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stuffed toes and broken knees |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: none
Feeling: alive
lol, i still cants think of titles fer this. and im screwin up this journal. i thought i lost it @_@ lol. ah well. ish here. if anythin looks off, i didnt mean to. lol.
anyhow, meh last entry was titled "rainbow fingers and cross bows" i made a poem fer it. here it ish.
*********************
bruised from the doors slammed
drippling with blood from the broken promises
revenge on the shattered mind
pleading for one last breathe
aiming at the heart that caused the pain
rainbow fingers and cross bows
cant find any way to pay them back
this seems so right
aiming again to find a peace of mind
ice cold blood falling from the weapon of
choice
make them pay, make them regret
that heart will never do this again
rainbow fingers and crossbows
down twice, and once again
reach inside and grab thier heart out
squeeze it tight till theres nothing left
blood turns warm, and darker
falling faster to the ground
another shattered life
rainbow fingers and crossbows
killed the heart that caused you pain
its not enough
take revenge on another life
another heart thats tormented your mind
aim again, and once more
watch the life fall from the breatheless body
rainbow fingers and crossbows
******************************
and heres another:
i feel like a zomby
walking lifeless in this world
it burns
i feel nothing
you hate me
i love you
insecure, broken on the floor
you walk over me
you crush my fingers with your feet
the handle lays in my hand
you sit there, watching
watching as the blood hits the floor
i feel nothing
flames engolf the floor around me
you walk away
i mean nothing
the careless move of your walk
throws arrows into my, once alive, heart
i feel nothing
twisting my veins till the explode
no ones watching me now
still, i feel nothing
**************************
ooh! i talked ta drew on the phone!! :D lol. he said im sooo quiet *^_^* lol. i dun mean ta be. ish jus, phones make me nervous. and plus, talkin ta someone ive never actually seen in person before....*shrugs* i dunno ^_^ he sounds cool thoug :p lol. |
| 116 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
bReAk Me
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love me |
April 15th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
"You're lovely, but you're empty," he went on. "One couldn't die for you. Of course an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than you altogether, since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except for two or three for butterflies). Since's she the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's my rose."
"Nothing's perfect," sighed the fox. "My life is monotonous. I hunt chickens; people hunt me. All chickens are just alike, and all men are just alike. So I'm rather bored. But if you tame me, my life will be filled with sunshine. I'll know the sound of footsteps that will be different from all the rest. Other footsteps send me back underground. Yours will call me out of my burrow like music. And then, look! You see the wheat fields over there? I don't eat bread. For me, wheat is no use whatever. Wheat fields say nothing to me. Which is sad. But you have hair the color of gold. So it will be wonderful, once you've tamed me! The wheat, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I'll love the sound of the wind in the wheat..."
--The Little Prince |
| 34 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
bReAk Me
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making something so unpure |
April 5th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: none
Feeling: abnormal
jeez!!! its been forever since i've been on here!!! ahhhhhhh!!!
i gots a new boy now :) hes amazing :)
♥
two weeks ago i lost 4 people. one of them one of my really good friends. its still killing me. all i keep saying is, i just wanted one more day. and i couldnt even have that. life keeps slipping away from me. and i cant get a hold of it. i dont know what to do anymore.
-the fish |
| 21 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
bReAk Me
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twinkles of lullabys |
December 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
i dont understand...
lemme tell you that story.
me and jodan went to the park. and it was goin pretty well. (i should say, i do like him..) we decided afterwrds, that we wanted to watch a movie. so we rented.. some rob zombie movie. the devils rejects. anyhow, we were sitting there, and i was freezing my ass off. so he put a blanket on me. but i was still cold. so he put his arms around me. and it felt pretty nice.. and then after the movie, we were gonna watch another. we started to, but i had to be home 11:30 (my dads gone crazy, i swear) and he said i ahd already missed most of the begining (the cat kept clawin and bitin me o.o). so he took me home. hugged me goodbye. and then i didnt see him saterday. but then sunday, i did. and on my lunch break he asked me to go soemwhere with him, so i said ok. but the entire time he was bein a jerk to me. and i was like, "what the hell?!" so i started gettin pissed. but i didnt tell him. he said to me, "did that hurt?" and i was like, "yea" and he said "good". and i thought, oh thanks for breaking my heart so easily you dick. then after a bit more of that crap, he was all, "i thought if i was a jerk to you i could push you away and you would hate me. i didnt want to lead on with the other night." and i was like.. "...oh. its fine. other guys put their arms around me too whom feel nothing." cause tis true. after a lil bit, he took me back to work. and i was in a really bad mood by that point. and i talked to justin about. an he tried to help me.. but i dunno. anyhow the next day i didnt see jordan. and the next (tuesday) i did. and he knew i was pissed. i wouldnt look at him or anything. he texted me, "so do you like hate me now??" and i was all, "no. i told you. i could never hate you. i'm jus really mad." and hes all, "about what??" and i was all, "does the other night ring a bell?!" and he was all, "oh i didnt know it would hurt you so bad. i'm sorry in advance, even though it means nothing to you." and i was thinking, "sorry in advance?! advance is something you're apolozing for somethign you're going to do. not something you've done!" i dont remember how i repsonded. but then he said "ttyl :)" and i was all "bye." and then later on that night, we all went to san miguel. and he texted me that we needed to talk. and i was busy, so i said it had to wait. and he ended up texting me at the end of the night saying "goodnight." and i texted back saying we could talk the next say. and i saw him. and he said we needed talk. and he started talkin about it right there (at work) and i was like "wait, we should talk about this later, cause i dotn anyone else to over hear and get involved with something that doesnt involve them" and he said yea you're right. so i called him after work (i didnt get off til 9). and we talked. and it did make me feel a bit better. but.. i duno. he said alot is goin on his life. **shrug** but earlier taht day, he texted me with, "i cant control myself! i like you! and i'm scared." and some other stuff. and i thought.. "scared of what?" but i havnt asked yet. but i want to.. anyway, yesterday at work. he seemed to ignore me. but then i caught him in the hall. and he was all, "can i have a hug?" and hugged me like i hug him. like he was making fun of me. and i was all, "oh thanks make fun of me." and he jus laughed. and he looked at kim and was all, "she hates me" and i was like "wtf?!" but i didnt say anything. and he quickly ran off.
**sigh** life sucks..
|
| 75 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
bReAk Me
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i'm sending out a call... |
November 30th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
i'm lonely :(
but.. only in the sense that...
singleness sucks :( |
| 45 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
bReAk Me
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this could be our only chance.. |
November 23rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
yea so not much has happend..
but theres some wonderful rumors goin on about me at work :) (much grrrness)
yea, so, i'm a lesbian. i made out with leah. but i'm marrying jordan and we have a kid on the way.
yea, cause that all makes sense. and it really makes me made that someone would say that. especially the lesbian part.
yea. cause life is gret.
I FORKING EMO LOVE YOU!! ♥ |
| 43 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
bReAk Me
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|
October 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
I emo heart you! says:
why do you like her?
Stalker says:
because she makes me smile, i like the way she looks at me , i like the fact i want to know more and more about her , i love her smile , i like the way her mind works , haha shes fun to be around , i have an overwhelming urge to protect her , i like how she makes me feel , i like knowing shes my first thought out of bed if i sleep , i like knowing shes my last thought , i like how shes in my dream
Stalker says:
s
Stalker says:
i love the way we can just laugh and hang out, i like how it feels with her hand in mine. when shes not in my arms i can still feel her in them hours later ..
Stalker says:
theres alot
I emo heart you! says:
aww, tahts cute..
Stalker says:
but it sucks cuz i dont know how she feels or if she even feels what i feel to begin with..
Stalker says:
yeah i know i just wish i could just hold someone i mean i dunno sometimes i think im only worth something if im with someone .. i dunno :/ and like all my emotions are confused and im beginning to think maybe i dont know what i really want
Stalker says:
sometimes i just wish i had someone to laugh and be around for no reason just that , and they were okay if i was okay and i was okay if they were.. like a team i guess .. i want someone to love and they love my love and love me for me even before my love ..to just share each other and not worry what the other would say or think just to be comfortable knowing they want to know the real you and they
Stalker says:
love the real you because its you and no other reason.. to just care and not want anything from it , to have someone to talk to about anything and be there heart and soul , when you talk to them they listen and when they talk you listen and just being there to be there lifting each other up just because you could never imagine the thought of them drowning in life and sorrow
Stalker says:
sometimes i think if i look up at the sky and pray someone whos the one might be looking too and thinking the same thing ..
|
| 42 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
bReAk Me
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October 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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yea.. everything sucks now..
but i finally stopped crying.
i broke up with martin on wednesday. and he seemed fine with it.. he said he felt the same way. and he still loved me. like i still love him. i knew he would be the hardest to get over.. but i'm making it. slowly but surely. we both it would never make it. but i wish it could have. i know its for the better.. but.. i still need him. i guess i really dont *need* him cause i've made it without him before. its jus.. now its official. it doesnt jus feel like we're not together. we're really not. i dunno. i know i'll be ok..
but.. before we broke up and everything.. i liked these two guys.. you'll prolly notice me talk about 'em alot..
i'm goin to the movies with jordan on friday to see "saw 2". :D
and i was gonna go see mike yesterday, but he said he was too tired or somethin.
not much is new besides that..
bye |
| 39 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
bReAk Me
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gooo |
October 4th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
go here :)
http://www.pmcmusic.com/DRCMusic.htm |
| 63 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
bReAk Me
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i'm counting the stars |
October 4th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
well everything seems to be ok.. justin's better now.. i think.
graveyards are fun. very fun. me, my sis, josh, and matt have been goin. the last time, matt and i clinged to eachother. it was hilarious. :D josh and matt are both very hyper and josh says alotta puns. its quite funny. they're night people. they hardly ever do anything during the day. lol. they're awesome. we took pics :D i have 'em on my myspace. http://myspace.com/master_of_the_pokers have a look :)
yyuuuuppp :D
martin's still comin in jan. woooo!!!
|
| 37 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
bReAk Me
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the night shatters before our eyes |
September 21st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
las night we all went to leah's house. it was jus me, aimee, leah, and justin for a while. and we watched monty python and the holy grail. i for one am not a fan of that movie. (i alost cried that time they through the animals in the air ;_;) anyway, we were havin a pretty good time. leah tried to help me fix my hair (i dyed it, it killed my hair so bad. i now hafta buy a bunch of hair repair stuff). then later, leah's boyfriend dom came over. dom and justin get into it alot. and last night was another one of those times. dom said something that set justin off. so he was all, "i'm gonna go home. can you (leah) get these two (me and aimee) home?" and leah said yea. justin went out to his car, got aimee's stuff and brought back inside. and went out the door. and leah tried to get aimee to go talk to him but she wouldnt. so i jumped up and ran out the door to get him. and i was all, "justin! are you ok??" and he was all, "i'm fine :|" looking straight ahead. and i was all "no you're not.. dont lie to me." and he just kept saying he was fine. and i was all, "well can i atealst get a hug? you gave leanne one earlier and didnt give me one." and he said, "you dont wanna hug me right now." and i was all "fine" and walked away. and he was all, "you know what? i'm not fine." and walked back up to me. and i turned around and walked to him. and he was sayin, "i did not spend so long in the marines sacraficing my life so some pussy-ass kid go saying shit like that. i did not lose my three cousins this past week for people like him. i almost died for this country, and i would have." and i hugged him. and he was all, "i hafta go home." and turned around and left. and through that whoel thing.. i had never seen him like that before. i was scared. and he looked like he was gonna cry. and i walked back inside. and didnt say anything for a bit.. and turned to aimee, and said, "you so should have been the one to go out there." and than i had to tell them what happend. and leah yelled at dom. and ugghhh. it was crazy.. i'm so worried about him... |
| 64 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
bReAk Me
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these words fall into the ocean.. lost in time and space |
September 9th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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yea, work seems to suck. all cause david had to fuck it up. sayin shit like i'm havin his baby to EVERYONE! i mean, i know most of them dont believe him. but the others didnt say. and what about everyone else that finds out? what am i gonna do then?! ;_; and then greg is leaving and moving to washington! and uggghhh!!! everyone's flippin leaving me! ;_; |
| 47 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
bReAk Me
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ami missing or was the body found |
September 8th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: "hopeless love" by: daphne loves derby
Feeling: ambivalent
today i went to the movies with nick.. apparently everyone assumes it was a date :| it wasnt! we were just hanging out. all i wanted was to go see a movie with a friend. and then eveyrone fucked it up to be something else. =/ grrr >:| i did have fun though :) nick knows sooo many flippin people in that town. lol.
jus 4 months til martin comes!!! :D wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! :D and then6 months til i go see all them wonderful peeps in england :D wahoooo!!! :D
tomorrow i close photo lab.. by myself.. oh Lord save me!! o.o lol. i'm prolly gonna screw up so bad. =/ but there's a book for me. plus greg'll be there. and he got trained with me. so, phew ^^;;
speaken of greg, i saw him at the movies tonight. i assume he was with his gf. but i dunno.
we saw "skeleten key". it wasnt too bad :) |
| 53 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
bReAk Me
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i saw his shadow fall... |
September 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
i hate being sick :( and what sucks is my friend had strep throat, and awhole nunch of other stuff wrong with her, that made her hafta end up in the hospital.. and i'm hoping i didnt get.. cause she said it was a disease :'(
thanks for all the help last entry :)
i think i am better off without him.. its not like anything would have ever happend between.. 'least.. not the way i would have wanted it to. and i have someone better. whom wouldnt do to me what he did (if that makes sense). =/
"one time i was so dehydrated my spit came out like snot." -- the usual suspects |
| 49 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
bReAk Me
|
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i HoPe YoU cHoKe |
September 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
someone answer me something..
how can someone love someone.. but NOT want to be with them?..
i've been trying to figure it out. but nothing comes to mind.
"darling, i love you.. but i hate you, too."
|
| 54 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
bReAk Me
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i HoPe YoU cHoKe |
September 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
someone answer me something..
how can someone love someone.. but NOT want to be with them?..
i've been trying to figure it out. but nothing comes to mind.
"darling, i love you.. but i hate you, too."
|
| 45 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
bReAk Me
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i HoPe YoU cHoKe |
September 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
someone answer me something..
how can someone love someone.. but NOT want to be with them?..
i've been trying to figure it out. but nothing comes to mind.
"darling, i love you.. but i hate you, too."
|
| 36 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
bReAk Me
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darling, i love you. but i hate you too. |
August 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
some guys suck.. seriously.. i was supposed to go down and see drew. and the guy didnt even come. and i'm so pissed at him. ugh.
anyway.. everything has gone south too. cause i had to open in the food court yesterday, and i didnt even know how. yea turn on everything.. and yea there's recipes. but come on! i didnt know how. and greg had to help me. and we screwed up everything. literally everything. nothing went right. and everyone wa smad.. and i dropped natalie's pizza (nick's mom) and i was pissed at myself teh whoel time, i just laughed. what was i supposed to do? but she said, i was laughing so much, and she just couldnt get mad at that. heh. but most the other people were pissed. and i know its nto my fault. but i feel so bad. uggghhh! and i hafta open again on friday morning. and then close on saterday, and that's it! no more for me. i'm done with the food court. i hate it even more than usual. i swear. someone's gonna set it on fire. and its gonna be me. heh. =/
and.. martin's still comin in january! *dances* wheee :D ♥ |
| 65 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
bReAk Me
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| Entry List |
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stuffed toes and broken knees
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love me
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making something so unpure
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twinkles of lullabys
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i'm sending out a call...
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this could be our only...
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blank
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blank
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blank
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gooo
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i'm counting the stars
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the night shatters before our...
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my song
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these words fall into the...
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ami missing or was the body...
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i saw his shadow fall...
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i HoPe YoU cHoKe
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i HoPe YoU cHoKe
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i HoPe YoU cHoKe
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darling, i love you. but i...
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hopeless love why did you...
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of all the stars in the sky,...
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Just a memory of something...
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and i am a ghost of great
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its just you and me
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i love you, but you're poison
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take me under your wing...
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cold and wired i've been fine
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this could last forever
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let your imagination run wild
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something is emerging
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the palce it takes me now,...
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time is pushing us back
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so save me
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i will rescue you tonight
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every little piece of me is...
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come here and cry on my...
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blank
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i'm taking a chance. this...
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so don't complicate it by...
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this is easy as lovers go
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Sincerely til the end, close...
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blank
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the future can wait, tomorrow...
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let the sky fall on me
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show me the way to a...
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like a butterfly in a cave
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falling out of reach
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watch me fade away!
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my insides are caught on fire
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this endless night grows...
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watch me fade away
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tell me why you're here...
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can't forget the things you...
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could it be any harder
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nothing you say can take away...
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i take it like it's coming...
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anything but mine
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blank
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My heart is dead, it's way...
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I dont wanna change the...
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never let me go..
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i'm calling out to you
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you kill me well
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i'm not ok
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caught up in the wonder of...
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and i love you still
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this is a call
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caught you so take cover
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this nightmare won't subside
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i think of every word you said
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break my heart and say goodbye
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feel my heart beat falter
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this bleeding heart is broken
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am i even worth saving?
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i'll wait for you to take me...
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i wish i could replace all...
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my rose wont go back together
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Falling into an endless...
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you're not making this easy
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the wall isnt going down any...
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And time stands still. it's...
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the world is blinding my...
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the world is blinding my...
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screaming like a lullabye
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wanted to be anything...
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unmarried america
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i wanted to see somethin...
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break me down and spill my...
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feel the ground move
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bloody romance
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maximum amount
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for you
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nothing's ever gonna change..
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so tomorrow's gonna fade away
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i sometimes wish this breath...
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don't let it touch me!
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i'll always be here
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fading like the lines on a...
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yea, i can see it now..
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this is how it feels
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do you know how it feels
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it's falling faster than i...
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blank
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take this broken heart and...
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quizes
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exhale, another wasted breath
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slowly the penguins steal my...
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the blood of angel wings
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cows, constitution, ten...
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the breeze of angel wings
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tell me a lie to make it fade...
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blank
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tell me something so typical
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blank
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i love you ::heart::
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this memories i can't erase
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do you know....
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letters to you
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firsts, lasts, and all that...
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hold it close to your heart
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it's your blood staind hate...
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shayna & ashley!
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i dont mean a thing to you...
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yea, read it... whatever
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this what it all comes down to
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Rated R, explicit content..
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do you have to make this so...
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let me take the wheel and...
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yesterday's a day you can...
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i love you <3
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please, dont forget me
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i still need you
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make this last forever
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take my hand and never let me...
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wont you hold me now?
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the stars aren't out tonight
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cany flowers and broken...
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i could care less what you see
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pickles can bleed too
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forget about me
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oh sweet angel of mercy
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i'm just reading the lines...
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blank
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blank
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i'm not spiritual yet
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again i go unnoticed
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how i want to die
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i'm so dumb....
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9 months!!!! =D
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i am too weak to be your cure
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shaking from all the screams
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yesterday's a perfect waste
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yesterday/lastnight
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when you're broken down and...
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so help me
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falling on a razor blade
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i'm crying out for you
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padded walls and gravy juice
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rain pours sharp glass
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diet fries in the rain
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bite the tears and make me...
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french moons and bloody lives
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mmmm =)
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spicy toes
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tangy fingers
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am i missing?
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la dee da de daa
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ah crap....
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long time @_@
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work...
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work...
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yay =D
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soooooooooouuuuuuuppppp
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falling fown a hill
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let 'em fly
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6 months ^_^
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campin....
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ahh! the penguisn are...
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eeeeeeeeeeeek~!! o.o;
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dum de doo dee dum
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let it all go away...
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yea...again....
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hands down
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so impossible
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ever have those re-accurring...
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=O stupid thing... =P
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er... uh...... mmhmmm...
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ack! its been so long! =P
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free meeeeee~!!!
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hashbrowns
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grrrrr >:)
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the brave little toaster
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fizzy lifting drinks
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living dead....
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blah
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the penguins died.....lol
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kill the penguins! =D
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let me die...
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;_; help...
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slime
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its all my fault ;_;
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die penguins!! =D
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i will die, but real love is...
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all our fears fall on deaf...
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my eye hurts..
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pillsbury dough boy
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quack
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all of us are searching for...
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nothin new...
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lermy lerms
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( , , )=^_^=( , , )
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=(
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i found meh bible =) lol
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empty me
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seeing is believing
|
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tomorrow's another day...
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fly with me
|
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tell me im wrong
|
|
3 months
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im jus lookin for a better day
|
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some days arent worth waking...
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cant sleep....
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mayberry hill
|
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penguins kill
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freddie crougar tried to kill...
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penguins must diiieeeee
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pass the salt
|
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lemons are sometimes sour
|
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rainbow fingers on a crossbow
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tangy peanut butter
|
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sugar lumps and puddles
|
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last night and today
|
|
today :P
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fingers can wiggle u move them
|
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hmmmm
|
|
what a day...
|
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*sniff*
|
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iknowyourcalling
|
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today was tomorrow yesterday
|
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glue is sticky
|
|
poems...
|
|
happy easter!
|
|
hmm
|
|
again again again
|
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dum dee dum
|
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shoes cant walk on thier own
|
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la lee la lee laaa
|
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dum dee dum
|
|
jeepers! @_@
|
|
i have eyes
|
|
somethin somethin
|
|
mooooooz
|
|
yayyyyyyy!!!
|
|
the clowns are on my side
|
|
*sigh*
|
|
people are weird :P
|
|
turtles cant fly part 2
|
|
turles cant fly
|
|
im so stupid!!
|
|
home alone!! wheeee~!
|
|
must...be...happy...
|
|
agh..
|
|
ugh!
|
|
cheeeeeeeese
|
|
blah blah
|
|
umm...
|
|
answer ^_^
|
|
emm, yea...
|
|
cats have tails
|
|
***************************
|
|
i gotta golden ticket! =P
|
|
ketchup
|
|
la dee da
|
|
dum dee dee
|
|
nooooooooo!!!
|
|
blah
|
|
unholy cheese!
|
|
mooo
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|
la la la
|
|
today
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