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SEX POT |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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He broke up with me on my voicemail the other day... "Fuckin Kick rocks, it's over" and he broke up with me because apparently I had all night to hang out with him and I just got around to seeing him at about ten... He didn't break up with me when I cheated on him with his friend... whom I have no feelings for... who I am not even mildly attracted to and seriously hate!!! I was fucked up and not thinking. I'm so goddamned attracted to Brandon it's ridiculous... I don't know why I even like him. I could get someone to treat me better easily... my friend beth even said something about me being single and I KID YOU NOT a blond haired hottie tellin my friends " oh, she's hot" he's a virgin. He's gorgeous. I don't really know if Brandon and I are broken up... I don't want it to be over. I don't care if he treats me like shit, which he has yet to do but even he's told me he isn't the nicest to SOME of his girlfriends. It's ok though, I boxed my recent ex so it's all good, I can take ya. But I feel comfortable around him, I mean nothing like John, but there's one thing that could not be too good I want to please him. I mean I seriously would do so much for him if it made him happy. GOOD SEX. |
| 150 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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Some things are better left unsaid. |
| 82 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Juniper berries are good when you have a soar throat |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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I am SICK, I feel like I got run over by a steam roller... mmmm, fun stuff. I'm supposed to go out tonight too. Oh well, I really don't mind, now I have an exuse for being anti-social.
I went to the doctors today, she was hardcore christian, there's nothing wrong with that, I just think that's illegal to preach in a doctors office.
I'm really not the one to ve talking aobut illegal activities though and besides who cares... people are so picky when talking about religion these days. It's like don't ask don't tell, same with being gay, or lesbian or anything but "NORMAL"
The world is so sad these days. |
| 92 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Get this shit |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!Here is how you matched up against all the levels:LevelScorePurgatory (Repenting Believers)Very LowLevel 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)LowLevel 2 (Lustful)HighLevel 3 (Gluttonous)LowLevel 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very LowLevel 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)HighLevel 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very LowLevel 7 (Violent)Very HighLevel 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Very HighLevel 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)HighTake the Dante's Inferno Hell Test |
| 124 hit(s) |
(10 comments) |
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Who |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Who the fuck left me that sweet, nice ass comment? The one where it says we've lost touch over the years but 'I'm thinking of you'
Sign your name... It brightened my day, well night, but hey! |
| 76 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Wes |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
If I have to die to really live so be it.
Living depletes me
my soul's bitter
but ready for you
I have so much to offer
Please forgive me
Please I'm on my knees
there's nothing I've ever done wrong
I just feel like saying sorry
maybe I'm not enough
pretty a little less than
what usually gains your touch
I know the wrath of the world
It's hard sometimes to be a girl
I love you
I love you
Please don't slip away
Pleading is my mascarade
I feel you I do
I know your pain, baby, Oh god I love you
and that's exactly what I went through
I know, it's okay
it's okay
die if it will take away your pain... |
| 87 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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Hell tainted |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Reverence
Feeling: complacent
it floods me in slow motion
and floats me away
as a dream
and i lay with my horrors spread around me
faced with a choice
and the tears just don't quench my thirst
entirely
i won't live again
and the dead shell just dissintegrates
when i'm naked
left at the stake
to burn these hesitations
at the alter where
god walked
but i feel nothing behind me
how good it'd feel to be stalked
i'm a ghost
slipping behind your memory and from your heart
left for good and then it's all over and the redess splits the silence because they don't know what to do
they are all alone
in how to dispose of me
as they rattled my body mercilessly
and i am not an endangered situation as i hoped to be.... |
| 89 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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its not but it will do |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: listen to my voice saying i love you
i really could take your face and smash it into all my pain. but it'd feel like a brick wall... and stand there as so, destined to be alone with dignity. and a ominousness, is that a word? just to no end... that's what i mean... just to no end
and i love you sometimes all the time for everyone
a hope for world peace is not just for beauty queens
but what would we use to compare good times to? |
| 94 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Temptation Island |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: the banter, ohthe banter
Feeling: bruised
...yet something is hanging on to me bearig pressure on my chest... but i want hope to evade me, i know what i crave and desire is not tangible nor do i think it will ever be, i need to be happy with what i have. lay the cavity in my heart, down for everyone to see, to know whats been done. god, it aches to know i cannot do a thing to ensure my fate, i don't know if i'll ever get over this mistake, someone once said loving you was enough... but i? for me it had to go both ways i am not content to know that i had nothing when you kissed me,just lust. life really tore me down when you came around. i want to scratch myself raw for you to see what you forced upon me... but i know you hate this so i'll let you be.
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| 100 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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the banter holds my hand to leave me |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: rupture
Feeling: bitter
A song i wrote:
i am so lonely tonight
and these tears are crawlin
and on the ground i'm fallin
the waves are salty and sad
like all the tears she's had
to rub salt into my wounds
feeling doomed
lips upon my memory
emptiness beats it's way
inside me
until all i have
has already bled
and nothing good for me is left
send me plainly below
oh this is never going on
this is too good far too long
and i can fuck you
yeah you'd want to pay me
but i'd pay you
people pleasing
is releasing me to hate the only thing i have left
myself
you will never belong to me... |
| 92 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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the banter is beating me |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Chevelle
Feeling: motivated
if i tap my veins i have
one itention
to let air into my blood stream
gonna blow up my heart
don't know any other way i'd like to part
so this is to true broken hearst
again
my creativity
enables me
due to you i'm losing
boiling inside this
hell
sweltering
and i think it's goddamned time
i've burning so long i got tan lines
if i don't finish this song i'll never live
won't make it
but do i want to
i always wanted to be tragic
tragic ending
no one save me
that's all i wanted and all i can't have
all i need and what makes me feel bad
bleed
bleed
i want to bleed
i want to but i know it's selfish
i know i'm better than that
but am i?
i just want to feel my pain
i will never be insane
i could have this
you are
all that isn't good
leave me blood to spill. |
| 93 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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thebanterisn't soft anymore |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: political angst
Feeling: antisocial
yeah this is never good enough
i try so hard
and get blown to dust
you always leave me on your back porch
and take a torch to my emotions
if i wanted something
beleive
oh, i could have it
i go there and i try to love you
i spent a year with you and you hate me?
don't remeber my face?
people i used to treat like shit still want my embrace
and that's the way the world works
and although i know you know it hurts
this just wont work
so if i do it i'll do it right
leave hmmm, you out of sight
i can't not try
i can't cry
i'm alone
yeah so all alone
want to leave and go home
yeah i don't think this is beautiful anymore
i think it's drawn out and ugly
but i still love you my lovely... |
| 84 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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nothing-really |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: polite assumption
Feeling: aloof
when will it end,
and the scenery inside my head mend
you make, you all make me tired
and lost and you stole my soul as i stole your time
wanting
to make the world mine
left leaving on a whim
that it willalways be too hard to live
but i know i can do this settle down and get to this
beleive me i'm used to this
and death gave me a goodbye kiss
that i'll miss when the feelings left...
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| 76 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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Guitar Lessons |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
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so my guitar teacher, Justin, taught me... guitar? He's pretty, like a little brother type, altough he's, I dunno four years older than myself.
This is true, who knew, you'd be open to just screw, no strings. I love that you don't love me, that you will never love me. Well, I made sure of that. Why don't you let your talent run flat, so you can lay me on my back, I wanted you to work, but you wanted to do it till it hurt. So your career went down as you did down me, and the symbolism is divine. But, oh no, you invested so much in me that you love me? You wasted yourself for a little honey?
Peanut and Honey sandwhiches, mmmmmm. Why? What'd you think I was talking about? |
| 93 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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Pete Francis |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: Pete Francis
Gotta remember Pete Francis. |
| 110 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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entry title |
August 13th, 2008 @ 3:50pm |
Listening to: current music
aim: jennaz hot4u
your binding aphorism of truth, ignorance the trend, once again.
your immortal
in my soul
oh my deity
i'll never let you go
my distrust in you is obsolete
your belligerence in the way you handle me
has restored my faith
left my praying on my knees at hell's inviting gates...
atonement.
no more
suddenly barren and meloncholy melody. |
| 86 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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blessing in disquise |
July 16th, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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time crawls
leaving me in it's sick
and twisted stead
i'm so angry
so lost
all i see is red
eating and eating you up
not the cancer
but the lack of love
if i gave you this
and told you
you have my heart
would you care
could you feel it there
in the corner where you shed your pain
and you can't evolve
can't stay sane
stuck
and lost
out of love
if i held you it'd still be so cold
your lips
your hands
being the man
never too warm
and i feel the burn, like ice too cold
the burn from an internal urge
to leave
exsistence lost
everything relative your heart to mine
appreciate living
i wish i could give you nine lives |
| 39 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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Tommy |
July 1st, 2006 @ 12:00am |
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Slip yourself into a time
That’s a little more comfortable
A little more gone, is best to describe
Some past
That’s a friend of mine
But never that smile
Eyes that take you in, and take a while
Slow
That’s what you are
I’m glad it ended the way it did
I’m glad it stopped
Someone had to grow up
And the other had to continue being the kid
Nagging at me, something left unsaid
Someone to wish being blessed
While wanting to put a gun to their mutha fuckin head
Bleeding like you’re alive, through the tears
But you’re really dead
Nagging at me, something left unsaid…
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| 29 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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sweet |
November 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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trance
hold it there
cash in the sweet
and plain it
keep it real
and just leave
it's so much more sweet |
| 76 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
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semiforce |
November 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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cavernous soul
new places to hide myself
from the cold
wind whips
chilling hands
that reach for someone to understand
capital heart
you breathe with your head
when you're gone
you won't be able to analyze death
lose this number
so I can give it to you over and over again
until sour
wishes turn vengeful
actively sin
see this happiness
with it's painted face
paper thin as faith
but guide me, adrenaline pumping
to believe without seeing
caring for a subtle touch
lead you from the dark
illistrating it's blank
with art
your empathy like sand
transfer to where it's needed
to as desolate a land
you fall
catches you
is sand that cradles you in all
molds around you
so you can grasp the reality
through unclenching teeth |
| 63 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
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miss |
November 16th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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kick me in the gut
it might hurt
but it will be a happy release...
hey miss?
my soul's dying
my heart probably can't take much more
it tries too hard,
to give.
and now it's almost empty.
my tears really don't provide
for me anymore.
my money is spent
and faces turn
I was wondering, do you know where they turn?
If possible could I freeze my heart?
To save what's left?
I thought maybe i'd give it to someone like me.
Lady?
Stranger to me I guess?
I promise to try,
try not to be angry anymore.
if I have to go out,
I'll just leave quietly
I'll whisper and say things that can be nice
I'm hurting, Lady, like you wouldn't believe.
the muscle, my heart
is like on drugs: weak
there's no fight anymore
but lady?
I'm not stupid
there'd be too much to lose...
sincerely thank you, lady.
I can't imagine that you'd sit here unjudgemental
just listening, but I think you know
I just needed to say it out loud
Thanks, it's appreciated
only... lady?
I just wish, maybe someone else could do it for me...
not meaning anything by it, you're a good listener.
|
| 47 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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eternal home |
November 2nd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Don’t look in death
It isn’t that nice
Look down
There I stand
Still reaching for your hand
Though it doesn’t posses
A soul
I can’t let you go
You’re part of me
My other half
The tears stagnant
They’re there,
Oh believe,
They just lie dormant
My hope won’t accept them
You didn’t go away
Stay with me
Don’t you leave
It’s like ice in here
Maybe it’s the drugs
But it’s like ice in here
My flesh crawls
Skin and red
Would like to teer it
And give it to you
Will it tie you together
So you don’t fall apart?
Will it mend you?
Even if you have broken heart?
Will you hang on?
Attach yourself to life
Cling to it, like a love
Don’t give up
I love you
I love you
You can have my heart
Really, it’s already yours
Just promise me
Goddamn promise me, yeah that’s right
With tears in your eyes
You can cry
But promise you’ll stay and fight
I know you can’t hang on
It’s too much
Pain overwhelming you
But,
For me
A little time?
How do I prove to you
That I love you?
You already know?
I know you do
But it’s not good enough for me
I can breath, I can think
But I’m just pretending
I won’t let you see me slip
See the tears never fall
You say
It’s okay, it’s okay
Be strong.
I am!
Goddamn, I am!
But only for you
I can be strong if it’s for you
But not for me
Without you I’m nothing
Don’t say those are lies
You bring the best in me
Give me reason
To endure this life, and keep living
I should go home!!
You need to stay
The world will be less
It will be less
Do you hear me?
I’m nothing
And if they miss me
It’s only I was good for you
I tried for you
They liked me for you
I did it for you
Just stay
Or trade my place
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| 57 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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adore |
October 26th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: doree's music
my soul invites you
to stay
near where its warm
and you're safe
i know who I want to take me home
the guilt didn't arise
though i know it's not that
certain love in his eyes
i know he cares
without a doubt
it's really there
wish i could huddle you close to me
just tell me if you need saving
I gave up once
I promise not again
so lets lie close
and close our eyes
together maybe it will
be easier to suffer their lies
hope you don't get cold
with your feet so bare
I have the love for you too
it's warm to know you care
like reality is so much
less bitter
congratulations this is
the only poem that has ever been
genuinely happy
kiss your cheek
by this you preserve
the innocence in me. |
| 44 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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tight |
October 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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the little drops of blood are soothing
me
when the come together
and it just adds to their beauty
i want to rip my veins
feel real pain
want to break the skin
put patterns in places
if you put patterns
you just wont live
take a knife and hear
it teer
tell someone yeah
i've been there
it makes me light headed
my heart leaden
soul too good for you
the paperweight
masterbates the papers to come to you
it sits heavy and serene
on thin cream
with words out of my mouth
like a dream |
| 55 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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sorry for just about everything |
October 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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severe your beauty
and I want to cut cut
bleed
and lick it up
but i can't something holds
me to the last
recognize your intentions
and set them free
don't plan what
you want to mean to me
i'm sorry i'm so mean
sorry so rude
that i'm abrasive
that i'm a little girl
and a fool for you
sorry i'm immature
sorry i don't stay out of things
i care too much
i think too much
and i love
sorry for everything
sorry for me
sorry i'm not good enough
sorry i bleed
better yet
sorry i breath
sorry you can't stand me
sorry i didn't do it
sorry and i'll sit still
sorry
i have this
ringing in my ear
sorry i just want someone to love
sorry i just want someone to love me
sorry for just about everything. |
| 56 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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i love chrish-tians... not i'm atheist. agnostic |
October 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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doing drugs with my friend chrish.... shshshshs shhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! |
| 44 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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cradle. |
October 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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you retract your breath
i can't feel you yet
it's too deep
i sit
wild
scraping my knees
so i can't stand
can't walk that distance
to where you're my man
but we generate heat
and in all my heart
in my lungs
i can't breath
pressure building
no release
the drugs just eat and eat
and eat
you cannot go back
you're so lost
your memories flat
inhale
you squirm
notice me..
that i scream
faking you are my ecstasy
in hellish moments
for you i phene
like drugs
they teer, it burns and i promise
not to hear
but your'e convincing
with your awesome power
and your extensive reach
just slap me
I promise not to scream
the blows are mellow
i can't feel you
you see red and i see yellow
the sun bursting in my eyes
but I hide in shadows
you cloak in lies
so separate me
pull it apart
mend secretly behind my back
like it's your art
pretend you're still this way
i'll cradle you till it
goes away
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| 52 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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rush |
October 25th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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your fantasy is
to devour me
in thoughts pitiful
and in the end you lose
you say 'oh my god' i have a short fuse
i don't believe you
you're nothing to me
and i sit
solemn
just comtemplating
your existence
for whom
you love only yourself
and it grows in volume
swallow your poison
i don't need your trust
there's simply no one
for whom i lust
and your morbid
eyes spitting fire
wonder if you were genuine
what'd it be like
to hurry you
into reality
would you then forsake me
i don't care
it's a shame we breath the same air
but i think again i'll just
pretend
that our worlds again will mend
that i'm here for you
but in the back of your mind
do you believe such lies
like youre really a good friend
would anyone really stand by you in
the end
i think you know what's true
that people simply
tolerate you
so slit your soul
let it gush
to run to your side
and help, i know i wouldn't
be in a rush
|
| 48 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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October 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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say you're painful
like the memories
like you rolled yourself up
to protect me from you
and you melt like you were never cool
but always frozen stiff
|
| 39 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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soon |
October 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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same
youre the same
from your empty truths
to you, endless blames
your smile
is fickle
broke me when it came
i'm sorry to say,
youre the same
my name burns your mouth
so it fades
on lips rancid
with lies
and pain
so you feel cornered
and drained
but you
with your apathetic teeth
that teer away
my heart stays
as you stay the same
far away
i'm sorry to say
same
you're the same |
| 42 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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doree |
October 9th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
Listening to: Three Days Grace- I hate everything about you
it hurts the way you do me
like it's more important than
what's got to be
and the sand slips
endlessly
and wishing your tears away is fruitless
we can't have this
and i antagonize,
but it's you
im sorry for me,
for i'm harsh and true
girl your my backbone
but really i guess im yours
i love you with all my heart
and you look down in scorn
loved to call you my best friend
knew we'd make it till the end
but i just don't godamn know
anymore
every ounce of me is pitying
i hate the way it rails
screaming to my head
no answer
no avail
so lose it all the way
wished we werent like this
i give you my all
i insist
but baby girl
because you're my best one
you make me want to slit my wrists. |
| 55 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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blankets |
September 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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we tidy ourselves
drapes thrown
and ive pain from you plenty
but i've grown
if you kissed me
i might die
but i cant get close enough
to truly look you in the eye
because you're repetitve
in your approach
always tightening your grip
and never slow
so i bury what i know
in this heart that grows
like stone
and cold
i've known long enough
but its already become old
a keep sake
that's hideous
that wonderful moment that's
really a bust
so i pretend i've slit my wrists
turning inside
until it's bliss
for the morphine to edge the fire
keep it in before it turns into
desire
and i liked you more when you were fucked up
could stand you stupid and your ways
dumb
but i've fallen away so near i'll hold you
but i don't say a word you hear |
| 45 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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Thats all cuz im so happy |
August 14th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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youre unfailingly
failing me
from your crooked smile
to your one way reach
my expectations dip and swerve
and then they altogether flee |
| 56 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
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imature little bitches |
July 19th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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Hey all you fuckin pussies, you can read my diary or not it's your decision but if youre going to leave a fuckin comment like freak, leave your name or diary because all it says is that youre a little bitch
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| 74 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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soft |
July 11th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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soft
even when you pound me
tenderness
a little love can be healthy
i want to sip you in
undress me
and i will whisper your name
say it louder if you promise
just to stay
body shivering
from the chills you make
run up and down my body
i regained that faith
it doesnt have to be this way or that
hard and sad and nothing else
soft
and i got it from you
i would walk blindly into a raging fire if
you told me to
that's the kind of trust thats true
but these chains that bound me to you
will never rust
or change their hue
because this moment has happened over
and over
again here
until we fade together,
melt into eachother
this will be near.
soft. |
| 101 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
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didn't mean it baby |
July 5th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
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enthralled
by how easily you'll spit in my face
disregard your girls
for the thrill of the chase
and you resume
to loving us once again
trying so hard just to laugh
so you can live
but then,
with a sudden burst of creativity
you fathom new ways
of hurting me
and let me tell the world
how they sting
but no one's perfect
don't know who i'd turn to if i didn't have you
though you throw it in my face
with that blazing heat
and I hope you didn't mean
it when you made me bleed |
| 96 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
spill
|
|
entourage |
May 17th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
eccentric
in the way you plead
plead
can almost remember that
laughter from long ago
the only thing that's clean
oh
leave
just take me all in your arms and hold me tight tight
rip open my soul with your tenderness
and that other worldly caress
like it's out of your mind
driven by love
and purely blind
but oh lord
i've suffered,
like you wouldn't believe
not that i'm a special case
or that i'm even on my knees
but i got some good heart for you
some loyalty too
no contradiction
though everythings upside down
i know this is what i'm meant to be
i can feel it in my chest
when i love, truly, i know
you'll help me with the rest
so
hold me a little closer still
the tears are
washing down my face
against my will
but
it feels good
expurgate the nasties
that run so deep
and my womanly pride
aches so bad
for that unborn child
i can do nothing else but simply weep |
| 83 hit(s) |
(4 comments) |
spill
|
|
lalee |
May 13th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
I entered some writing contest and I won money. yay. I hope I win alot so I can go shopping with doree, she needs to jeans and needs to stop wearing mine
|
| 54 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
spill
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|
Hangover |
May 12th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
you've broke,
really really even like
as maybe in the center?
you unwind
and tell me you lost
your taste has been refined
you'll keep me
but not the rest of mine
wish you knew what
i was saying
this whole
the way you give into
the door sliding
against it
like it's holding you together
fall to the floor
last december
how do you ever mend from this,
take away the loneliness
empty kiss
and then you wake up in agony
your only bliss |
| 71 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
spill
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|
|
April 27th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
your body handles
fluidly
and i watch... the graceful
making it hard to breath...
you wrote these words for me
languid
and expressionless
i watch that sensual heaving of your chest
lest we forget?
the picture of shameful wonders
and guilty pictures
for ecstatic pleasures
|
| 89 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
spill
|
|
acid |
March 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
manic
drown in your euphoria
in simple
hysteria
for less
to know
about your own mysteria
about which
you walk in solemn
circles
that embrace you in the ever
widening
circle
you stop,
but it still resolves |
| 97 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
spill
|
|
zew |
March 20th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
so i saw you yesterday
you didn't smile
what did I expect,
i should've known it would be
one of my regrets
to let you go
and I'm pretty sure it's too late
to get you back
too late
for the appreciation to come
I was so fucked up
so goddamned drunk
I see your face
and I run for the beer case
I didn't think i'd drink it all away
but there it goes
I can feel from my head all the way
down to my toes
the numb
of knowing you aren't here anymore
don't want to bear this sore
here it comes
that depression creeping in
the reality of the whole thing
seeping in
and the whole goddamned world growing dim
not really knowing if its
worth it to live
you may think it's petty
to feel like this
i have no right to endure this pain
it's been so long
cradling my shame
mouthing your name
shedding unstopable tears
pouring salt in my wounds
till they seer
and crackle,
won't let me forget
you
down to my soul
if you weren't so goddamned stubborn
if i wasn't so goddamned stubborn
i wouldn't be alone |
| 78 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
spill
|
|
numb |
February 24th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
your
temptous rage
evidence from scars on my face
hot, stung against my cheek
and i can taste the blood that bleeds
your face twists in the anger that seethes
and i curl up closer to nothing
than ever before
i would take all that abuse
for just a little more
the love terminal
sickening me
but I can't regret this
the best love to ever
be |
| 77 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
spill
|
|
damn |
February 4th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
tainted to light
see right through
in variations
the undulations
get inspired by you
they dance like
your hand
up and down your wrist
it's so steaming hot
my mind begins to twist
the salt enters the wound
from the sweat that pours
you felt all this
from your whore
but she was yours, yours
you didn't ask for anything else
it wasn't like you could help
what you felt
but the room seems to shake
maybe it's just your hand
out of focus
and you can barely stand
so you melt to the floor
sliding slowing so you
can curl up next to
your whore. |
| 105 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
spill
|
|
timptid |
February 3rd, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
this you can't
if you just break me
really really soft like
as if youre making love to your one
and only
but we burn and we want that fuel
stay, stay so bright
we can never be content
our morals hold us back
if I loved you this long
I'd fade to black
that torcherous memory
that brings those tears to my eyes
so perfectly
and here I am wincing
feeling my heart barely beating
wasn't always you
that question
I can't make it too late
can't wait for fate
to run like hell
last minute, to open up that gate
but I stared and stared deep into that past
you gotta ask yourself
why the agony to make it last |
| 101 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
spill
|
|
jange |
February 1st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
i know it comes
from that tattered place
beat broken but still throbbing to
an inaudible hum
but that's really you gasping
giving up on life
and here
take it
it's yours, my hand and you can keep it
but that throbbing grows deep and we don't make it to the end
and what if I find something there? how likely?
but all I have to say is good bye,
and you'll think
but i'll think too
and I'd rather be out of it if im out with you. |
| 102 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
spill
|
|
baender |
January 31st, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
tangible
that regret
like blood in your mouth
streaming down your face wet
emptying your soul into the pillow
like somehow you'll want to
live now
but the whole of yourself
has already drowned
so you steal chains
and lock yourself away
with an apathy
to whether or not youre living
a damn is not what youre giving
try
try so hard it breaks your
emotions stretched taught
around your beating wrist
and you stare at that menacing wall
until your hand tightens to a fist
that shatter
feeling better hand is broken
but it's getting better inside too
and i love you still even though i
was used. |
| 76 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
spill
|
|
touch |
January 12th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
I miss John Okrazewski. I don't know why but I miss hanging out with him very badly, I see him just about everyday and I can't even look at him. Our breakup didn't even end that badly, we even talked occasionally afterward but all of a sudden time went on enough to where I don't think I could call him again or hang out or be anything at all.
it's ok.
timeless ugliness
rancid words
dripping down your unclean throat
volatile and exposed
right down to your bones
dreams of shadows
never see
things in the light
how they should be
put in your pockets
trembling hands
betrayal
of the worst kind
to that deep and ignorant hurt
you've got to bind
if it weren't for the rough
and abrasive things
jaded interventions
from people who don't believe
your hands pushing back my hair
tracing my face
holding on hard
till it falls into place
your face closing in on me
not being able to see
trusting you so godamned blindly
hands that supress anything bitter
whoever knew
it wouldn't be love but a best friend
I found in you |
| 97 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
spill
|
|
b |
January 8th, 2005 @ 12:00am |
|
so it's empty in here
the rain
falling so near
the cold
rush to my bones
all i want is just
to leave home
the heavens a notion
your words half forgotten
but we live in the then
not sure how tomorrow
became so rotten
and we tempt ourselves with lies
we believe
and empty our souls till they bleed
scrape me raw and thin and evil and right
i still wont keep you warm at night |
| 92 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
spill
|
|
june |
December 27th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
it's break soon the routine will become again and again i will not have what i want... and what i need i don't know so i can't know if i'm getting it or not. all i know is that it's still empty. feelingless. exasterbates, is that how you spell it. being one hundred miles away from what you know best: home... well it exasterbates it. brings it on... not to mention i don't feel good. my glands (on my throat, so it doesn't sound nasty) are the size of golf balls, i kid you not. and the things running through my head are the size of something un-fathomable. not a word too, yeah i got it. so i don't know, i think i'll go take a shot of brandy. i'm so tired of people pretending they care or even thinking they care. people think too much. just breath and act spontaneously. so let's call him Brad, Brad's a good name. he doesn't understand. anything. ever. period. he is hurting so mightily that he cannot see through his self-pity cloud, which he doesn't know he has, to others around him. he is oblivious. what i'm using him for is clear what he wants is hazy. he wants all the feeling affection passion, yadda yadda a girlfriend brings but not the strings. i just wanna fuck you, no kissing and huggin.... it's a song. he needs time to heal and probably an STD check up to make sure the sluts he's getting with are clean. he needs a lot of fucking time and he just doesn't get that, he goes straight to the single life and is willing to put other people and their feelings on the line so he can get what he wants. it's not the physical it's the mental. i've done better. eric mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yummy k bye gotta go |
| 92 hit(s) |
(3 comments) |
spill
|
|
ooooh |
December 26th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
how do you straddle that might
that maybe you'd know
if you wouldn't have to fight
but you give me something not worth waiting for,
if only you were my best friend
then i'd deserve more
but we see eye to eye |
| 77 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
spill
|
|
preached |
December 21st, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
take the rip
and fall to the floor
emptiness is your whore
faithfully arouse you
each night
to a searing seduction of lies
till you know not which way you go
the whole world seems to ebb
and flow
you can't see clearly
with the blood dripping
in your eyes
with his tongue between your heart
and his hand sliding up your thigh
but you sit steadily
like church on sunday, you knew
the way he preached
but you could tell the real thing
by the way he looked at you
and you convulse
splendidly
trying so hard not to think
just to breathe
but how can i overlook you
when your begging me on your knees
|
| 84 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
spill
|
|
love you to peices |
December 16th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
i'm frustrated that things are not working out as planned. they never do but i had a little more hope and stuff riding on this one and of course it doesn't work out.
ok so if two good friends are attracted to eachother what happens... well you know. but what if now you want more and more but not emotinally because he's already a good friend... cotch my durrift? in case you didn't know what that means it means catch my drift.
ahhh. so annoying. well this morning i had a headache and i took an excedrin p.m. and now since i think the early morning coffee wore off i'm BORED AS HELL. ya know? and i'm at school about to seriously fall asleep. it sux.
later fuckin drama dude. fuckin drama. |
| 81 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
spill
|
|
intake |
December 12th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
i'm done done
to your ending
i'll believe your words into my space
and all i do is picture your face
next to mine
i tend to fade from time to time
but you leave me wasting away on the kitchen floor
and i've tried so hard
so hard to drag myself to the door
but we've tangled ourselves in your sheets again my love
and i'm all dried out
from that pursuit of love
i ran you followed
heavy hot and bare
breathing steadily into my ear
and you're content
but i'm still awake
try to focus my love away from you
with every breath on the intake |
| 84 hit(s) |
(0 comments) |
spill
|
|
wasn't it |
December 7th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
when i look at you
i see him
when we make love
i'm screaming his name in my head
when i wake up
it isn't you
i'm better off dead
because you really don't understand all that we had
as horrible as you are
as much as i didn't love you
couldn't
i did, everything
you remind me of smiling when he kissed my face seeing his eyes light from his goofy smile, knowing perfection lost it's name
lived and breathed for you
and maybe
it's only better when it's over
but i know that isn't true
when i first took a drive with you, i knew what to do
held your head in my lap
you in my hand
emptiness runs through this
endless hourglass
like sand
"babe"
how did you say it that right
that when anyone else speaks it
i go out
of my mind?
how were you it, everything was wrong with you
but it was always you
wasn't it?
|
| 91 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
spill
|
|
just stay |
December 4th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
i am naked
wanting more
to get some ice cream
why haven't we had that after
sex cigarette?
maybe we haven't begun yet
but you pour yourself into my empties
where the hollows tend to get
and that turn lane signals no more
but you've chosen who to forget
and sometimes I get a little cold
out here
with that open window
rain pouring in on me
it reminds me of you
that second
not one more
that instantaneous
explosion
when i lost myself in you
and you in me
so you can't leave
but you're gone
and i've had my moving on
black on top that white
but you drink white mountain snowflakes
and dream empty dreams
that hold less meaning
than you ever meant to mean
so just stay |
| 98 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
spill
|
|
tangled |
November 24th, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
so the emptiness
plays you like a toy
be my lover little boy
but you drag me to the ground
and leave me to decompose
with the rose petals
and the dirty little secrets
labled flammable
under the covers
where you hide your might
and we whisper sweet notings to the wall
at night
and drown
in raw ecstasy
but the dreams seam so real
and all this tension makes me sweat
and I can't feel
my face
and the answers
full of disgrace
when we try to hide
that wanting embrace
her face ashen
knowing it wasn't her
but we're like two fighting
with all our lonesome might
agains gravity
when we should turn our backs and start to die but we just can't give up
can't let down
live up to whats coming around
shame
shame
though I loved you too
for a second
lets just leave
till our lies become true. |
| 108 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
spill
|
|
denial |
November 22nd, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
a quiet tension struggles
over me
I'm counting your pelvic thrusts
as I stare at the ceiling
fake an orgasm...
yeah you think you're the one
but I'm insanely aware of what you're not
that we work so well together
because we're both lost
I'm damaged
I'm still not done thawing from that year
1982 put his hands all over me
and smothered me
until I eventually stopped breathing
so that I could stare at your
pretty face without
any interuption
but the love we once SHARED
turned stale in it's corruption
can't we go back sometimes
into old ecstacy
when all those pretty colors
presented that cure-all remedy
you screamed I love you
so loud
it's deafening
but I wont listen
because I know it's a dream
just your sick little way
to reel me
in
but can't shake that feeling I was wrong
dead
stare
open but I know he spoke truth
how do you say sorry to someone who really knows you
you can breath... he'll know it's you
i've been all wrong
he still loves you |
| 114 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
spill
|
|
fiend/ lover |
November 22nd, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
you sit in your tawny sweatshirt
knowing not today
if I said it just once more
would it be more true
but we've ebbed and flowed
and you were that last final flaw
that amazing acomplishing lie
when I held you closer
just a little tighter
and we thought this was forever
but how easily you were erased
though things have been forgotten,
without you feels out of place
so I didn't love you?
so maybe you really loved me
but the truth is
to revisit that place, could be ugly
so I sit with my misery
as that amazing ambience
not really calling it company
he wines and dines me, kicks me to the curb
wait isn't there more
kiss
more
sex
seduction, god I though you knew the rules
seriously not attractive, how have I even gotten this far?
I don't know what I'm talking about |
| 139 hit(s) |
(2 comments) |
spill
|
|
devoured |
November 21st, 2004 @ 12:00am |
|
you take the liquid
set it on fire
drink it down
to melt that desire
you can't conceive
the only cure
is your disease
plagues you consistantly
and the ugly memory
until your holding your head
tightly
to stop the bleeding
and your so numb
you've lost all feeling
so three words can no longer rescue you
you're strong
you can make it through
but he's dragging and melting at your feet
out of breath
because he has no will for breathing
those thoughts may be lewd
but they're all your fucking mind can conjure up
those dreams may be worthless but
they're yours
if you never aspire to anything you can always reverse into yourself
close within and upon
taper off those searching and far spread ends
because really
you were my means
you didn't know you were saving me
cooling that fucking fire raging
so you have to emphasize your point
my point with a little snarl words
if you only knew what I mean, what i've meant
you'd be so well read
but then you're just so confused aren't you? |
| 117 hit(s) |
(1 comments) |
spill
|
|
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