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Friends of Slitwristtheory
| Getting Back In Touch (syndication) | August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
| by daysleeper | |
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Listening to: Various Music Choice Channels
I have spent the last couple of years in a fog, lost in the darkness of a new kind of loneliness. My best friend left me, pursuing a life that wasn't true of herself. I resented her. I brooded, and hated the ways we had parted, the different lifestyle choices made; I despised her unseemly departure from herself. All the while, though, I somehow missed that I had done the exact same thing. I had abandoned the only person I have always had, always loved, always trusted. Somewhere along the way, in the chaos of my home and high school, I completely lost my identity. Mind you, I've always been invisible to other people. But of late, in the last year or two, I have felt an unsettlement every time I've sat to observe. A wrongness in the silence of solitude. I became separated from the forces that drive me. From the giddiness I feel when I'm alone. In the last two years, I have not spent my Monday Night Freedoms dancing around the house to music. I've said it was the music, not as much good stuff coming out. Radio playing all the wrong things. Change. I blamed a lot on change. I even looked inward -- some. I thought maturity had refined my taste, that less was good enough for me now. But I'm sure now it was something more. I couldn't remember the songs I had danced to. I couldn't remember what exhilaration I had felt in those hours of silliness, those blissful, carefree hours where I was utterly myself, completely unconcerned with being seen. I was being me, and being Alive. It wasn't childhood that I was losing. Not that uninhibited, ignorant state. I still had that, in a way. Still have it now. But pieces were missing. I no longer made up songs in my head. No longer made up songs at all. My guitars grew dusty and out of tune; and hours spent in laughter and enjoyment became hours spent in discontent, in a cesspool of the same websites, refreshed over and over, hoping that some new fulfillment would come of it. Hours of wishing and rebuking myself for wishing. It's an empty art, unworthy of a moment's thought. Looking back at the beginning of this school year, I realized that, somehow, I'd become a senior in high school almost without noticing. It didn't seem as though so many years had passed. The thought struck me, but I did not yet understand: for all of my junior year, I had not been present. It was only the unsubstantial of me that attended classes, that sat unfeeling through lectures and drowned in inactivity and apathy at home. My thoughts are falling away, this period of coherence is passing. The rest is outlined as follows (I didn't do this for the whole thing, but quickly wrote down just these points, to remember them before they faded): - we all lose ourselves to work and routine - seeing that in my friends may have been a catalyst - - might be why I'm so drawn to Mr. Messner - he hasn't given himself up to the routine, still exuberant and fun. does things on the weekend and has stories, and still makes new ones. - smoking is one of the things that is keeping me from myself - it's something I do when sadly alone, and I'm never so alone when I'm with me - it's a mask in social situations - the song I wrote last week, while partially the fault of Pat (another catalyst?) was a last cry out from the me I've always wanted to be - writing this is in itself a way back to me I am having trouble keeping it in my mind. I've been writing for nearly an hour, now. Maybe a whole one. I see now that my dog is depressed too, she needs my love and attention as much as I do. PLEASE, PLEASE FINISH THIS. IF IT IS THE LAST THING YOU DO, SELF, FINISH THIS. THIS IS FOR ME AND ONLY ME. AND THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE ME. THIS IS REAL. READ IT. READ IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER. |
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| 192 hit(s) | (0 comments) | [click this] |
| Narcissistic Junkie | October 16th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by psychocutter | |
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Go there. Now, damn it. Message me. And I'll add you.-- |
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| 267 hit(s) | (0 comments) | Narcissist |
| This week.... | August 25th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by sie | |
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Feeling: torn
Taking care of a mermaid-obssessed four-year-old with only two barbies and a tub of water has some VERY interesting results. I should NOT have worn a white tee-shirt. Tuesday Registration! Yay! My schedule is: History 1 with Ken Newspaper with Danielle College Prep with Karen Chemistry with Jack Gym Hockey with Troy Geometry with Jen Wednesday Boooooring. We had an all-school meeting, that dragged on, and then we had counselling groups, which REALLY dragged on, and then we had a class meeting. Jamie is the new class president (yay, I don't have to do it anymore :P), Rosie is vice president, Dieter is secretary and Bryan is treasurer. Thursday Our class went to the food bank and packed frozen pasta :P It was fun. We had two different sides, and naturally the guys turned it into a competition. But that's okay, because our side won! Our side packed two and half HUGE boxes of pasta, and the other side only packed two, and we were still done before them :P Friday I had a headache today, so I stayed home. Not like we were gonna do anything exciting anyway. And I had an eyedoctor's appointment. We ordered a year's supply of contacts! Ugh, and I had my eyes dilated. I friggin' hate that. Okay, that's all. |
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| 138 hit(s) | (0 comments) | It was always you. |
| i came out the closet and got taken to hospital | August 6th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by lastresort | |
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Feeling: confused
i forgot to say here that i came out to my parents about a month ago. My mum too it well, but my dad......not really anyways, heres my story of yesterday (sat) soooooooooooooooooooooooooo woke up this morning and felt fine, 10 mins later, not so fine so i'm standing in the loo and think i'm gunna be sick (rare for me) so i grab the closest thing i can...which happens to be a big shiny glass bowl. and you know when you get a headrush and you see like lil black dots? it was that. Everywhere, so i couldn't see shizzle all. so, next thing i know i hear the glass bowl smash without knowing i'd let go of it, say "oh crap" and then...wake up. wedged between the wall and the toilet. yuuuuummy. and (impressive part here) i broke the toilet seat clean in two, now thats a solid head! so i was surrounded by glass which i'd landed in but even when i put all my weight on my hands to get up, i couldnt feel it. so i finally got up and had lovely blood everywhere...sexaay so off i go, whisked to the hospital, got tested for diabetes the nurse seemed a little disappointed when it tested negative. got a doctor who did NOT seem convinced when i said i hadn't been drinking lol. and when they got all the blood out of my hair aparrently it turned bright pink, i wish it had stayed like that! so they glued me back up, coz the cut wasn't really worth having just 2 stitches. sooo i'm home, feeling nice and dappy but sharp, i've got a lovely cut on my head and leg, and i've reaaaaally hurt my coxic (last vertebra thingy...see i know my stuff) so when i stand up or sit down it's followed by an "ow" and what was the first thing i said when i got up off the floor.... "oh fuck" fucking typical!!!!! and whats gross? i'm not allowed to wash my hair for 5 days... |
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| 118 hit(s) | (2 comments) | make me bleed |
| [56] Game Over *Edited* | August 13th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
| by tweekbeme | |
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Listening to: Noises in my head that get closer...
Feeling: abandoned
Wow, that was a pretty assholish sign off of me wasnt it? sorry guys, i was in a bad mood and such, but i really am leaving, ill comment on you guys occasionally tho Just to let people know Www.myspace.com/tweek2005 Thats all **Edit** Yep, im done with this bullshit place i cant take it anymore fuck this, game over im just gonna end it, no overly long speech or anything, thats all, im gone without a trace Bye everyone, have fun without me Rory M. |
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| 99 hit(s) | (0 comments) | Click here for... |
| monday monday monday | August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
| by dementeddreams | |
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Listening to: Ekoflo- don't fade
I hate the feeling, the taste and the sounds. I hate teachers, and the way they drown their students in a sea of papers and tests. I hate anxiety, and the way it burns my heart, and surpresses my lungs, to a point where I can't breath, and ever breath I can get in hurts like hell. I hate believing that things are only going to get worse. I hate it when things get worse. I hate it when I don't follow my intuation, and it blows up in my face. I hate it when teachers treat their students unequally and have favorites. I hate it that I hate so many things. I just hate mondays. I love it when I come home and my mom does something to put a smile on my face. |
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| 253 hit(s) | (2 comments) | ♥ |
| you're a boomerang you'll see | May 24th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by safebet | |
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And if by morning, I'd forgotten you, well no big deal, that'd be all right 'Cause you're the reoccurring kind You are the reoccurring kind You never really leave my mind |
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| 230 hit(s) | (0 comments) | get.a.grip |
| thepain | January 29th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by slipknotfan17 | |
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Listening to: f-f-a-f-
Feeling: misplaced
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| 279 hit(s) | (7 comments) | cross my name |
| wow | June 17th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by crazychick | |
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| 77 hit(s) | (0 comments) | write back |
| first in a while | January 11th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by seishi | |
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ANSWER TRUTHFULLY... 1. do you like anyone?: heh, like is an understatement. 2. do they know it?: not sure, but theyre smart, theyll figure it out. ARE YOU... 1. simple or complicated? kind of that in between area... IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU... 1. Had sex: No 2. Bought something: Yep 3. Gotten sick? Yep 4. Been hugged?: Yeah 5. Been kissed?: No *sigh* 7. Felt stupid: yesterday, when i was doing the robot on the lunch table for my friends 8. Talked to an ex: well sie is more than an ex. shes my bestest friend ^^ 9. Missed someone: ugh, you dont know the half of it... 10. Got drunk: Never 11. Gotten high: Never 12. Danced crazy: lol all the time 13. Gotten your hair cut?: No, I'm growing it out now. 14. Watched cartoons: EVERY SINGLE DAY 15. Lied: Yeah, occasionally. RANDOM... 1. Nervous habits?: i lick my teeth and move my eyes a lot 2. Are you double jointed?: No 3. Can you roll your tongue?: Yeah 5. Can you cross your eyes?: Yeah, duh!! 6. Do you make your bed daily? haha you wish. 7. Do you think you are unique?: Kind of. HAVE YOU EVER... 1. Said "I Love you" and meant it?: Yes. 2. Given money to a homeless person: No 1. Do you swear?: yeah 2. Do you ever spit?: ....When I'm brushing my teeth :D 3. You cook your own food? yeah 4. You do your own chores?: Yeah 5. Did you get laid today?: hahahaha no.... 6. You like beef jerky?: kinda sorta 7. You like pepsi or coke?: im more of a dr. pepper person 9. You're happy with your hair? not right now. the braids are a little too thick 10. You own a dog? No 11. You spend your money wisely?: lol never. maybe once. in my life. 13. You like to swim?: Yeah, but i suck at it 14. When you get bored do you call a friend?: No, I send them an IM or email. phones are so 1999. 15. Are You patient?: Yeah. I'm a very patient person. DO YOU PREFER... 1. flowers or angels? : angels 2. gray or black?: black, grey makes me sick 3. Color or black and white photos?: well if theyre modern, b&w. if not, color. 4. lust or love?: shut up...please.... 5. sunrise or sunset?: sunset 6. M&Ms or Skittles?: skittles 7. rock or rap?: rap, but the term is hiphop 8. staying up late or waking up early?: Staying up late 9. being hot or cold?: hot 10. Winter or Fall?: winter 11. left or right: left *tweek...* 13. having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends: 2 best friends....this thing is really teasing me.... 14. sunshine or rain?: sunshine 15. vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Vanilla 16. boys or girls?: boys 17. vodka or jack daniel's?: ew |
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| 101 hit(s) | (2 comments) | Get Retarded |
| MySpace | January 4th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by thousandxcuts | |
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Listening to: Down with the Sickness - Disturbed
Peace! |
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| 128 hit(s) | (1 comments) | Ravish me |
| 23-Cancer | February 20th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
| by irockhardcore | |
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Listening to: Sublime
Feeling: sane
I am so scared. I don't know what to do... And I am suppose to be moving back to MA. I feel like I am losing comtrol of my life. Not that anyone will read this though. =/ |
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| 519 hit(s) | (1 comments) | Kiss Me |
| 01. Its Time for A Change | June 10th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
| by pinkcupcake | |
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Listening to: I kissed a girl; Katy Perry
Feeling: betrayed
I completely forgot about sitdiary for about 5 years.! Everything is so different now. I think that Im going to start to write on here again, mostly because I need somewhere to put my feelings. I used to have like 4 diaries at my house but i lose them or stop writing in them. Winding down to summer the countdown is almost complete. The funny thing about me now is that I realize all the things I have learned from myself. Its a good thing to keep notice of the changes in yourself, so you at least know who you are! Even though we never really figure out who we are, we still get the "gist", of it. but what I dont understand is other people. They say that you never know who someone is. I guess that does count especially in the cases like your next door neighbor went on a killing spree. But what about your family members and your friends. Do we even really know them at all? Could they be feeding us lies our entire lives and we believe them because they are the people that we are closest too? I think that very well could be possible. I have been lied to by people I thought I could trust. I am sure everyone else has. But don't you ever stop and wonder whats the truth and whats a lie? and why am I so obsessive about figuring out if the person we love is hurting us. Its not good to be paranoid but you can't be nieve either. We all make mistakes thats a given, but what ever happened to a little trust and honesty. I have never had complete trust in a person, maybe when I would a little tot, but everyone certainly has found wasys to munipulate eachother. How are we expected to trust anyone. Or maybe thats what it is, we cannot trust anyone. I keep going back to this statement because no matter how many times I say it over and over in my head it just sounds wrong. I have just as many trust issues as the next girl but why much I always have the wall up. To protect myself thats one good reason but sometimes I just want to through caution to the wind and believe what someone has to say is real. I think its time for a change. I think its time for people to step up and start telling the truth and not disapoint people. Theres no way of course I can stop this, but i try to be as honest as possible. I used to lie about everything when i was younger to hide the fact that i didnt have a great life. But now i see how wrong i was. I know im still being lied to by the people that I love because i see it in my household everyday. When im finally graduated and can live on my own, im going to stive to be better not just for myself but for my future family! |
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| 284 hit(s) | (1 comments) | Yes...? |
| January 7th, 2009 @ 10:20pm | |
| by bob | |
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Naming something doesn't mean you understand it. If anything, the name makes the thing so much more complex... |
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| 25 hit(s) | (3 comments) | Hug? |
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