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hauir |
September 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: jammin
Feeling: amused
so im totally burn out today. seriously.... this weekend was the best. karry and nick and phil and page.... for a litttle while.. then we all broke off.. i met up with angel butt we didint talk very long. then at like 10... i met these two guys,,, antonio and eli. well eli declared i was his... i eman hes older then me.. butt they live in the bronx... he is supposed to call me sometime this weeek and let me know if hes coming down... THEY HAD PURPLE HAZE!!!!! oh man its teh best shit.... and then we had it again saturday night.... it was funny i stole karry away from nick and the 4 of us hung out and drank. chad was a little pissed... he didint want me to hang arounjd with them.... and tongith.... dylan,chad, and an old old dfrend Derek is over and he brought 2 of his friends... derek and his friend phil are major league hotttttt!!! and the girl is cute 2.. butt theyre older and dont date younger... so im out of the picture... butt its ok... derek and i were never really close... butt oh welll.... i think im gonna give on trying to get anthony lloyd... he seems happy with his girlfriend.... i guess we'll jsut b friends.. its all good. TJ is supposed to come over tongiht and jam too.. well sing *hehe* im waiting for tracy to call bac kto let me know when shes gonna cut my hair....i wrote al lot.... oh welll |
| 25 hit(s) |
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i understand |
September 9th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: bob dylan
Feeling: accepted
i understand now why he chose her over me... and im gonna let it go.... none really knows our whole story.. butt i was inlove wiht.. and im more in love with him now more than ever. butt as far as im concerned he never really loved me... im just gonna have to get over that. thats what hurts the most... at night .. all i dream about are the memories we shared... now i wonder if they were just a dream....he is the only person i was able to trust for the longest time.... mi mistake... i dont regret falling inlove with him... id still die for him... butt i dont know if he ever really loved me...a nd his word means nothing to me now... it just hit me that now im alone... maybe ive always been alone... maybe not.. i dunno anymore... |
| 11 hit(s) |
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deaD |
September 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: i dunno
Feeling: aggravated
he runied mus... now im gonna ruin my life and take him down in the process
so last nigth after work.... meg caught him walking with karry... he was supposed to wait for me... i mean we only had sex 3times yesterday.... so she asked him what he was doing " i can have friends" is what he said .... so meg said " not friends qwith benefits" hes supposed to b with me.. he said he was... he wanted to start over...
well when i got off work.. he got in my face... and said hes gonna go have sex with her.....
so i told my mom everything.... and if he were to show up tonight.... we were gonna call the cops... im getting a PFA against him.... its Protection From Abuse.....
i love him soo much.. butt all he does is hurt me... mom understands.. shes going through a divorce with dad... i guess thats what nick and i are going through....
soi have the divorce and nick to deal with... mom and i were gonna call the cops on dad and nick... butt we're blth drunk.... lets see what happens tomorrw... the bad part is... i work with karry. and it hurts so much.... so fuck life....
fuck love.... im not even sre if this whole year and half with him was a lie or not... thats what hurts the most....im gonna go back to the way i was.... screw trying to b a beter person for someone.... he couldnt eve n be honest with me.... im lost and am in soo much pain.... more than anyone can imagine... it sucks.... so ive been drinking... that'll make him happy. i HOPE hes happy with her... the PFA is more for me that for him.. i wana forgwt about him... butt ill never find anyone that im comfprtable with.... like i was with him... i need to b put in line and knocked around... he taught me to fight... well that was a mistake.. ive already broke 2 of his ribs.... and ihave witnesses.. if he comes tomorrow.. itll b self defence.... |
| 8 hit(s) |
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deaD |
September 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: i dunno
Feeling: aggravated
he runied mus... now im gonna ruin my life and take him down in the process
so last nigth after work.... meg caught him walking with karry... he was supposed to wait for me... i mean we only had sex 3times yesterday.... so she asked him what he was doing " i can have friends" is what he said .... so meg said " not friends qwith benefits" hes supposed to b with me.. he said he was... he wanted to start over...
well when i got off work.. he got in my face... and said hes gonna go have sex with her.....
so i told my mom everything.... and if he were to show up tonight.... we were gonna call the cops... im getting a PFA against him.... its Protection From Abuse.....
i love him soo much.. butt all he does is hurt me... mom understands.. shes going through a divorce with dad... i guess thats what nick and i are going through....
soi have the divorce and nick to deal with... mom and i were gonna call the cops on dad and nick... butt we're blth drunk.... lets see what happens tomorrw... the bad part is... i work with karry. and it hurts so much.... so fuck life....
fuck love.... im not even sre if this whole year and half with him was a lie or not... thats what hurts the most....im gonna go back to the way i was.... screw trying to b a beter person for someone.... he couldnt eve n be honest with me.... im lost and am in soo much pain.... more than anyone can imagine... it sucks.... so ive been drinking... that'll make him happy. i HOPE hes happy with her... the PFA is more for me that for him.. i wana forgwt about him... butt ill never find anyone that im comfprtable with.... like i was with him... i need to b put in line and knocked around... he taught me to fight... well that was a mistake.. ive already broke 2 of his ribs.... and ihave witnesses.. if he comes tomorrow.. itll b self defence.... |
| 8 hit(s) |
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dflgknghb |
September 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: everyone
Feeling: baffled
im so confused and hurting.
apparently mi mom is getting kicked out of the house.... mi dad is winning the divorce. it sucks kind of. i have to decide who i wanna live with.
uncle chuck is trying to go back into the service. he wants me to support him.. yet he invited me to go to washington DC for a war protest.
i am supposed to see nick tomorrow... butti havent talked to him since tuesday.. so im not sure whats going on. we started talkingagain like we used to.. andi understand why he turned to karry and not me.butt it still hurtds.... he finally hit his breaking point and went crazy.. butt i got him back on track.. buttt nowi cant find him..and it sucks bc i got so close to him those 3days on the phone..adn now i havent talked to him in 2days... it hurts so much.. he doesnt get that my heart is aching... butt waht else is new... im trying to b happy.. butt at night.. when ithink of everythin... all iwanna do is get fucked up... and that doesnt solve anything.... whatever. i swear i cant stand this bopolar stuff... i cant control it all the time... im tryingbutt its wearing me out |
| 30 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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dflgknghb |
September 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: everyone
Feeling: baffled
im so confused and hurting.
apparently mi mom is getting kicked out of the house.... mi dad is winning the divorce. it sucks kind of. i have to decide who i wanna live with.
uncle chuck is trying to go back into the service. he wants me to support him.. yet he invited me to go to washington DC for a war protest.
i am supposed to see nick tomorrow... butti havent talked to him since tuesday.. so im not sure whats going on. we started talkingagain like we used to.. andi understand why he turned to karry and not me.butt it still hurtds.... he finally hit his breaking point and went crazy.. butt i got him back on track.. buttt nowi cant find him..and it sucks bc i got so close to him those 3days on the phone..adn now i havent talked to him in 2days... it hurts so much.. he doesnt get that my heart is aching... butt waht else is new... im trying to b happy.. butt at night.. when ithink of everythin... all iwanna do is get fucked up... and that doesnt solve anything.... whatever. i swear i cant stand this bopolar stuff... i cant control it all the time... im tryingbutt its wearing me out |
| 8 hit(s) |
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August 29th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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oh my goodness. so today was the 1st day of school. it was fun seeing everyone again. butt i cant stand mi schedule.
mi first few classes are all preps.....
so nick and i .... i think we're gettin bac ktogether... i think im getting him to calm down. its all goos. he's calling ill... brb |
| 5 hit(s) |
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atlantic city |
August 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: ivy chewing
Feeling: adventurous
ummmmmmmmmmmmmm...
so tuesday .. mom drove ivy chad ant and i to atlantic city.. grandma was there and of course we hardly saw her... she was i nthe casinos....
tuesday night ivy and were jumping in the elevator... and when it hit the 2nd floor... we jumped ... adn the elevator droped 6feet and stayed there....we were stuck in the elevator for an hour... the fire department had to come and get us out... we climbed through a hole that was like 1.5 feet tall... i was crying and laughin at the same time.. ivy was going nuts and when the lights went out.. thats when it hit us.. that we were stuck....
i called nick and he said he didint feel good and he wanted to sleep.. all i wanted was for him to b there for me and he wasnt.... i had to see the doctor.. bc i was hyperventilating... it was like 1 in the morning when they got us out...
then we went to the boardwalk and stuff... it was fun
i cant wait to go back to school... im gonna change mi rep... i dont like what it was last year
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| 3 hit(s) |
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holy shit |
August 16th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: guinea pigs
Feeling: amused
so ya let me tell u the hole story from last night
the girls at work and i were gonna jump nick and karry... but i didnt want them to get hurt.
so when i got off work.. i found nick and karry together.,, they were laying down.. they had stolen beer from landers and the cops were called on them,.... i didnt care.. i went up to nick and started kicking him... i think i broke his ribs.. he got up so i started pushing him around and slapping him... then him and i got into it....
kary had a friend with her,.,,, and when i went after karry.... the girl got in mi face.. so i had to deal with her.... i was going on a rampage..
butt the cops showed up.we had to empty our purses and pockets.. they found karry's bowl.. shes such a stupid bitxch.. she let /made nick take the blame for it... nowim gonna get her for being a bitch./.. i made her apoligize to me fro fooling around with nick...
i met up with jer .... nick told me if he ever saw jeremy again... he would kill him... so jer and i drove up to see nick and the state trooper at landers and mi bro followed...
nick is gonna give names... i know he will... and if he does...
its finally over... noone wants to have anything to do with him...
last night was bad... butt i told mi mom the truth
something else happened butt i cant write it down... because someone who shouldnt read it ... might |
| 4 hit(s) |
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holy shit |
August 16th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: guinea pigs
Feeling: amused
so ya let me tell u the hole story from last night
the girls at work and i were gonna jump nick and karry... but i didnt want them to get hurt.
so when i got off work.. i found nick and karry together.,, they were laying down.. they had stolen beer from landers and the cops were called on them,.... i didnt care.. i went up to nick and started kicking him... i think i broke his ribs.. he got up so i started pushing him around and slapping him... then him and i got into it....
kary had a friend with her,.,,, and when i went after karry.... the girl got in mi face.. so i had to deal with her.... i was going on a rampage..
butt the cops showed up.we had to empty our purses and pockets.. they found karry's bowl.. shes such a stupid bitxch.. she let /made nick take the blame for it... nowim gonna get her for being a bitch./.. i made her apoligize to me fro fooling around with nick...
i met up with jer .... nick told me if he ever saw jeremy again... he would kill him... so jer and i drove up to see nick and the state trooper at landers and mi bro followed...
nick is gonna give names... i know he will... and if he does...
its finally over... noone wants to have anything to do with him...
last night was bad... butt i told mi mom the truth
something else happened butt i cant write it down... because someone who shouldnt read it ... might |
| 5 hit(s) |
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