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Sitdiary Anniversaries |
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Jan 9, 2008 |
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Friends of Ska4jesus
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Come eat my conversation heart, baby.
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August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
| by chadwrites |
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Day 15: all good in the hood
Alcohol consumed: few shots
Temptations: none good enough
Come out tonight, come out tonight baby girl while I still like you.
I promised myself ‘no more lines about her, no more thoughts where she’s my leading lady.’ so take heed now hunny, because this pen with your name is running dry, and these might be my last lines...with your name, your name, what’s her name?
Good, we’re already on the right track.
It went something like this a month or less ago. If she’d wake up and felt the world was fallin at her feet, I’d want to take that world and curse it for even trying to look ugly to her face. I’d take each word she said... play it over in my head untli those words were lyrics to the most beautiful song i ever heard. And it didn’t matter what she said, only that she was saying it to me and that I could even be a part of her world. And if somehow that world didn’t seem to treat her right to bring her down, I’d be ten miles below her feelin just as bad or worse. And each morning when she’d wake me with her words, I felt like nothing any man could describe. I could have flew on her “I love you’s.” I must have thought that this was the best high there could ever be, I must still be addicted.
If there was some way to take those feelings she gave me and bottle it in glass, I’d be the first to buy it and shoot it through my veins. And it’s a scary thought to think someone could have every bit as much power as you over yourself. To think “I wouldn’t die for me, but I sure as hell would die for her.”
It’s disgusting, it’s sick. my heart has overdosed.
and then enevitably, something goes wrong.
You exist no more.
But baby no fear, because I know there’s hope yet. You can’t fool me with that angry bitch act.
You love me, admit it.
I’m done with your drugs, I ‘m only here to take you in moderation. Your tears can’t fake excuses this time. PUSH me away, tell me to fuck off.(((for no reason at all,no reason at all)))
But guess where that gets you?
It gets it to here.
To nowhere with me.
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| 465 hit(s) |
(8 comments) |
shoot this
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Moving
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May 17th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
| by thatraddorkguy |
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I just got home from the Element where Jason talked about the depression. I think this is the first time in my life I can safely say that I'm suffering from depression. It sucks. I want badly to act out and do something, but everything I try to do just results in more pain and heartache for me. I need to go to Argentina. Desperately. I'm hoping this trip will change things for the better and make my life a little simpler. Mariana is dating someone now. His name's Kris and he goes to the Element. I don't know him. I'm sure he's a good guy, the troubling part about it the fact that she showed interest in him while we were dating. This situation is freaking filthy. I want to be with her, but I don't. I love her, but I can't. It freaking sucks and I'm debating whether or not to talk to my parents about possibly seeking help in the form of therapy or something. I had so much riding on her... I didn't that God blessing me with her was going to blow up in my face. I genuinely believed I was supposed to be with her for the rest of my life. I want to be with her. I don't know. My advice from people so far has been mostly to forget about her and to move on and just deal with it... this approach isn't exactly working. I'm just missing her more and hating her for what she did. I was really close to putting the photos she gave me on her car for her to keep tonight. I don't know what made me stop. "I Adore You." They spelled it out in three photos of her. "...and the greatest of these is love." She tacked that one along like she knew what love was. I want her to know what love is. Hell, I want to know what love is. That's a freaking 80's song title. I never thought I'd be the same place as some 80's new wave singer/songwriter. I miss her. I miss being able to talk to her without having a simultaneous sinking, painful feeling in my chest. It freaking drops every time I think about her, or him. God. What the hell? Honestly. Why is this freaking situation like this? I don't know and I really want to. If I'm on the other side of the curtain, freaking pull the string and let me know why I have to feel like this all the time. I think I've found closure, I think I'm better, and then she's dating some guy right in front of my face. I go to the Element and learn about depression only to leaving feeling more depressed and worthless than ever. I see her with her new hair, her new clothes and her new shoes just dressed to impress. Him. Not me. She doesn't give a damn, or at least that's how she makes it seem. She's so easily moving on, I don't know if she'll ever know the damage she's doing from how she acts and from what she's doing. God, freaking make my thoughts right and let's nip this in the butt once and for all. I need to get over this so I can do stuff for you. I need to have closure, or get back together with her or something. I freaking need it now. Please, where have you been in this? I can't see but for a few seconds when I'm singing passionately, don't leave me like she did. Don't abandon me and make all of my work be in vain. Please make me a man of God. I need forgivness, I need a second chance, I need a way to get past this. Please help me, God. Please. |
| 143 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Speak your mind.
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Neither Here Nor Missed
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November 13th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
| by theloneshade |
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If I had been the one like this
And now you were neither here nor missed
it's the same thing it's that same hurt every day
And without it, there's no stress I need to face
When you lie
And you fucking seal and fucking cheat and lie
No it's NOT the same and don't you ever try
Don't know WHAT its like to fucking BE alive
All the time...
The times have not been kind I see
And so you will take it out on me
Never ending is the way it starts to seem
And your actions are what's killing all my dreams
It's a chance I must take
And it's my mistake to make
Through what's real and what is fake
I now see the rules I have to break
If I had been the one like this
and now you were neither her nor missed
It's the same thing
It's that same hurt every day
And without it, there's no stress I know I'll face
when you lie It's a chance I must take
and it's my mistake to make
Though what's real and what is fake
I now see the rules I have to break
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| 80 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Speak In Solace
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September 7th, 2008 @ 11:12pm |
| by woesofaheart |
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So i dont know what he wants from me. Does he honestly think it was that big of a deal? What the heck did i do that was so wrong? It makes no sense to me. I was waiting for him to say something. he didnt. finally he did and gets mad because i feel weird initiating things. I guess he did, so i should have just said sure. I am stupid. okay we know that. I mess things up pretty much all of the time. Its just how I am obviously. What did I do? Why is he so mad that he wont even speak to me? I dont understand it. Why do I want this so badly. God, What am I supposed to be feeling? God I know this will push me closer to you. I feel like an idiot. Probably because I am. I dont want to lose him but I don't have him in the first place. Why does this even matter?
Bon reminds me tonight that boys suck. I deserve so much better. I deserve a man not a boy who acts like a girl. What a baby? She doesnt want that drama! I love her for that. She knows she doesnt want to feel the pain that we all are facing.
she tells me to just stay focused on god. leave the faker alone. Just wait and believe God has something good. He loves me and that is enough...
Lord help my heart catchh up with me head.
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| 27 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Make A Wish!
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I've Moved On
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October 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
| by aubie1221 |
Whoa, haven't been here in quite sometime...this stuff is old!!
Here's where I'm at now...
lazyhaiti18.blogspot.com
(man I was messed up! lol) |
| 48 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
F.R.O.G
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picture help
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November 1st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by frkinyoureyes |
I realize its been a year since ive used my sit diary... and actually i am glad that the site is still up and running. Now i realize that I need this thing more than ever.
I've noticed that when I do things to alter my life I don't think before I do. Im quick with my actions. and now I am in the worst situation than i've ever been in before.
my daughter who is now 16 months old was a tootsie roll last year for halloween and this year she was a monkey. i'll post some pictures if i remember how... could i get some help please?? thanks |
| 116 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
-->Here
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