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Friends of Senjihoujoku

 
u kicw tiy
Well i found out one of my exboyfriends still likes me ...that's cool i guess....i have a fake boyfriend now too ...lol and umm Jeff might come down this weekend but i'm not for sure ...and yeah life is life and yeah Byes
Erika
212 hit(s) (4 comments) | Mindy Kitty  
I wanna be in another place....
Listening to: Place for my Head by Linkin Park
Feeling: blank
Another day begins, 2:15 AM...That's what my clock says...*sigh* Yet another expression from my useless morbid mind! ^_^ I miss Inuyasha being on...It helped me relieve some pain. I know it sounds stupid, but it's a form of therapy, as is my writing. I wanna be in the energy, laugh at the enemy, a place for my head... My mom tells me all kinds of crap...She expects me to be just like her, and when I'm not...She yells at me, telling me I'm a weight dragging her down... sick of the tension, sick of the hunger...That's a way to consider your kids, eh? But I'm used to it. To her, my heart has grown used to the pain, for you see, I can't be numb. I care to much to go numb... a place for my head... I'm used to pain. That's why I distance myself from most people, especially in romanitc situations. Maybe that's why I make a horrible girlfriend? *laughs* Oh well, hormones just make you crazy. I would know. I hate when you say you don't understand... Well, enough rambling. Later today Brittany shall be here, and we shall have retarded laughter involving Mountain Dew. So I'll write another entry later, much happier I hope.
Love to all, It's illogical, It's impossible, It's against my religion.
Sango who laughs at the enemy.

Sick of you acting like I owe you this...A Place for my head...
230 hit(s) (3 comments) | paint out the sky  
Lonely Man
I hate being Jealous. I hate myself for feeling that way. Nobody ever asks me if I want to go do things. Nobody ever does- not unless there is an ulterier motive. I am jealous of how easily Jessica and Jordan make friends, while I struggle with it constantly. I struggle with how they never seem lonely. Some nights, I feel so alone, I cry myself to sleep. I hate being jealous of Mike and Nate, and of Marga. I don't want to be. But I want to be their friend too, to associate with them. They have other friends. All I have right now is Jessica. I hate that, too. I hate needing her, feeling like a clingy desperate friend. It isn't her fault. I am just so lonely, and she is the only one around, and I need her company. Because without it, I am friendless. I spend monday through saturday, eager for the phone and internet, because outside of my family, it is the only companionship I get. And I hate myself for that, too.

I'm scared of losing her, feeling inadequate against the backdrop of all her fun new college friends. Me, a girl whose heart and mind are still in high school, who is more reserved, and less crazy. I am terrified that she will get bored with me, or decide that she doesn't have time for me anymore.

And I would understand it if she did. All I have to offer her is Remus Lupin, and I don't even like doing that.

How can a fictional character stand up against reality?
101 hit(s) (0 comments) | +Rick's Cafe+  
God had disowned Lilith the day she became a vampire. She really could care less, she never really liked him in the beginning. The only thing she cared about was Damion;her beloved boyfriend of many many years. How would he react to all of this, no one really believed in vampire, gouls, witches, zombies, or fairies. All of those mystical beings were real besides fairies; which is real but not as a magical person with wings and a wand. He would think she became loony and might just put her where the loonies go.She had kept it a secret from him for about a weeksince the incident occurred and tonight she was going to try and tell him the truth and hope for the best.
65 hit(s) (1 comments) | leave comment  
Rant no. 1
Listening to: "Whiskey Lullaby" - Brad Paisley and Allison Krauss
Feeling: achy
Firstly, I need to vent about something, though I'm mostly over it now, I just need to put it somewhere. In a discussion with a friend earlier today, he expressed a thorough belief in something I abhor, namely the concept of "ignorance is bliss." I cannot stand that. I would much rather have a painful truth than a pretty lie. A lie is a lie, no matter how you dress it up. Willingly deceiving yourself and others is not something I have tolerance or respect for. I don't tolerate people lying to me, whether for malicious reasons or because they "didn't want to hurt" me. I am hurt more by being lied to than by anything you could ever withold from me. I just cannot understand why someone would rather lie to and delude themselves into thinking something is better than it really is. There is a world's difference between optimism and ignorance. The following paragraph is what I wanted to say to my friend, but ended up not doing so, because he is so thoroughly steeped in what he wants to believe, it gets utterly tiresome to try to convince him to see otherwise. I have tried before, to no avail, so thusly I post here to give myself at least a little piece of mind.

I think lying and willingly accepting lies in substitution of truth and honesty is exponentially more despicable. If you want to live a lie, then go ahead and do it. You can keep your fake happiness and continue lying to yourself, and in doing so, also lying to your family and the people the care about you, under the pretenses of wanting to be optimistic, or you can be at least remotely in touch with reality. To me, truth and honesty are utmost, and wanting to accept anything less than that, I personally find appalling. How can you say you live a good life if you're living it through willing lies to yourself and others? That's not a life, that's a delusion.

Okay, I feel a helluva lot better now. I've been needing to vent that for so long. Talking to Danny is fine for the most part, and I love the boy to death, but there are just some things that piss me off about him.

Sorry for the rant on my first post here, but I really need to write that down before my head exploded.
26 hit(s) (0 comments) | Concerns?  
 
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