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One way
Feeling: ambitious
10.46am

It's funny how small things can make you happier than big things that are meant to be joyous. Well, perhaps.

Like a conversation that settles you down a little. Or someone not caring that you're being all PMS-y. Yeah, yeah, so I do get over emotional, I wish I didn't, wish it wasn't such a cliche. But at least I've started to recognise it now. Before I just assumed all the ups and downs I was feeling were just me and my crazy head.

What annoys me is when guys assume just because it's PMS it's not legitimate feelings. Perhaps they're accentuated slightly, but personally my little sobbing fits and then ultimate happiness come from things I have been feeling anyway. It's just that the things that before made me a little annoyed or upset now make me hysterical. It's not as if suddenly because of hormones your entire position on life changes.

I wonder if dreams reflect anxieties a lot. I suppose they do.
I wish I could show my friends know how much I love them.
932 hit(s) (2 comments) | snap.  
*yawns* come again?
wow. february 2008. who'da thought the time could fly so fast? this time last year i was panicking about my gcse's, now im shitting myself about my a-levels. perhaps i should try a novel idea - work. *shudders* but not doing work is sooo much more attractive! but if i dont do work, i'll fail my a-levels, then i won't get a place at the uni i want to go to, then i won't get a decent job that i enjoy.... jesus christ, not doing work sure has some repurcussions. bugger. the really annoying thing is that this train of thought is not actually going to change the way i study. i'm just gonna carry on, drifting through life as i always do.



well, it's worked so far.
178 hit(s) (0 comments) | tell me im loved  
Hah
You amuse me annonymous commenter.
What amuses me is how seriously you take all this. Its a fucking story. Its not true.
And what amuses me most is how you think i give a fuck about what you say.

'Loser.Why dont u just put the knife in your vein and fuckin rip it up,insted of putting tiny cat scratches on your arm to bring attention to urself.'
Its a fucking story. I dont actually self harm.

'You dont undastand jak shit bout wat any1 feels. ur a self scentred piece of shit'
I understand as much as i need or want to understand, and its nice to kow you can make assumptions about what i'm like from a story.

'What kind of a sick fucked up story is this.your writing is shit.do spell check more often.and sort your word order out'
Yes its a bit sick and fucked up, if you dont like it, dont fucking read it. You can hardly talk about correct spelling. And again. I dont give a fuck what you think about it.

'ur so fukin pesimistic.shes not dead,she probs wont die of "attempted suicide".go see a shrink if u think ur depressed.and if u havnt got reason to...'
I know she's not dead, she's my best friend, i think i'd notice something like that. I dont think i'm depressed and have never claimed to be. pay attention.

'then rip ur fukin vein out'
Learn to spell fucking you lazy sod

So basically, whatever you were trying to acheive through those comments, you really havent. They made me laugh. Sorry love :)
357 hit(s) (1 comments) | go on ... say it  
[212]
Listening to: NA
Feeling: oblivious
Wow I haven't updated in three months.

No more boyfriend, no more living at home, no more anything worth while.

I have given up on everything like I said I would.

GVSU is amazing and I never want to come home anymore. I have been in WRN for three weeks and want to strangle myself.

I will miss my friends when I go back but I will eventually be home again.

Things are great though and no more being depressed, for now at least.
Now I just need to concentrated on bringing up my GPA.
41 hit(s) (0 comments) | leave comment  
Mistake
Fuck it.
I've blown it,
All that I said.
The rules I laid down,
And the pact that I'd made.
Never,
I told myself,
Never again.
Line drawn,
Move on,
Find something new.
Never let it grab you,
And hold you, again.
Never let it use you,
Just walk away.
Say no,
Stop crying,
And put it away,
To the back of your mind,
And keep it locked up.
Then maybe,
For once,
They won't see it, again.
And scorn you,
And realise
How pathetic you are.
Sitting alone,
Writing 'poems' to no one.
Just to distract you from thinking about it

But this time,
It's not a blade,
Or some drug.
Instead, you've let yourself
Go fall in love.
Fuck it.
I've blown it,
All that I said.
The rules I laid down,
And the pact that I'd made.
Never,
I told myself,
Never again.
Line drawn,
Move on,
Find someone new.
189 hit(s) (1 comments) | say it  
I wonder if anyone will ever read this?
Listening to: Lord of the Rings
Feeling: vain
Hmm... well, life. I just seems to be tootling along not really getting anywhere, with all these hopes and dreams and ambitions, that I know will never happen, and I just wonder what the hell I'm doing. My life seems to be so damn insignificant that it doesn't really seem worth it. Now, I'm not going to get all melodramatic and say that nobody would even notice if one day I just wasn't there, but I just feel like nobody really appreciates me being here, and I don't want to have to wait to find my place.
Hmm... rant over, enjoy your holiday everyone
x x x
110 hit(s) (0 comments) | leave comment  
[132] Edge Of Darkness.
14th October 2008

I'm standing out on the edge of darkness
One more step and I'm gone
Away into the vacancy that churns before me
No more options
No more tears
Just this empty nothingness that beckons me
Driving me from shadow to shadow
Until I arrive here.
Behind me is a road, a way out, a hope.
But I can't see that anymore;
Can't comprehend how it could be so.
Not before I last through this night.
So before me stands the only way.
And all it takes is one step,
To fall into this everlasting darkness
To stumble into the unknown
To trip into oblivion, and beyond
But through that darkest night I can see
One star, one light
Just a faint eye
Watching from beyond the misty grey
Could this be the one thing that separates me from this abyss?
Or mightn't it be too faint a hope,
Too weak to drag me from this potent death?
I do not know.
But I'm standing out on the edge of darkness
Just one more step and I'm gone.
121 hit(s) (0 comments) | Just Say It.  
 
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