|
whoa... |
August 30th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
|
well i was going to delete all of these messages...but it seems like way too much work so im making a new thingy...
|
| 237 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
whoa... |
August 30th, 2007 @ 12:00am |
|
well i was going to delete all of these messages...but it seems like way too much work so im making a new thingy...
|
| 32 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
hmmp... |
March 29th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: hawthorne heights-niki fm
Feeling: empty
hmm...no comments huh...
12 people on my friends list..only about two of which actually keep up with this thing...and no one ever leaves me comments...even if you just said...hey i read your entry...i'd be happy...some of you think us no comment complainers are just being emo...but you're wrong...it matters...trust me.. |
| 122 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
comalies |
March 29th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv
Feeling: loopy
Today was me and Mike's 7 month anniversary.
Congradulations to us.
Unfortunately...I wasn't able to see him after school because I had to meet my mom at work. But...she was finished by the time I got there so I was sent on a mission to deliver some junk to my Grandmother...who was not at home...so I just went home. School has been really boring lately...
and...I need a job. I'm thinkin about trying Gaineville..sure it's a bit farther than I was looking for..but I'm sure it will be a lot easier to find a job there than it is here.
However, I am still going on the pointless journey to find a job yet again tomorrow.
ok i'm tired of capitalizing things...
i wish that i could spend some time with mike this week...but i dont know if i can before saturday. maybe friday...if me mum feels like being nice...which i fucking doubt...
if i had a job i'd go somewhere right freakin now...
i talked to mike last night...online...how cool is that. he was at daryl's house...which is where he wont be tonight...but probably will be tomorrow night. he's been there the past two nights...
i wish he could come home with me sometime...althought i hardly go home after school...either go see mike or meet my mom...blah blah blah...i wish i could see him now...these past two anniversaries are i think the only two that we havent spent time together on. i could have if mom didnt need me. grrr...
ok i'm bored and i could probably keep writing in here for years but i've run out of things to say...so i'll go before i start complaining about my mom or something...or go on some kind of rant about how much i love my boyfriend...soooo
cheers then. |
| 86 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
say it if it's worth saving me |
March 27th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: nickelback- savin me
Feeling: independent
well yesterday was boring as hell. i think i only went outside twice. except for that excursion to the store just to get milk because i wanted to go somewhere so badly.
so mike finally called me at like ten thirty last night...i thought he forgot...yeah i know he wouldnt...dont look at me like that...it's possible...
anyways, today i went to work with my mom..no fun intended...came home..daryl called me...we talked for a while..and then mike called me...wow so many people wanted to talk to me today...go figure...
mike's at daryl's right now and they're doing stuff for his mommy....while i'm just sitting here wishing my mom would let me go to mike's everyday after school...i dont see why not...it's going to be pretty hard to just get out of school and then leave...
besides...i only have one fucking cigarette left...and it's for tomorrow morning...yeah...one...i'm fucked..at least for a few days..
man these last two days have been boring. i'm sure this week wont be much fun...i'm sure all of my teachers can't wait to give us loads of work..yeah we had a vacation..welcome back to reality.
i guess that's it...seems like i had more to say...that i almost got to say before having to get offline and not saving what i had already written here...but anyways, i'll see you all tomorrow..
cheers |
| 79 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
spring break |
March 26th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: hinder- nothing good about goodbye
Feeling: lovestruck
well this was probably the best spring break i've ever had.
you already know how i spent the first week of it....but on friday i went to pick up mike daryl and jason at rikki's house and after a few hours of haging out with her and mac we went to gainesville.
ha yeah..that went well...
i ended up getting us lost becuase no one else in the car wanted to speak up when none of us knew where the hell we were...then we spent a whole hour going around in circles, asking people at red lights, and everyone pointed us in the wrong direction...except the crazy guy we asked but we turned the wrong way after talking to him. and then we finally got ahold of andrew and he told us we were right there at the road we were looking for almost the whole time...
then we tried to go see a movie...and you can't buy more than one ticket to a rated R movie unless you're 21...well none of us were so we were screwed out of that. so we decided to go to the mall instead. so we got something to eat, walked around in a few stores, then went to daryl's house for a few minutes, then took jason home, then went back to mike's with daryl and him. then kevin came over to hang out with them and then i had to leave.
that was friday...now let's talk about saturday.
got up at 8 in the fucking morning to meet everyone at mike's house so we could leave at nine....nine ...we're leaving at nine..that's what they all said...well we didnt leave until after i went to get rikki and mac and that was 10 30...yeah so i got up early for nothing...but it wasnt that bad because i slept on mike's bed for like half an hour when i got there. so then we left and went to the fair...saw like 2 people we all knew...i saw davy later on while we were leaving...mike daryl and mac rode some rides...i was watching jessica..like always...
then we went to mcdonalds and ate..then went back to mike's...and i didnt have to be home until ten last night so i got to spend time with him and that was great. yesterday was a bit wierd i'll say that much...but...i guess it's nothing major.
mike is in jax right now getting a physical...i'm glad that he found something to do...i am...really...it's just...something we'll have to work through...
cheers... |
| 85 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
rockstar |
March 22nd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: hinder- how long
Feeling: torn
well i think after the fourth time of trying..i might actualy write an update without an interuption...ok now.. i had one earlier.but it got erased...grr...
so ok not much has been going on...at least i dont think there has been..i mean stuff has happened since the last time i wrote it's been like two weeks since i've had any interent...but i dont feel like getting into everything.
so um it's spring break...it's not horrible...but ya know..i get to see mike and stuff..once already..woo..and tomorrow..and maybe friday...and saturday...of course..at the fair...oh what fun..i must admit fairs are not my favorite thing..but his mom wanted me to go so i am.
um i was in georiga for a few days...then came back yesterday to see mike...saw him...and stuff....and now i'm back to "if you dont have school, you're going to work with me"..oh gee..thanks mom...
im gonna be so tired tomorrow..i have to get up and go to work with my mom..go to walmart with her to buy groceries...then go to my grandmother's house and clean it...then i'm going to see mike...then i might be taking him to kyle's...yeah...tomorrow is going to be exhausting. then friday i have to work with my mom again..then i'm going to get daryl and kyle and maybe mike..a.nd we're going to gainseville to the movies.
it's almost nine o clock at night...and i think i'd like to take a shower...but i'm so damn tired...i know i wont have time for one in the morning..and i still have to wash the damn dishes...geez!!!!
i'll do them in the morning...
yeah...
that works...
ahhh...i dont want tomorrow to come..that's a lot of shit to do.
anyways....i think im going to take that shower...and then im going to bed..so cheers everyone.... |
| 93 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
me gusta el queso |
March 12th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the donnas- dont break me
Feeling: torn
well this weekend me and daryl did our community service. we only got 13 hours done instead of 15 because today they ran out of things for us to do. too many people were there. soo.....i came home and watched my uncle play around on my computer and stuff...and now i'm just waiting until tomorrow so i can see mike.
tomorrow i have to help my mom work after school...but hopefully i'm not really grounded anymore so i can see mike this week...even though we can't do anything..for...reasons...
hmm..i lost my purple nail polish...
ah..found it.
man we did a lot of work these past two days...im glad it's over...at least for a few weeks.
i miss mike..i want to see him so bad. i wish i could have seen him today...hm...at least i can see him tomorrow...it's better than nothing and that works for me.
this movie that i'm watching...scary movie 3...yeah it's pretty stupid..but they're making a 4th one..have you seen? it actually looks pretty funny. anyways i guess that's it...cheers. |
| 102 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
bet your bottom dollar |
March 9th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv- law and order CI
Feeling: better
well this week has been...sort of icky. especially yesterday. me and mike were having bad days..both of us..and they sort of clashed..our attitudes became bad and towards each other...it was pretty bad but...guess what...
tomorrow i'm going to see him after school and then he's coming with my to see my grandmother at her graduation thingy majig...and then i'm going back to his house and we're spending time together by ourselves dammit. i think that's what has been bothering both of us..and after i mentioned it to him he agreed. so maybe that's it...i'm sure it is becuase today was fine.
uh...wow..i just dropped a peice of chicken in my shoe.....that was a weird sentence but i guess it would have been weirder if i had said there's a piece of chicken in my shoe...
anyways...i guess that's all i wanted to say...it's the only important thing except for this town and our school sucks and i wish some of the people who "run" it would drop dead.
anywho...cheers.... |
| 84 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
nothingness |
March 5th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv
Feeling: bored
well it's been a week since i wrote last...i suppose that i should go through what's been happening...
well as for my mom being all mad at me and making me ride the bus..well that didnt happen. i had to drive my car because she kept needing me to go places and riding the bus i can't do that. i think only seeing mike two days in of last week and only a few hours yesterday at his party where he had to pay attention to everyone and i spent most of the time with his sister....was punishment enough..and it's not over yet..i'm not sure when she'll let me go back to his house.
but it shouldnt be too long from now.
i guess that's about it to talk about...the party was pretty good..the cops came 4 times...then the band did stop...but it was a pretty good party...it was a bit depressing that i couldnt spend much time with mike...or any alone..but i'll get a chance to some day...soon...hopefully...
yeah...um...i guess that's it..cheers then. |
| 81 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
there is only me |
February 28th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: NIN- closer
Feeling: defeated
well my mom came home sunday night...i thought she was going to call me to come pick her up in town but instead...heh..she went home...well i was at mike's. i dont know why i didnt go home earlier...i knew i should have but i didnt fucking want to. so she called mike's and told me to get my shit and come home...yelled at me...almost sent me to georgia...called my grandmother and dad...bitched at them..my dad talked to me like i was stupid...practically told me that i was...
i have to ride the bus for the rest of the week....my mom knows i was at mike's friday night....she didnt like that...i wonder how she would know something like that..hm..i fucking wonder...*coughbitchcough*
mike called me yesterday while i was at work with my mom..i told him what was going on ...my mom almost called his parents but i dont think she has yet. i'm pretty sure i wont be at mike's birthday party saturday...but i'm hoping she'll change her mind..i never really stay in trouble for long. i mean it's not like i do this kind of stuff all the time...my mom wants to be really mad but she cant.
she thinks i'm not old enough to spend the night at his house...she's so full of bullshit..like some people i know...
well today im going to get a prom dress..and guess what it's me and mike's six months....our relationship is great...sunday we spent hours just talking about our lives and stuff we've been through..he told me things that no one else knows and i feel really special that he can do that. we even talked about what we like and dont like in each other. and it would have kept going if my mom hadnt of called. i didnt even miss her...she was gone for 7 days and i didnt miss her at all..i wanted her to be gone forever...that sounds bad but i'm sorry...our relationship isnt that great.
anyways..i have to go get dressed and stuff so um...cheers... |
| 106 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
invisible |
February 25th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv
Feeling: exhausted
let's see...where do i start....i think i'll start with friday. it was a normal day...nothing special...i dont really remember much of it actually...
then i took mike and his little brother home from school...told my grandmother i was staying at miriah's and stayed the night at mike's. we had a pretty...amazing time...and we're both dead tired today.
we messed around for almost two hours and then we talked to each other until 2 in the morning and finally went to sleep. and it was great waking up this morning being right next to him. we just hung around his house for a few hours and then jeremy got there and we hung out some more...tried having sex again but we were both way too tired from last night....
we talked about sex and decided that we've done pretty much everything we can do in that department...and everywhere we can in his room....for some reason we're still determined to try the car....
and i got home tonight at about 7...so that was my past two days...in a sense..i left a few things out but i dont feel like getting into them...so um...yeah, cheers then. |
| 91 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
there is no you |
February 23rd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: NIN
Feeling: happy
today was a pretty good day...maybe a few complications with a few people...well ok maybe alot of people...but it turned out ok. i went to mike's and stayed till almost nine. that was nice...very....very....very........very.....
nice....yes....
i've been to his house every day this week...actually everday since like last thursday...and i'm going to try and stay at his house tomorrow night...all night...yes...
um...well...i know that's not much to say after two days...but it's all i feel like saying bc it's the most important part...
i could metion the fact that rick and ashley came over to mike's today...and then we took them back to rick's to get his guitar chord...and some people were there...and then we went back to mike's and i feel asleep and stayed asleep while they were playing guitar and drumming...loudly apparently...
but ok..well i guess that's it...cheers me love... |
| 101 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
<3<3<3<3<3 |
February 19th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: pirates of the caribbean
Feeling: torn
well today was pretty damn good.
i woke up at 10 and got dressed and stuff cleaned up a bit and then went to mike's and once again my dad called while i was there but....
yesterday we didnt have sex so he promised today he'd give me the best sex of my life...and i'm pretty sure he was right.
it was indeed the best sex i think i've ever had. we tried some new things, and it went pretty well, and after i was finally getting the feeling back in my body..he wanted to do it again...but we didnt get a chance but guess what...
jeremy's back. yeah he came to mike's today and he's staying to graduate...wooo...which means maybe soon mike can move out of his parent's house and live with jeremy...
anyways...i cant wait to see daryl again...there's somethings that i want to talk about...with him...sort of...i think..
ok well im going to watch my movie and find something else to eat...so um cheers...
|
| 118 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
abusive |
February 17th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: theory of a dead man- say goodbye
Feeling: illuminated
well today was awesome...for me anyways...
and im sure for mike too...
there was this dating abuse presentation thingy for a lot of my classes..i went to it in first, fourth, and fifth. i only went to 3 of my actual classes and spent fifth and sixth with mike. it was great to have a day where we dont do any work...yeah..i decided to go to school in case you havent put that together yet...
i felt pretty good this morning and i feel a lot better right now...except for i think i still have a bit of a fever..and i'm still coughing a lot and stuff.
i wanted to see mike after school today but my mom still isnt home so i couldnt ask her.
and now i'm pretty bored becuase there's nothing to do..and i'll probably be doing nothing tomorrow except sitting at home...and i wont be doing anything for a long time unless my mom decides to give me some gas money...
i have beads...
grr i hate being sick. of course if i wasnt sick i'd be on my way to georiga right about now. so i'm going next weekend instead...which means i'm hoping my mom will let me see mike this weekend...since i cant next one...so maybe she will. maybe monday...
well i guess that's about it...the only bad part about today was that i only got to see daryl in first which wasnt that great bc mike was in there too listening about abuse...and we've both been picking on each other about being abusive all day. both of us can be...most of the time...
ok well now that's it and i'm going to ...find something to do..i guess...idk..
cheers |
| 87 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
here we are |
February 10th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: wasteland- 10 years
Feeling: anxious
well today was..interesting. for almost two periods me and daryl were in a debate over ....well a lot of things but in a general sense...war and words...and...the part that seemed the most interesting to me..was that rikki..was on my side...yeah...my side..she agreed with me and supported my argument...it was fun except for mike being against me. and then picking on me the rest of the day about it.
the rest of the day was pretty normal...and i'm anxious for two reasons..one i'm waiting for the movies tonight...and two i'm wiating until i can go to mike's tomorrow because i havent had sex in like two weeks and i know that we both want it. then later on me, mike, daryl, and kady are going to see a movie. if we go to palatka then we cant see underworld because it's not there..and if someone else went that could drive...we could go to gainesville..but i dont have the money for a trip like that nor do i feel like driving that far. i get tired of being
"the one with the car" all the time. but the bad part is i dont always trust other people's driving skills..so i feel like i should drive most of the time...
anyways...my mom just went out for the evening..with who...oh yeah..her ex husband...fun fun fun...
and i know..for a fact...that she will be having sex in our house this weekend...something none of you wanted to know..but i thought i'd share...yeah...it sucks worse for me...i mean god..you dont have to share the same house with the woman...
mike's cleaning his room and his house right now so he can see me tomorrow..isn't he sweet.
i cant wait to see him tomorrow...i'm going to go as early as i can to his house...well as early as my mom will let me. i still have over an hour before i can leave....arggg...
my mom gave me money....i know, i'm as shocked as you are...
anyways..i think i'll go enjoy being by myself for a bit and go smoke...until next time...
cheers... |
| 111 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
go to hell mother... |
February 9th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv
Feeling: delirious
well today was boring...and completely horrible and it keeps getting worse.
and i fucking hate my mother and wish she would go somewhere and leave me. just find something in some in las vegas to keep her there and forget about me and never ever come back. fucking bitch complains that i have an attitude towards her when i was trying to sleep earlier and she comes in the sits down beside me and starts talking about herself...i dont fucking care woman...and then she wouldnt let me go back to sleep and made me get up to feed the stupid fucking dog...then she keeps trying to talk to me and i hate a bad day and i dont feel like hearing her pointless bullshit...my fucking god i'm sorry that i'm not the happiest person ever...whenever she has bad days she's the biggest bitch in the world i dont care what she says...
anyways, i went looking for a job today...no luck there...son of a bitch at golden coral makes me fill out yet ANOTHER application..asked me why i wasnt available every single fucking weekend and i said oh becuase i have to go see my father every now and then...but i can work if you need me...then asks me a bunch of questions and i'm thinking...yeah...i just might get this job..and then he says...well most of our business is on the weekends so sorry...keep trying tho...
bastard...
i am having an emotional fucking breakdown right now and i wish to fucking hell that my mother wasnt around because i'd fucking leave if i could...i'm so sick of everyone's shit...it's driving me insane... |
| 106 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
i think you should know this |
February 6th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: jeapordy
Feeling: impressed
walking on this road that leads to nothing
it's like the first couple of days after a breakup...akward...but you're determined to be friends again..
i'm not sure what impish means...
today was unusually boring..and tomorrow will probably be the same way. well..during school at least.
all i hear are reasons to stop my addictions
like what happened to them will be my fate as well
random lines keep popping into my head...obvioiusly...
why dont fairy tales end with children...do they never have kids?
the excess drives me mad
i think you can do much better than me |
| 138 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
my love has come along |
February 5th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: at last - etta james
Feeling: torn
I can feel you breathing
in the silence of our beating hearts
while I watch you sleeping
my eyes burn with tears
you deserve more
what else can i give you
my heart, my life, my soul
I know this is what you want
your face never leaves my thoughts
my love grows with every mistake
is this really enough
my distraction
brings you tension
without you I am dead among the living
in your eyes I can see
the things you're afraid to say
I promise to love you forever
if you promise to never leave
for every moment you're not with me
there is a tear to match
every night I can't sleep
because you're not here laying with me
how could there be anyone else
what was I thinking
words cannot describe my love
I need you to keep me breathing |
| 87 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
what you deserve |
February 4th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: better than me - hinder
Feeling: old
underneath the dew stained trees
rest wispers of forgotten names
wilted flowers lay tangled with memories
left to be blown away then
replaced on the next ocassion
it's so easy to forget
shoe prints and tear stains
left on lifeless concrete
surrounded by the lost
years pass and names disappear
angels always standing guard
to watch the hands lifting from the flames
rotting flesh sings to the keeper
demons dance around hollow ground
expressions lost from last thoughts
tainted to mistake relief
hiding hopes of wasted nights
secrets live on through misfortune
the room grows dark and voices are heard
the corpse becomes us
this love never dies |
| 85 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
cold |
February 4th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
five months and five days
it seems like forever
i dont think he knows how much i really need him
when i'm not around him all i want to do is cry...like last night...
yesterday he said i was beautiful...they've never said that.
after he siad that my whole mood changed and i felt like asking him if he really meant it.
i took his shirt yesterday...and i cant stop myself from putting my face in it.
i love the way it feels when when i'm laying with him...just laying there...even when we're not talking. whenever he's near me or in sight i cant stand not touching him.
and i hate having to depend on my mother's current mood to figure out wheither i can go see him or not. sometimes i really hate her. |
| 84 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
myspace |
February 1st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: hawthorne heights-niki fm
Feeling: bored
well what a nice day off of school...slept until 9...it's eleven thirty and i'm still not dressed...yeah...but i'd rather be in school instead of here by myself..it's really depressing when i know i wont see mike for a day...
i've spent the last three days trying to fix my myspace...you should go check it out..
http://www.myspace.com/whenxitxrains
later today is my doctor's app...oh yeah..cant wait for that one...i should probably start getting dressed for that right about now...so right now i'm just talking to eddie and wishing today would hurry up and get over with so i can see mike tomorrow.
cheers... |
| 122 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
say good bye |
January 29th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: theory of a dead man
Feeling: infuriated
this song is so awesome...i wish it would hurry up and finish downloading...
well today was me and mike's five months...woo go us...i went over to his house at like 1 and david and lorna and the baby came over like five minutes after i got there...so david was playing a video game and me and mike were talking about all the places we went in his room...um..yesterday...
so he asked me if there was a place we missed...i didnt think there was...but apparently he thought of something i didnt...
the shower...
so he picks me up and we make out....and stuff....in the shower for a bit..then he kept saying he was going to turn the water on me...so ...we got undressed and took a shower...it was..um..interesting...to say the least...then i had to wear his boxers...bc my underwear got ...well soaked..then i fell asleep and we laid there watching david play another video game and stuff...and yeah that was about it.
but it was awesome
it really sucked that matt wasnt here..but i had a pretty good weekend regardless..
and i dont really wanna go to school tomorrow...because it will be hard not to pounce on mike and pull his clothes off....
anyways...cheers all you lovely people. |
| 129 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
why am i here... |
January 28th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: my stupid fucking thoughts
Feeling: depressed
you know how...you start to think of things that have happened to you in the past...and it's usually really sad...and you just wish it would all go away and not bother you so much...well i'm having one of those times..
i've never had a boyfriend on valentine's day.
i've never had one at this time of the year...but this same time last year i was still having problems with guys...and the year before..but this year i have mike and i should be really happy about that...but i dont know...
and..it's not even josh this time...
-------------------------------------------
ok well my day got a whole lot better. my mom called and said i could go out..so at like 6 i went to mike's house and didnt have to be home till ten thirty...so we had sex...and ....yeah it was really great...we broke his wall though...yeah...i wont get into all that...
anyways..im seeing him again tomorrow and i hope i dont get in trouble for my mom trying to call me and im not answering bc im online..
i love my boyfriend he's the best thing in my life besides my brother...and i cant stop smiling...
|
| 123 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
smoke and mirrors |
January 25th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: 10 years
Feeling: addicted
feeding despiration
in the abscence of strength
painful glances won't let me go
would you want me if you knew
this darkness grows
where light cannot escape
it's raining and you're a thousand miles away
can this solitude really get worse
could i love you more
is this what you wanted
how many times can things go wrong
as we sit and watch
the ruin of our closest enemies
how can we complain
love has brought us through these dark waters
but to drown us in sight of shore
memories sing in my head
it's always hard to let go
how could i be the only one
hours go by and days fall out of existence
stepping over the corpses
whipping the blood off our shoes
we know they'll die
trying to find our cure
their tears could fill the oceans
yet disaster rains down on our head
can they ever stop
are we lost forever
these lonely nights
burn your name into my soul |
| 145 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
bother |
January 24th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
and i dont mean wasted as in drunk wasted...
i'm in school doing my journal because my mother decided to restrict me for a month. yeah..a whole month becuase of nothing really. but she's a hypocrite and it's not fair and i cant see mike outside of school for a month as of sunday. i have to go to the doctor next wednesday for birth control..but i'm not sure if they'll give me the pills because i smoke and that increases the risk of heart attacks and blood clots..yeah great huh...maybe it wont really effect me that way. it's not like i smoke a whole lot...not like mike...the only way i smoke a pack in a day is because i share them sometimes...
well im mad because this weekend. i cant go anywhere, matt can still come over...but we cant go anywhere either..
she might change her mind by then but i doubt it. it's not like i did anything wrong...she was ok with it at one point..but sometimes she gets upset about it. blah...why cant she be like other parents...
anyways..i guess that's it..i'll probably find some way out of the whole month thing..but i think this weekend is ruined for me. yeah sounds like fun right...yeah..sure...
bloody fucking cheers. |
| 85 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
good intentions |
January 22nd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv
Feeling: alone
well yesterday was .....pretty crappy for the most part.
i had to take my dog to the vet..that was no fun...
then i went to pick up miriah and we went to rick's house...where everyone was half asleep and hungover. me and mike were supposed to leave from there once i got there and go to his house...we were there for about 3 hours. paul finally went home and then rick went somewhere and they kept taking rides in cars and messing them up and having to fix them...
then we finally went back to mike's....and yes had sex. then we went back to rick's house and jay got really mad at rick and told everyone to leave so i took mike back to his house where mike miller and his sister and i think rick too were going to stay the night.
i told mike that i'd try to come see him today but i dont think i can...my mom wont come home and she said i had stuff to do and i hope he's not expecting me....maybe i can go later today...i dont know...and im really bored now...because everytime i get online daryl is idle...yep...every single time...either that or he's not on at all...
yeah doesnt that suck...
cheers... |
| 106 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
another victim |
January 20th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: 10 years
Feeling: placid
well after school today...we had fun with icky cheesecake..then i took mike's little brother home then we went to rick's house...
yeah that was ok.
wow...guess who i'm talking to...kyle.
how ironic.
i was talking to mike about him today.
i would put some of this conversation in here..but last time i got into his business and told someone about it he jumped all over me so i'm not going to..it's quite interesting though..
this could not be any more full of shit...it must have taken him all this time since he called me to think of what to say to me...
hopefully tomorrow i can spend the whole day with mike and whoever else i dont really care i just dont want to be at home. but ...great..i have to take my dog to the vet first...perfect...i'll make sure to do it early...fuck...this sucks...oh well nothing i can do..at least i dont have to clean the house or something..
this is making me really mad...i think i hate him...it's just in me and i cant let it go...i cant forget what he did and it's bullshit..i dont care how forgiving everyone else seems to want to be...
xladyxofxshalottx: yeah i dont want to be a bitch to you kyle but this will haunt you for a long time...
fucking dick.... |
| 135 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
origami |
January 19th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: behind those eyes
Feeling: hungry
well today was good. mike was finally at school and i almost never let him go when he was around me.
i went to find a job again today..the first place i went to was golden coral...and i did another application and brought it back inside and the manager guy looked at it..asked me if i was still in school...then said he'd call me for an interview..
yes! i finally have a really good chance of getting a job...i should..he's seen me in there asking about a job for a month now.
well i dont think i have anything else to say except i cant wait until this weekend is over...and hopefully i can go to mike's house on sunday because by then my period should be freakin over.
god i was so hungry..i thought if i didnt eat my stomach would start eating itself..i'im still really hungry...i want some macaroni and cheese...really bad...
i guess that's it...
|
| 113 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
cookie |
January 18th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: mad tv
Feeling: abandoned
i'm always watching tv...i just realized on almost all of my entries it says that i'm watching tv...even though i listen to music during the commercials...when i write in here it still says tv..
im eating cookies from subway...my mom brought me a sub and cookies because i went to work with her after school today. and they are really good...unfortunately...
i havent seen mike since sunday. if he's not at school tomorrow i'm going to die..and if my period does not end within the next 2 or 3 days..i will also die...
and that's it..i want my boyfriend..and i almost cried in second period today and i felt so horrible..i started feeling sick becuase i wanted him to be there so bad...and i was feeling horrible about something else too but i dont want to get into that...
so yeah...um...blah..cheers.
|
| 111 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
the end of heartache |
January 17th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv
Feeling: sane
well it's been forever since i've written last. lets see i'll do a quick review of what went on since last thursday...friday i went to school to help chef and rachael cook for the teachers...went to mike's house smelling like garlic becuase of garlic bread and i gave them a shit load of bread that chef gave me..
then i went to georgia and my aunt and little cousin came down then i spent saturday at my gpa's house and played with worms...not literally...with my cousin then blah blah blah went home saw mike...started my period...oh great for me...
yesterday i went to work with my mom and couldnt see mike bc we didnt get home till late and i had too much to do...
today mike and miriah werent at school so i was really lonely...and now i'm playing psychologist with my sister...what fun...she found herself a loser...it's hard...and i would like to smack the guy but it's not really his fault...
anyways...i guess that's really it..seems like there was something else but i guess not..i'm distracted now so i'm going to go. cheers |
| 126 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
career suicide |
January 12th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: mad tv
Feeling: annoyed
boys are the most confusing things in the world...i dont understand how most of us seem to pick the worst ones every time...
i'm just glad that i have mike and i dont have to worry about any of the stuff i used to worry about...
yeah im talking to my sister about her boyfriend..well ex because he broke up with her yesterday or something...man he's a hard one and i cant really help her this time because i just dont know what his deal is.
tomorrow there is no school so i'm going to try and see mike before i go to georgia. and i'll be back on sunday and try to see him then too..and if i cant then i'll try to see him on monday after i work with my mom becuase we dont have school then either.
well i guess that's it so..um...cheers... |
| 108 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
blow |
January 10th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: 10 years- wasteland
Feeling: saucy
well today was...horrible at first. everyone wants to beat the shit out of kyle...yeah he's an asshole. he's always been one but now it's showing... alot...and i dont want to talk about it anymore..
anyways..i went to mike's house today. took him and his little brother home and his mom was at the hospital with lorna becuase she's having her baby right...now..
we started having sex then his mom came home and right after about 15 minutes we had to stop and get dressed becuase his mom wanted to leave again and mike had to stay with his siblings...before she left kevin came over and we hung out with him for a while until i had to leave...disappointing..but it's better than nothing...
tomorrow i have to do my science project for mr mathe after school...he's not making me show the whole class...yay...so i think tomorrow will be a better day. i hope so.
so i guess that's it...that's all i can remember anyways..if there was more i'll think of it later but it doenst really matter...cheers. |
| 129 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
anime boobs |
January 8th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv...casino
Feeling: pensive
well today was a lot of fun. i went to mike's house and on the way i saw him going with jeremy's parents to his house. so i got them and we went to jeremy's house instead to help them move. they're leaving again tomorrow to stay in texas for a while. he's coming back though...probably in a long while.
we stayed over there for a few hours and mike's family came over and they stayed and then we went back to mike's house and i got to spend some time with him for an hour or so. then i came home.
a lot more details went with that so it wasn't as boring as it sounds..but i dont feel like going into all of it. and once again...because of his friends...i didnt get any sex. but it's ok...really.
this is a really awesome movie. casino..yep..i love this movie. well anyways i guess that's it. i have cigarettes now..even though they're shorts...it's better than nothing. so there's school tomorrow and hopefully i'll be getting a job soon...yeah so i guess that's it. cheers then. |
| 123 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
wasteland |
January 7th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: ten years
Feeling: longing
Change my attempt good intentions
Crouched over
You were not there
Living in fear
But signs were not really that scarce
Obvious tears
But I will not
Hide you through this
I want you to help
And please see
The bleeding heart perched on my shirt
Die, withdraw
Hide in cold sweat
Quivering lips
Ignore remorse
Naming a kid, living wasteland
This time you've tried
All that you can turning you red
Change my attempt good intentions
Should I, could I
Here we are with your obsession
Should I, could I
Crowned hopeless
The article read living wasteland
This time you've tried
All that you can turning you red
but I will not
Hide you through this
I want you to help
Change my attempt good intentions
Should I, could I
Here we are with your obsession
Should I, could I
Heave the silver hollow sliver
Piercing through another victim
Turn and tremble be judgmental
Ignorant to all the symbols
Blind the face with beauty paste
Eventually you'll one day know
Change my attempt good intentions
Limbs tied, skin tight
Self inflicted his perdition
Should I, could I
Change my attempt good intentions
Should I, could I
Should I, could I
|
| 114 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
glass doors |
January 7th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv
Feeling: old
well it's saturday...once again.
one of the first in a while that i'm still in the state and cant see mike. but i will see him tomorrow so it's all good.
last night i was babysitting for two kids. it was supposed to be three but was only two. they were really good kids so it wasnt hard at all. and they went to bed just two hours after we got there. i got 100 dollars for it...although part of it is my mom's..and she is sending me to walmart in about an hour to buy groceries and stuff with it.
we were supposed to work today..but ended up not. which is good. because i am tired of working.
i went job searching thursday and i should have a job within the next three weeks at least.
so i went to mike's house yesterday...just hung out..and now i'm fresh out of ciagarettes. and i'll probably have to wait a long time to get some..idk maybe tomorrow i can. my mom almost got me a pack last night...i dont know where it came from but we were talking about it but she didnt because she didnt want to wake the kids up by leaving and then coming back. even though she left me at about ten and then i finally got home around twelve.
well i guess that's it...i've been eating ever since i got up...yeah..sounds like fun right...ok i'm going to go. and i cant wait until tomorrow so i can have sex with my boyfriend becuase it's been a week...
cheers... |
| 107 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
this is too much |
January 3rd, 2006 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: tv
Feeling: emotional
well today was exhausting. first i woke up late again...becuase my dad called me last night and made me stay up really late crying. apparently my mom called him to say i was doing...some stuff..of which i didnt want him to know..and that wasnt exactly true.
then i havent had a cigarette since sunday morning and i dont even really remember it becuase it was when i had first woken up and i was still...drunk sort of.
a lot of crap is going on..it's a lot to think about...i'm so tired...as soon as school let out my mom called and siad i had to work with her...so i went. and i have to do it again tomorrow. and thursday i'm supposed to go find a job. and friday i have to babysit. and saturday i have to work with my mom again..i cant wait to get a job..i'm so sick of going to work with her.
but i love mike becuase he's the greatest thing ever so it's not completely bad.
cheers. |
| 110 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
even in death |
December 30th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: even in death- evanescence
Feeling: torn
well today i finally finished mrs blackwell's damned community service. daryl did his yesterday so i had to do it without him since my mom made me work with her yesterday. i think this time was the most i've ever worked there. there was no standing around at all. no having fun. but i should have a better grade now.
i'm not allowed to go anywhere today so i'm staying at home...doing nothing. but i guess it's ok since i'm really tired now. my toes and my back hurt...god i dont see how those poeple do it everyday. tomorrow is miriah's party. apparently i'm not allowed to go over there early...so mike and jeremy will have to wait. i guess. she said 4 was the earliest, which is fine.
my mum bought me nachoes and cheese today. i just ate a whole jar of cheese salsa...and it only took half a bag of chips. which is why she bought me two jars...yeah...i know..
wierd...
ooh bad touch song...
i cant wait to see mike tomorrow and i only have one cigarette left. oh well..i guess i can survive...everytime i hear this song i think of jesse dancing to it in his boxers...
i heard that last year from mike miller and my mike....i thought it was funny. especially since i was dating him at the time...yeah...made me proud. anyways...
i guess i'm going to watch tv..or something. since there is no one to talk to...it's nice to have a day off. except tomorrow my mom said i cant go early...because she wants to spend time with me....yeah...sure..while i'm cleaning my room?
and i hope all of my clothes are clean becuase i'm not allowed to wash any tomorrow or sunday...my mom's a bit superstitious...
she says whatever you do on new years...you'll do the whole year..well last year i was in the hospital..and i havent been back since...wouldnt want to wash the family away now would we...no...
cheers.
|
| 101 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
happy anniversary |
December 29th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: shallow hal
Feeling: old
well today was me and mike's four month anniversary. it was completely different than i expected it to be. you know i thought..me and mike would spend the day together...at his house...being together...
no
when i got there david and lorna were there. then he took off with david to go pick up rick..then came back almost an hour later (becasue of rick) and had rick and mike miller with him. then his mom chewed them out...and then rick took david's car to devin's house and showed up with him half an hour later...then they left becuase that wasnt cool of rick to just show up with someone else without asking first. and so they left. then we spent the rest of the night until i had to go home with his family. yeah..happy anniversary.
|
| 127 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
i'd appreciate your input |
December 28th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: even in death- evanescence
Feeling: slothful
shit fucker...i've got so much on my mind..i was going to write some long entry but there's so much i dont even know what to say or where to start...so i'll try again later i guess.
---------------------------------------------
well i'm feeling much better now. thanks to daryl...i was really worried about some stuff but i guess it's all ok now. i'm just sitting here by myself listening to the bad touch song...and the important thing is that i love mike more than anything and i know he loves me and everything is wonderful and i cant wait to see him tomorrow.
cheers
|
| 95 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
i just want to say... |
December 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: NIN
Feeling: lovely
i would just like to take this entry to say that katrina is the most awesomest friend in the world and she's so cool...becuase no one else sent me an e-card....no one else thought of that...NO ONE...so yeah...i love you katrina..!! |
| 124 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
merry...er i mean happy holidays... |
December 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: missing- evanescence
Feeling: old
well it's been a really...really...really..
long time since i wrote last. unfortunately for me..i didnt have any internet for like two weeks. but now i'm back home from georgia..and i'm back online. yay..
lets see what has happened since december 14th....ok well me and mike are still together and happy as ever...and the sex is...*giggle* improving...heh..thanks to his friends...sadly...and that's all i have to say about that...
christmas was ok. i stayed with my dad from last wednesday to yesterday. then when i got home i had christmas with my mom and went to get miriah. then we waited at the movie theatre(the only thing open) for our boyfriends to get home. sadly..mine got home first so we went to his house. i got to spend about an hour with him which was good. since i hadnt seen him for five days.
i miss talking to everyone at school...this vacation is a bit...empty i guess. but man did i miss this computer.
i havent talked to daryl since we left school. except i think he said hey wuts up when kyle called me last week.....and that..um...well...yeah i'm not going into that..it's just...well depressing somewhat.
other than the fact that my mom is all upset because her boyfriend hasnt called her in a week....and miriah is upset because her boyfriend's mom is a bitch...i guess things are ok...
and i dont really think there is anything else to say but i'm glad to be back home and glad to be back online. and um...yeah that's about it. cheers |
| 128 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
in the library |
December 14th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: emily talking
Feeling: idiotic
well i havent updated in a day or so because i have no internet at my house right now. i'm not sure when i'll get it back either.
yesterday i stayed at home...until about 1 then i went to help mom at work and go to a dentist app...which was cancelled..so now i have another one today after school.
i went to school today....hence..the title..
and i didnt get here until second period.
i havent seen anyone today...except daryl and mike. and patrick...and paul..that's it. we had some party thing in fourth so i couldnt go to lunch and kady is on a feild trip and so are alot of other people. i'm not sure if miriah's at school today but it feels like it's been forever since i saw her. well the bell just rang..so...cheers |
| 119 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
misery loves me |
December 11th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the lord of the rings:two towers
Feeling: infuriated
well its been a while since i've updated...and quite a bit has happened...but
i dont really feel like going into everything.
hmm...well this weekend me and miriah went to georgia...saw stevie...he changed...really wierd...jerk...didnt like him. yeah...
my mom knows i'm having sex now...that was...
um...yeah..akward...but she doesnt seem to mind much..seeing as how she was already married by the time she was my age.
i saw mike today...for a little bit on the way home...and then i left his christmas present at miriah's house...becuase she wrapped it for me..in carebear wrapping paper.
well im really bored now..and my stomach hurts and i want to go to bed...so i think i will...soon...eh..eventually.
cheers. |
| 110 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
when i am weak |
December 5th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: heart shaped box
Feeling: torn
well this weekend was...ok. i guess. saturday me and daryl did 6 hours of community service...lucky him got to build a fence and i had to clean dog shit. but yesterday he had to do it so. it was all good. we were lazy most of the time. and now we have 14 hours down. and i only have 7 more to go.
i was really really tired today. and mike is sick. rick got him sick...bastard. now i'm going to get sick again. i was just getting over it.
he wanted me to come over tomorrow..but i have to go see my gma and do stuff for her. so i cant. dammit. oh well..it's not like we can do anything yet anyways...
this weekend i'm going to see my dad..and hopefullly miriah can come with me again. today is his birthday and i actually remembered to call.
well i guess that's it...i talked to mike this morning about something that was kind of bothering me...it's all ok now.
cheers. |
| 101 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
i love mike |
December 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: charlie and the chocolate factory
Feeling: torn
well today me and daryl did some of our community service. it was so boring...first i had to clean out a bunch of dog cages..more than i ever had to the first two times i had been there. then we painted this guys house who lives there and he hit on me..
*twitchtwitch*
and then i locked my keys in my car..but luckily i had a spare. and now i'm just watching charlie and the chocolate factory for the fifth time...and doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.
wishing i couuld be with mike..who probably just woke up and is at mike miller's house. doing stupid things...
yesterday i went over to his house after school and we were both tired and i was..um..
unable to do anything else...so we watched the family guy movie and fell asleep and you know..that was better than anything we could have done. just being around him is good enough. then we hung out until everyone else got there...then i had to leave because it was late and stuff. and now i cant wait until monday. so i can see him.
so that's about it...i'm going to continue doing nothing..and stuff...i think i'll play piano for a few hours..it's been like a week since i have.
cheers. |
| 116 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
i love you |
December 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the grinch
Feeling: infuriated
look..i'm updating...
well today started off ...wierd.
first mike talked to me about yesterday..him being upset and wouldnt tell me what it was. and now he knows that when there is something wrong..he has to tell me ..or i will freak out.
i have a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich..and it's very good.
after school me and miriah went to see about those jobs..and they all siad that they'd be calling people soon and we'd hear from them. then we put in an application at golden corral...then we went passed the school on the way to mike's house and i saw riddles and miriah freaked out and made me turn around so we stayed there at school...i've never come back to school for no reason before...and mike was staying after so i stayed with him and then we went back to his house and i'm going to his house tomorrow.
and i almost broke every peice of glass in this house about 4 hours ago becuase i thought that i was about to start my period..luckily i think it might wait. it better wait..i'll be so pissed if i start tomorrow or tonight..and i cant do anything with mike tomorrow. oh i'll be so pissed.
everthing seems to be ok now. and me and miriah are about the happiest people in the world these days. i love mike and miriah loves mike...you know..hers...and things just seem to be great....at least for now.
apparently we had some bomb threat at school today..yeah no big deal..except when reeves saw brandon patton's science project and evacuated the school...yeah..fun stuff. but other than all of that...today was good and even though it started off kind of bad...it turned out pretty good. well i guess that's it so..um..yeah
cheers |
| 118 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
thinking of you... |
November 29th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: the simpsons
Feeling: infuriated
well today was ok. i really really wanted a cigarette all day...and i finally got some and now i'm fine.
i love mike..it says that all over my shoes becuase i wrote on them last night..so now everyone should know..i love mike. lol..and today was three months for us...woo go us. and he remembered..i thought he didnt..but i asked him..and he did.
well tomorrow i cant do anything except take miriah and mike home...then thursday i have to go see about getting a job...again...then friday i cant do anything except take miriah and her mike to her house..and then my mike maybe...
and then saturday and sunday i'll be doing community service...hopefully with daryl.
yeah and that's my week...hopefully me and miriah can get jobs...then maybe next week i can do more...idk...
cheers |
| 127 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
bloody pirates! |
November 28th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: pirates of the caribbean
Feeling: sly
well today started off pretty well. i was happy to see mike and everyone seemed to be pretty ok. until second period mike felt sick and went to the nurse...then in fifth mrs blackwell was being a bitch and i really hate her class and i hope to god i do not fail it. does she think we listen to every word she has to say? if she does then she must really be insane.
i wanted to stop at mike's house to bad after taking miriah home..but i felt kind of sick and my mom was at home so i couldnt stay anywhere. but maybe this week i can go to his house again.
this weekend i cant do anything because i have to get some community service done..
yeah...i'm getting around to it...
and then sometime this week me and miriah need to go see about all those jobs we're trying to get. i really hope we can get some because i really need a job right now. i really hate having to bum money off of people just to make it to their house..and then back to mine...if i didnt have to buy gas things would be great. but there's always something..
i love mike so much...he's the greatest guy ever...i dont know how i was with all those other guys before him...and i dont really wish we had gotten together sooner...i am just glad for us getting together at all and it's the most wonderful time of my life being with him. i dont think things could get any better for us...except being able to see him even more than i do now...
there...no one should be confused now...i love mike and i'm staying with him for as long as i can stand it. even though i've had my second thoughts...there's no way i could leave him..not for anyone.
and he gave my movie back...
ok i'm done...cheers and in case you havent figured it out..i love my boyfriend.
i'm captain jack sparrow...savvy? |
| 114 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
sex again |
November 27th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: pirates of the caribbean
Feeling: happy
well me and miriah went to travis' house again and saw mike r. and stuff. then we went to mike's house and we had sex again...
wooness!!
then i took miriah home and stayed with her for a bit...and then i came home and surprisingly...my mom called me at mike's house to say that david was coming to see her. wow...that was definatly unexpected. his dad isnt doing well...eh..and he's depressed, but she's happy about it so whatever.
well i guess that's about it. cheers. |
| 115 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
Crimson Regret
|
|
|