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December 4th, 2008 @ 5:10pm |
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I want to do nothing more than to fall into a dark deep hole and have no one save me. |
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(0 comments) |
now what do u want
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Wow. |
November 10th, 2008 @ 9:08pm |
Listening to: Just the words in my head.
Feeling: crappy
Wow, I was looking at all these past entries and laughing...They are all from about two years ago, and I can't even believe I wrote them they are so ridiculous. I just remembered this website existed, ha.
It is a good thing I found this though beacause I couldn't find any paper yet I need to rant. Not to anyone really just that gotta get something out feeling. Nothing seems to be really right with me lately. I'm just living this life I'm not sure I even want to be living. God. I graduated early, and now I'm lost. I miss my friends, ones I used to have before I basically abandoned then completely. I ruined those relationships by being an idiot. I miss my friend Maddison the most...our friendship meant the world to me. I hate that I always fuck good friendships up. Matt,Jade,Lauran,Lauren,Rizzo,Lacy, Vic, Madd,my god I can't keep them aroud long. Now I have my girlfriend Rosanna who I am completely in love with and have been through everything, and Jonathan...and once again I find myself drifting in the friendship. I love Rosanna, but the friendship with her and jonathan is different. Ha, you know what makes it the worst I just got a tattoo with the two of them. Well, whatever because I'm making this work, I can't lose out on great people again. I just wish I could've had them and Maddison, but you can win them all. Thats okay Madd seems to be doing really well, and I'm so happy for her. I love that she knows what she wants to do. I wish I did...maybe if I lost the feeling of uselessness and had a feeling of a future I'd be happier. I just have no idea. I know I want to move and with Rosanna and Jonathan thats to Portland so they can get to reaching their goals, but what will I do there? I don't know but it is away from Oklahoma and away from Texas. I miss Norman if anyone happens to read this from my past. I probably miss you, I miss the simpleness, and the knowing. Thats okay though, at this point I need a risk. I've fucked most things up, I might as well just go for it...whatever it is. Hopefully when I'm donr I'll have my best friends with me. Maddison if you ever come back to sitdiary and read this...I miss you, and know I want the best for you. You should know I am sorry for abandoning our friendship. I don't know if you were angry, but I guess you were the one that always knew high school would split people...and I was always the one saying we'd stick together...of course I fucked up. Right now, I'm just depressed and feel alone. I need someone to be close to. I need to be able to speak to people instead of just typing my feelings away. This is all causing me to go crazy. I need. I want. Do I deserve? |
| 44 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
now what do u want
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I Fucking LOVE My Life |
May 22nd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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...and fuck all of you depressing people that like to leave depressing little comments like "there is no real happiness" "love is shit"
because I like the way she makes me feel, i love the way things are and fuck if they end in a bad note, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, because i wouldve had what i have right now...and thats all i need for my whole life. but...i know it wont end on a bad note. shes the one i want forever, shes my life. |
| 35 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
now what do u want
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May 1st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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So its been awhile and I don't give a shit, because the people on here are completely stupid and ignorant. I'm doing good and...well thats all. |
| 38 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
now what do u want
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April 12th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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I don't know why I even visit this site anymore. I don't really do anything with it, no one reads it. I guess just to read the stories people post..but my problem with that lately is they post tons and then stop and maybe once a month they post something..but it ends up being like once every 3. LAME! Uh, life is great...school sucks but overall I'm super happy...the end. |
| 37 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
now what do u want
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Old feelings. Title:No one has to know |
March 28th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Ben Folds Five
Feeling: infuriated
Just one more time will you look at me
Let me tell you how I feel
You can tell me too
No one ever has to know
Why you're so scared of this
Keeps me so lost
I thought we had it all
but now you want every memory gone
This has to be a secret because
You're so scared of what people might say
Now you don't want any of this
because you're not sure what you feel
I know deep inside that you love me too
That this all is a big burden
The problem is you can't get passed it
Let me touch you
Let me hold you so
Let me kiss you until the moon comes up
No one has to know |
| 39 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
now what do u want
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My guide |
March 21st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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The clouds are a dark grey
and the moon has gone away
No star is to be seen and theres nothing to say
The moonlight is missing and theres no stars to dream on
I'm so lost without the moon as my guide
The sun is covered by the clouds
No flowers no leaves in the trees
Everything is dead around me
The spring has yet to come
and the sun is covered by the clouds
So theres nothing there to guide me
Theres moonlight now
I see my way
I've gotten way off path
but this all seems right
Its morning and the sun comes up, its ready to guide me
The flowers grow and there are leaves on the branches
I'm ready to go home now
and the suns there to guide me
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| 20 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
now what do u want
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2-26,27 |
March 3rd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Death Cab For Cutie
Feeling: infuriated
I want to travel around the world with you
Spend the rest of my days waking up to your smile
I want to sing songs about all we see, and read everything you write that never ceases to amaze me
The rest of my life is yours
do with it whatever you please
For theres no where else I rather be
Because you're the one that completes me
Your soft cheeks to my lips
Your hand in mine
The simple things are all I'll ever need
The simple things make me smile, and make my heart full
I want to travel the world with you
See everything there is to see
I want to sing you the songs I write about how you complete me
and hold you 'till you fall asleep
You are my everything
The only thing thats always there when I look into my future
The only thing I know I'll never let go
You hold my heart, do with it what you please
I'm yours, all of me
I wouldn't want it any other way
Do with my heart whatever you please
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| 36 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
now what do u want
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1 month |
February 24th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: The Spill Canvas
Feeling: infuriated
When I look into my future I clearly see you
Forever in my arms I hope you to be
I'm here for you until the end no matter if the skies are blue purple or gray
I'll love you forever nothing could make that change
When I think about you my mind ponders where its never gone before
Its crazy the things you make me think I'm capable of
Everythings more serious now
The love I thought was there before
Doesn't even compare to what I have now
I know I'll never let this go no matter what comes my way
I know I've said these things a million times
but I'll continue to say them because they are true
Theres a million more things I can say to show you how much you mean to me, none of it will equal up to the amount that I love you....
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| 49 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
now what do u want
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Finding old writings |
February 9th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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I was led here, led here to die
My body can't take this
It aches,it screams out in pain
I've been crying for weeks just trying to run away
They led me here, Led me here to die
I didn't want it to end this way
My plans were better than this
Why did I end up here, I don't belong here
I've been running in circles getting no where
These were my decisions
All of my mistakes
I led myself here, I led myself here to die
This was no ones fault but my own
I ruined what I had, lost it all
Theres nothing I can do now
This is it, this is the end
All I have is this one last tear to shed
I want everything to go on when I'm gone
I led myself here, I led myself to die
All I wanted was the best for you
I wanted you to know who I was
Instead I ruined it all, I lost it all
Everything I ever wanted was in my hands
All I had I just let go, I had it all, I let it go...
I led myself here, I led myself to die
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| 35 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
now what do u want
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Wow. |
February 5th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Things are amazing like whoa.
I'm falling fast
I'm falling hard
and I love it.
The truth is I love you beyond any words I could ever say
I want you to be back in my arms right when you leave them
I miss you as soon as I walk out the door
The truth is I was wrong when I thought I felt this way before
These feelings are more true, more real, and stronger than ever before
I'm more grateful for you than I am for anything else
You are the only one I want, I wish that this could last forever
This happiness never to die
The truth is I could stare into your eyes for hours
When your hand is in mine is when I feel most alive
You can always turn to me when in need
My arms are always wide open
I could never let go,
It could be you and me until the end of time
The truth is as much as I thought I knew
I didn't really know until I met you
You've fulfilled any emptiness I had
My heart mind and soul all belong to you
The truth is that I am in love with you...
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| 46 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
now what do u want
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I like blogs |
January 21st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Do you?
Yeah so this really doesn't have to do with anyone who reads this but I'm posting it here anyways.
I have so much I just want to SPILLLLL out, but I won't. All the fighting and the blahness...I'm ready for it to be over. If thats all that you're are going to do when you talk to me you should just not. This is to everyone, because...I rather not hear over and over again how much you hate me and such, I got it the first time and since none of you will let me explain ANYTHING at all..thats what leads to the not wanting to hear it anymore. I have great things going on, and I'm going to focus on those things because I'm tired of focusing on the negitives. I want to work everything out, but you have to let me get words in. So yes, I'm happy..really happy when it comes to a lot of things. Some things are still fucked up a lot, but I'm sorry..I can't put all my energy in that anymore. I want to be happy. So I will be. Yes, I'm selfish, but so are the people that obviously don't want me to work things out and wont let me say things. Yes. Thats what I say to all the random things going on. I guess thats all for now.
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| 42 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
now what do u want
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