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Friends of Vgwrksbrto

 
a single post-it rose.
"it's yellow", i sayy. "for friendship."
"for friendship??"
"yea. friendship."


&then i run awayy.
203 hit(s) (0 comments) | animal crackers.  
Bored till ...i unoo 0_o
Listening to: none
Feeling: alright
well its 2am.and up just cuz ...
there is rlly nothing to do and im burning out hard :(

i realized that its febuary 1st
!!!
a special day for some one i think...??

jk ...

HAppy b-Day claire Bear!!


well on with the show it begins...

ya im pretty done here...
until next time
113 hit(s) (1 comments) | my Demise  
Find me.
The door to my apartment is wide open, I left it like that when I came in, arms full of groceries. I guess it feels better with it open like that, it's just too hot outside. You could walk right in.

I wish it was scarf weather, it would make me feel better about staying inside. It would make me feel better about not getting up.

The microwave is heating up a frozen pizza for me, and that sort of feels comforting. It's making my apartment smell like Chuck E. Cheese, and that really feels comforting.

Right now I would like to watch a movie and pretend I'm the main character.

So that's what I'll do, because nothing else matters right now.

-Amanda


106 hit(s) (1 comments) | be honest.  
Another sell out band
But hey, i cant deny its kinda catchy. old stuff is deffintialy better. but.........


Love love love love love love
Woo!

You were everything I wanted
You were everything a girl could be
Then you left me brokenhearted
Now you don't mean a thing to me
All I wanted was your
Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you
Brought you around
And you just brought me down
Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you

I really don't like you

Thought that everything was perfect
(Perfect)
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
Thought you thought that I was worth it
Now I think a little differently
All I wanted was your
Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you
(I really don't like you)
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you
(Liked about you)
Brought you around
And you just brought me down
Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you

Now that it's over you can't hurt me
Now that it's over you can't bring me down

Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh
Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh

All I wanted was your
Love love love love love love

Hey!

Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you
(I really don't like you)
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you
(Liked about you)
Brought you around
And you just brought me down
(Hey!)
Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you

Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh
I really don't like you
Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh
I really don't like you
Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh
I really don't like you
Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh
242 hit(s) (0 comments) | now your thoughts  
I need to win
I don't want to see myself as other people may see me. I don't want my identity to be purely conceived from what I think society says I should be. I don't want these things to happen, but they do, and in turn I'm stuck with what I've got. And what I've got is not me.

A lot of times I don't feel normal but I know that's how everyone feels and it useless to whine about it. Still, I feel on the outside. I'm really in a battle against myself. An 'I against I' scenario. I need to better myself, take chances and seize the day but I'm afraid and I'm stubborn. I'm afraid on the one hand I won't do the things I need to do until I'm pushed so close to the edge that I'll take that leap out of desperation and rebellion, screaming "fuck you life. Fine I'll just plow through these things with force and hate." And on the other hand I'm afraid that I NEED to get to that edge to WAKE UP and realize how fast my life is passing me by. But what is that edge? And is there another way to get what I want without having to come those extremes and eventually giving up and taking what wants me? That's scary.

I make excuses all the time and I fall back too much on destiny and fate. "It'll all happen eventually, just give it some time." It won't happen until I MAKE it happen. Maybe I'm jaded or bitter because of those times where I stuck my foot in the water and the water was too cold or the sharks were too visible and now I'm sitting on the deck chair looking at everyone having so much fun in the pool on a hot summer day in the middle of July while I sit in my snow globe in the dead of winter. I need to smash the glass, cut my feet and dive in. I need to win.
128 hit(s) (2 comments) | go at it  
(40) for better or worse.
the answer will never be clear.

would i take it back? what have i done that is so great? why do you want me around? you treat me poorly, i still love you. do i mean something? i can't have what i want with you. and you don't see it, or you don't care. i know you don't listen.

sigh.

for better or worse. what is my life?
236 hit(s) (1 comments) | fork death  
YAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA
Listening to: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY
Feeling: hyper
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY
mom and dad said that maybe next year we'll go 2 London...yay British people ROCK!
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYYAYYAYAYYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY
82 hit(s) (3 comments) | sup?  
I Am the Devil!
Feeling: angry
There is no room here for insanity here.
Go, regurgitate what the world has given you elsewhere.
Go put your words in the mouths of strangers elsewhere.
Family? You? Me? What?
Get Out.
I don't want you here right now, you shame me.
Go on.
Call me demon.
Call me Herman?
You're insane.
I AM THE DEVIL!
You have serious issues!
Take Herman with you, ma'.
615 hit(s) (7 comments) | leave comment  
2oo7
New year, been a over a year since I have logged on into this and wow, I'm back. All by accident, I completely forgot.

I am honestly NOT the same lady I was before. I have gotten bitter and lost how gullible I used to be. I learned who my TRUE friends were and in the process figured many so called "friends" were stabbing me in the back. One must ALWAYS be careful what you say on the Net, someone's going to read it.

I lost the one woman I have ever loved last year and I miss her terribly. I dream of her and I wake up thinking she's cooking breakfast or going to pop into my room to kiss me good-bye before she heads off for work.

I found out that I can truly like someone so much I can't find any other kind of happiness with someone else. It's just not the same. Every other guy seemed like an ephermeral pleasure rather than what I feel for this other man. He makes me happy and I love being with him. Clearly no one else can know because you just haven't SEEN. And that's your loss...

...I have changed for both better and worse. I am called "Every parent's WORST nightmare" in my circle of friends because of this shit I have done. Clearly, it's not over for me. I know that in these next months, I'm once again going to change drastically. But it's life. The only thing permanent in life is change.
68 hit(s) (1 comments) | Amuse Me  
fridayy.
Listening to: DEATH MAGNETIC.
Feeling: bizarre
turned seventeen on mondayy.
it was amazing. people care.

last year of high school.
easyy shit. until college apps, maybe.

"the promise is null &void."
the end of that dreaded drunken promise!

i care about him.
he lies. to me, to himself. helpless.

i hate her. &her stupid accusing questions.
she buys a new face to put on each dayy.


it's so easy to be happyy.
if you're up for it. it's so easy.


love//miss youu all.
440 hit(s) (0 comments) | purple bunnyy. <3  
Two ways and we're only given one.
Can we ever escape it; who we’re meant to be? The further I’ve come along in life, the more I’ve noticed that life is a two way thing – that we can create our own destiny, or that for some their destiny is already chosen; that there are sad people and happy people, introverts and extroverts, there is hate and there is love… the list could go on.

If life were a two way street then I’m on the side that’s already been chosen for me. I wonder if I were to sit still, would I still find myself in the depths of my responsibility or would sitting still indeed be my escape. No, it’ll always be there, it’ll always be waiting for me.

More than a year has passed since the passing of my mother and astonishingly, 3 years have already passed since the passing of my dad. The memories of them though will never leave me be. Despite anyone who knows saying that I did a great job for my parents, in my mind I failed them, not for what they endured, but for not fully being there with them in what they endured – “honour your parents is what we’re told”. I won’t allow myself to see the good I did, only the bad – humility overweighs being proud – but not even ‘humility’ would describe what I feel.

There’s a certain memory of my mother that I think back to. She was in the later stages of her illness at the time and in this memory I was in the shower, standing with my right arm held up against the wall in front of me – a wall to keep up-right the worries of the World, I’m surprised the wall didn’t break – but I did; I fell quickly to my knees, crippled as the shower poured over me and no, the wall did not break, but my heart had. I cried hard with flashbacks of what I exist to see and give hope to. I had cried hard enough for my mom to hear me from three rooms away from the shower where she was sitting, contemplating most likely of what her life had come to, trying her best to make sense of ‘why’ this had happened to her – a lesson for me would be my answer – my mom’s whole life was to prepare me for who I am; The lives of our parents often sets out for us the life that we will lead.

My mother had later said to me with her expression innocent, loving and beautiful – though above all helpless – that she had heard me cry. She wanted to know why, but wasn’t persistent and I never did tell her why I had cried.

I don’t know who I can compare myself to or how to find the words so I can continue to write about what I’ve been feeling as honestly, I wouldn’t know how many people feel the way I do, or rather, feel responsible in the way that I do. Of late I’ve been called more to live up to my responsibility. My heart narrows in what it wants and follows that chosen side of the street again. I find it hard to trust in what I want and further more, I find it hard to trust others who want to be close to me; “I am not like you” I would say to them, unassuming in what they want with me, not remembering why they do in the first place.

The call to live up to my responsibility I believe only to be a wake up call. Life is perhaps a little more just, that it will allow me to still have what I want and so I continue to find that trust again and my quickly narrowed heart can breathe for itself once more. Though I wonder why I still feel like I’m recovering. Is there a chance I won’t? If only I could end this on a better note.
132 hit(s) (3 comments) | Open your heart  
Olivia
So today I called Sarah up to see how she and Liv are doing while they're in Georgia. While we were talking, Sarah put the phone on speaker so I could talk to Olivia. I started saying "Hiiii Oliviaaaa" and then I heard "Dadad!" That's pretty much the highlight of my day.
9673 hit(s) (7 comments) | comment  
the answer of the day is: you've made it
Out of the 364 1/2 days of the year 2008, I can honestly say there were only a few good memories that will never leave this tired head of mine.

A brief caption of the year on a whim. Enjoy.

We'll start off at the beginning (duh):
-What greater way to start off the year than outrageously horrid? Dealing with a bad breakup and the asshole you used to be head over heels for is always a good starter. No other comment January through the beginning of March.
-Although the beginning of the year blew chunks, I have to say, my birthday was a pleasant surprise; it was one of the last times I'd gotten to see everyone I know together, whom I have shared a personal bond with one way or another. Tie that in with laser tag, free Arnie Palmers and halfway illegal adventures to haunted houses and you have yourself a pretty whimsical night. One groovy night. Better than nothing so far.

-Discovering I could stop being so stupid and naive and actually having feelings for other people again.

-I'm going to be cheesy and mention prom. I can't deny how classically fun it was. Short hair, the vegetable oil spillage on my dress, gaining back a once very close friendship that is now just enough, performing the Thriller with Catherine and forming an epic circle of fellow peers because of how sick nasty it really was, and getting to share the night with my date and also best friend.
-Getting a new job was pretty cool. For like, the first week 1/2. I've met some really awesome people since May and I'm learning so much from two of them in particular.
-This summer will never compare to that of '07, but it was spectacular in another way. There may not have been as much cruisin' in the Neon with the windows rolled down, blasting Arcade Fire and Smashing Pumpkins with my two closest amigas, but I got to meet the other me in male form and I spent every day doing ridiculous/exciting things with a really awesome chick.
- My first rave was memorable enough. Wasn't too exciting, but I didn't think having as much energy as I did until 5am was possible. Driving into Boston didn't phase me too much either. Another great experience, and another great moment for meeting some great people. I like to think I shared the night with the perfect best friend, as well.

-Sigur Rós. What a gorgeous night. I felt the music right in my chest. It made Tim cry. I always think of green smoke when I hear them. Especially when they started off with Svefn-G-Englar. The atmosphere in Boston was cold, but tied in perfectly with the bone-chilling numbers they played. I closed my eyes the entire time and let everything else melt. They may be growing a bit repetitive with their performances, but whatever. It was damn incredible.

-I've been blessed with the presence of an amazing art teacher this semester. He listens to great alternative rock music and walks between his two classrooms strumming on his guitar. When I'm in a good mood in class, we usually talk about my future (how sad) and listen to Jeff Buckley and the unfortunately good mixtapes a woman, that lives next to his parents, leaves in his car when they watch his kids. He gave me his student violin his wife used to play on until I got my new beautiful 4/4 violin for Christmas. That's the main reason he gets an entire paragraph of my year in 2008.

-Discovering Kings Of Leon all over again. So so good.

This shouldn't really apply here, but having an already amazing start to the new year has, in a way, made the closing of 2008 ironically satisfying.


These were never meant to be discreet, but you can never turn down a mystery game.

I. The reason I'm putting you first is because you are more important than I've made you feel in the past. Saying you do so much for me is an understatement and I should be more grateful than I really am. Sometimes you do things for me before I can get the chance to think about it. You're the only friend I've ever been able to depend on, and when I brush off your advice and encouragement, don't feel as though I think it's silly, because most of the time it isn't. You're better than anyone I know. I wish I could have started showing both of you, sooner, how appreciative I am.

II. We've had many exciting times discovering each other in such personal ways, but you'll always be like the brother I'd complain to my parents about wanting (even if you're older than me). Riding in the Nissan was my favourite thing to do with you, besides getting smoked at Mortal Kombat. The time you tried to teach me to drive stick can easily be more forgotten, however... Frisbee, Shadow, MK, haunted houses in Danville, Gogurt kid, sneaking out. Some of the greatest things about us and you would agree. You're the first person I've ever smoked with, the first person I could kiss and still look straight in the face without feeling nervous. Groovy is our middle names and I'm just as glad I took that Spanish class.

III. I think we were meant to be really close from the start. Just not as close as you may have wanted, and I think you've grasped that now. You seem perfectly fine with it, though, and I can't believe how amazing of a person you are. I will never forget two nights in particular: The first night we met and immediately fell in love with our conversations of Tom Waits and Coffee and Cigarettes and how much you love Harvey Danger. And the night we shared a quiet drive home from the beach, sitting in darkness while the sounds of Explosions in the Sky exhaled through the speakers in your old, beatup Subaru Legacy. You would most likely do anything for me. I hope you stay.

IV. Maybe we could have made more of an effort to see each other over the past months. Things have been getting in the way of you and I, but we're better than we think. You're my favourite person to reminisce with. I remember when we never left each other's side. I remember when we planned to get married together to Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy and the pages and pages of trees we wasted writing scripts for movies we thought were awesome (and they definitely were) and the times when sleepovers were pre-planned and always worth the excitement. There are still certain images and sounds, even smells, that remind me of our adolescence. Everyday has been an adventure for you and I.

V. I had a dream centered around you recently. I know my mind will never completely be rid of your presence but it's comfortably bearable. I hope you go far with your majour and I think having you as a best friend at one time was like a good learning experience. I made so many mistakes when my mind wraps around the idea, but I'm unmistakably glad it happened. Now I know a little more about being a good blanket for someone else. You'll make someone very happy some day, just try not to do what you did to me.

VI. First of all, I hope that when you do find out, you're not as upset as I'm expecting you to be. We are completely different, but somehow we work. I think it's safe to say the last few months of summer were rightfully ours. Your mother is crazy. We both knew that. You have such energy in you I only dream of being able to have every day of my life. We've done some pretty stupid things together, but going through it all together made it worth while. It's wonderful the bond we had even from the first night we went out together. You really disappointed me when you decided a boy was more important than your friends, though. I've dealt with it before, and I'm still going through it with other close people in my life, but I think that's what makes me feel less nervous about the idea of you finding out.

VII. You're the kind of quirky not many people get in their daily agenda, but I do! We work well when we're together, just you and I. We know how to make each others' stomachs hurt from laughter and we know what to say during those soft, affecting moments. Inebriated and lying around in mismatched underwear is one thing we do best together. The memory of that night in the Neon, not too long ago, occasionally pops into my head. Ambience filled the heart of our ears as I wished people could care more about fairytales than materialism. You miss your childhood and so do I. We wondered where our past went and how quickly it escaped our delicate grasps. "What happened?" I asked you. "We grew up." I'm turning your paragraph into a story, but I think it better serves the purpose. I love you, kid. Don't forget about the Laughing City.

VIII. I can't fathom the falling out we had, and I can't figure out why I was the one to speak first, but if we're both mature enough to leave it behind us it doesn't really matter. Sometimes I hope that you'll respect me more as a person and not treat me as though I'm a doormat. You've done it in the past and it definitely can feel like a swift kick in the teeth. I don't think I will ever get through to you on one particular level, and I don't think I will ever convince you that lifelong friends are more important than boys will ever be, but I know you feel the same way I do about summer. That's when we are in our prime and can really get a feel for life. You're my favourite person to go on daytrips and joyrides with. It's mostly about the music, because that's where we can finally lose ourselves and just forget about everything that has happened, especially certain unfortunate events from months ago. We have a curious friendship, but it's like none other. I enjoy it.

IX. I think sometimes I'm nervous to tell you that I'm glad I get to be stuck with you my whole life in such a loving way. I know I'm a pain, and I know I was worse when I was younger, but what kid isn't? It's not like I knew how to be logical at eight. You're better than most when I really need help. I'm happy when I get the chance to see you guys. That weekend I came up by myself, I felt like I was escaping home and heading for one destination I felt comfortable driving to. I wish we could do things together more often now that we get along. I can't wait to be in your wedding and hopefully help you plan it.

X. I can tell we're going to learn a lot from each other. You're the first person I've ever received a mixtape from and I like the feeling I get when I let the music fill my car. I don't remember everything we talked about the first time we hung out alone, but it fought over the silence of the entire night. You aren't like what some people perceive from the outside. And I know it's all cheesy, but I do feel special knowing you hate reading your work to other people, but that you do it for me. And I do like that you think I'm an addicting person. I know this could potentially ruin a strong bond that you once had and that I still have with one particular person, but right now, I'm not too worried.


I guess it's moments like these that make a really shitty year kind of unforgettable.
32 hit(s) (1 comments) | leave comment  
TL



"Turn on, tune in, drop out."
29 hit(s) (0 comments) | --.--  
 
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