back from greece and it was so awsome! i was a good girl and i had probably two cigs thruout the whole summer! =] but i just had one =[ i made a promise to someone that i wouldnt smoke again but promises were meant to be broken just the way that someone never kept their promise. and i find out that the guy i like(d) w/e i dont know anymore made out with this grl that all she does is get down on guys and thats so gross! he makes out with her then god knows and then my friend then me! ewwww! =[ =[ =[ =[ =[ im sooooooo grossed out and well ugh man shit lately is unbelievable! one day he likes me the next he doesnt and the harder i try to get over him and forget about him the harder it is =[ well for now thats it but promises were always and always will be made to be broken...
i have bio regents tomorrow and the most fucked up shit ever just happened. i swear my hands are all shaky. im so nervous about my test and about wats gonna happen. ok well heres wat happnd.....
a while back ago my friend came over and she wanted to borrow some clothes so of course i couldnt say no. so w/e we went thru my closet and she took a HUGEEEEEEE bag full of clothes. most of the bag was summer stuff and we were in like feb or march. i was like uh im leaving for vacation nd im gonna want my stuff back u cant keep them she goes oh yea np ull get them back. she took OVERRR $200 worth of clothes. she took my fave pair of sweats, a pair of pink $75 jeans that were hand sewn from brazil, a super cute pink top and so many more tank tops and other stuff. when she left and my mom saw that bag that she left with my mom flipppped out. to be the good friend that i was i covered her ass and i was like nah ma shes gonna give them back. well weve grown apart since then. she started hanging out with dif ppl and so did i. so last nite i decided to IM her and ask her for my things back since in going on vacation for two months and im leaving in a week and a half. but ya know im such a shit talker i cant even do that. so she started with me about how im a crappy friend and all of that nonsense. so then today i was online all happy nd w/e and she or someone from her sn ims me and starts calling me a cunt rag, a slut, a this a that and i was just like ok w/e. considering all i got called i was totally calm about it. so i called my best bud up and told her wat happnd she goes ill fix their ass so she went online on this sn noone has and shes just jealous that i started hanging out with new ppl. i dont care b/c the ppl that she hangs out with are arrogant, self centered jerkoffs. and the grls are cheap sluts. so w/e she just wants to keep calling me a fat cunt rag let her i really dont care. i know im a dumbass for giving her my clothes but i mean i never imagined things to become like this...:- the ironic part to all this is how she kept complaining about wat a bad friend i am and how i just played her and a bunch of bs like that meanwhile when she found out she had a heart problem she told me, how before school one day when she came over she started crying because she found out her dad started his old drinking habits and beat her mom and siblings and they dont live here they live in greece, she cried on my shoulders...literally. i hugged her i comforted her by telling her everythings gonna be alright when it wasnt. we just became further apart. now there are two or three ppl that i can trust with my life and i know that if i fall theyll be behind me to catch me, when im all broken up there gonna be broken up with me and were gonna put the pieces back together. at this point i honestly dont care i just want my clothes back before i go...i dont care wat i have to go thru to get them cuz i will do w/e it takes. i sounds so damn stupid that im going thru all this trouble for clothes but im so damn possessive when it comes to MY things it truly isnt funny. anyways i have to read some more bio info, get my stuff ready for tomorrow and pray that i pass........
i have to stop this habit of updating a few days then not updating for days or weeks or months.
omg i finallyyyyyy did something with that guy from my previous entry. to give an idea of how i felt read the lyrics to the song everytime we touch by cascada its techno-ish..well im not even sure wat it is but here are the lyrics anyways:
I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch in my dreams
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive
'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last
Need you by my side
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static
And everytime we kiss I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat so
I can't let you go
Want you in my life
Your arms are my castle
Your heart is my sky
They wipe away tears that I cry
The good and the bad times
We've been through them all
You make me rise when I fall
'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last
Need you by my side
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static
And everytime we kiss I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat so
I can't let you go
Want you in my life
'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last
Need you by my side
ok well yea something like that...ok so he came over and he tried to "fix my computer" well that was the reason we gave out parents for him to come over. ok so after an hr or so we joked around and well yea i sat on his lap. i was being such a bitch and ignoring him while he has his arms around me and all this. he was being allll lovey dovey and i melted...literally...i honestly dont noe how i didnt just turn around and make out with him all night. i was playing solitare on my comp while on his lap and his arms were around me, all over me and well yea and he kept telling me to exit b/c "WE had better things to do" hmm i wonder lol so eventually i did and we made out for like 2 mins and then i pulled back and we just lay in eachothers arms till my doorbell rang. we were both like FUKKKKK lol. then i came back up and was like uh things are gonna be really wierd b/w us and he goes yea i was just thinking about that. so then the following day he told me he was gonna go out wit some grl and i got upset but w/e. then i asked him if he knew he was gonna go out with her why he even bothered with me his answer was oh its not like i planned it or anything and how it was just in the moment thats y it happnd and just stuff like that. with him its like he could be the nicest guy on the face of this planet and other days he could be the biggest jerkoff ever!
the thing that ive only told one person since the kiss is why he did it? all these feelings came thru me when it happnd. my whole body went numb. it were as if time had stopped and it was just us. i wanna ask him if he got any feeling but i dont wanna get let down or anything. i wanna ask him if he kissed me b/c he still might have ANY feelings what-so-ever for me. but i cant. everytime i try to i choke up. and especially now that he has a gf. i cant ask him anything now. i want him to be happy i really do. when im with another guy he gets jealous or at least seems it. when hes with another grl, wat am i supposed to do? i cant do anything but tell him to go for it.
my friend always told me that i liked the chase of getting a guy more than i liked the guy himself. this time tho, i got my kiss, i got my cuddling, i got wat i wanted, but i didnt want it to end....
