| ends and beginnings |
May 12, 2008 |
Listening to: summertime - mungo jerry
On the Friday that I moved out of campus I got in fights with both Kelsey and SEC. Both called me and said some less than pleasant things.
As those of you who have been following these dramas know, I had been looking for an out from Kelsey (because she is too irrational, immature, and frustrating), so this is a good thing. She can be really fun, and ridiculous, but I had been starting to think that it wasn't worth it.
As for SEC, I was just done. DONE. I don't want to see her anymore, I don't want to talk about her anymore, and I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want people to come up to me and ask how she is doing because frankly I wouldn't care even if I did know. I think a lot of people know how she really is, and for those who don't (like I used to be): I hope you soon learn. Every single example that I missed in the past keeps replaying in my head, and I keep thinking so many mean things that I hate about her, but I am just going to stop. I shouldn't care.
I think it was good timing. I can have the summer to do whatever I want, and when I come back to school in the fall I can do whatever I want with whomever I want.
All I can say is... thank god for summer. I don't have a chance to be on the computer as much, so you won't be seeing me so frequently. I'll try to check in though, and update you on the tedious goings-on of a suburban pool club and all kinds of lifeguard dramarama. I got my staff list today and it looks like a bunch of 15 year old girls vs. the 19 year old guys I had last year, so maybe less drama than I thought. But there's always room to raise a little trouble now and then, isn't there?
Have a good one, friends. |
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| i am a fucking idiot |
May 7, 2008 |
I studied all night for an exam I didn't have.
Showed up to it today ... empty room. I was deathly afraid that I missed it and that it was earlier than the Registrar's exam schedule said. Finally the professor happened to walk by, and I asked, and she gave me a very incredulous look and explained that because we had a final paper, we didn't have the exam.
Idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot.
Whatever. I'll just go to the beach for a while. I'm going with Kelsey, and Khaleelah said she'd be there later too. |
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| literature art and reality |
May 6, 2008 |
Listening to: honolulu city lights - keola and kapono beamer
If anyone knows anything about Peter Weiss or Christa Wolf, now would be a great time to tell me about them, because I have not read their books and I will be tested on them tomorrow.
Last final last final last final.
I'm gonna eat some chips and salsa cause I'm hungry and that's the only food I have besides the gross protein bars.
I also need to clean my room and maybe start packing. Actually, that's a no because I don't have anything to pack my stuff into. Never mind.
I was getting so depressed last night because I feel like I haven't really accomplished anything this year. All I did was get effing mono and raise my GPA, which I guess is a good thing. But thinking on it now, I did a little bit better than that. I made some new friends, or people I knew before but never actually saw. We're not close or anything but at least I laid that groundwork. From the Sig Chis to the beautiful boys to the Pikas to a couple of Betas to a few people I hadn't even known before within my own pledge class-- like Joy, Julie, and Khaleelah. I did better. I just get sick when I think of the snail-like pace in which I'm MOVING.
It's just hard when I overanalyze it. I self-evaluate too much. I think this school is the Twilight Zone. At home I'm fine at being friendly, and people seem to genuinely get to know me and hang out with me when I meet them. So why isn't it that way here? I don't feel like I act differently at home vs. here, so maybe people here just don't like who I am. Otherwise you'd think they'd want to be around me more. By this point I've just really reached the conclusion that all people are more concerned with their own lives than others. Yes, I'm disappointed by it, but I've hardened myself to it just so I'll be okay.
Ug okay I should stop thinking about this. Where are those tostitos? |
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