It's June 30th, the third day of my vacation. I left my home to go to the beach. I was so happy to arrive on this little tiny island near the coast of the state mostly because I wanted to take a break from all the stress in life (not trying to be emo). Most of the friends I know want to try to get peoples attention. They are mostly rude when you have something to say and they ignore you and pretty much just start talking about how wonderful life is for them and brag on and on about how they got 5 xbox 360s. As if i give a shit. I just go along and pretend like I care. One of my friends is in the hospital at the time and she started to brag about how she has to eat shitty food everyday. My mom's a nurse ok? I think I know how shitty the food is everyday. And then she goes on the internet and tells people she doesn't know about what happened. And she gets mad at me for talking to my ex. She got over it thank god but she still is telling people that her life sucks and crap. All my friends are like this. One of my friends cried because she couldn't ask her dad if she could go somewhere. Nobody should cry over shit like that. Even when I'm at the beach people still tell me how their life sucks and its like I'm trying to enjoy my vacation while you're trying to destroy it with all the shit thats happening. I don't want to be anybody's therapist while I am on vacation. For god's sake they are so sucked up in getting attention that they are destroying a perfectly good friendship. AKA they are being greedy. Anybody help?

ummm i got this diary not know what i would use it for.....i now know

its not a very good thought that when i leaned forward i hear what sounded like a squeaking chair. suprised by it i stopped for a moment, thought it was nothing and continuned what i was doing....after a while i realized the sound of squeaking came from my pants O_O

im not sure why but some of the stiches in my pants i think are doing it.....what do i do? i think if a move from this possition it wont do it anymore....but then again i might be streching it or something for it to make that sound.....

im scared :(

4 Febuary 2009

5:38pm

I have to write a memoir for english class ...and I just realized that um, there a many entries to choose from here. Well, maybe?

i have a boyfriend

i love him

i'm going to marry him

i'm going to love him forever

i'm going to live happily ever after

Hmm I'm mildly drunk and bleeding. I've had worse nights I suppose. Who even give's a fuck, no one. I should of learned that lesson by now. I haven't. Still my bastard sense of optimism is holding out for one more shot, before falling to the firing squad. Bitch got what it deserved. That will show me to hope. People are never who you think they are, even when you known them for years and fucking years. So, I figure I've got to find a new life plan, this one has failed. I don't know what to do though. But, I'll have to find something, or throw myself off a bridge, whichever come's first.

woke up this morning on the couch to my alarm telling me to take my pill. i trudged upstairs, took the pill, peed, and fell into my bed. i feel bad for not walking colty to the door last night, but i was so exhausted. i think he didn't mind.

i'm sick of the sims not working on my computer. sometimes i just want to control some lives, even if it is only on a simulation computer game.

thanksgiving is coming up, i'm definitely excited for the food. as i get older, all the traditions seem to fade... we don't seem to spend as much time with the millers anymore. that's alright, i mean, everyone's busy; i just miss that.

went to new moon last night with janelle and cort, it was good times had by all. is it bad of me to wish colty had the back and shoulders that jacob does? for some reason, those parts on a male body (or any body?) are ridiculously attractive to me. and believe me, colty has an attractive back and shoulders but i don't know. the way jacob's muscles rippled attracted me more than muscles ever do or have. i don't really care, though, i love colty's body. it's so warm and cuddly. he's my teddy bear. (:

i need to take more pictures with my camera. i just don't know what to take pictures of. hmm. i miss my dear canon.

i really just want colty to wake up and call me. but i'll be patient.

11:31 Late Monday Morning (15 March 2010)

     She isn't his Girlfriend

I lost my wedding band somehow when Caleb and I were in NZ.  It was weird because it was on my finger between my hand and my engagement ring.  I don't remember taking off either of my rings, nor do I remember it breaking and falling off.  All I know is that on our last day in the north island it was there and the day we got back to Christchurch it wasn't there anymore.   It wasn't the highest quality, for sure, but none of the high quality rings were the right size or thickness or colour.  I miss it because it's the kind of thing I could wear when getting my hands dirty; there were no cracks and crevices for dirt to find its way in.  I have to take my engagement ring off whenever I put on lotion or work in soil, unless i want the ring to get gross...which generally i don't.

Anyway it was with this thought in mind that I started suggesting to Caleb yesterday that we replace it with a similarly inexpensive ring but as I was looking at my hand where the wedding band would go, I realised my engagmenet ring was missing, too.

it was a scary moment because I thought it might have come off in my gloves while skiing and then fallen out somewhere along the ride from the top of the mountain back to the house.  Caleb was...relaxed about it saying that he could always just buy another one like it, it wasn't custom or anything and it was pretty reasonably priced....but then I remembered that I took it off on girl's night at Kikolita's on Friday when we were rubbing paraffin treatments on our hands and sugar scrubs and what-have-you.  Things that I don't usually do just because I don't like rubbing that sort of mess on my hands. anyway.  Then I looked in the bags and things I had taken to Kiko's on Friday.  Just before I began the quest to empty my painstakingly rolled sleeping bag I called Kiko to see if she had seen it. She didn't answer so I texted her hoping she would look when she got the text.  A few minutes later she called back to tell me she didn't see it when she was cleaning up the coffee table but that she would look for it in the living room, and to call her if I found it at my house.  I suggested looking between the couch cushions because that's often where things go in my house when they go missing.  Then she hung up and I was untying the strings to loosen the sleeping bag when she called me back and said "I found it! by the couch!"

super convenient.

sometimes you need a little drama in your own life to get the adrenaline pumping and to make sure your life isn't dead. haha. a -little- drama is the key though.

I love you Bambi...

I'd make you a song... but I'm crap...

(: