 3 times a week for a month. i didnt really tell him about it. once or twice but i didnt want him to think i was like morbid. some of the stuff was pretty intense. not just tim tho. sometimes my mom. jason, my brother, a few times. jason whom i dated once or twice. brett once. manuel. myself. which is weird..
Are you spoiled?
honestly i was gonna say no but i thought about it and.. kinda.. :/
Do you like water?
yes ssir
Do you have a pet in the room with you?
noo he is sleeping outside
If you died today, would there be anything you wish you could've said?
yeah. so much to so many people.
What was the last book you read?
i was reading a long way down. but didnt finish. i kinda forget where i put it.
Are your nails painted right now?
nope.
When is your birthday?
oct 21st
Do you think your best friend(s) is/are the coolest person ever?
for reals.
Do you talk to people on the phone or im more?
mmm they probably balance each other out..
What color are your eyes?
brown
Do you have your ears pierced?
mhmm
Would you ever pierce your own belly button?
ouch no. infections are gross. ive seen too many people stupid enough to pierce their own bodies and it is always messy and bloody and a waste because it closes up and leaves a scar
Do you want any more piercings?
no thanks
Have your friends seen you cry?
mhm
are you annoyed with anyone right now?
lol oh yes. oh oh yes. a few people actually.
Have you ever had a panic attack?
i actually think i have. sometimes i get these flutter heart things.. tim has been getting them lately.. maybe its contagious.. maybe we're dying.
Name the last time you got really bored?
now..?
What's the last food you ate that was salted?
chips
quizzes. so addicting, yet never satisfying.
anyways.. sesame seeds are expensive.
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DONT READ BEYOND THIS POINT. serious. unless ur tim. its totally lovey dovey. complete mush. and u'll just think I'm being braggy.. that isnt the word.. u'll get sick of me and want to punch me in the face. for reals. but i'm just really thinky right now. i'm on my girly thing so I am just oh so full of emotion..
I remember a long time ago.. i dont know exactly when.. the same day my mom broker her elbow. like last year in august i think.. but me and tim had a fight. i thought we were breaking up i think. close to it anyways. and right before i get a phone call from my cousin telling me about my mom, he tells me he wants to marry me and asks if i want to go to las vegas and just elope right now. leave that night and be married by the morning. i was a little taken back because i was thinking.. we just had a fight... i dont think its the best time to run to vegas and elope. i remember laughing a little... because.. idk it was just funny. and i didn't have time to really answer because my cousin called right then. and i basically told him what happened to my mom and said i had to go over there to help her. and he said something like.. so what do u think.. [about vegas] and i told him i think we should go help my mom and just see what happens. but also by saying that.. i'm not saying no..just maybe not right now and that i didnt want to scare him away from asking me again. i wish i would have just turned off my phone.. packed a bag.. and made what would have been the best decision of my life. i really do. i want to be married right now. i want to be married to him so much it chokes me up. i remember when me and timmy met with pdk. and it was pretty ruff. because we just felt like he was trying to discourage us. and he told us to pray about it and make sure its what God wanted. and put God first. and i felt like he was trying to say that he didnt think God approved. like our answers would be inevitable. but i know that Tim is the one. i've known since I met him. I knew that being a christian was important to me and i know you can't change someone if they dont want to change and we wouldnt be together if he hadnt have been willing and didnt believe. but he had an interest before i even met him and i just never had a bad thought about it because i just knew it was okay. and it wouldnt be an issue. I cant see my life with anyone else. I cant see anyone understanding me like tim does. or accepting me. all of me. the good bad and the ugly. the unreasonable. the stubburn. the pessimistic. the worry wort. the frustrated. the basket case. the exasperating. the insecure. the troubled. random and beyond weird me. who could? he has put up with my family. my mother. he always tries to improve not just for me.. its just how he is. thats why he is so good at what he does and why I have always been so proud of him. he works hard at everything he does and he has integrity. he is patient and sweet and sincere. and cute and dorky and a goof. and totally homosexual. jk. he is sexy and smart and smells sensational. he should be a cologne. he is helpful and thoughtful and appreciative and i know he'll make a great husband. he is dependable and stable and dedicated and i know he'll make a good daddy when we start a family :] he is everything i wanted that i didn't know i needed. he isn't perfect of course. but i know one is more perfect for me. no one. and and i don't deserve him one bit. i just want to be able to call him my husband. i want to hear him say "well hello wife" for the first time. heh. or something. i mean i love our life now. I love when he comes home and puts his lunch box on the floor which can only mean one thing.. lunch box kisses. lol.. he's so tall. i love when he scratches my back when I'm on the computer or to help me fall asleep in bed because he knows its been hard. when I'm crying and he brushes my hair from my face and kisses my forehead and tells me its okay. when he does dishes just because he wants to be helpful. when he says thank you and hugs me from behind for doing.. anything.. like cleaning or cooking or something like that. i love when i say something he thinks is cute and he repeats me and its like a catch phrase for the rest of the day. i love talking to him. he listens. i love how much he respects me. almost 3 years and he has always respected my desire to wait. he's never pressured me. unlike some people grr. uhg. he forgives me for being an idiot. he lets me cry with him even if he has no idea why. even if i have no idea why heh. he believes in me even when i want to give up. he takes my thoughts and feelings into consideration. he apologizes when he knows he is wrong and forgives me before receiving one himself. he can stop a fight with a smile.. i think he is the only person in this world who is capable of such a thing. at least with me. he tries so hard not to tickle me.. but he just cant help it. i think its like some sort of addiction and he needs treatment and a detox center. he loves jefri because i love jeffy. even if sometimes he does stink. and if he chewed his nintendo chords :S we can talk about anything. from what happened at work that day to how we want to raise our children. i want to be married.
bah. i love you baby.
this wasn't supposed to be so long.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1364] |
March 26, 2008 |
Today I put 3 of our engagement pictures in frames and hung them over our bed. It makes such a difference. There might be a few piles of laundry cluttered on the floor, but when i look up all I see are smiling faces. I can't help but smile and feel good whenever I walk into our room, even if I wasn't in a good mood a moment before.
which is nice today since its been kind of emotional. I called my mom today because no i don't want to see her just because but i had to send a fax and thought I'd kill 2 birds with one stone. she didn't answer. I told my cousin what happened with my mom and her face. i wish i didnt now because my aunt irene read it and she got all weird and sent me a myspace message saying how i should be ashamed of myself for saying she deserved it. and blah. and we got in this message fiasco trying to understand each other and it just isnt possible because some people just will only defend a mother. being a mother doesnt automatically make u a good person.
anyways.
my car got towed. i was about to go to school i was turning off all the lights and my neighbor knocks on the door and says my dodge colt just got towed and im like.. what the heck? and we run out and im chasing this truck down the street and stop him but he didnt let give it back. but it made me late and i was already late even if that hadnt happened. so i skipped school. when timmy got home we went to pick up the car. the girl was sooooo rude. when we got there there was a huge parking lot and we saw my car so we park adn go inside. well aparently u arent supposed to enter that way. so thr guy tells us to go around and we;re walking up the stairs and the girl see's me coming thru the window and purposely waits until we reach the window to say "people are retards they always enter that door" or something stupid like that and she was a jerk the whole time and we didnt even do anything. it even made tim say something and tim never says anything. it was kinda nice :]
i loves me timmy.
My shirt has a tear. Timmy told me not to fix it cause its "hot" lol.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1363] |
March 25, 2008 |
hmm.
i hate big ears on girls. its.. gross. and ew. i also hate couples that look like brother and sister. its creepy.
so. my mom called me this morning. i heard it and looked but didnt answer. i fell back asleep and listened to it when i woke up.. she said that i was right about manuel and that he does lie and blah blah blah and that she is leaving for thailand tomorrow and would like to say goodbye in case "her plane blows up". I'm dont know about her but for the rest of america.. saying something like that is just pretty freaking ridiculous. anyways.. and about manuel. so what that i was right. the only reason i told her he was liar was because 1. he is. (but you just gotta love people flaws and all.) and 2. i was being accussed of always stealing money from her and jason when it was reeeeally manuel. those are the only reasons because i was being attacked for things i didnt do. I mean i dont think she is a completely evil person. about 90% but 10% i think had good intentions when it came to manuel and wanting to be a good guardian but theres a line between wanting the best for someone and controlling someone. and maybe she had a right to get mad on easter. i dont know.. i wasnt there. but everyone said she deserved it and i believe them because every time i am in a fight with her i wish someone would randomly just come in and punch her in the face too.. she might have all the right intentions in the world.. but she wont ever get anywhere if she doesnt learn that she cant control everyone and every situation. be mad. be hurt. but dont throw peoples crap on the lawn.. and nonsense like that. she is an adult and she acts like a little kid.. yet she thought she could raise a man? look at jason. he is pathetic. and i, along with the rest of my family, feel bad for cambria. anyways. so i dont know. the whole message pissed me off. i guess anything she would have said would have.. what part of i dont want you in my life anymore doesnt she get? not 3 months or 5 or 6.. just.. dont. ever. and she calls and leaves messages and pretends like everything is ok.. like that my whole life can be erased because she didnt act completely psychotic in a phone call. bleh i dont care.
me and timmy got in a fight this morning because I'm stupid and accused him of stupid things that weren't even true.. but.. i mean I am depressed already and then i lost my job.. so depression plus excessive alone time equals excessive think time.. and that is never good. basically thought myself into a nervous wreck. but tim is amazing. i don't think there is a better person out there who could mesh so well with me. he knows exactly what to do. i can be so angry with him but he knows how to calm me down. and he listens to me. like really listens to me and hears me and tries to understand. i really do think we are a perfect balance of crazy and calm. i think God knew exactly what he was doing when he decided i should be with tim. everyone else would have given up on me a long time ago. its weird how in the middle of a fight you think your hurting your relationship. you say stupid things and hurtful things. i mean most of the things said are constructive and have a point but the other stuff finds its way in there somehow. and you think its going to be detrimental to the relationship and instead it just brings you closer.
so i figured out why my boobs suddenly feel a lot bigger. today especially.. i started my period which usually increases boob size but also.. since i forgot to take too many pills on my last pack, i had to start a new one. so instead of a month of no period.. it was a month and a half. so i'm assuming it has something to do with that. but it has put a motivation to look into finding natural ways to increase them.. i mean if something stupid like bcp's can do it.. im sure there are other ways. actually i heard sesame seeds do the trick. woot.
well.. off to make my timmy a yummy lunch. anddddddd smell him till i fall asleep.
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| (0 comments) | pee in my bucket |
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| [1361] Easter Eggs and Karma Kindness |
March 23, 2008 |
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