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dammmn...
Feeling: annoyed
so yea....it's been almost a year... i dunno...it's been awhile since i have written in here. um...nothing much is really new. corey and i got back together again in september. would of been 4 months on the 28th of this month but he had to end it again. i keep saying this is my last time and i think this will be cause he ain't talking to me. this one was kind of a complicated break up. so we agreed to still be friends but we haven't talked since.(about a week ago) so i think i have given up on him. wow i'm like a broken record. it seems i always say that. but this time im DONE!

um...still working at BK. sucks...but it gets me the money i guess. school sucks. i can't wait to get out of the high school. im hoping to go PSEO next year so ill get done at the college sooner. that'll be good.

i've been talking to chris again. i dunno if that's a good thing or a bad thing. i really like the guy but i doubt ill ever meet him or anything. so yea..trying not to get my hopes up about that.

well im gonna get going here. got shit tons of homework to do.

adios

307 hit(s) (1 comments) | Be Honest!!!  
when is it ever okay??

when will it ever be justified?



NEVER! because its not ment to be justified!
it has no justification.
440 hit(s) (2 comments) | Leave Me sum Luvin  
quotes...again! of course! lol
Maybe you don't go to hell for the things you do. Maybe you go to hell for the things you don't do. The things you don't finish.



Nobody wants to admit this, but bad things will keep on happening. Maybe that's because it's all a chain, and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing, and that led someone else to do another bad thing, and so on. You know, like that game where you whisper a sentence into someones' ear, and that person whispers it to someone else, and it all comes out wrong in the end. But then again, maybe bad things happen because it's the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like -Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes



The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope. -Walter Benjamin


You change for two reasons. Either, you learn enough that you want to or you've been hurt enough to have to
316 hit(s) (1 comments) | *Click Here*  
My Lullaby
I wrote this a while ago and found it in my other diary today. I decided I would put it in here!

Just friends
What a depressing thought
A stranger
More now than not
The rain
Soaked to the skin
Decisions
Where to begin
Thoughts
Won't come to me
Like waves
Just like the sea
Those words
Can't take them back
Your reasons
Something I lack
Now water
Wash things away
Forgotten
Whats left to say
A ghost
You're there but not
A dream
A passing thought
Confusion
My paradise
Abandoned
Left to realize
The sky
The darkest gray
With thoughts
How much they weigh
Thunder
Ignoring me
Lightning
Now I can't see
Pouring
Holes in the sky
This storm
My lullaby
241 hit(s) (0 comments) | ....spill.....  
memories...?
why is it that we remember certain things and not others? why is it that we can try so hard to remember something and still forget it, yet we sometimes remember the things we wish we could forget? Sometimes we remember the most pointless things. other times we cant remember the things we swore we would never forget. Is this just a product of the busy lives we lead? Is there some way to remember those memories that we know we've forgotten? Most importantly, when we forget something, is it truly gone? how do we know when we've truly forgotten a memory? Sometimes it's the smallest little signals that trigger a memory to resurface in our consciousness. sometimes we dont even know what triggered the memory to return to our minds. How do we know when a memory has truly left our state of being, never to resurface again?

what is forgetting? is it simply the lack of rememberance? what happens to the memory once it has been forgotten? is it sent to the back of the brain, beyond the reach of conscious thought? is there some other logical reason to explain forgetting?

when we forget something, we don't even know we have forgotten it. if an event is forgotten by all, how can we prove it ever happened? is there a way to force a memory to come back into the light of remembrance?

why do memories change over time? sometimes we believe we remember something in perfect detail, only to be proven wrong; that it happened differently than we so confidently thought. some memories change to become more beautiful; others change to become more cruel. in truth, we are bound by our memory. we believe our memory to be true and we operate our moods, our emotions, our actions on those memories. our memories make up who we are. without our memories we would not know who our friends are, where our home is, where we belong, to whom are we loved by. our memories define how we grow. who we become is based upon how we remember certain events of our pasts. it is our past that gives us the sense of security in where we have been, what challenges we have overcome, which challenges of life we have defeated and which we have yet to conquer.

how can we base so much of ourselves on something so unpredictable as our memories, something so faulty that we dont even realize when we are wrong? how can memories disappear and reappear with so little conscious thought? how can memories fade away and change when we try so desperately to keep them so close to our hearts?

there are so many questions with no answers to be found here on Earth. God chooses what we remember and what we forget. our faulty memories are a tool of His to help us become who He wants us to be. He uses our memories to help us forgive in some cases. other times, He allows us to remember so we keep a lesson of life close to our hearts. even other times, He uses our forgetting to allow us to stop remembering the pain from events long past. God uses our memories for our good. He allows us to remember what must be remembered and slips away the memories better forgotten from our minds smoothly, painlessly.

Even in events we cannot remember forgetting, His mercy is evident.
287 hit(s) (4 comments) | give me the truth  
lala mhmh yup
234 hit(s) (1 comments) | forgive me  
lindsey..................
277 hit(s) (1 comments) | leave comment  
 
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