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Friends of Emoisnotx3dead
| dearest rach | August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
| by suicidalscars | |
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Feeling: tortured
there are no words to describe how worried and sick i feel right now. everything that could go wrong is running through my head at the highest velocity possible. i cant help but think that if you're hurt then it's my fault. horrible things wont stop harassing my eyes; your father doing something again, you hurting yourself to the point of no return, someone else harming you. its becoming unbearable. i dont know what i would do if i lost you, my dearest dearest rachael. i love you so much; you have absolutely no idea how much i care for you. i feel like we're connected somehow. like we were meant to met and help each other. these minutes wont go by quick enough so that i can run home and get on msn to hopefully see you on there and be reassured that you, my darling rachael, my sister, my better half, are ok. i would be dead without you. i cannot stand the thought of losing you. i cant bear to even think of that because i fear that i will break down and cry until i cant cry anymore. i cant lose you, too. no, not you. you're too important to me. i've already lost someone important to me, but they aren't nearly as important to you. i'm praying to a false god that i've never believed in that nothing is wrong and that you're just in one of those moods where you say things that you dont mean. oh my god rachael, im dying right now not knowing whats going on with you. i swear that i would do anything to help you! i would sell drugs, i would steal, i would sell myself to drunk men on the streets, i would kill to help you and make sure that you were ok. if you need to get away from there, i will work anyway possible until i have enough money to fly you over here, just to make sure that you are safe and ok. i would die for you rachael. i love you so much. god, i hope that you are ok. . .please tell me that you are ok and that nothing has happened to you. please, just leave me at least one word telling me that you're ok. please, oh god, please let you be ok. . . i love you more than any words can say chelsea |
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| 608 hit(s) | (1 comments) | otep saves |
| 99.w00t | September 19th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by deathofme | |
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Listening to: various excerptsss
Feeling: bonkers
.x. deathofme .x. |
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| 154 hit(s) | (1 comments) | spank me |
| February 14th, 2007 @ 12:00am | |
| by sopointless | |
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yes? here. and here (please!) |
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| 351 hit(s) | (0 comments) | kgsks do it. |
| insecure drinker syndrome | February 21st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by maggot | |
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Sitting in my room listening to the drunken cheers of a couple of hundred uni students. There down there rotting there livers and slowly disintegrating there lungs with cigarettes and drugs…how I wish I could join them. To be a different person for just a little while, be confident and charismatic all because of a mind altering drug, wear a Japanese kabuto mask to hide my real feelings and drift away in meaningless conversations with people I don’t care about. It sickens me. Sitting by myself blowing my feelings away in smoke, watching as couples walk past holding each other in loving embraces you would expect from a newly married couple. Over hearing them tell each other about their feelings towards the complete stranger there hoping to fuck. Listening to the all to much abused sayings so that hopefully they’ll get some action, all the while realising I would be doing the same if I was them. Then they will continue to persist with the casual partner for the night with slurred promises of love. Love that means nothing but a cheap fuck for the night, a cheap thrill to be talked about with pride from the male and more likely than not shame from the female. Centuries ago this sort of acting wasn’t even seen in the theatres, now we see it every were. There is a guarantee that it happens in at least one pub per night, at least once a night a woman is raped because of alcohol and wont come forward, this is not a statistical fact but everyone knows its true. There is no longer shame in looking someone in the eyes and lying to them, pretending that your completely honest when all your doing is sweeping someone off their feet then throwing them face first into a mirror, once the person is lying in the shattered glass they see how much they have forsaken values that were common in times past. We have bread a nation of sluts and fuckheads and I cant say that im not one, iv said the nice things to people in the hope of hooking up with them but I cant bring myself to the level of lying to them just for 5 minutes of lust. All it comes down to is that we’ve turned our bodies into chemical dustbins just for the sake of it. There’s no denying the fact that it feels good when your head begins to fuzz and your mind begins to loosen with a belly full of piss. But when is enough? Is it when we can no longer socialise with new people if we are not drowning our insecurities in alcohol. Is it when we realise that we only like some people when our minds are blurred with the sweet sensation of being free. From the start of our lives we were all able to meet new people its only once we hit puberty that we started becoming self conscious, I could take the easy way out and blame the media but that’s just bullshit. Its our own faults mainly for believing any put down sent our way and having no pride in ourselves. Not having enough self respect is more of a problem now days than being homeless, many homeless people you will meet have pride in themselves, yes they’ve fallen on hard times but they still hold there heads up high and continue living. So why is it that us dumb rich kids have to go out on the weekends and get shitfaced in order to tell people exactly what you think of them, have the balls to talk to a girl that you like or be comfortable in a group. Its because we either hate ourselves or love ourselves-there is no in between. The people that love themselves go out drink and continue to be assholes whereas the ones who hate themselves just hide behind the alcohol to make it easier to forget about who they are and just relax. No one should need any drug to relax. Therefore I am one of the greatest hypocrites of all time. I smoke, drink and occasionally do drugs all in the “fun of it.” Why we think this is fun I do not know, everyone remembers their first few times cause they drank more than they could handle and completely wrote themselves off. Thus giving people the impression that all you want to do is party, so the next party rolls around and someone asks, “hey man you gunna get fucked up tonight?” Fuck yes I am!” That response is what breeds a habitual insecure drinker, the notion of being known as a big drinker is the mask of just wanting to be known and noticed. So gradually people get to know you more because your open and honest when your drunk and soon enough your life story is so blurred that people hate you and love you for no reason. People start to be your best mate to your face and then stab you in the back. You start to confide in people and then your secrets are spread your life is common knowledge, the only problem is that its not your life its everyone’s side of your life. Therefore the only way to stop this “insecure drinker” syndrome is to grow some values and some pride. Understand that you need to have high morals in your life, respect the words that society has raped and don’t go slathering them on the first or any of the people you want to violate. Grow some self-pride and dignity in yourself to be able to talk to people without fear of what they’re thinking of you. If everyone woke up to themselves we would all have a life that’s easier than forgetting everything with a bottle of scotch in one hand and a winnie blue in the other. |
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| 242 hit(s) | (5 comments) | hate me |
| August 13th, 2008 @ 3:51pm | |
| by ilovetheleafs | |
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Wish I was too dead to cry, my self affliction fades. So dies all innocence. And I don’t feel like I am strong enough. Sometimes everything is wrong. And the lightning flashes in her eyes and he knows that she knows. Do you even care if I die bleeding? And in the end we'll fall apart. |
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| 551 hit(s) | (7 comments) | Temptation |
| busy days | June 3rd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by spiffyclocks | |
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AAAAHHHHHHH |
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| 148 hit(s) | (0 comments) | sweet X tragedy |
| 284 | August 7th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
| by frodo | |
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Ugh its early. Not as early as I got up at camp, but meh. Still early. Well, a lot has happened since I've come home, including settling back in, getting used to being at home, and I'm now single. Yes that's right. Don't bother asking why because I really don't want to talk about it. I don't want to sound like a rude jerk, but I just don't. But I'd better go find something to do for the rest of the day. Later. |
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| 505 hit(s) | (2 comments) | Am I Evil? |
| January 29th, 2006 @ 12:00am | |
| by sweetrevenge | |
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| 229 hit(s) | (0 comments) | I'm not your star |
| .lieee. | October 10th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
| by watashiwa | |
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I can't be bothered to move all my entries (they aren't important anyway) so I'm just moving back to my old diary without any new entries. Now, the question I must ask myself is wether I should delete all my old entries on that diary. But I don't think I will. Anyways... GO HERE. All the people I don't have added on that account, I'm adding you. Ha. Add me back bitch. |
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| 290 hit(s) | (2 comments) | hyousuru |
| finally | November 19th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
| by nikki3405 | |
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Feeling: depressed
1) summer was awesome. wenever i wasnt at home working i was with sheldon. however cuz of this i lost all my friends. 2) dog got put down june 7th because he had a tumor and cancer. he was creamated 3)started school at fleming college. taking general arts and science. its a joke course. so easy and retarded 4) got on the F.A.S.T team for campus (first aid support team) 5)came home for thanksgiving and found out my mom had lung cancer since july. by the time i saw my mom she had already been through radiation and everyhting and was in really bad condition. got mad and couldnt handle it so i took off at 2am and went to sheldons. week and a half later got a call at school from my dad "your mother is in the hospital. get home asap" so i packed my stuff and rushed home. spent 7 hours in the hospital with my mom whom was hooked up to oxggen ivs and other shit. she was asleep the entire time. she opened her eyes and looked at me wen the nurse came in to give her a needle. and seeing the look in her eyes wen she looked at me was terrible. later that night sheldon came down. then 5am the next mornign we get a call from the hospital "shes gotten worse" so my dad left to go there. an hour later he came back "your mother passed away 2minutes before i got there" cried basically all day reading her journals that she had written within 2 of the months she was sick. then the funeral and wake came. longest day ever. burried in her my clothes cuz she didnt have nice dress clothes, put barkley in her arms, and ya. btw. she had lung cancer which was fast approaching, spread to her brain and liver. 6)school has never been the same. not movitated to go anymore. skipping bout 5-8 classes a week. not sleeping at night. 7) got really mad one night that my dad didnt tell me my mom was sick till it was too late. the last time i saw her before she was noticibly sick was the day i moved into school. anyway, i got mad and punched my mirror. didnt end well. 8) sheldons dad and his new gf (whom r living together in there new house) seem to be tryin to split us up. 9) sheldon and mine 1 year is thursday (3 days) |
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| 329 hit(s) | (2 comments) | Leave one! |
| 01. Its Time for A Change | June 10th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
| by pinkcupcake | |
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Listening to: I kissed a girl; Katy Perry
Feeling: betrayed
I completely forgot about sitdiary for about 5 years.! Everything is so different now. I think that Im going to start to write on here again, mostly because I need somewhere to put my feelings. I used to have like 4 diaries at my house but i lose them or stop writing in them. Winding down to summer the countdown is almost complete. The funny thing about me now is that I realize all the things I have learned from myself. Its a good thing to keep notice of the changes in yourself, so you at least know who you are! Even though we never really figure out who we are, we still get the "gist", of it. but what I dont understand is other people. They say that you never know who someone is. I guess that does count especially in the cases like your next door neighbor went on a killing spree. But what about your family members and your friends. Do we even really know them at all? Could they be feeding us lies our entire lives and we believe them because they are the people that we are closest too? I think that very well could be possible. I have been lied to by people I thought I could trust. I am sure everyone else has. But don't you ever stop and wonder whats the truth and whats a lie? and why am I so obsessive about figuring out if the person we love is hurting us. Its not good to be paranoid but you can't be nieve either. We all make mistakes thats a given, but what ever happened to a little trust and honesty. I have never had complete trust in a person, maybe when I would a little tot, but everyone certainly has found wasys to munipulate eachother. How are we expected to trust anyone. Or maybe thats what it is, we cannot trust anyone. I keep going back to this statement because no matter how many times I say it over and over in my head it just sounds wrong. I have just as many trust issues as the next girl but why much I always have the wall up. To protect myself thats one good reason but sometimes I just want to through caution to the wind and believe what someone has to say is real. I think its time for a change. I think its time for people to step up and start telling the truth and not disapoint people. Theres no way of course I can stop this, but i try to be as honest as possible. I used to lie about everything when i was younger to hide the fact that i didnt have a great life. But now i see how wrong i was. I know im still being lied to by the people that I love because i see it in my household everyday. When im finally graduated and can live on my own, im going to stive to be better not just for myself but for my future family! |
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| 276 hit(s) | (1 comments) | Yes...? |
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