Im very depressed. Me and Shane had a fight. And I did the stupid thing and signed out of MSN so he couldn't chat to me... And I know he hates that... What did we fight about? A while ago, I added a guy to MSN that I found from Bebo, he got very attached to me, and I lied to Shane and said he was gone. So now I went and added another guy (even though he seems alright) and Shane's going ballistic... And now I know I've made him even angrier... Things have been happening at home... I'm finding life very hard at the minute... I'm only holding together for everyone else and I'm sick of it. I can't take any more of this. Why can't I just feel the way I want to feel???....

.... why isn't anyone listning to me....

.... why do I feel so alone???....

I can't stop crying, but Shane doesn't know.

Hehe... things with Shane are so perfect right now... yesterday we symbolised love and got a puppy together. He's a little terrier-collie cross, and he is the second most beautiful dog I have ever seen, next to my dearest Shadow (he's a Lassie-border cross, if you can imagine it...) and he is getting along fine in the house. Enda's got a new girlfriend now, and I'm so glad, because he was contacting me all of the time, and it was really starting to get on my nerves. It's a good thing Shane and I are so strong, or else there would have been a lot of trouble. Sitting at Shane's computer right now, while the puppy, whom we named Lex, is chewing on Shane's football boot... remember, kids... I saw nothing!! So... I think that is all of what I had to tell you!

So all... Its been such a long time since I have shown my face on this.. I found it quite amusing to find some stranger calling me a cunt repeatedly... well I'm sorry, but I really did have to go away for a while!! I didn't realise you would be that angry at me for leaving the site!!!

Me and Enda broke up... It was about time and to be honest, I'm glad I did what I did. I'm with a guy called Sháne now... we're very happy together indeed and I can't think of anyone else I would rather be with at the moment!!!!

Alisha Finneganhttp://HELL5-4NGEL.bebo.com/

Final Exams begin TOMORROW, so this is going to be my final entry in SitDiary until the beginning of July. I havn't been on much lately, so you guys will not miss me much!!!!! Well, feel free to leave me comments, I might be on for a moment now and again to read them!!! Mastersage, will ya please keep an eye on my site?? Thanks pet, I'll talk to you, and the rest soon!!!!

Au Revoir for now!!!

Allie

Listning to voices.... constant voices. They're all around me... battling with my mind. How do I stop it??? Do I answer them, or do they answer me? Are they really there? Or am I really there?? How do I know which is real. Die, die, die. But I'm not ready to die. I'm still waiting to live. But how do I know if it is over? Will I ever know? Will it ever be over? The voices tell me that I will be alright, but it is the voices that are making me sick. How will I ever know? If the voices stop, will I be alright? If they go away, might I die? I'm not ready to die.... but maybe I am already dead...

Today's topic of discussion is:

"What was the last thing that happened that really made you sick?"

(It can be a physical sickness or the "disgusted" kind of sick)

I can't take much more of this. The pressure of school is very tough and Im not too sure if I can cope with this for four more weeks. Was in tears until 2 o clock this morning worrying about my finals.... Its stupid i know, but i just feel alone. Enda's at college all week, and mam's at work. Im just on my own.....

So today's topic is: What was the last thing to make you cry.....?

(And I dont even know what complacent means.... where did Scott get the words anyway, theyre unreal!!!!)

Finally back to entertain you all and I have now moved origin. Sitting in COLLEGE (still have to sit my finals, but I know people... moody haha) making my entry, and wondering what todays topic of discussion will be... Jaysus, Ive run out of ideas... used all the good ones! Ah crud!!!!

Okay so todays line of discussion will be:

Q. What is your favourite *unusual sounding* name-calling word?

In case you all think yous can come in leaving really obscene things, I dont.

My favourite name-calling word that sounds stupid is: Wally

It's so nice to see there are so many people out there for me.... Makes me feel special!Especially my man Enda.... he's just the bomb!!!!!! Aw I love him so much and I wouldn't be without him. But hey, I love you guys too....

So today's forum: Who do you love????

I want to know the name of the person you have loved the most so far in your life... it can be any kind of love... not just sexual! So, enlighten me!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feeling hurt. Feeling sorry for myself. Feeling like the sh*t that I believe myself to be. Nothing is mine and I am nothing in return. I feel? I no longer feel. The feeling no longer exists. If I feel, then what is this numbness that swells inside of me? I attempt to overcome and I worsen my situation. Esteem is at an all time low and I am falling, falling. I feel. I feel a funeral in my brain and the rotting decay of the funeral's wake. The putrid smell overwhelms me. I am sick. I am sick, therefore I must feel?

Remember everyone, there is always some one you can talk to and always someone you can tell. Let it be a falling out, let it be rape. You should always tell the one you love exactly how you feel. Because you DO feel. Whether or not it is negative is not the important factor.... It is how you deal with this feeling. Please. Do yourself a favour. Talk. Because if you talk, someone will listen. Maybe you just need to speak a little clearer.....