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~-=Quote Of The Day=-~
"It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail."
--Gore Vidal (1925 - )

647 hit(s) (30 comments) | sit on my face  
Crying Myself To Sleep
Feeling: bitter
If you could look at my face, my emotions would be all over it. Kirk is attempting to be a good boyfriend/father now. He started coming around again when The baby was 4-5 monthes. I did it on my own before that, pregnancy and everything. It was hard. I was so not ready, but I did it because she was my responsibility. You couldn't imagine how much I dispized Kirk for being able to go out party, drink, fuck and not have a care in the world, while I was locked in the house taking care of OUR baby. He acted like he didn't even care about her at first and it sickens me to think he could be like that to his own flesh and blood. It made me sick to my stomach. Plus, all the build up of everything he put me through for two yrs. I finally convinced myself I didn't love him anymore. Then here he comes because he doesn't have anyone and he needs help. Now, he lives at my parents with me. He takes care of the baby ,works ,treats me a lot better, and no drinking and drugs. It's what I cried myself to sleep hoping and praying about for the past two yrs. Now, that I have it I'm as bitter as ever. I don't know if it's because he could have been like this all along and chose not to or what, but I'm still mad about everything and I still feel ruined. Maybe there's a part of me saying he'll go back to that life style after he gets ur trust and leave you more crushed then ever. He gets upset because he's really trying, but I'm protecting myself. I won't cry myself to sleep anymore.
27 hit(s) (0 comments) | leave comment  
Growing Up.
Listening to: Blindside
One of the hardest things in my life is growing up. The thought of being independent is not my magical feeling, it scares me. I don't like to be alone, but I know in order to be a better person, I have to. So here I am, "independent" but even then I think I am no where near that. I still have a lot ahead of me. Ever since the big move, I can feel myself changing, in some days it's weaker, but I must over come that, the key is motivation to yourself. To never feel like nothing can put you down. Knocking on every door for that oppotunity to make that 360 change complete. Does that even make sense?
All and all, I want to be a better person.

:D
38 hit(s) (2 comments) | cuz\' u give a hoo  
~*Saadddd*~
Feeling: wrong
To My Dog TASHA::She's very sick

I dont kno what id do if i lost you
id prolly fall apart without u here
your my best friend and i cant deny it
no matter wat u are i cant hide it
id truly truly be so scared
Id die inside without u here
all this is, is one big scare
if u are gone id be so hurt
id cry each night i cant deny it
ur usually right on my side at night
my dreams will quickly turn to fright
all you are is my best friend,my sister,my other half,
I dont care wat u are or what theyd say
I'll love you forever and that wont change
so expect me there when most needed
I'll be right here no matter what.



Yeh so im REALLY sad right now and its just been a sucky day found 2 really bad things out, and cant stand life this way, but hey im not the only one, and i guess this is what friends are for, to cheerme up when im feeling down, i dont expect no less anymore.

Wow that sounds like a poem to.. well yeh ttyl

♥ =(

206 hit(s) (0 comments) | *No HoldeN BacK*  
nyeh
Listening to: The Tide - The Spill Canvas
Feeling: sluggish
So, a few months ago I decided to stop using this thing but... I changed my mind.

I was going through my old stuff and i found this letter. It was a letter that I wrote during class the day after Jessie died and it made me cry. Sophomore year sucks. The seniors girls are straight out of a movie... all of them are sluts, all of them are superficial, some of them are anorexic/bulimic, and all of them make me feel like crap. I have a class with 10 people, 3 of those girls and 4 of the boys that adore them, then 2 other guys that talk about mexican food all of the time. It blows.

Other than that, I have a bunch of friends in my other classes. It's only been 2 weeks and I'm already exhausted. I don't have any free time on weekdays, homework in 3 classes every night. I

rdfghkll
53 hit(s) (2 comments) | Go Baby Go...  
Broken home...by: me
Love
Smiles
Hugs
Warmth
Laughter and
Hope
Is what everyone else sees
But in out little broken home
Nothing is as it seems…
Under the roof
Hate
Screaming
Crying
Stealing
Lying
The effect he’s left behind
It wont let us be
We need help
Why can t any one see
Please save me
And take me away
I cant take it
I don’t want to stay
Please take me away
From our little broken home
Make the pain go away
And make the past let us go...
134 hit(s) (0 comments) | what do u think?  
01. Its Time for A Change
Listening to: I kissed a girl; Katy Perry
Feeling: betrayed
wow!

I completely forgot about sitdiary for about 5 years.! Everything is so different now. I think that Im going to start to write on here again, mostly because I need somewhere to put my feelings. I used to have like 4 diaries at my house but i lose them or stop writing in them.

Winding down to summer the countdown is almost complete. The funny thing about me now is that I realize all the things I have learned from myself. Its a good thing to keep notice of the changes in yourself, so you at least know who you are! Even though we never really figure out who we are, we still get the "gist", of it. but what I dont understand is other people.

They say that you never know who someone is. I guess that does count especially in the cases like your next door neighbor went on a killing spree. But what about your family members and your friends. Do we even really know them at all? Could they be feeding us lies our entire lives and we believe them because they are the people that we are closest too? I think that very well could be possible. I have been lied to by people I thought I could trust. I am sure everyone else has. But don't you ever stop and wonder whats the truth and whats a lie? and why am I so obsessive about figuring out if the person we love is hurting us. Its not good to be paranoid but you can't be nieve either.

We all make mistakes thats a given, but what ever happened to a little trust and honesty. I have never had complete trust in a person, maybe when I would a little tot, but everyone certainly has found wasys to munipulate eachother.

How are we expected to trust anyone. Or maybe thats what it is, we cannot trust anyone. I keep going back to this statement because no matter how many times I say it over and over in my head it just sounds wrong. I have just as many trust issues as the next girl but why much I always have the wall up. To protect myself thats one good reason but sometimes I just want to through caution to the wind and believe what someone has to say is real.

I think its time for a change. I think its time for people to step up and start telling the truth and not disapoint people. Theres no way of course I can stop this, but i try to be as honest as possible. I used to lie about everything when i was younger to hide the fact that i didnt have a great life. But now i see how wrong i was. I know im still being lied to by the people that I love because i see it in my household everyday. When im finally graduated and can live on my own, im going to stive to be better not just for myself but for my future family!

281 hit(s) (1 comments) | Yes...?  
 
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