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dear megan and sara |
November 12th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: iris
Feeling: torn
i've decided i'm going to start trying to write in this more often..not every single day, but more than once every month. i've actually kind of missed writing in this, because i can't really write certain things in my xanga..personal things, since everyone reads it. and i like knowing that, most of the time, megan and sara are the only ones that read this.
it's almost one in the morning right now but i can't sleep, so i decided to get up and read some of my old entries on here. all i have to say is wow, things have changed a lot within the past year or so..i've changed a lot. but i've realized that things have to change and that it doesn't always have to be a bad thing. right? but sometimes it is.
Dear megan and sara,
i know things have changed a lot between us this year. i stopped trying in our friendship and i want both of you to know how sorry i am. you guys were ALWAYS there for me last year, and helped me through absolutely everything!! i would never have made it this far if the two of you didn't care as much as you did!! i never had to ask you guys to be there, you just were and you don't know how much that means to me still. so, even though we haven't hungout a whole lot this year and don't talk as much as we used to, i want you both to know that you were and still are my best friends. i miss you guys all the time..and i love you both very much!!
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major update time. |
October 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: bar 7
Feeling: cold
yeah, wow it's been more than a month.
so i guess you already know that a lot has happened since my last update. i mean, a lot can happen in a month. definitely. and i have no idea where to even begin. i'll just start somewhere.
1.) lauren and i aren't friends anymore, and it's probably for the best. i've realized that when we WERE friends i never made time for OR focused on making any of my other friendships stronger..just the one i thought i had with her. and most of the time my friendship with her wasn't even very good. i mean, it was but it wasn't. i don't know. i'm really mad at her right now and i'm having an extremely hard time that because i don't want to be mad at her. it's just everytime i see her i want to scream at her or something. not like go off on her or anything..i guess it's more like i want to tell her she needs to tell me why she even avoids looking at me. at this point though, i don't know what it would do. part of me misses her..and the other part has already let her go and is more happy now then when her and i were friends. so yeah.
2.) during the past month i've become really close to alison, emily and lauren dobraski. we've pretty much been inseparable since school started. we're always together on weekends..and on both monday and wednesday nights for youth group. i love the three of them to death =) they always manage to make me laugh til my stomach hurts and i have so much fun when i'm with them. i never felt like an outsider when i first started hanging out with them and that's probably a big part of the reason they're so awesome. even though the three of them have been best friends forever they still let me in..without hesitation..and not many people do that, especially in our school..but i won't go there. so anyhow, alison is probably the most outgoing/craziest person i've ever met or WILL ever meet in my entire life..and that's why i love her so much. she makes me smile so big, and i can't help but laugh at her all the time =) she's just alison..there's no other way to describe her. yeah. and emily is the most random person ever..gosh..but she's so funny, all the time. i love it. and lauren's pretty much great..always. yes, i do love them.
3.) okay, so those are two of the biggest things that have been going on. umm i've also gotten a lot of my hours done for my dad. i did like 10 last week and 11 this week. so i'm proud of myself. yay.
4.) this weekend was fun. friday night was the homecoming football game. i took lots of pretty pictures =) yep. then saturday was the dance and that was awesome!! ali and i had twin hair styles. very pretty. then us girls stayed the night at lauren's afterwards. so much fun =) =) yeah. and everyone was so beautiful. we all danced til our feet were pretty much about to fall off. yay.
i figure this is long enough so i'll update soon..hopefully.
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hehe. |
September 15th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: something corporate
Feeling: dazed
http://www.xanga.com/hearts_staybroken
braden, there's the link to my xanga.
you wanted it =) i love you!! |
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pretty fireworks. |
September 10th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: nothing
Feeling: lethargic
i know i haven't updated forever.
i've been updating my xanga lately and
haven't felt like doing this too. so yeah.
last night i went to the sternwheeler with
braden. we fought a whole lot when we first
got there, but eventually stopped after we
realized how dumb we were. then we found
sara and clay =) so the four of us walked
around together the rest of the time. it was
very fun. sara and i hardly see each other
at school so i was happy we hungout. before
we got ready to leave though, some girl who
was ashley mullen's friend, stopped sara
and apparently was yelling at her or
something about stuff that's going on between
the volleyball team. braden, clay and i
didn't realize what was happening though
until afterwards when sara started crying.
i still haven't talked to sara about what
happened. anyways, braden and i got into
another fight on the way to drop me off at
home and i haven't talked to him since then.
he had to go to the away football game
tonight since he's in band, which sucked
because he missed the beautiful fireworks!!
i watched them with mine and bekah's parents.
they were sooo very pretty =) last year
was more fun though because i watched them
with megan, jack, ally, braden and some other
people. i didn't see anyone tonight. at all.
i miss so many people it isn't even funny.
this year, so far, has seriously sucked.
and i really do hate it!!
well i'm tired. gooooodnight!!
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labor day weekend =) =) |
September 4th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: swithfoot
Feeling: stupid
friday night -
i went to the football game and
mostly sat with allie. but i talked
and hungout with billions of other
people too and it was fun. braden is
cute when he plays in the band =) =)
i think it's dumb that lauren and
i are still not talking. i'm not
going to lie.i do kind of miss her.
hmm after the game braden and i went
to rachel's house with some other
people for a little bit. we all went
to DQ and got some ice cream, then
braden and i left but i can't remember
what we did after that. oh well.
saturday (yesterday) -
my sister and i put a second coat
of paint on the walls downstairs,
then i helped my dad load a bunch of
wood in the truck. it wasn't very fun
but i had to do it. so anyhow, after
i was done with that i layed around
for awhile, then braden and i went to
see transporter 2 or something like that.
it was an action movie and i LOVED it!!
if you haven't seen it then you need to!!
but anyways, then we got some taco bell
and went to the incredible playground,
ate in his car, got out and chased
eachother, raced down the slides, cuddled
in the shark tunnel, swung on the swings,
and then layed down, talking to each
other about things that we haven't told
anyone else, while we looked up at the
stars. they were so pretty. i wouldn't
have had the night go any other way.
he's my best friend and i love him!!
sunday (today) -
i got up and went to church this morning.
then afterwards my family met bekah and
her family at applebee's for lunch :-)
it was very good!! then we came home and
i took a much needed nap until around 4:30
when i had to take my mom to church for
praise team practice. then i came home for
a little bit, waited on kim to get ready,
left and went back over to the church for
evening service. it was okay. afterwards
i drove to applebee's and met some of
the girls from my youth group there for
dessert. it was very yummy and we had fun!!
then i came home and called braden who was
still at jonathan's house with some of
the guys from our youth group. annnd
jonathan wouldn't leave to take him back
to the church so he could get his car, so
i went and picked him up from jonathan's.
i'm such a good girlfriend =) by that time
it was part 10 so i had to take him to the
church to get his car, and we just stayed
there, talking and looking at the stars
until i had to leave to go home. it was
nice. i love him soo very much!!
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on my mind. |
September 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: a freaking awesome song
Feeling: burdened
i think i need to update because it's been a few days. i haven't really felt like writing much lately and i honestly don't want to right now, but it's always been the only way for me to "express" myself, i guess you could say. and i've had so much on my mind this past week but i haven't really felt like i could talk to anyone about it. i don't know though. here it goes.
every year is a new beginning. a chance to start over with a clean slate. during the summer you tell yourself, or rather, you decide that the coming school year is going to be different..better. you're excited to not only see your friends again, but also meet new people. you tell yourself that you're going to study harder, have more fun with friends, and to just be a better person all together. then you get to school and all those expectations you had for the new year don't happen just how you thought they would. things are different..they've changed..and even though you remember telling yourself, during the summer, that you not only wanted but you were ready for change. any change. at least i thought i was ready..but i've realized i wasn't. things have changed that i never thought would and i haven't been able to get used to it. i was ready for school..but not the change that it bought with it. summer changes people and it can either be a time to strengthen a friendship or do the opposite. something i wasn't ready for. not only that..nothing seems the same anymore. and when i say nothing, i mean NOTHING!! all my friends are driving now and i will be soon. i still haven't gotten used to my classes. it's almost like i can't. i don't know how to explain it though. annd i miss sara and megan! i'm still trying to figure out what's going on with us. we don't really talk anymore and neither of us even act like we care. or maybe it's just me. but god, the three of us used to talk all the time, about so much..but we don't now. i've spent most of the first few days of school hanging out with alison and emily. i have like every class with alison and the three of us have lunch together. but i don't know. they're awesome!!..but they're not sara and they're not megan.
i miss my friends (you guys).
i can't seem to get used to all this change.
things aren't like i hoped they would be.
there, that wasn't much of an update but it'll have to do for now, because i'm tired and i have to get up in the morning to go take my drivers test. yep. it's at like 9:15 so i'll be missing 1st, 2nd and probably 3rd period..because i'm not coming in until afterwards. so wish me luck!!
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lunch at miss ally-son's. |
August 29th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tpt
Feeling: sluggish
i think i'm going to like english better this year because ms. hammond seems to be a lot more fun then ms. dye ever was. but maybe that's just me. hmm i have a spanish test tomorrow that i didn't study for..i already hate that class by the way. but anyhow, i went out to lunch with alison today and it was fun :-) we went to her house and her mom got out a TON of yummy food for us. i ate doritos, a sandwich, and some grapes, baby carrots, and cucumbers. it was so good. yay!! then we came back to the school..of course..and i went to art where i pretty much finished my lovely drawing we've been working on since friday? i think. then in chemistry we watched some boring video on lab safety. yippee..not!!
after school i had therapy. i haven't had it since last monday so my knee was kind of sore i guess..plus, i fell at school friday..which probably has a lot to do with it. but yeah. i don't like therapy, at all. and i really wish i didn't have to go anymore. what's the point anyways?
i guess i'm done rambling. later.
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driving in the rain. |
August 27th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: jeremy camp
Feeling: exhausted
today, was my very last day of driving. yay :-) i drove from 10-2 and i guess it wasn't that bad? but i was definitely glad when it was over..and i passed, of course. so now all i have to do is go take my test. makes me nervous just thinking about it. so anyways, when i got home i made some mac-n-cheese, watched tv, took a 3 hour nap, got up around 7:00, talked on here, watched ER for a little bit, and now i'm talking to jamie on here. it's her very first night at college..so i think she's having a hard time right now. but yeah. i'm going to go because i'm very tired. later lovelies.
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brown cows with joyce. |
August 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: goo goo dolls
Feeling: exhausted
i wrote about yesterday in my xanga and didn't feel like writing about it twice, so yes, if you want to read about it then feel free :-) buuut anyhow, today was very stressful. i had to have two songs for ms. hammond memorized, one we had to write and the other one we had to say infront of the class. it wasn't as bad as i made myself belive..i'm just not good with that kind of stuff i guess, so i get nervous? yeah. and i also had to drive 4 hours RIGHT after school and just knowing that made me a nervous wreck all day. i ended up doing fine though..but i'm not going to lie and say that i loved it, because i definitely didn't. i'm glad i'm done with all of it after tomorrow.
the rest of my classes were alright i suppose. except for family relations. i want to talk to lauren but i don't know what to say. ohhh yes, and on the way there, i guess there was a wet spot on the floor and i totally wiped out. i pretty much killed my knee on the way down too (my bad one of course) so after some girl helped me get my books and get up, i literally limped to family relations. god, my knee hurt so bad. it wasn't even funny, and i was on the verge of tears when i walked in the room. sweet. and pretty much everyone was already in there, including lauren. so i sat down and tried not to look at anyone. then ms. kunze announced that we had a free day, so i just sat there trying to bend and straighten my knee/trying not to cry. ms. kunze saw me and asked "do you want some ice for your ankle" haaaaah...my ankle? i was like, "no thanks, i'm fine." but what i wanted to say was, "it's NOT my ankle, it's my KNEE..and yes i need some ice because it is KILLING me!!" but yes, i didn't. it's still really sore.
okay, i'm DEAD tired and want to sleep more than anything but i have to wait for jamie to come back, even though it's almost 1130 and i have to drive from 10-2 tomorrow. oh well..she leaves in the morning and i want to talk to her before she goes. i'll really miss her.
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first day. |
August 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: switchfoot
Feeling: torn
all of this will definitely take a while to get used to, going back to school, but today wasn't all that bad. i was surprised that i liked almost all of my classes and am very happy that i have friends in every class. except for family relations. lauren's in that class with me but we didn't talk at all so i don't really know. i mean, i understand why we didn't, but it was really awkward because she's pretty much the only person i know in that class and we aren't even talking. but anyhow, besides that, everything was extremely good today. braden and i have our lockers RIGHT next to each other, weird, but yay. alison is in about 4 of my classes, i think. and i have lunch with sara :-) very good. hmm only bad thing about this year is that i don't have mr. ullman for math (i've had him for the past two years) and i already don't think i'm going to like mrs. jenkins very much..but i guess i have to at least give her a chance. right? yeah, i'm nice.
i think this year's going to be much better than both my freshman and sophmore ones were. i don't know why exactly..i guess it's just a feeling i have. there are some things that i'm still not quite sure about right now, but i'm learning to just go with the flow and let things happen. like i said in one of my recent entries..i need change, even though i'm afraid of what change might mean, i still want it too, because most of the time it turns out to be for the best. and this year, i need all the best i can get..if that makes sense.
anyways, braden took me home from school today..we came back here and hungout for a while before he left. hmmm..then i got ready and went to youth group. it was hilary and jamie's last day. they both leave on saturday, so we won't see them before then. i was hoping to see jamie but she's going to be too busy the next couple days, getting ready to leave and stuff. so this pretty much sucks! i'll miss her being here..but i'll still see her some.
but yeah. later lovelies.
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ended summer. |
August 23rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: jeremy camp
Feeling: hopeful
today was the last day of summer. and a few weeks ago i would have told you that i wanted to go back to school, more than anything, but now i would gladly move away just to avoid it. i guess part of me does want to see certain people again but that's probably about the only reason i can think of that would make me consider wanting to go back.
i've not only learned a lot about myself this summer..i've also learned a lot about other people..both good and bad things. and i've had loads of time to realize things that i should have a long time ago. like how change can definitely be a very good thing. and i've decided that i want this year to be different..to be better. i don't want to worry about or put too much emphasis on things anymore. all i want is to have fun. the past two years, i've screwed up pretty much everything..relationship wise, frienship wise, and school wise. i don't want to do the same thing again. and i have a feeling that things are going to be a whole lot better this year. and i hope, for my sake, that it's not just a feeling..that things really are better.
i'm ready for change..no matter how big or small it is..even though i'd much rather it be big. i've learned that change is good. it might not seem like it at the time, but it always turns out to be..no matter how long it takes. things always happen for a reason. and sometimes it's difficult to understand that, but once you do everything's so much better than it was.
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chicken and oreos. yum. |
August 22nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: nothing
Feeling: happy
braden came over today :-) we looked at all my pretty pictures i've taken this summer and got them ready to make into a collage, ate bbq chicken and oreos, and talked/cuddled on my bed for a little bit. have i mentioned how happy he makes me? yayyy :-)
he only got to stay until 2:30 though because i had to leave and go to therapy from 3-5 in parkersburg. it sucked as usual, and i pretty much hated every minute of it. humph :-(
anywho, then i came home and spent the last half of the day being lazy..watching tv..talking to my moma..eating dinner..working on my lovely picture collage..talking to people on here. so yay :-)
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poles are bad news. |
August 21st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: taking back sunday
Feeling: happy
i went to twilia smith's funeral this afternoon and it was really sad. she's bailey's grandma. and her grandpa was crying during the service :-( they were married for 61 years. wow! that's amazing. but this is making me sad so i'm moving on now.....ummm after that i came home, got ready and went to evening church service. yay :-) then braden and i went to cone and shake, and met our youth group at the knights house. it was very fun! they had a pool and trampoline :-) and lots of very good food. my youth group is sweet. you should be jealous :-)
hmm braden took me home, but we had to wait a billion years before we could leave since he decided to be cool and park where it was obvious that we'd get blocked in. hehe. but anyhow, he came back here for a few minutes, then left and i called him like 5 seconds later, and talked to him while he drove home. yay :-) he liked it very much.
that's about all i have to say. later.
p.s. braden about killed me tonight, literally, but i still love him :-)
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squishy the doggy. |
August 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the early november
Feeling: pained
jamie came over this afternoon and we helped each other get ready for tonight. she straightened my hair and it was lovely. then we got all dressed up and met everyone at davenchi's (spelling?)..it was so yummy. i got lasagna and i wasn't even able to finish it. but anyhow, we all took millions of pictures and had LOTS of fun!! yay! then we left and went to lisa and dave's. we decided to play "bigger or better"..something like that. it's like a scavenger hunt. there's two teams and each team starts out with a crayon. you go around to different houses in the neighborhood asking if they have anything they can give you that is either "bigger or better" then what you already have (crayon, etc.) it was interesting.
a dog followed us back to lisa and dave's so we decided to make it our "bigger or better" thing and we ended up winning..of course. when we got back to their house the guys were all there..including braden :-) so i changed and went over and sat by him. we had cake..very yummy..then we danced/played games the rest of the night. then around 10:30 braden took kim and i home. i had lots of fun tonight :-) i'm sad that hilary and jamie are leaving soon though. i will miss them both a lot. but okay, i'm done. later.
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well that was interesting. |
August 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: howie day
Feeling: sinful
braden and i talked on the phone from 9:30 last night til about 2:30 this morning. then we both woke up 3 1/2 hours later (6:00 this morning)...he came over here, and him, me, my mom and kim all got in the car and drove an hour to Reedsville, Ohio to pick up one of kim's guy friends that she met at church camp a few weeks ago. the trip there was interesting too, considering we got lost and, what should have been only a one hour drive turned out to be about 2 1/2 hours. yessss...and braden and i only got like 3 hours of sleep last night...we were soo tired. he actually fell asleep on the way out there. it was so cute. but anyhow, after we finally got to the kids house and picked him up, we came back here for a little bit. my mom took kim and kyle somewhere...and left braden and i here...hehe. enough said.
braden had to leave shortly after my mom, kim and kyle came back...because he had to go somewhere to get a few shots. i felt bad for him! hmm when he was all done though he came back here..yayy!! and he had a sucker...which i stole from him of course. it was a yellow one and very yummy too. anyhow, all of us decided to go to the mall. braden and i drove seperately though, so we could stop by the high school to pick up our schedules. him and i have 6th period lunch together...yayyy!! we are very happy. oh yes, and we found out that somehow our lockers are right next to eachother. hmm anyways, the mall was very fun!! kim and kyle think they're cool so they went off somewhere by themselves..and braden and i kept my mom company. we only stayed an hour or so, then we left. braden and i beat them home so, while i was on here, he fell asleep on my bed . he was so tired, along with me, but i couldn't sleep if i tried. anyhow, he woke up 10 min. before he had to leave for work.
after he left, i went out to eat with my mom, kim and kyle. we had lovely chinese. yum :-) then we came back here to get kyle's stuff..went to zane and collen's..that was a nightmare..and then we finally took him home. we got home around 9:00, i layed down and fell asleep until 10:30 or so..got up and talked to people on here. but i didn't feel good at all. actually, i still don't. i feel like i'm going to be sick. was it the food i ate today?..the twisty, turny drive to kyle's house in reedsville?..or stress? we shall never know. anyways, sara wants me to come with her to allie's soccer scrimmage at 10 in the morning. i hope i can go because i really want to. i can't wait until tomorrow night? i think. it should be fun. jamie might be coming over sometime tomorrow so we can help each other get ready. we will see.
and that's all. later everyone.
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we can't wait. |
August 18th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: radio
Feeling: lovely
today = most laziest day of my life :-) :-)
all i did was eat, sleep and watch tv. yay!!
i'm awesome i know :-) :-) but i must take advantage of the summer we have left. doesn't that make sense? ummm yes!!
ohh yes, braden called when he got off of work (around 9:30) and we talked until after 2:30 this morning :-) he makes me happy.
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the new e.r. |
August 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the academy is...
Feeling: blah
braden came over during his "lunch break" today. he was here from about 12:15 to 12:50. we made ourselves some pb&j sandwiches..very yummy..and had some lays sour cream and onion chips :-) then when we were done eating we watched ER (my absolutely favorite show) and played around until he had to leave. we had fun :-) then after he left, i got ready and went to therapy. my mom thought it was at 2:00 when it was at 2:30 so, since we got there about 45 minutes early, she took me to Big Sandy's Superstore to show me the couch that her and dad picked out for the downstairs. it's pretty darn saweet ass :-) verrrry comfy too. i'm excited :-) our downstairs is finally almost done. it will be so awesome when it is. yay!! so anyhow, i went to therapy and it was dumb as always. i have to go in at 9:30 tomorrow morning but i think i'm just going to tell my mom i don't want to go. yeah. hmm when i got home from that, i took a shower, got ready (once again) and went to youth group. it was casey's last night. she's leaving for college on friday so i won't see her :-( i hate how everyone's leaving for college. jamie leaves the 27th!
but anyways, tonight bob did the lesson and i liked it very much. braden wasn't there though, because he had to work until 9:30 tonight. i missed him! i hope he either comes to see me during his "lunch break" tomorrow, or before he goes into work. i want to see him. hmm tonight my moma decided she needed to go to the emergency room because she thinks she broke one or more of her ribs. so i went with her to selby after hours but we found out that it was going to be at least a 2 hour wait, so we left and came back home. but my dad made her go to memorial's brand new emergency room..so i went with her, and she got in over there. we got home around 11:00 (hour and a half ago). by the way, their new emergency room is very, very nice. i liked it a lot!! okay, that's all for now poopsies :-)
p.s. i tried calling lauren tonight after youth group but she supposedly wasn't home. at least that's what her mom said. whether or not it's true is beyond me. i miss her a lot though, and i wish she knew that.
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i love him. |
August 16th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the early november
Feeling: lousy
it's 4:12 and braden just left about five minutes ago. when he first got here i didn't really say much to him and i tried to act like i was okay, even though i had just cried about 2 minutes before he came. but when he kissed me and said that he had to leave i got up from the computer, hugged him and wouldn't let go. i told him i wanted him to stay, and i just started crying. he held me forever, and he kept telling me that he loved me..that everything was going to be okay..and that he was always going to be here for me. and i just kept crying..and he kept holding me. then he picked me up and sat on my bed..and kept holding me forever. and i just kept crying. i couldn't stop. and he asked what was wrong, even though part of me already knew that he knew. but i told him..and he just held me tighter. even though he had to leave and go to work, he stayed anyways. i didn't want anyone else here. just him..holding me. he made me feel like nothing else had to matter in the entire world. and even though i couldn't stop crying i knew everything was going to be okay because he was there and i felt safe. he's the only person i feel like i can count on right now..for anything.
last night i cried myself to sleep for the same reason that i cried today. and i didn't have braden to hold me last night..but i'm glad that i had him here today. i love him so much and i don't know what i'd do without him. he always, always makes everything better. he's so amazing. my best friend. it took me awhile to realize that, but he is.
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| 83 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
care.too.much
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incredible playground. |
August 14th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the early november
Feeling: carefree
i was ready and everything but my dad left for church without me this morning. i guess because i was still in my room and he didn't think i was even up..but i WAS!!! so i was supposedly "grounded" all day. i'm a rebel, i know. sara has definitely taught me well :-) but anywho, my dad made me pull weeds outside and it was "kill me" hot out. hmm did i just make that up? hehe, i do love me..as my moma always says. okay, getting off track again..after i was done with that, i came inside, got ready, and went to evening service where braden surprised me by showing up. yay!! i didn't think he was going to be able to come but he did and i was happy :-) anyhow, i wouldn't really call it your ordinary service. it was kind of a show type thing. all the little kids, k-6th grade, sang a bijillion songs for all of us. it was cute..but i was glad when it was over. jamie and i left with braden, went back to his house so he could get his swimming trunks..then we about died on the way to casey and sammy's house. it was pretty sweet :-) i must say, my lovely boyfriend is good at being a horrible/scary driver. hehe. i LOVE it!! he scares jamie half to death every time she's in the car with us..but i'm always fine because i trust him with everything..including my life. but anyhow, everyone was at casey and sammy's when we got there and it was verrrry fun. tonight..while i was at the party with everyone...it was the first time that i haven't thought about or missed lauren at all. well..i thought about her once..but that's it. anyways, yeah...i've had my mind on a lot lately, but tonight it all seemed to vanish for a little while..and it was nice to not constantly be thinking about all of it for once. it really was. but anyhow, braden and i left the party around 9:30ish and went to the incredible playground. it was very, verrrry fun!! we played LOTS (hehe..yay)..and he makes me so very happy. i love him!!!
okie dokie, that's all for now. later lovers.
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| 68 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
care.too.much
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jazz hoplap |
August 13th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: swithfoot
Feeling: addicted
i spent allll day with braden today and it was amazing :-) he makes me soooo happy!! and i'm not just saying that. ask sara. i talked to her about everything. i do love her very muchly :-) buuuut anywho, braden and i went to wally world to drop off my pictures, then to the mall..we got yummy cookies and ice cream while we were there too..hmmm then we left, went back to wally world to pick up my beautiful pictures, and then came back here until we had to leave to go to the mystery dinner thing we had with our youth group. it was fun but it lasted forever..longer than braden and i expected. we were both hoping to get out of there around 8:30 or 9 but it was 10 something before it was even over..so we only got to hang out in his car for like 20 minutes :-( hmmm then he took me home.
and that's that. yep. much love :-)
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| 38 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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forrrrever =) =) |
August 12th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the early november
Feeling: infuriated
it's 3 in the morning and i just got off the phone with braden like two seconds ago..but only because my phone decided to die. how sweet is that? we were on the phone forrrrever. 5 hours to be exact!!! god..him and i talked about absolutely everything in the world there is to talk about plus more. we needed it..and i love him so much!! he's the ONLY person that makes me happy. everything goes away when i'm with him and i wish..more than anything..that i could be with him right this very second. i miss him to the moon, all the stars and back. the last time i saw him was sunday and i'm dying. thank god i get to see him tomorrow =) =)
braden, i know you're going to read this eventually, and i just want you to know that you are my best friend..you're there more than anybody else ever could be..and i love you so much!! i can't wait until tomorrow =)
much love. meeeeeee.
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| 45 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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no smiles allowed. |
August 11th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: nothing
Feeling: alright
yesterday was extremely busy. i babysat riley..the cutest baby alive..until i had to go to therapy from 2 to 4. then i came home and watched him again until i had to go to drivers ed from 5:30-9:30. and it was verrrry boring.
today i got up kind of late because i didn't really sleep very well last night. then i mostly watched tv and rested since i didn't have therapy at all. yayyy!! then i went to drivers ed once again.
thank goodness i don't have it tomorrow :-) that makes me very happy. but anywho, kyle called around 3 something today. i almost didn't pick it up because it said georgia call..and i wish i didn't..but yeah i did. then when i found out it was him i told him that i couldn't talk because i was getting ready to leave for drivers ed..even though i had like 2 hours before i actually HAD to leave. hehe. i'm wonderful i know. hmmm then shortly after that mr braden called so i got to talk to him for a while :-)
okay..why is it that i always put junk about my day in here..nothing very interesting because my life just isn't. i probably bore you to death and i would be surprised if you even finished reading all of this.
anyways, love to all. goodnight.
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| 57 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
care.too.much
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without me by your side. |
August 9th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the early november
Feeling: vain
today = therapy and drivers ed.
- it was the longest day ever.
therapy was from 1-3. i did pretty good. got 131 degree bend by myself, and straightened it -5 degrees by myself. joe said that it's getting better so i'm happy..i guess. i just wish it would go faster.
when i got home i talked to braden for a little bit because he called. hmmm..he got a job at smitty's. yay for him..i'm proud of him!! anyways, then i called megan back and talked to her for a tiny bit..then hungout and later on i called lauren but she was at work. i hoped she would maybe call back while i was at drivers ed but she didn't.
yeah..so i took a nap until i had to be at drivers ed. it was from 5:30-9:30. wayyy too long. godddd i hate it so much. i got scheduled to drive with an instructor on the 22nd and 23rd of this month...from 12-4. it shouldn't be that bad. i hope. i just want to get it over with.
I'll give this one more try,
I'll give it all my best, and, I'll ask
What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side,
Without me by your side.
And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead,
And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back
i miss lauren so much
and i wish...more than anything...that she knew that.
A21Tgr1: are you doing okay
A21Tgr1: ashleyyyy
A21Tgr1: freaking smile
A21Tgr1: right now
- and i love allie wallis..she's awesome!!
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| 46 hit(s) |
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i LOVE blowing bubbles. |
August 8th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the static lullaby
Feeling: braindead
yesterday, i went to church, came home and cleaned, then went back to church for evening service. after that i came back here with braden and the rest of the teens from our youth group. we ate hamburgers and hot dogs, then just hungout...mostly outside. it was pretty fun except for all the mosquitoes. oh yes, and i just want to say that i LOVE blowing bubbles!!! but anywho, after most everyone left, braden took me over to sara's house. yay!! and i stayed there with her and allie for the night :-) it was sooo very fun!! we fouled around for awhile...made ourselves some really good pizza...watched a movie of sara and clay, even though allie and i have already seen it (we just like it that much)...went downstairs and watched Superstar (hilarious movie)...then, after sara humped me and allie a billion times, hit us even more, and talked forever...we finally went to bed. yayy i love them...they are both amazing girlys!!
anyways, hmm...allie had to get up and go to soccer at 8:30 this morning...then afterwards she came back to sara's, but we were still asleep. sorry allie :-( so i guess she just left. sara and i got up around 11:30...came upstairs and saw all of allie's notes that she left sara in her room...got online for a few minutes...got dressed...went to burger king for lunch, and that was very yummy...walmart so sara could get a few things...and then she took me home. which was poopy.
i layed around the house until 5 or so, then i had to go to driver's ed. wow, talk about the most boring 4 hours of my life...and i have another 6 days left. yayyyy....not!!! please, somone shoot me now!! abby joyce was the only one that i really knew...and she's nice so i suppose that i'll be okay.
i really...really...really miss lauren elizabeth very badly right now!! i have all day and i don't know why...but i want it to go away.
oh yeah..allie is freaking sweet ass.
-she told me to put that in here :-) :-)
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| 42 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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a lovely seven hours. |
August 6th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the used
Feeling: morbid
i spent another seven freaking hours downstairs painting today!! buuut it's finally done, thank goodness..and it's very pretty too :-) i'm excited to see what it'll look like once we get everything down there. yayy!! so anyhow, around 7:30..when we finally got done..i cleaned everything up and took a shower. then braden came over around 8:30 and we went over to rachel's house. she's one of his friends that graduated two years ago..and she was having a bunch of people over just to hangout. we only stayed there for an hour or so, then left and went to the park by the river until i had to be home. we talked about a lot of stuff..which was nice. we "played" mostly though. i love him very much :-)
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| 65 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
care.too.much
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paint my heart out. |
August 5th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: jack johnson
Feeling: torn
yesterday...
alison and i walked around downtown most of the day. we went in pretty much every single store. our favorite two were Top Drawer and Sasche. Top Drawer was an amazingly awesome furniture store. oh wow!! we wanted to buy everything in it!! the couches and chairs were extremely comfortable, and all the little nic nacs they had were soo pretty. hmmm..and Sasche was the cutest little store ever :-) it had fairy dust, and candles..and a bijillion things all over the place :-) we made our way down to dairy queen and had some yummy ice cream too. then looked in even more shops. it was soo much fun but extremely hot outside. then when we finally started heading back to alison's this car drove by and honked..the people in it were waving and we both knew that they must have known us, so we waved back but we had no idea who they were. haha :-) oh well. then we stopped at a random pop machine and each bought some sprite. she made me laugh so hard at one point while i was drinking that it came out my nose. and it hurt by the way. hehe. anywho, when we got to her house we layed around, then she straightened my hair and it still looks very pretty. yayyy!!
today...
to sum it all up i spent the entire day painting and cleaning. i'm soooo tired right now that it isn't even funny. i painted a total of about 5 hours..and cleaned another 1 1/2 hours. ohhh and tomorrow i'm doing it all over again. yayyy!! i can't wait..not!! it's going to be another long day..which sucks!!
braden called earlier..from camp. i miss him so thank god he's finally coming home tomorrow. now that i can't wait for :-) hehe. to bad i probably won't get to see him tomorrow..i'll have to wait until sunday :-) poopy!!
okay, i'm dead tired. goodnight!!
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| 44 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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easier is just better. |
August 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: jack johnson
Feeling: lousy
it's been awhile since i've had a good cry, but last night i found something out that i didn't really want to know..i guess it would have been better if i wouldn't have been nosey (sp?) but i was. and as a result, i ended up crying myself to sleep. i'm not telling you this because i want you to feel sorry for me, or worry about me...i just needed to write it down somewhere. i'm tired of shutting people out just because someone else hurt me..it just seems easier to sometimes..especially right now. i'm trying though...it's just hard for me to allow someone to be there. i've been avoiding people and shutting people out for different reasons..sometimes it's not easy to when i need someone there, but i hate burdening people with my problems and lately i've been too afraid to go to God about it but i'm not sure why exactly. i don't feel Him there right now...a time that i need Him there the most.
i need God...but He's not there. i need lauren...but she's not there either. so what am i suppose to do? i have no idea.
sara i know you will eventually read this, and i just wanted you to know that i really miss you..a lot. i hope you know that. and i'm sorry that i haven't talked to you very much the past few days, i guess i just haven't felt like talking to anybody really. but i love you..so much!! never forget that.
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| 41 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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my toes are cold. |
August 2nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: she will be loved
Feeling: pensive
don't really feel like updating but i will anyways. hmm..i hungout with alison all afternoon. we ran a bunch of erands together. it was fun as always. i love her. we went to wally world for awhile and looked at all the makeup/facial products/shampoos/nail polishes and it was interesting :-) then we went to her house and did my hair all perdy :-) we wet it then put some moose and gel in it. yayyyy!!! i liked it a lot. anyhow, she took me home around 6:30, i got ready, then went to mary ellen's for bible study. kim, nicole, melody, bethany, delaine, and jamie were there. it was fun, as always. when we got done all of us played badmittion outside. nicole and i kicked some butt too. then afterwards i came home, cleaned up the kitchen for my mom, then got on here. megan and i had a very nice talk :-) i missed her.
o8oSuperFlyo8o: your my favorite
o8oSuperFlyo8o: O:-)
ashuhlee43: yes i know. it wouldn't be fun without meee :-)
o8oSuperFlyo8o: oh no it wouldnt girlfriend
o8oSuperFlyo8o: im a hard core gangsta biotch
ashuhlee43: fo sho biotch
.......
greeniedgirl13: i'm me and i'll do what i want
greeniedgirl13: and you are stuck with me
greeniedgirl13: so deal
greeniedgirl13: and don't shut people out or i'll bite you
greeniedgirl13: i'm good at being confused
greeniedgirl13: it's a talent
greeniedgirl13: my toes are cold
- i love alison and jamie. they make me smile :-) :-)
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| 46 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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lucky him. jealous me. |
August 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: goo goo dolls
Feeling: blah
had therapy today and it went well. joe's out of town on vacation (in flordia. lucky him!!) so i get to have josh all week instead, which is absolutely lovely because he's not as hard on me, so yayyy :-) :-) hmm after that i came home and got the chance to be lazy for a couple hours..thank god, because my knee was killing me!! then around 6 i met jamie at the softball fields to watch our men's church team kick some bootie, which they did of course :-) i left there after the second game, around 8 or so, and watched tv/rested. alright, later lovelys.
oh yeah braden called from camp earlier and it made me very happy :-) :-) i miss him and think that he needs to come home.
p.s. still having difficulties letting go of lauren.
o8oSuperFlyo8o: i think i just cracked every single bone in hand and wrist
o8oSuperFlyo8o: it felt soooo good
- just thought i'd add that in there. alison makes me smile :-)
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| 50 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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never, ever again. |
July 31st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: a pretty song
Feeling: hurt
please tell me what the hell i did to you because for the past week or so i've tried so hard to figure it out, but i can't. probably because i didn't do ANYTHING wrong! oh wait, the only thing that i can think of is that maybe i cared too much!! wow, i'm sooo sorry! ya see, that was my first mistake! why is it so hard for you to just be there? to actually be a good friend. at least. that's all i asked!! for you to just be there. as a friend..but you couldn't even do that!! you hurt me ALL the time, but i was still always there for you when you needed me!! i ask myself all the time why i didn't just give up on you a long time ago. i guess maybe i always thought you'd change. that one day you'd be there..and stop hurting me. maybe if i would have given up on you earlier in our friendship, when i should have, it would have been easier..because now i'm having the hardest time EVER!! i'm constantly wondering what happened with us..why you could never be there..why i tried for so long..if you miss me even half as much as i miss you..or if you're starting to realize that you've lost me and might not get me back. please tell me that our friendship meant something! because it meant everything to me, and maybe that was my problem. i never should have let you become so important to me!! so maybe all of this is my fault. how i'm feeling. but because of you i'm finding myself unable to trust anyone anymore. i'm shutting absolutely everybody out now. you've made me too scared to let someone else in. i don't want to give anymore else the chance to hurt me again..like you did, so easily. i made that mistake once, and i've promised myself that i WON'T make it again! ever.
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| 41 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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a million reasons. |
July 30th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: hawthorne heights
Feeling: lousy
finally signed up for drivers ed this morning. my mom has refused to sign me up until now, all because of my knee. i'm not very happy about it, but yeah. then i came home, helped my dad paint the downstairs, came up and ate, then hungout around the house forever. braden called and we decided he was coming over. pam got here before he did, my dad made me clean up the kitchen so i was still doing that when he got here.
then my mom left for praise team practice, and my dad and kim left for some concert thing. i got done with the kitchen then braden, pam and i left to go to The Rock!! it was okay. braden liked the worship a lot but we both thought that it was just too much. everything about it was i guess. but anyhow, we got there at 6:30 and left at 9:30 which was nuts!! we could have left earlier but pam talked to all these people forever. so braden and i waited. then we left, finally got back here, then braden and i left and went to wendy's because we were starving :-) yayy!! we ate and talked, then left. now i'm here and i'm extremely tired.
earlier today, out of nowhere, my mom told me how she saw lauren walking downtown with some girl yesterday. and all i could think was, "who was the girl she was with? why wasn't it me? what's wrong with me? why won't lauren talk to me?" i miss her so much and i wish that i didn't. all i want is to forget about her because that's what she's done with me!! but i can't. our friendship wasn't always like how i told everyone it was. she wasn't always NOT there. all the long car rides just talking..spending the night at her house..going with her to a wedding and reception..playing soccer together..going to youth group with her and her coming with me to mine..going to church with her..talking about all the guys she liked. GOD!!! there's so much in the past two years that her and i have done..so much that i helped her through..and even more that she helped me through. stuff that she helped me realize about myself without even knowing about it. i couldn't even begin to tell you everything. but i wish i could!! you have no idea!! because maybe if i were able to you MIGHT understand why i'm having such a hard time giving her up. there might be a million reasons that explain why i should, but i can give you a million and one more why i can't. maybe you're right when you say that she's not my best friend, but she's definitely something. if she wasn't then it wouldn't be this hard. because you don't hold on to something that doesn't mean anything to you.
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| 46 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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questions. no answers. |
July 29th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: taking back sunday
Feeling: clueless
i don't really feel like talking about how today was. the only good part was when alison came over this afternoon. we hungout here for a little bit then went to walmart..tried on all the hats, sunglasses and shoes that we could find..and took lots of pretty pictures of ourselves :-) :-) yay!!
i was hoping to do something with braden but according to his mom all he's done lately is, "go to band, sleep, eat, and hangout with ashley" so i don't think we'll be spending as much time together anymore. i think part of the reason she said that was because she's stressed out. braden's grandmother has cancer and it's been hard on all of them. braden has avoided talking about it with me, and i know that he probably doesn't want to, but i know that it's really hard on him. i'm here for you. always. i love you.
anyways. i missed lauren a lot today and tried calling her twice. no luck though. surprise, surprise. i wonder if she misses me at all. what if she doesn't? i hate that. god, why have i let her become so important to me. you ask me why i can't let her go and i can't give you an answer. at least not one that makes any sense to either of us. i hate knowing that she might not miss me as much as i miss her. when someone talks to me and i could care less whether or not i keep talking to them or not, i wonder if that's the same way she feels whenever she talks to me. did i ever mean anything to her? why won't she return my phone calls? i refuse to believe what might be the truth. that she just doesn't care. but why would she not care? how could she not care? what did i do wrong? why am i not good enough? there has to be something. i've tried so hard the past couple days to answer all of these questions. i can't stop asking myself why i'm not good enough..or what did i do wrong. and as much as i try, i can't stop missing her.
megan i just want you to know that you are one of the strongest people i know. you'll get through this. and sara and i are here to help you. we love you meg :-) we've always been here, and always will be.
braden left me the best comment ever. i loved it so much and it definitely made me happy. i love him :-) :-) you make everything so much better.
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| 65 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
care.too.much
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my prayer. |
July 28th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Dear Heavenly Father,
So why is it that no matter how hard I try it's never good enough? I've asked you this many times in the past few weeks, but I still haven't gotten an answer. Or at least not one that I've really wanted to hear. Maybe I'm just not listening, or maybe I've just stopped listening all together. I know that I've walked away from you, but sometimes it just seems easier. I can't do it on my own though. You've shown me that before. I guess I just don't understand why things are happening the way that they have been. And no, I'm not saying that all of it's been bad, but when things have been bad, lately, I haven't felt your presence. That's probably my fault. But it seems like I'm alone in this, and it scares me half to death. I've been going to youth group, church and bible study. But I've found that I'm doing it again. Hiding. Everyone thinks I'm doing pretty well in my walk with you, but the truth is, I'm probably the farthest from you that I've been in a really long time. There's a wall there, that keeps stopping me from going back to you and I don't know how to break it down. Maybe I haven't even been trying. Like I'm afraid to or something. But why am I so afraid? What am I suppose to do? Will you please tell me? I need you. I love you. Please help me get through this. Help me break down this wall.
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| 69 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
care.too.much
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more than anything. |
July 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: NOTHING
Feeling: distant
got up. watched ER forever. cleaned up the kitchen. went to the church. waited for an hour. campers finally arrived. hugged braden. talked to him some. went home. layed around. went to movies with my mom and collen. rented jersey girl and madea's family reunion. came home. watched the madea movie with my parents. braden called. talked to him. layed in my bed for 15 minutes. went out and watched jersey girl. got on here. talked to sara, allie, alison, and nicole. looked at all sara's pretty pictures. and now here i am. very tired. so GOOD NIGHT..and leave me alone!!
...at this very moment, i miss lauren more than anything!!
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| 74 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
care.too.much
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mall maniacks. |
July 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: damien rice
Feeling: sorry
yesterday, i went to church..both morning and evening services. i was disappointed though because "The Rock" was so much better. our church seemed dead compared to it. but anyhow, after evening service the youth group all met at chris's house. i went in nicole's car with bekah and it was pretty crazy. when we got there we ate yummy food..and i dropped my hot dog on the ground but ate it anyways. hehe :-) then us girls talked for a bit and when it got dark the guys set up the xbox outside so that we could all watch a movie. it was some comedy and we all died laughing the entire time :-) when it was over mary ellen brought both bekah and i home.
today, i got up really early and went to therapy at 8:30. yesss i could have killed someone!! joe made me get in the pool and stuff. i hate the pool excercises with a passion!! but i got 125 degree bend which is excellente :-) so after about 2 1/2 hours i came home, rested a tiny bit, then went to alison's around 2 something. yayyyy :-)
we went to the mall because she just got her license :-) yay for her!! it was so much fun :-) we pretty much went to all the clothing stores trying on every hat and pair of sunglasses we could get our little hands on..looking at every piece of jewerly and pair of shoes we could find..oh yes, and spraying all kinds of perfume, and testing the numerous good smelling lotions on :-) it was lots of fun :-) but afterwards i was so tired and my knee hurt.
when we finally left the mall, we could both tell that it was getting ready to storm. you know how when you walk outside and it's cloudy, kind of cool, musty, and very windy? well that's what it was like outside. and the moment we got in the car it started to rain..then once we got on the rode we were being plastered with huge rain drops the size of oranges..hehe. we couldn't see anything. in vienna there were trees that had fallen in the road and some guy was pulling it back. haha. sorry, but it was funny. then once we got across the bridge we found out that all the traffic lights were out :-) yayyy!! not!! so we get to alison's house..finally, and it pretty much stopped shortly after that. figures :-) but i like storms verrrry, very muchly. anywho, we ate somthing and made smoothies. they were yummy!! then we went up to her room, looked at pretty pictures, and she took me home.
braden called from camp earlier. it was funny because he was using zach's cell phone and he kept braking up. oh and this girl, bekah, talked to me a little bit too :-) he played cards with her sometime today i guess. i miss him a ton, and i'm glad he's coming home tomorrow. along with my sister :-) because i admit, i miss her a tiny bit too.
welp, today was a pretty darn good day :-) i like good days!!
p.s. where the heck is lauren??
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| 50 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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jimmy lou and wilbur. |
July 23rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: iris by goo goo dolls
Feeling: punky
got up at 7:00 this morning to go to the church and say bye to braden. he's going to church camp until tuesday. i would be going but the only other girl going is my sister and that's not going to happen. butttt i definitely miss braden already. i wish i could be there with him.
but anyhow, i got home and went back to bed until 10:45, then my mom and i went to the mall and walmart for some groceries. after we got home we both watched one of the funniest movies in the entire world..Diary Of A Mad Black Women!!! i died laughing like the whole time i watched it :-)
got done watching the movie, hungout, then pam came over, we all got ready, then left to go to "The Rock Full Gospel Church" in parkersburg just for fun because we heard the worship was amazing..and it was definitely that and much, MUCH more!! the music and worship was a million times better than our church. the moment i walked in there i felt like i could do anything while i was singing and NO ONE would care at all. whereas, if you even raise a hand in my church everyone looks at you and it makes you extremely uncomfortable. but in "The Rock" a lady actually layed down on the floor all during the singing and worship, and no one even looked over at her. and i felt God's presence more during that one service than i've felt in about 5 of my churches services. it was amazing, and i loved it!!
and the people were so nice!! the moment the three of us walked in the door, well no, we were actually greeted at the door by someone. she saw us coming and she opened the door, smiled at us, and told us her name while she shook each of our hands :-) it was nice to be able to compare my church to this one, and i can honestly say that my church has A TON to work on. then afterwards we stopped at walmart to pick up some things, then on the way home we gave a ride to a little old man, Jimmy Lou, and his cane, Wilbur, a ride to Kroger's :-) he was cute too!!
i wish lauren could have gone to The Rock with us tonight. it was amazing and i KNOW that she would have loved it just as much as i did. god, i miss her so much!! i need to just call her and ask what's going on.
p.s. the picture at the top of my entry is my lovely jamie and i :-) do you like it?? be jealous biotches :-)
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| 70 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
care.too.much
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p.s. braden and i |
July 22nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: my best friend
Feeling: happy
p.s. braden and i are officially back together :-) :-) and this time i'm not going to mess up or get scared. i love him.. i always have.
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| 44 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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guitar and drums. |
July 22nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: th spill canvas
Feeling: sane
yesterday, braden came over here for a wee little bit, then we went to pick up his brother from the skate park. we stayed and watched him for awhile though and he's not bad. oh yes, and braden thought he'd try and be cool and skateboard too, but he sucks majorly at it :-) he makes up for it though because he plays the guitar and drums extremely well :-) :-) yayyy!! after that he brought me back here because he and aaron had to go to a guy sleepover thing at the church. i missed him though.
today, i talked to braden on the phone before going to the mall with kim, libby (kim's friend) and my mom :-) i didn't get anything but i think we might go back tomorrow :-) so yayyy!!
braden's leaving for church camp tomorrow morning and he won't be back until wednesday :-( i miss him already. i didn't get to see him at all today, which really sucks!! soooo, because kim's leaving for camp tomorrow also, i'm going to go with her and my mom to the church just so i can say goodbye :-( i'll miss him!! good news though..sara's coming home in 3 days :-) yay!! i miss her sooo freaking much i can't stand it!!
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| 48 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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your wish will come true |
July 21st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: spill canvas
Feeling: hopeful
This is freaky as anything...DO NOT CHEAT
(You will kick yourself later) I was a little skeptical trying this, but if you follow the instructions to the "t" you'll be surprised!!!!
All of my answers were accurate. We'll see tomorrow if the wish comes true. I'll let you know. Take 3 minutes and try this...it will freak you out! The person who sent it to me said her wish came true 10 minutes after they read the mail. BUT NO CHEATING! This game has a funny/spooky outcome.
Don't read ahead...just do it in order! It takes about three minutes.
First..get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know and go with your first instinct.
Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it!
1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.
2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want.
3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opp. sex.
NO LOOKING AHEAD...OR IT WON'T TURN OUT RIGHT!
4. Write anyone's name (friends or family) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots.
5. Write down four song titles in 8,9,10, and 11.
GO WITH YOUR INSTINCT PEOPLE!!!!
6. Finally, make a wish.
And now the key for the game.....
1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game.
2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love.
3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out.
4. You care most about the person you put in 4.
5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.
6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star.
7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.
8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.
9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
10. and 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life
NOW...post this bulletin (dont reply) within the hour... IF you do..
your wish will come true...
If you don't it will become the opposite
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| 55 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
care.too.much
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my dotted lines. |
July 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: goo goo dolls
Feeling: burdened
i absolutely miss sara like crazy
...i wish i were with her
i wish my knee was better
...i want to be able to do things again
i freaking hate a certain someone right now
...she needs to learn what "friend" means
i've been so tired lately
...i think there's something wrong with me
i love braden cody henderson
...more than anything
i'm so sick of not having a true best friend
...i'm tired of searching
i want braden right here with me
...i miss him so much
i need to depend more on God
...especially right now
i heart megan renee huck
...and i hope she knows that
my knee hurts really bad at the moment
...i wish it would stop
i don't understand what it is about
...love and commitment that scares me so much
i need to leave marietta
...i hate it here
i need a best friend right now
...more than ever
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| 39 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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heart to heart |
July 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: goo goo dolls
Feeling: blue
i got up at 7:30 this morning, got ready, and went to parkersburgh for therapy on my knee. i was there for 1 1/2 hours. then i came home, and layed down for about 2 seconds before braden called. i told him that i wanted to see him realllly badly, so he came over after he ate and took a shower. i also took a shower while i waited for him :-) when he got here we hungout for a few minutes then went to the new My Favorite Things store that they have downtown now. it was so pretty. braden made fun of me for thinking all of the stuffed animals were cute though :-) but anyhow, after that we came back here, got something to eat, then left again and went to his house for a tiny bit so we could pick up aaron. annnnnd then we finally left and went to youth group, where i had to have a long heart to heart girly talk with sam to clear a few things up. other than that, it was okay :-)
that's all. later lovers.
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| 47 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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you knowssss who. |
July 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the academy is...
i missed braden like crazy today.
and i felt so bad because i didn't know that i had therapy at 2 o'clock and that's when he was planning on stopping by. i'm sorry baby. my mom and i left here early so we could go to hardee's for lunch :-) then she dropped me off at therapy around 1:30. yes, i was 30 minutes early. poopy!! so of course joe got me started right away!! i did a million and one excercises, got in the pool and did a million more, then got out and did even more. i was in there for 3 freaking hours!! i bent it 115 degrees when i first got in there though, and 124 by the time i was done and that is extremely good :-)
i finally got my electric stem thing that i put on my knee to make my muscles work better :-) I AM EXCTIED!!! yayyy!! so anywho, when i got home i was mr. pooper scooper, not able to concentrate, dead tired!!! yes, that was meeeeee :-) so i wasn't planning on going to bible study at mary ellen's with miss jamie but when i was in the middle of eating my din din jamie called me and said that her and mary ellen were waiting. hah, so i went because they love me :-) when i got there it was just the three of us but other people were suppose to come. so we ate cookies and talked while we waited. oh yeah, jamie and i also told mary ellen all about hide and seek :-) hehehe. then everyone got there and we got down to business :-) yep, and now heres i am. verrrry tired and i miss my mr. braden more than anything right about now. i want him here..oh yes, and i LOVE him!!! hehe.
okie doke. later lovelies :-) :-) :-)
p.s. i'm still doing good about not talking to you knowsss who.
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| 45 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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hide and seek. |
July 18th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: she will be loved
Feeling: alone
welp, now that i have my last entry out of my system i suppose i'll tell you about today. okay, i got up earlier than usual, went out and watched tv for a little bit. then braden stopped by after he got out of band around 12:30, but i wasn't expecting him so i looked terrible and yeah. he left, went home, ate something and took a shower. then he came back over around 2:00 and i looked a tad bit better because i knew he was coming over. so yes, then we left and went to the mall. that was a waste of time and gas because we really didn't even go into any stores, we just walked around forever. then we left, came back to marietta, stopped at cone and shack so he could get something to eat, then went to austin best's house to use the phone so we could call megan :-) we wanted to come over, but noooooo..she was a poop and didn't want us to come because she was busy doing homework. oh well. so we left austin's and came back to my house :-) i kind of freaked out though because braden got on his screenname and justina was on. ohhhh god, how i dislike her!!! oh yeah, and then i saw that lauren was online..but when we signed back onto my name she didn't show up on my buddylist. so yes folks, she blocked me!!!! i totally FLIPPED out and i think i scared braden!! sorry baby :-) he still loves me though. so anyhow, after i calmed down a little, we left again, and i think we went to his house or something. yes, so after that we went and dropped off my camera at walmart for one hour photo and then we went to the softball fields down by the fair grounds to watch our men's church team kick some buttt!! jamie was there too :-) after about 30 minutes the three of us left to go pick up my pictures. they are beautiful!!! then we went to jamie's house to get money because we thought we were going bowling but i decided we weren't. so we rented a movie instead. wow, that was hard, because we COULD NOT agree on a movie if it were life or death. but finally we got one. Hide and Seek!!! then we went back to zane and colleens to watch it since neither of us wanted to watch it at our houses. don't ask!! jamie and i about died..but then again, we don't do very well with scary movies. but yes, it was a good movie.
braden and jamie are my lovers!!
....but i miss megan and sara.
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| 45 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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your loss, not mine. |
July 18th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: nothing
Feeling: pissy
i've been sitting here staring at the screen forever now because i don't know what to write. i know that i NEED to write though, because it always makes me feel better, i guess it just doesn't seem like enough right now. i don't understand why things happen the way that they do. how i can have an amazing day with the one person that has always been there for me (braden), and another one that wants to be (jamie)..yet still long for that one person that has never really been there in the way that i've wanted and needed her to be. the one person that has rarely ever been a true friend. right now, this very second, i hate her more than anything in the entire world. i hate her for never being there when i've needed her..all the times she's ever hurt me..telling me that i was her only friend she had that was worth having for a best friend..not caring..not being as amazing as sara or megan..never returning my phone calls..and not trying at all. she once told me that you couldn't hate a person unless you hated everything about them. so i guess, maybe, i can't hate her..because as i sit here, despite all the bad things about her, i don't hate everything about her..although, i wish i did.
i almost feel like i'm screaming inside, but all of it is everything that i wish i could scream at her. i know that i can't though, and i hate that. i don't want to talk to her at all right now..i just wish she knew how much she hurts me all the time. i give up on her! i always told her that i never would, but i do..and you probably don't believe me, because maybe i've said that i was mad at her before..but i've NEVER said, "i give up on her!" ever. but i am now. i'm not talking to her unless she comes to me, and even then, i honestly don't know. right now, i could care less if i ever talked to her again. i wish she would just care for once..but it's her loss, not mine.
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| 52 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
care.too.much
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major mess of things. |
July 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the academy is...
Feeling: pissy
nobody woke me up to go to church this morning so i ended up not going and i wasn't too happy about it either!! and because my dad thought i wasn't "responsible" enough to set my alarm and get up on time for church, i was supposedly grounded for the day. that didn't really happen though. anyway, when they (my parents) got home we ate lunch, then i went upstairs and watched Look Whose Talking Too on channel 29 :-) i LOVE that movie and i know that sara does too, so i pretty much thought of her the whole time i was watching it :-) i miss her and i hope she's having fun :-)
braden called around 4:00 so i talked to him for a little bit then i had to get off and get ready to go to evening church service. my mom always goes like an hour early because she helps out with the praise team practice, so i told braden to come early..which he did of course..and we sat in my car and listened to music until 5:30, then walked around while i tried my hardest to not let him have the picture that jamie and i colored for him yesterday, because i wanted to wait til she got there so we could give it to him together :-) yayyyy!!! so when she got there we both gave it to him and he LOVED it!! at least he better have!! we worked hard!!
after that we went inside and had service. then jamie, nicole best and i left and went to jonathan's house for SNAC with our youth group, like we do every sunday night! everyone went and it was extremely fun :-) i LOVE all of them sooo much!! we played this really weird card game that i could NOT get the hang of at all!! it was terrible!! it was nicole best, MY jamie, braden, emmy moore, me, and mary ellen who played and let me tell ya, when you get us together playing cards it's freaking CRAZZZZY!!! hehe. then after awhile i went outside and called lauren. when i got ahold of her though she was busy watching Elf with her parents and she didn't sound like she really wanted to talk to me anyways, so after about 2 1/2 minutes i told her that i'd just talk to her later and i hung up. it's weird, but the past week or so i've missed her, yes, but i haven't really let it take over everything, like i used to..and the fact that i hadn't talked to her for a few days (up until tonight) hadn't really bothered me a whole lot..but when she acted like she didn't even want to talk to me at all, it kind of upset me!! no, actually, it really upset me..and i'm STILL upset right now!! jamie just got online like 10 minutes ago and imed me but i told her i didn't feel like talking..yes, i didn't want to talk to JAMIE..so i'm pretty upset!!
i guess i just thought things would change somehow, like when she got home from camp. i remember last summer, when she got home, she couldn't wait to see me. i saw her the day AFTER she got home!!! and this summer, it's almost like she doesn't care whether or not she sees me at all, and i haven't seen her for over 2 months!! so i don't know.
ohhhhh yeah, and braden's mom thinks that i'm "playing" him...but he says that she likes me a lot!! AND that his dad likes me too!! ummmmm okay! whatever!! like that makes sense. i'm NOT playing him!! god, i love him!! i've always LOVED him!! right now i'm just scared because i don't want to hurt him again, therefore i'm just..i don't know..not letting him in.
soooo to sum everything up..my supposedly BEST friend doesn't act like she wants to see or talk to me..braden's mom thinks i'm playing him, yet HE says she still likes me..AND lastly, my dad is about ready to kill me!!! so i'd say things are going pretty darn good!! now, what do you think??
yeah, that's all!! later bitches!!!
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| 64 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
care.too.much
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batman in the jungle. |
July 16th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: she will be loved
Feeling: dandy
last night, braden picked me up around 8:00 and we went to dairy queen for dinner :-) it was very, very yummy!! i LOVE dairy queen extremely much!! so anyhow, after that we left and headed to The Jungle, aka the drive in movie theater :-) we got so lost though, and ended up traveling out this EXTREMELY curvy country road for about 20 mintues or so before turning around :-) then when we finally did find the place, it ended up being only a min. past the sign we had pasted before the LONG detour. we just missed the part at the bottom that said, "go 1 block then turn right!" so we were on the right rode the whole time, just went wayyyy too far out!!! it didn't matter though :-) yessss, i love us!!
we saw Batman Begins and i honestly couldn't tell you what it was about. neither of us watched any of it!! i was either laying on him to where i couldn't see the movie, or we were making out/playing the whole time :-)
i swear..i have NEVER made out that much in my entire lifetime!!! of course, we've made out many times before last night but something was just different. i've spent the past two days with him and i've loved it!!!!
today, i went to jamie's and it was very fun, as always!!! we made ourselves some really yummy slushys, talked about a TON of stuff, watched Lady and the Tramp :-) yesss i love that movie!! and then we colored bunches and bunches of very purty pictures :-) i colored her a dentist giraffe and a frog..and she colored me a picture of two fishys named phil and gil, and a doggy :-) then we BOTH colored a lovely picture of mushrooms for mr. braden because we love him :-) except i definitely love him a ton more :-) so i hope he likes it!! jamie and i want to try and do something with braden tomorrow after morning church service, then the three of us can go to evening church service together and SNAC afterwards!! YAY!!
the two of them...
aka braden and jamie
equal my favorites
and i definitely LOVE them :-)
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| 88 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
care.too.much
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i love her a whole lot. |
July 15th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: nothing
Feeling: happy
greeniedgirl13: arg....if i didn't love you a whole lot, then you'd be in trouble blu2skyz4: yayyy
blu2skyz4: well i love you a whole lot too
blu2skyz4: braden and i are going to a drive-in movie tonight though
greeniedgirl13: wait...wait wait!
blu2skyz4: wait..wait wait what?
greeniedgirl13: i didn't think you two were dating anymore
blu2skyz4: we aren't
greeniedgirl13: drive in movies are kind of very couplish get together places blu2skyz4: wellllll
greeniedgirl13: infact...drive in movies are...
greeniedgirl13: well...they can be....
blu2skyz4: are.....
greeniedgirl13: unhealthy
blu2skyz4: can be...
blu2skyz4: unhealthy?
greeniedgirl13: seriouslly unhealthy
greeniedgirl13: yes, that's my word and i'm sticking to it
blu2skyz4: why
greeniedgirl13: because....
greeniedgirl13: they ummm....melt your brain
blu2skyz4: jamie....
blu2skyz4: explain
blu2skyz4: you're not making any sense
greeniedgirl13: i don't have to
greeniedgirl13: but it's just drive in movies...
blu2skyz4: yesss you DO have to!!!
greeniedgirl13: they're not always the best activity for ex boyfriend/girlfiends
greeniedgirl13: that's all
greeniedgirl13: and reading a book is better for your brain
blu2skyz4: welp, thanks for telling me
blu2skyz4: but...
greeniedgirl13: you don't want your brain to melt
blu2skyz4: we're going
greeniedgirl13: do you?
blu2skyz4: nope..and it won't
greeniedgirl13: yes, yes it will
greeniedgirl13: i know because....
blu2skyz4: because...
greeniedgirl13: i had this friend once
blu2skyz4: yeah and..
greeniedgirl13: his name was lenard
blu2skyz4: ahhhaha
blu2skyz4: niiiice
greeniedgirl13: and he went to the drive in movies once. they had to carry him out on a gurny
blu2skyz4: jamie...
blu2skyz4: don't make up some story
greeniedgirl13: his brain was ooozing out his nose. very disgusting
blu2skyz4: ahhhaha i love you
blu2skyz4: you're trying too hard..i'll be fine
greeniedgirl13: that wouldn't be a good look for you. nose oooz is deffinately not attractive
blu2skyz4: :-)
blu2skyz4: don't worry...
greeniedgirl13: i think that you'll just have to call piget up and tell him to find a less dangerous social activity
blu2skyz4: jamie
greeniedgirl13: with lots of people at it, just incase your brain starts ooozing anyways
greeniedgirl13: so then you can get immediate medical attention
greeniedgirl13: you have to admit it, i'm right about this one
blu2skyz4: jamie, you're the best
blu2skyz4: maybe you are.......
blu2skyz4: but i can handle myself
greeniedgirl13: but what about your brain?
blu2skyz4: my brain will be A-okay
blu2skyz4: i promise you!!
greeniedgirl13: just so you know, if your brain turns to mush i won't be friends with you anymore. that's just too nasty for me to deal with.
greeniedgirl13: i refuse to be someone who their brain is dripping out of their nose
greeniedgirl13: so you'll have to make sure that your brain really is a-okay
blu2skyz4: it will be
blu2skyz4: i promise
greeniedgirl13: well, i'm going to be praying for you
greeniedgirl13: and honestly, i don't like it
blu2skyz4: jammmmmie
greeniedgirl13: i don't
blu2skyz4: i know
blu2skyz4: but that's just because you care too much
blu2skyz4: i love you
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| 67 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
care.too.much
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park by the river. |
July 14th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the radio
Feeling: happy
HAPPY 2 YEAR AND ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY SARA AND CLAY!!! you are extremely cute and i love you both to death!!!
today, i had to get up around 8:00 to go to the doctor for my knee. i got it x-rayed and everything so i was able to see the screws that they had to put in it, and i must say, it was pretty darn cool :-) so anyhow, then i came home, talked to sara on here for a little bit, then went back to bed until 12:30 or so because i was extremely tired!!
when i got up, i took a quick shower, got ready, and cleaned up my room. then braden came over around 3:30, we made ourselves pb&j sandwiches, packed some chips and stuff, then went down to the park by the river and had a little picnic together :-) it was fun!! then we left and decided to go to the mall for a little bit :-) he got a cd from fye, we looked in claires (because i wanted to try and find myself a cute bracelet). then we stopped in pacsun, went to spencers where i ended up touching a pinata penis..but at the time, i didn't realize that it WAS one until braden gave me a weird look and started laughing :-) yesss, it was nice!! then after that, we decided to leave, but not before getting our picture taken in one of those little picture booth things. it turned out to be a very pretty picture. yayyyyy!!
then we went to circuit city because he remembered that he had a gift card from dylan's party like forever ago. so he bought a cd, we looked around at all the pretty cameras, then finally left. when we got back to marietta, we stopped at cone and shake because we were pretty hungry by then. he got a royal slushy thing, i got a shake, and we each got some yummy cheese sticks. but before eating them we stopped by my house to tell my dad that we were still alive, then we went back to the park by the river. we were there for 2 hours, sitting on a bench by the river, just talking forever..about everything we could think of. we never ran out of things to talk about, which, for me, was really weird because i can't and have never been able to do that with anyone else. hmmm we also ended up making out a few times. it wasn't exactly planned, i guess we both just let things happen, and yeah :-)
we left the park around 8:30, went to the church to see if my mom was still there but she wasn't, so he took me home because we were both dead tired. we might do something tomorrow. i hope we do, because i loved today!! we had so much fun!! i told him that he's my best friend, and that he always has been i just never realized it until just recently..either that or i just ignored it. but i have always been able to talk to him about anything..and i've always been more comfortable around him than anybody else i know. always!!
okay, that's all. later beautifuls.
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| 75 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
care.too.much
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slushy ice wars. |
July 13th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the radio
Feeling: confused
made the mistake ONCE again of showing up at therapy..all the way in parkersburgh..when i wasn't even scheduled!! all because my mom forgets what days i'm suppose to be in there!! so i was there from 1:00 to 3:00 and it really, really sucked butt, as usual!! joe had to leave for about 30 minutes when i first got there so he stuck me in the pool with two old people, and i was being watched by two other therapists. so i spent an hour in the pool, then got out and joe had me do a bijillion exercises before i was allowed to even think about leaving. i absolutely HATE therapy!!!
then i came home and took a nap until 5:30 when i woke up to go to youth group. it was very fun, as always, but it was even better because jamie decided not to help out with the wee little kids program, like she has the past couple weeks, and stay with us instead. it made me happy :-)
everyone hasn't been able to be there lately because they work and stuff, but there were lots of people there tonight so yay!! anyhow, afterwards i went outside with jamie and we were talking for awhile, then todd came over and started throwing ice at jamie and i. so she left and he sat by me and we were talking..then jamie came back over but todd kept throwing ice at her so she took my can of pop and tried to pour it all over him but he grabbed it and they literally fought with it, and it ended up being poured all over the place. then jamie walked away and todd got up and continued being annoying, and she got pissed..i had never seen her mad like that before..but she started hitting and kicking him. it was awesome, because todd deserved it, but shocking at the same time. i do love her!!!
on a more serious and definitely | | |