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| Secret Entry #3 |
April 6, 2008 |
Listening to: The Flatliners - Eulogy
Feeling: sad
I'm sick. It's not fair. This has to be the worst possible time to be sick. I'm so behind in everything.
I'm falling in love, with a guy. He just has to be right at the top of my Do-Not-Touch list. Yep, my band mate. That little crush I had is back and now it's even worse. I'm actually finding myself looking for clues that he might be interested. And he's all I think about at night. That is not good at all.
Even though I did have a headliner in mind for June 20th, I told him I wasn't sure, and I told him what kind of band I'm looking for and asked who his favourite is. He was so sure about his answer that I have to book that band or I will be really upset. I just saw on their website that they're planning something "exciting" for east of Toronto after they get back from Europe, and that's two weeks before my show, so I'm really worried that I won't be able to get them.
I wish relationships didn't screw up bands so much. I really do, cause I want to be with him. I'm so hopeless. |
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| Secret Entry #2 |
March 23, 2008 |
Feeling: determined
I forgot that comments were disabled, sorry. SitD wouldn't let me cancel my account at the time so I made it as private as I could. Please comment if you read my secret entries, you can now. I'm just writing whatever happens to be on my mind at one particular time.
I'm a little worried. I just got a total of $140 for Easter, which makes me slightly safer, but I still need to sell a total of 55 advance tickets in less than four weeks, plus another $600 worth (either advance or at the door) in order to not be completely screwed.
I need a marketing plan. Not a formal one though. I'll even make it up right here right now. Posters are being printed tomorrow. I think I'm getting about 80 of them. Band1 are getting 20 tickets some time this week. I get $6 for every one they sell. I need to print handbills tomorrow too. I would like to get them done professionally but I don't think I can afford it. I think I'm going to print one side in colour and the other in gray. I just checked and it doesn't look bad. I'm going to Toronto tomorrow and I think I got my mom to help me with the postering. If I get the handbills done on time I might bring some to the show I'm going to. I need to do some crazy online marketing. The capacity of the venue is 350. Let's say... if I find 10 people in my target market, send them all a message on MySpace or Facebook or whatever, let's say three people, so 30% buy a ticket. If I want to sell 350 tickets, then 350 needs to equal 30% of the people I contact. That's about 1167 people in total. But let's say each person who buys a ticket brings one other person with them. Now 350 must equal 60%. That's 583 people. I'll make it an even 600 just to be safe. If I message 60 people per day I can do it in 10 days. This totally counts as spam. But everyone does it so who the fuck cares? I get tons of friend requests and messages from bands trying to get me to check them out, buy their CDs or come to their shows, and that's basically what I'm doing so it's perfectly fine.
Tickets aren't technically on sale yet so I'll have to wait a bit, but I can start looking for people to target. Marketing is soo much fun.
Don't read that big huge paragraph. It'll bore you to death.
It's been two and a half weeks since last band practice. I tried to get one on Thursday or Friday but he said he was busy and he's going to be busy for the next few weeks. I wish we could at least hang out one-on-one outside of band. We play really well together, but we seem to have trouble connecting on a personal level. I need to take more control. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to be the leader, cause I do, I want to be in control, but I just don't know how. I don't know how far I can push him cause I don't know what else he has going on in his life. That's why we need to spend more time together. I almost wish I could be his girlfriend just to make him happy and keep him in band regularly. I think I need to start acting like a real leader and plan our practices. Let's do that now. So next practice, whenever it is, let's say we have two hours, and let's make a list of what I want to happen.
first half-hour: get all three of our covers as close to perfect as possible.
middle hour: write a song. Maybe threaten not to let him leave until we have at least one original song.
last half-hour: talk about goals.
I think I can handle the first two fairly well, but the talking part is by far the hardest. It's going to require a lot more thinking, which I will do another time. |
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| Secret Entry |
March 15, 2008 |
Feeling: decent
So I've decided to write one entry in here for two reasons:
1. It's nearly 4 a.m. I'm feeling open and ready to say things I'd normally regret saying if there was a chance that anybody would read it.
2. As I hinted in #1, there's a good chance nobody's going to read this, and I'm actually interested in seeing if anyone does.
So let's see...
I've just recently told precisely two people that I'm about 90% gay. I even admitted to one that I'm transgender. Like, I flat-out told him. In an email, but still. I wanted to make sure that he knew there was no chance that I would date him, even though both things are completely true.
Of course there's the question of what exactly I mean by 90%. Simply, a guy would have to be pretty much exactly what I want for me to be even remotely attracted to him.
annd... Being transgender doesn't bother me. No, it really doesn't. It fucking kills me, on a daily basis. The fact that I sincerely love it whenever someone mistakes me for a guy (which happens quite often) is just plain messed up. I can't change it, still trying to accept it, doing a fairly good job of ignoring it whenever a distraction comes up.
Let's talk about bands. I finally met the band of my dreams. I'm serious, they actually do exist. It's amazing. I can't believe how good this is. I am so in love. Just talking to them on the phone feels like heaven. I can't wait to finally meet them in person, in just a little over a month. I really hope I can do well enough to make them happy. Seriously, I can't believe it. It almost brings tears to my eyes. They're so close I can actually say that they are the band I've been dreaming about. annd... you have no clue who they are, but I promise you will by the end of this summer, and so will tons of other people.
Okay, about my band now. We need a drummer. That really sucks cause I don't know any suitable drummers and I don't know anyone who does. We've practiced twice so far, with about two weeks in between. It's been about a week and a half since the last time. I hate having to schedule it all the time. It makes me feel like he doesn't really want to. I'm pretty good at being a band nazi if I have to, but it's a lot harder with him cause I care too much about how he feels. I actually had a crush on him at one point a little while ago, and even though I forced myself to get over it, I still kinda feel attracted to him. I hate knowing that he's a lot happier in a relationship than single, because I can't understand that. Bands make me happy more than "love" ever will because to me that is love.
I've seen talk on Facebook about something and I wondered why I didn't know about it. Then I realized that logically I do know about it so I corrected myself and now I'm wondering why I haven't been told. As far as I know, this is the second time something like this has happened but it's not the second time in a row, so I will not make assumptions. There might actually be a reason for it, although I have no clue what that reason may be.
I'm in a bit of a panic. Deadlines are fast approaching and I don't think I'll be able to meet them. I'm trying, I really am, but everything is just so difficult. I do feel like I got a victory today: my first ever reply from a big time booking agent! (not the first one I contacted.) I may be getting a bit of a pay off for trying so hard, and aiming so high, finally! I'm really excited.
Please leave a comment if you read all this (or even just some of it). I don't care how mean it is, I just want to know if anyone noticed this entry. |
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