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Friends of Frenchchick101
| for good | August 1st, 2008 @ 12:00am |
| by emeraldclaire | |
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Listening to: here in your arms
Feeling: grateful
New scenes New ways Love It's been a while since I've updated. woo! Last semester went wonderfully. I keep growing. And As I go through these new experiences my capacity of happiness and ability to love increases! I do believe trials and tribulations really stretch out my heart so more good and fill in the space. And it's been such a wonderful ride! I remember his last words I shouldn't be spiteful. But they go through my head over and over again And I pity But those words are what motivated me. I called mom shortly after "Mom, wil anyone ever want me? Will anyone ever see me for me and love what they see?" I pitied myself for just a moment. I was near the taylor quad when I heard those last words By the time I reached Carriage House I was a new woman. so thank you, dear friend, for that feeble attempt that completley changed my life. Yes,Thank you! So last semester recap. I made new wonderful friends who completely turned my life around. I met people who actually believe in that movie at the end of our lives...and believes and strives for those certain moments. One would turn to me and say, "that was a total moment! The camera was angled like this!"... Or "I really am excited to see that moment again!" I became close to people I never thought I could. I starved and watched the food network channel. I screamed when I saw that doll head pop up in my window... I am on the 2nd floor. I experiened two of my friends getting engages...and never got steak for it. I found my major and my minor and I believe I'll stick to it. Sociology and marriage and family studies. I regained my love for love and I have a totally different self esteem. my swirl is going up. I bought this new laptop for 500 dollars and it works like a dream. I cried a LOT I became and ambassidor and IREP leader... I broke the rules. And through rocks at doors... I transformed and I'm happy. I'm motivated. I'm moving forward. Oh, and I fell in love mmmm. which love saved my life and I'm eternally grateful. It was almost forbidden. But we let it live. Such a crazy ride! I love that boy even now. Here in your arms-hellogoodbye driving in his truck his hand on my knee he listening to every word I said (or giving the appearence of listening) Long walks overcoming every little thing pushing the button on the climbing wall finding the large water bug and later disposing of it because it turned the container black crazy neighbors who begged for starburst throwing rocks at his door and spraying him with the water gun...he was so proud crossing the railroad tracks and that simple question-"where" haha weekend trips to rigby and IF almost drowning and proving that body heat really is the only way to get warm. those crazy blacklight dances and the loveyoulongtime concert. I really do hope you choke and die. stadium singing and the smell of pickles moments of silence with outbursts of laughter 15 minute naps and studying for hours in that lounge that smelt like moldy clothes birthday wishes and priesthood blessings That trip to G's and tears overflowing Whispered those before taboo words saying goodbye Oh, what a ride we're on. Now pressing on not knowing whats ahead. Florida and RExburg. Bring it on |
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| 340 hit(s) | (1 comments) | I like you |
| 550 | December 3rd, 2008 @ 9:48am |
| by wednesday | |
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Feeling: pumped
A second wind! I'm alive! I'm conquering this sickness One day at a time Monday - the aching body Tuesday - the fever Wednesday - the croak in my throat Now I just have the sniffling nose. And I can handle that! I can walk, talk, and breathe! And sometimes eat! There is hope! I can see the light! ONE more week! All I have to do now is hand this and that in! Have so-and-so sign this and that and hand it in! And then finish my two finals! and WA-LA! I've done did and graduated. o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o "I hear them breathe. Demons deep down below. How they got there none shall know. Lerking in shadows of Memories yet to come. Creeping in throughout the night. Now praying for the day of light. The night shall pass hold on tight. For tonight is the night you start your fight." "The eyelides slowly closing. Light is seeping away. Waves of dreams are flowing replacing night with day. Crashing waves of beaches. The smell of flowers in the air. For today in heaven you lay." -Jordan Aitken |
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| 26 hit(s) | (1 comments) | Love, me |
| (123) new kitty | August 9th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
| by sinisterbanana | |
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| 300 hit(s) | (1 comments) | chuck chuck! |
| Summer Days | July 19th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
| by 2scoopsofcream | |
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Listening to: not so much
Feeling: amused
got another comment about my background, but i love it that way. annoying as physically possible. i probably have less readers this way. I have a job at a coffee and candy place, there is way more crap about coffee then i thought possible. funny how that is. Marriage life is good. He's a sweetheart, and still convinced that i'm a fairy. I want to illustrate for a children's book. about a fairy, but i'll have to make it as good as the "special" book. I like my job I love my man I love being so close to my new family I love have a free house I like the house I hate the electral work in the house I like that i'll have an empty apartment in Kansas City. I hate dial up I want to listen to my music but i can't cause it takes too stinking long at least when i'm doing bakery i can listen to the music there. |
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| 437 hit(s) | (1 comments) | *cough cough* |
| Bitter | September 30th, 2008 @ 12:30pm |
| by yousayyoucare | |
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Standing alone. Why did you leave? Where did you go? I am alone. Empty. Emotionless. Eyes are blank. Feeling nothing. Seeing everything. Alone. Broken. Why couldn't you see? How could you do this to me? Abandoned. Crushed. Used and thrown aside. Forever alone. Boxed up and put away. Memories fade. Empty shell. Gone. YOU ARE GONE. Why am I alone again? Always alone. Jinxed. Banned to a dark empty world. Forever. Didn't you care? Didn't you want me? Of course not. Beautiful and smart not your style. Never good enough. Always left behind. Never leaving anyone. I am alone again. Forgotten. Always. Passed up for something else. Prettier. Thinner. Sorry, I don't like skeletons. I refuse to be model thin. I am ME. Beautiful. Strong. Confident. Almost. But somehow never enough. Not as ME. Never me. Lied to. Cheating. Faithful to me? Can't be. Honest with me? Don't dare to be. Try to make it work? Too hard. I AM NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. And for what? Someone thin? Beautiful? WHAT DOES IT ALL MATTER? Everyone gets ugly eventually. Get over it. Just let me be me. Don't stop talking. Just because I'm not perfect. I am. Just the way I am. Can't change me. Don't try. Why? I AM ME. Why am I alone? Bitter? Yes. Just a little. Can't trust. Don't believe. It hurts. Don't wanna hurt again. Easier not to fall. There's no shatter at the end. Just want the fairytale. But it has to be real. Nothing fake. I don't do fake. |
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| 61 hit(s) | (0 comments) | Abuse me |
| 405 | December 2nd, 2008 @ 12:06pm |
| by rubberduckiee | |
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As much as I dislike the cold that comes with the snow, I'd really like for it to snow. A pure white blanket over everything. Ah. Makes me think that maybe people really can change, including me. I feel like I'm standing by a window looking out over everything, and can't get to any of it. Sorry, I'm rambling. Don't know where that came from. Hmm. Well, Dallan comes home tomorrow. That's about the only exciting thing for this week. I think that the matchmaking someone tried to do for me a while back is starting to work out on its own. But who knows. I'm not going to go into anything now, but I think its entirely possible that I could date someone. Haha, me. Dating. There's a real knee-slapping joke. It's nice being in the basement room now. I don't have to worry about having my light on and either keeping the parents up or waking the parents up. Plus, that room is TINY. I like it better, strangely enough. Josh asked me the other day if I miss Hollie. Like...do I miss her? He made it sound like she was dead and gone, not married. Nothing's really changed--she still is Hollie, she's just married. We didn't hang out like constantly before she got married anyways, so I can't really say that I miss her. Because nothing has changed in the way that we communicate or anything. I'll sometimes text her, and she may or may not text back. But there is something that I do kind of want to talk to her about, but I don't think I will because...well, just because of something she wrote in her latest entry. I don't want to bug her, don't want to irritate her with fluff. Maybe that's all I am...fluff? I don't know. I don't know what I am anymore...I work, I eat, I sleep. So what am I? |
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| 23 hit(s) | (0 comments) | SPEAK |
| Eighty-nine | November 4th, 2008 @ 10:17pm |
| by justbreathe | |
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But then I realize it had to be done. He wasn't going to take me for who I am, and yet expected me to accept the drinking that he does. I'm walking away. |
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| 44 hit(s) | (0 comments) | * Poke * |
| nostalgia | December 1st, 2008 @ 8:57pm |
| by cosmicmuffin | |
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And snuggling with my fat cranky cat. Me and my hubby were talking yesterday, about our lives. It bothers him that I have so many scars, physical and emotional. I'm bothered about the same thing about him. The scar that runs across my lips, the scars that run down my arms, across my side. The emotional ones that run through my mind. I was thinking the other day that I had been self medicating long before I hit the hormonal stage of my life. I remember one time I was sick withe something, I was really little. I was taking care of myself that day, I did that alot when I was little, and my yummy tasting medicine was in the fridge right in reachable distance. I drank alot and when my mom got home she was really really mad. I think maybe I had a pre-disposition to addiction. My mom has been drugging herself everyday since I can remember, maybe she accidentally medicated herself while she was pregnant with me, I can imagine that she would be able to go nine months without. It makes me sad but its true. Its a good thing I dont really like alcohol, it doesnt taste good. If it tasted good, it might be really really hard to not have any. Another thing I have been thinking about. I blow off all of my friends alot, and I figured out why. Because it is easier. Because I feel like when I try to connect with anyone on a deep level I get shrugged off. I feel like I am either too serious or too immature. I feel like whenever I am around someone I care about I am more likely to hurt their feelings than if I just avoided them. I also feel like everyone I am surrounded by doesnt understand who I am. Everyone has a preconception that might be a part of me, but it isnt really me. Im not who you think I am. I cant handle fluff for too long, and fluff is what most people live off of. Thats why I dont want to talk to you, its not that I dont love my friends, I just hate what you have to say. Completly selfish. I need you to stimulate my mind, I need to talk about something other than video games, or boys, or who is in a relationship with who. I need to have a break, to rest my mind from pop culture. I need a long break for meditation in between each conversation. Sorry, I thought I would get that out there. ... I go to mexico in two weeks. OOOOHHHHH YEEEAAAHHH. Honeymoons rock. |
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| 19 hit(s) | (0 comments) | amen |
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