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Getting Back In Touch (syndication) |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Various Music Choice Channels
Feeling: Myself
I have spent the last couple of years in a fog, lost in the darkness of a new kind of loneliness. My best friend left me, pursuing a life that wasn't true of herself. I resented her. I brooded, and hated the ways we had parted, the different lifestyle choices made; I despised her unseemly departure from herself. All the while, though, I somehow missed that I had done the exact same thing. I had abandoned the only person I have always had, always loved, always trusted.
Somewhere along the way, in the chaos of my home and high school, I completely lost my identity.
Mind you, I've always been invisible to other people. But of late, in the last year or two, I have felt an unsettlement every time I've sat to observe. A wrongness in the silence of solitude. I became separated from the forces that drive me. From the giddiness I feel when I'm alone.
In the last two years, I have not spent my Monday Night Freedoms dancing around the house to music. I've said it was the music, not as much good stuff coming out. Radio playing all the wrong things. Change. I blamed a lot on change. I even looked inward -- some. I thought maturity had refined my taste, that less was good enough for me now. But I'm sure now it was something more. I couldn't remember the songs I had danced to. I couldn't remember what exhilaration I had felt in those hours of silliness, those blissful, carefree hours where I was utterly myself, completely unconcerned with being seen. I was being me, and being Alive.
It wasn't childhood that I was losing. Not that uninhibited, ignorant state. I still had that, in a way. Still have it now. But pieces were missing.
I no longer made up songs in my head. No longer made up songs at all. My guitars grew dusty and out of tune; and hours spent in laughter and enjoyment became hours spent in discontent, in a cesspool of the same websites, refreshed over and over, hoping that some new fulfillment would come of it. Hours of wishing and rebuking myself for wishing. It's an empty art, unworthy of a moment's thought.
Looking back at the beginning of this school year, I realized that, somehow, I'd become a senior in high school almost without noticing. It didn't seem as though so many years had passed. The thought struck me, but I did not yet understand: for all of my junior year, I had not been present. It was only the unsubstantial of me that attended classes, that sat unfeeling through lectures and drowned in inactivity and apathy at home.
My thoughts are falling away, this period of coherence is passing. The rest is outlined as follows (I didn't do this for the whole thing, but quickly wrote down just these points, to remember them before they faded):
- we all lose ourselves to work and routine
- seeing that in my friends may have been a catalyst
-
- might be why I'm so drawn to Mr. Messner
- he hasn't given himself up to the routine, still exuberant and fun. does things on the weekend and has stories, and still makes new ones.
- smoking is one of the things that is keeping me from myself
- it's something I do when sadly alone, and I'm never so alone when I'm with me
- it's a mask in social situations
- the song I wrote last week, while partially the fault of Pat (another catalyst?) was a last cry out from the me I've always wanted to be
- writing this is in itself a way back to me
I am having trouble keeping it in my mind. I've been writing for nearly an hour, now. Maybe a whole one. I see now that my dog is depressed too, she needs my love and attention as much as I do.
PLEASE, PLEASE FINISH THIS. IF IT IS THE LAST THING YOU DO, SELF, FINISH THIS. THIS IS FOR ME AND ONLY ME. AND THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE ME. THIS IS REAL. READ IT. READ IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER. |
| 117 hit(s) |
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Thank God it's Memorial Friday |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Frequency Surfer - Universal
Feeling: dandy
So glad Messner got a good set of school laptops for like two weeks. During my TA period I can just sit here listening to streaming radio on iTunes and surfing the web. So I've got the Gos-Psy Trance radio station on, and figured I'd updated my sitDiary, because for one I haven't in a while and secondly I've not updated from school in a long time.
Today's evil.com is pretty good. www.evil.com (or if you're looking at this post-May 27th, http://www.evil.com/archives/20050527.htm)
I love Memorial Day weekend. Here in the greater Seattle area, that means Folklife, the biggest gathering of hippies this half of the year (the other two are the Labor Day festival Bumbershoot, and the summer-or-autumn-but-we-don't-really-care Hempfest). And this year I can get credit for social studies for going to Folklife. Which is rather nice, as I enjoy such things immensely.
Brief Summary Of What Folklife Means:
Many diverse people will be there. It's a representation of heritage and ethnic culture. Displays fill the Seattle Center with all kinds of international music, food, acts, trinkets and goodies. Streetmusicianing is allowed and loosely regulated. It is the biggest free exchange of money imaginable, and the government can't tax any of it because the word price is replaced with "suggested donation."
It is wonderful, and you may just find me there this weekend playing my flute or my guitar.
Also, it's insanely sunny and we're having a drought. Which is a nice change of pace for the western Washingtonian. I get to wear my once-every-several-years (summer) clothes! Only problem is they're too girly and too small. In any case, I'm having a great amount of fun just wasting time, as I have very little homework this weekend. However, I do have some and I'm off to go finish it now so I can spend the whole weekend at Folklife with my mom and various other cool people.
Final Note:
If you're going to visit Seattle, do it on Memorial Day weekend or Labor Day weekend. Or look up Hempfest and go hang out at that (the official purpose of Hempfest is a gathering of businesspeople who support the legalization of marijuana - however it's nearly always populated by a large number of people going all out to look like stoners, because, hell, they can).
And in any case, have a good weekend, and avoid long car trips.
Love and hippie hugs from Eli Liz Iza Zab Abe Beth
<3 |
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lovesexpainconfusionsuffering |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Alice In Chains - everything they've ever written playlist
Feeling: high
Mad World
30 March, 2005
Listening To: Mad World - Gary Jules/Michael Andrews Donnie Darko version
Feeling: ish
SITE UPDATE: As soon as I can get a low enough bitrate version of this song, I'm going to use my shitty freeware mp3-wave converter and then upload it to tripod and put it on this site. This will save me the trouble of having to include a link. Actually it'll probably end up being another song, but meh.
STALKING UPDATE: I now possess one of the blacked-out mailing labels of one Mr. Steve Stevens (name changed to protect, well, me). This is the person who apparently lives with one Mr. TeacherMan (name not changed - honestly, that's his name), with whom I hung out for 3 hours after school today. Him and Redneck Rob, who worships Bush as a god and scares the pants off the rest of us. THREE DAYS LATER: Oh, and I know Mr. TeacherMan's car. And where he parks it. And that he has North Dakota license plates. Yeah. I'm done now. I really am.
SUGAR UPDATE: Today I have consumed:
- 1 half sandwich
- 3 v8 juices
- 4 uber-mini candies (white kitkat, tootsie roll, mint pattie, milky way midnight)
- 5 packets of sugar in the raw
- 1 krispy kreme doughnut. Donut. Meh.
- 1 can of coca-cola
So in all, about 120 grams of sugar. Typical daily serving being around 40.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
except not.
Anyway, on to the real stuff
SITDIARY UPDATE - THREE DAYS LATER:
So today was eventful. I went to Costco with Morgan and her dad and we went around to all the free sample carts and kept drinking all the juice because it was really good. Then her dad took us to Sky Nursery and then out to Taqueria Guaymas (my favorite Mexican restarurant) for lunch. We all had side orders because we were full on Costco samples.
Then they dropped me off at home, where my grandma had left me $20 and said I could have Morgan spend the night. And I'm supposed to be grounded. I called Morgan's and accidentally left an incriminating message on her answering machine, so I sprinted the 2 miles up to her place in the rain to keep her from getting in trouble. So she got the message before her parents did, and then got me directions to Cory's because he's having a party tonight (that was the incriminating message - she said she was sleeping over at Dannie's but was actually going to the party to get drunk)...
Anyway I got to Cory's party with Megan, who'd been on the same bus as me, around 7, after Morgan's mom picked her and Dannie up to do chores (I thought they were royally fucked but it turns out Morgan sucked up and got to go back to Dannie's, returning to the party later)... So I was at the party and got a contact high because they'd all been smoking from Jeremy's new hookah. Then Jen, Cory, Megan and I jumped on the trampoline. I got lightheaded and it was good fun. I was going to leave at like 7:20 because I had to be home by 8, but Cory's mom said she'd give me a ride home so I stayed until 7:45. I chipped in my $20 to the booze fund (Cory's mom lets him and his friends drink). A bunch of kids from the other high school showed up.
One of them hit on me. Kind of. He was really cute and his name was Nolan. And he called me awesome. A real compliment coming from someone too stoned to talk in multisyllabic words.
I would have asked for his number or something but I was too shy.
^_^ I got hit on. And he was really hot. But I left 5 minutes after he got there.
I need a boyfriend. I think I'll ask Toni about this Nolan guy. He's one of her people.
... I got hit on. Yay.
Sorry, this is rare for me. I'm a fatass. And everyone yells at me for not being hot like I should be. So yay.
G'night.
~ LizBeth |
| 114 hit(s) |
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Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: James Taylor - Fire And Rain
Feeling: brilliant
I have developed UBER STEREO!
I have James Taylor on iTunes and Windows Media player, and they're perfectly synchronized to give just the perfect (very very minimal) amount of echo-effect.
Whoohoo!
Oh, and I just found out what crossfade means! I'm less of a ditz now!
PS. Life sucks and there's a big empty black hole in my soul. My depression has left me, and I miss it oh so very much. Seriously. I've turned into a giggling social person. It's creepy. |
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The Best And Worst Night of My Life |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Swallow the Knife by Story of the Year
Feeling: bipolar
I'M WAY TOO HAPPY FOR MY SITUATION
Anyway, I probably won't be writing for a while, as I am not only banned from the computer, but I'm actually trying (and failing) to buckle down and do my f**king homework and take responsibility for myself instead of sitting on my ass in front of the computer 24/7.
This is something I entered into a journal entry contest on allpoetry.com and only then did it occur to me that it would be basically the perfect entry to sum up the surplus of events that happened over spring break. So, um, enjoy. May be the last you hear from me in a while.
................................
Ahh, what an eventful day I've had. Here I am, Sunday, 4 pm, still thinking about the goings on of 12 hours ago... Well, it really has been quite a lot for my emotions to handle...
I can't believe I finally got Joey to sneak out. I know it was a few days ago, but that still awes me. I mean, he's always been such a good boy, following the rules, mommy's little... er, precious...
But what I really can't wrap my mind around is that just two nights later, -he- convinced -me- to sneak out. Out of my house, under the watchful eyes of my grandmother, after midnight. I don't know how he did it, especially considering the fact that I'd been caught just the night before; but something in his IM "voice" just... got me.
I guess we shouldn't have done it, I mean, a small but loud group of teens (Oh, Kristen and Dannie came along, suppose I should've mentioned that awhile ago, but oh well) isn't really what one would call inconspicuous. There is a city curfew of 10 pm, after all. And Joey, after all this talking into, said he had a bad feeling about the whole thing. Great! Now he wants to go home, just when I was starting to have fun.
We probably should have let him go home.
The store we went to for snacks was closed (it was 3 am, go figure), so we headed back to my place (wrong move #732) for some coffee grounds for a jolt. Kristen and Dannie had to stay awake, as they had locked themselves out of their house and had to go back in after sunrise under the guise that they were out watching the sunrise and forgot the keys. My place was on the way to Joey's anyway, and he was getting really antsy to go home.
Well, maybe he is a bit psychic after all.
After we all pretty much puked from the coffee grounds (turns out they don't taste very good), Joey headed home. He got all paranoid and started asking me if the stories about angry hobos in the woods he had to cross were true. I told him to go home and get some sleep.
I was talking to Kristen and Dannie outside when I heard my grandma waking up. We hurried out of my back yard so as not to be caught, and across the street. There was about 3 minutes of calm before everything went terribly wrong.
All the lights went on in the house. Only now did I realize that the garage door was open, and for some unknown reason, I felt that fact was some majorly important thing. It was. Out came grandma, without her glasses, but with enough eyesight to spy Kristen's light-grey sweatshirt standing out against the near dark. She waved something in the air, and a tiny speck of red light flashed at me. "ELIZABETH!" she screamed, as though to let Siberia know what I had done, "I'VE GOT THE POLICE ON THE PHONE!"
Knowing there was nothing else to do, I reluctantly began the dreaded 50 foot walk to where she stood. "They want to talk to you." She said, in a voice of extreme disappointment or suppressed rage, I couldn't quite tell which. "Hello?" I whispered into the phone, for some reason still afraid of waking the neighbors with my normal, loud voice. The woman on the phone sounded tired, but I couldn't quite make out what she was saying as my grandma pulled me by the hair into the house. She sat me down on the couch and stared the stare of 1000 deaths at me as I spoke quietly to the detective.
"Well, Joey's mom was just scared because he apparently left his instant messages open and you said some threatening things to him -- here, she read it to me verbatim: 'Killing is against my morals, but I wouldn't mind tying you to a tree and maiming you a bit,'" came the sleepy voice over the phone, repeating the words I had said jokingly three or four hours prior. Suddenly I came to the biggest epiphany in recent history:
Joey's not psychic.
He was just stupid enough to leave his IMs open while sneaking out, and cowardly enough that when he realized what he had done, he could not confess his moronity to his companions in delinquency.
But that's okay. Kristen and Dannie got away with it, at least. I had a lot of fun. And Joey didn't go without adequate punishment. Poor, poor Joey... He's never allowed on the internet again. He can't leave the house, can't use the phone, and isn't allowed to play his precious computer games.
But then, I suppose I'm not that well off either.
I mean, Joey's mom is trying to get a restraining order against me... |
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My Mom is a Horny Biatch... |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Out of Time by Blur
Feeling: conflicted
Well, it's day 1 at Mom's. I'm writing this on paper so I can put it on the computer when I get home. There's no computer here, it's been less than 12 hours, an I'm already dying without my internet...
Anyway, when I got here, Jason wasn't here, which was a shame, because I wanted to meet him. My mom said Tony (by the way, Jason is Mom's boyfriend, Tony is her ex) was coming over. So he did, and we all walked down to the gas station store and picked up a case of Molson Ice (my mom's an alcoholic and not supposed to drink...). We got back to her apartment, and she had 6 beers in 20 minutes, and I had one (ooh, naughty me... but my mom made me, which was the sick part). Tony drank a few, too, so we ran out pretty quick... We watched a movie called Falling Down, about a guy who goes crazy and starts killing people on the way to his kid's birthday party, then Mom sent Tony back down to the store for a 40 oz of Mickey's. She drank the whole thing and fell asleep holding a cigarrette (gee, what a great parent...) But, anyway, before all that, when he got back with the booze, Mom gave him a blowjob (he's her ex, remember) while I was in the bathroom (listening, as what else was there to do?) They later had sex in her bed while waiting for Jason to come home... and she had the gall to contradict me when I called her a drunken whore (jokingly, of course, I LOVE my mom, she's the coolest person in the world, but she's got some growing up to do, no?)
Anyway, Jason got back around midnight. Mom was passed out, Tony was sleeping on the floor and I was lying on the couch. We talked a bit, then Mom came out and wouldn't go back to bed until he came with her. All in all, it was a tiring, odd, and epiphanous day (what with the realizing that my mom is a drunken whore and all).
It is now 1:30, and I'm going to bed. I hope Mom doesn't break Jason's heart, he's a pretty cool guy.
Goodnight. |
| 181 hit(s) |
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Insomnia Time |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: 45 by Shinedown
Feeling: Suicidal (I can't believe that's not on there!)
I love my knife. It is a truly beautiful knife. I tried to cut myself with it, but couldn't... Damn my pussiness! I just want to know why she does it... Why can't I understand? I'm so sad tonight. School goes on for another semester. Then another three years. Then college if I make it. This Thursday is doomsday. I'm going to have to find a new place to live when my grandma sees my report card. She is a very scary woman. The sad part is, my worst grade is a C. My best is an A, but that class is still incomplete as of doomsday... Shit. Anything less than a 3.5 makes her have one of her fits of rage. I should go live with aunt Shelley. She is one of the best aunts I know... I should get some sleep, school starts at 7:30. I wish I had the motivation and courage to do something about how boring my life is. I don't. Oh well. Goodnight. |
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too tired to think of one. |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Fallen Embers by Enya... What?
Feeling: sluggish
I'm tired. I have tons of homework, three days I'll soon have to make up from being sick, and Joey's keeping me up with this stupid interesting conversation. He's pretty cool though... Everything Sucks today. That would be my current music, only it's
"everything sucks when you're gone" and the only person I can think of to be "you" is my grandfather who died almost seven years ago. Everything really has sucked since then, though... Anyway, I'm pissed because now I have to put music on further hold because of all the fricking schoolwork that I suddenly feel so inclined to hate and burn. It's such bullshit. Writing an essay on how a book makes me feel isn't going to work, because a) I didn't read the book, and b) It didn't make me feel anything, it's a fucking BOOK. Not much makes me feel anymore, I've had to turn off my emotions to avoid pain and the hatred of others that pain causes. You know what, change my current mood to pissed at society, 'cause that's what I fucking am. |
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My dead end |
July 16th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Spitalfield
Feeling: alienated
I am not close enough to anyone to turn to them when I am alone. There is no one whose shoulder I trust enough to lean on, let alone to cry upon.
I have friends; more than a few but certainly not many. But I worry that perhaps all this time I have been keeping myself, somehow, at a distance. My closest friends are geographically the farthest from me, and can offer me nor company nor comfort in my darkest of hours.
Once, I had a best friend. We spoke of everything, shared ourselves with each other in many ways. Still, there were limits to our friendship. Still, we drifted apart. She cried on my shoulder once. I never felt comfortable enough to do the same.
Ince I resigned myself to crying on the shoulder of a friend. But thefriend in question was having a bad enough time that when he heard me crying, he had to go away. I couldn't talk to him nor turn to him, I could not bear to be alone in such agony.
And so I wept.
And so I wrote.
And so I sang.
But today, in my present life, I do not sing nor write nor even weep. I numb myself to feelings with self-talk, with curse words and cigarettes, with drugs I don't have and will not get.
I try to work. I try to be functional in my social role. Fit into the position that employers put me into. But I am not that puzzle piece. My place fills a void of kindness in someone's heart, and contains a void of confidence and safety that need to be filled.
There is one, and only one person who I feel close enough to at this point in my life to cry on.
I love him, and he loves me, and we put up with every crazy thing that the other does. But he is thousands of miles away. Our relationship takes every bit of time and money that we can muster, takes every bit of attention and care that we can nourish it with.
And suddenly I look around, in my time of crisis, to find that there is no one and nowhere for me to feel safe.
I have no shoulder to cry on. I can offer one to afriend, or all friends, or even a stranger. but for me, I do not know where to turn.
Everything in my life, including my friendships, have goneuntended.
Sometimes I have sprayed poison instead of fertiliser upon my garden of friends. Sometimes I have stepped on and squashed a new bud before it could even start to form.
But I never thought that whatever closeness I might have built up to any other human being could be so easily lost, or that whatever feeling I had that made me think of them as friends would disappear.
I never thought I would feel this alone.
There are more negative consequences than help in any situation my mind can devise.
And so, I wander gloomily back into this diary, my dark and private journal, my dead end. I can take solace here, alone, knowing that I am alone.
And now the reason that I do not feel kinship isn't because it simply isn't there, or because I scare them away with my sorrows... but because I do not reach out to them, because of my own choice.
On top of all of these feelings, rejection is one thing I could not handle. |
| 31 hit(s) |
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Keep it to yourself |
January 18th, 2008 @ 12:00am |
Background Point No. 1:
Eight years ago, I was molested by an uncle. It was not an isolated incident, but went on over the course of 9-12 months, every couple of weekends or so. It stopped suddenly and was never mentioned again, the uncle never even seemed to acknowledge it in any actions or facial expressions after that.
Background Point No. 2:
He wasn't the only person to do it.
Background Point No. 3:
For some unknowable reason, I never associated the uncle's actions with the word "molestation." When others did things I felt uncomfortable or pressured, but I was genuinely brainwashed by the uncle. This is a sad thing for me to admit, but true.
Background Point No. 4:
I realized about two or three years ago how bad of a thing it was, and got angry. I have been angry on and off about it since then, and often ponder the overall effects of what happened on my life when I'm depressed.
Background Point The Last:
I'm on vacation in Hawaii with my aunt and her husband (the uncle in question), along with their nine year old son. The reason we came was for a birthday party for his brother who recently moved here. The uncle's entire family came as well. They left a few days ago.
The Actual Story
I told my aunt about what happened a couple nights ago.
It didn't help a goddamned thing.
I'm more pissed off than ever.
I confronted the uncle.
He cried and begged forgiveness.
I don't really feel like it.
My aunt seems to think it's up to me to decide what happens as a result of this information.
She also wants to keep it a secret from the rest of the family and the world.
The uncle just doesn't want to lose his wife.
I feel like they are both selfish and stupid and I really don't know if I want anything to do with either of them.
Everyone is acting like they are the victims of this situation except for me.
I thought this might help me somehow, but it hasn't and it probably won't.
Now more than ever I want to get the hell away from my family.
The Point:
Don't bother trying to make things better when you could only make it worse. Don't let a moment of weakness cloud any judgement which logic has upheld for years. If all else fails, just scream and swear and take every curse word and bullshit punishment they throw at you, save your money, get out, and never talk to them again.
Because in the end, people are weak and stupid and they aren't worth it. |
| 50 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Boo, Hiss |
December 31st, 2007 @ 12:00am |
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Deleting accounts due to inactivity makes sense because they have to make room for new users and free up usernames.
But make the time limit at least a year please.
Otherwise wanderers like me and many I know get very depressed. |
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| Entry List |
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Getting Back In Touch...
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My Mom is a Horny Biatch...
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Thank God it's Memorial Friday
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Sweet dreams and flying...
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lovesexpainconfusionsuffering
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The Best And Worst Night of...
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Insomnia Time
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too tired to think of one.
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My dead end
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Keep it to yourself
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Boo, Hiss
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Hover
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I want to cry
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Headaches
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Still Anxious
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Cakebeans
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blank
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MmmKay?
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Remind me to recommend this
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No-go on the cloves :(
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blank
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Dreams...
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blank
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Ngwawgh
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blank
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I can't take this.
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Take This Longing
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Whee, Killswitch...
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It helps me breathe when I...
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blank
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Glaaaarg
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No more faith in humanity
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Today
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Horus the Chorus
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mommy's alright, daddy's...
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I feel unwanted.
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Figured I might as well post...
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Procrastination and ear studs
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notes to self
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fuuuuuuck (lunchtime)
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Mmm, Disturbed
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Hi Joey...........or whoever
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This time I think it could be...
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funny how you return to old...
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blank
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homework stuff
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Notes to Self
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Decade Day.
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Tears from Australia
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pencil erasers and football...
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*clears throat*
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cucarachbe?
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timetimetime
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Fizzy Love
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Tell Me This Is All...
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Bookworm
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Re: Katrinam
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I'd thought... but only a...
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It seems that way, doesn't it?
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No One Understands
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More love for the school...
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Tired Ramble
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I'm...
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Ugh
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Haha, yey
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Soulmate Inquiries
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Old Scars Still Bleed??
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are you in love?
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Yeah...
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Impaled by sense
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End Transmission
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pathetic whimpering quiz
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blank
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blank
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B&S
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my response to the anonymous...
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I Kissed Him
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blank
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Spiritual Night
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Boys Make Me Feel Good About...
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I know you all have it
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Show me what this life is all...
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Eight Days Gone Is Good
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Won't you dance with me?
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Thought I'd something more to...
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Inhale
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I had a thought but then I...
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Heart
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I'm only gonna say this...
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Embarking on another...
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Nolan = Cute Boy ^_^ (but...
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Turtles
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Yeah. Emo Rant Time.
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Today
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I've been upgraded
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...
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A Story I made up talking to...
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Still emo after all these...
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I'm Reposting A Quiz
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I hate everyone
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Parents, Police, and other...
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Eventful Sunday
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Let's Play Master And Servant...
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Boys Are Cute but Girls are...
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Fukker
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filler entry
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Oh Shit, Perhaps?
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DRUGS ARE BAD
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My Two Cents You'll Never Get
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I am Stalker Girl
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Blind Date
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All my anger, all my pain,...
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blahbastardblah
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Pathetic am I?
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Meh
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Drowning in my shit
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Private entry...
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private entry...
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...
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Empty throat lump
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lost verbal ability
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Well then
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I miss my watch
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Nintendo Fusion tour rocks.
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Dannie is a Sexie Pixie
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Another day could never be as...
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Two Important Things
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...
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Fuckin' A
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actual diary entry unlike...
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No Smoking.
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BUMBER MOTHER FUCKING SHOOT
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Watching the Milk get Warm
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Teens - this is a call to...
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I'm losing substance...
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HaHa!
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blank
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Some things I can't explain...
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A lot has happened in the...
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Quiz, part 2
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Vague but true
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HOLY SHIT IT'S A QUIZ
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blank
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I post lyrics, for once
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A World Shaded In Dark Blue
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Felt Like Updating...
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Secrets in my garden shed...
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No One Cares
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BRAIN TRANSPLANT! WHOO!
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Mushy boyfriend bs session
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My new diary...
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See top left
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*tears*
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despondence...
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For Jacqueline (1807)
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Complications
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Hurt By The Cold
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Sleep Deprivation
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blank
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Back To Old Defaults
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Birthday Party
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I AM THE WALRUS
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Quest to find inner peace...
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Happy
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As if my own problems weren't...
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Alone and Overburdened
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I love how these things just...
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Holy Inspiration.
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Was going to post a quiz, but...
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...
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The Way I Write
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I hate what I am
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Night Time
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My Clicker Isn't Working
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Quiz Type Thing
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Poem, Draft # 326
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Dammit
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Driftwood...
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My Poetry
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Nooses, knives, and other...
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Suicidal Friend
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My Own Fault
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Registration...
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Quizzes
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Music
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New Layout...
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HOLY FLAMING FUCK
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Can't Wait to Die
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32 is the evil number
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Cut Off
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Hellish Night
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I spell knife knofe.
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My Shoulder Itches
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I don't update enough
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Last few days...
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Mweef
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*tear*
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Grrf
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Well, fuck...
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Fssshhh.
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What the Hell?!
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Purely A Quote
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| 202 post(s) |
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