| Trix Are For Kids |
| Age: 15 |
| Sex: girl |
| Active Users |
No active users |
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For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks... the work for which all other work is but preparation.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
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| blah |
January 4, 2008 |
Listening to: Justin777 -
Feeling: sluggish
For the New Year I was at home but it was ok. I got to light a firework and watch the ball drop. Haven't been on this in awhile, the computers weren't working. I've pretty much been playing Halo 3 for the past week so w/e. I think I lost my Sansa rideing back from David's yesterday, oi evay; it's all Kat's fucking fault, she made me ride with her. W/e I'm getting off, bye |
| (16 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| All talk and NO action |
December 31, 2007 |
Feeling: sad
I'm listening to FOB and dreading the upcoming of the New Year. I'm going to be either at home or walking around outside when that ball drops, it's official; I have no life. I really do wish I was kissing someone at 12 tonight. Last New Year's Eve I was at Kris's party. Everything has changed and I hate it. I always regret not doing anything, but John was right beside him so fuck it(why don't you just drop dead?). I hate that keisha broke his heart and I could do nothing about it. The last time I saw him he was so morose, but he gave me the most heart warming embrace. I guess it was because when I went to his house the week before he was a bit of a jerk and I walked home crying. My life is so fucking dramatic but it would be too selfish of me to end it; although I doubt people would care. I would probably just end up like Moe on the Simpsons(yes my life is so dull that I refer to the Simpsons) trying and never succeeding. Oi evay, I seriously need to see a therapist. On another note, why is it fucking IMPOSSIBLE to hypnotize me?; so my dad can't be hypnotized either, is is hereditary? I bet if I could be hypnotized then I could find out what the fuck was wrong with me? I need something that I can do; something that would make my life seem less meaning......less (I'm preacher sweating in the pews for the salvation I'm bringing you!).I have zero talent, I suck at seeing and my instrumental studies have come to no avail. I hate that my outward sayings aren't what is going on in my head. I'm typing this in mental frustration and I'm laughing at my sister, belting out Fall Out Boy lyrics. I don't know what to do with my life, I want it to be musically involved but I have no talent in that aspect. I have a keyboard and a guitar both of which I'm completely inept. My whole life is a lie, I try to make it out be amazing, and that I have so much fucking talent but everything I type is shit. Why was I put on this earth if I have no purpose? This is the truth, the raw bloody truth that has been eating away at my soul for so many years. Someone, please help me. I can't take this anymore.
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| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| random |
December 29, 2007 |
Listening to: FM Radio on my Sansa -
My mum and brother are walking around frustrated trying to get the 360 LIVE to work. It's a bit annoying actually; luckily I have my Sansa to drown them out. I think we're going to the store when mum is done setting that stupid thing up. I find it slightly sad that the technology i rely on is only a computer and a Sansa. Wait no.... that's a lie, my keyboard has to be plugged into the wall, haha. I think Bill Gates pretty much deserves all the money he has; this set up is brilliant. I love all the technological advances we have. Oi, if we didn't have technology we would be so screwed, we wouldn't have an industrial economy. I've been typing too much today, bye |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| rambling |
December 29, 2007 |
Listening to: FM Radio on my Sansa -
Feeling: amused
Wow, I just realized it's almost the New Year. It's funny how, as you're going through the year it just seems to drag on but as you get closer and closer to that day you have to go through all of the memories in your head; picking out the good from the bad. I know not everyone does that but I'm just one of those weird people that goes through my memories before I try sleeping. Haha; I wonder if that's why I have the nightmares? I'm listening to Green Day-Wake Me When September Ends. I used to listen to them all the time but my "fan loyalty" has decreased a bit. I guess it's because I've been introduced to so many other bands, it's hard to keep up. I hate that so many good bands are going down the sewage pipe because they are getting old(YES I did just say IT WIll!). This generation is starting to just listen to band because the bass player(Pete Wentz) or whoever else in a band is "hot". Okay I admit I started listening to FOB because my sister had the poster on the wall and I saw that this weird emo guy with black hair dressed the same as I did...meh... I never knew that it would become one of my favorite bands(go figure). The first song I ever heard from FOB was, oi evay, I think it was either "Sugar We're Going Down", or "A Little Less Sixteen Candles A Little More Touch Me". I was one of those weird crosses between goth/emo/scene people(I guess). Through the years my "friends"/sister have gotten me into different kinds of music. Oh gosh, let me try and remember how I got into Panic! at the Disco........... oh yeah!, I was on break from school and "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" came on the music channel on tv. "Who the hell is that band?" I asked my sister, "I don't care, leave me alone" she mumbled continuing to do her make-up. I started to look them up on Youtube and I liked what I was hearing so now I'm a fan. Yes I know this started as a New Year thing but I like to ramble which leads to different subjects :P. P!ATD and FOB inspired me to start writing and playing music, now I slightly play the guitar and I play the keyboard/piano.My music that i write has sort of an eccentric feel to it; I can't help. I feed off of my experiences and the experiences of the people around me, I over exaggerate them and I write them in lyrical format. I know I'm weird, I don't really care what people think of me anymore. Oi evay, I just realized how long this was. if you read all of this you get 5 million brownie points (>*.* |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| Typing to my minds content |
December 29, 2007 |
Listening to: Razorblade Romance -
I'm freezing cold sitting in this house. I'm listening to H.I.M and my brother is probably getting annoyed by my singing. My hands are always cold but my arms, and legs are starting to get goosebumps. It's kind of hard to sing and type at the same but I enjoy it(haha). I kinda want to go out for a walk but it's raining, dark, and I have terrible night vision. I'm not really worried about getting kidnapped, I'm rather ugly and this isn't that bad of a neighborhood. Myspace is lame, I'm typing random shit to random people; just because I can. I know I'm annoying, I just don't really care. I have insomnia because of the continuous nightmares(and mum doesn't know). My Sansa needs to be charged(so what if I'm too cheap to buy and Ipod). That's what all my guy friends love about me(besides my advice and lyrics), that I'm so easy to buy for; I hate it when anyone other than my mum spends over 20 dollars on me. I never finished my careers paper and it's due on monday, Hamman is going to be pissed, w/e I just don't care anymore, I think I'm going to drop out and move to Chicago, playing gigs and such; shabby plan I know. I can't just sum up my life into one year(although God knows I try)...meh, I'll figure it out. I've stopped writing my lyrics/poems, I'm somewhat uninspired. On another note; my dad bought me a keyboard for Christmas, I've just been dinking(is that a word?) around with it; playing FOB and P!ATD songs. I have so much more to write but I don't really want to so I'm going to say bye :)
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| (19 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| Christmas was awsome |
December 26, 2007 |
Listening to: Synchro Nine Factor -
Feeling: good
Christmas was good. I got both of my wishes, which were for my dad to be here and for it to snow.
I got a new keyboard, an Xbox 360, and a new bike, I also got some girly stuff like lip balm and make up(hahaha).
I got a Sansa(music player) which is charging on the USB at the moment and a huge candle from my brother.
This is the best by far. I don't care so much about the material items; I just wanted to see my dad.
I road in the snow on my bike(it was really cold) |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| First song I ever wrote, yes I have a demented mind |
December 24, 2007 |
Listening to: Toki No Namadi -
someone give me some chords
I'm so bored and I'm sinking to your level
don't wait on me this time, now you can see
how it feels, she broke your heart and I was denied,stop lying,slow your racing mind and take the time to understand me, I can't be thrown away so easily
One last time and you can take it all,
you're running but she can't keep up
I could have, don't let these nightmares
take a leave of absence
cunning stares leave you breathless
ADD is slowly swallowing me, but she still
broke your heart, hold me close and let me
tell you its going to be alright, because I'm the one that never left you
One last time and you can take it all
you're running but she can't keep up
I could have, don't let these nightmares
take a leave of absence and get buried in insanities
I do care but you just can't see that can you?let me run with you, God why am I doing this? cry on my shoulder and let me save your world
One last time and you can take it all,
you're running but she can't keep up,
you know I could have, don't let these nightmarestake a leave of absence and get you buried in insanities lie beside me, she could never save you.
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| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| I write way too much |
December 24, 2007 |
Another Tuesday and I promise there are no alibies that are leading us astray
formaldehyde is toxic but nothing
can keep my racing mind from ceasing
laughing gas is a "funny" thing
but please excuse this pun
I've been waiting so long
for his smile to lead in my direction,
to bad it was a lie as I fell to my
knees and looked to the sky
scenes of monstrosities
dance around this memorial
but you can't here the screams
that I've been induring for years
laughing gas is a "funny" thing
but please excuse this pun
I've been waiting so long
for his smile to lead in my direction,
to bad it was a lie when I fell to my
knees and looked to the sky, no one ever said
these feelings would last forever
this phones ringing a sappy tone of
playing cards and soon to be forgotten
nights, it's all laced with nitro-glycerin,
"But who's counting these wine glasses?"
laughing gas is a "funny" thing
but please excuse this pun
I've been waiting so long
for his smile to lead in my direction
to bad it was a lie when I fell to my
knees and looked to the sky, no one ever said
these feelings would last forever, "but who said they wouldn't".
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| (17 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| oldoldoldold |
December 24, 2007 |
blue eyes and senses of compramise
a little to much alcohol or not enough?
I'll take the latter please,the heroes we
have aren't the ones we prefer and the
days are getting later and later
your whine is admirable but I'm immune
let those tear drops fall as you stand on my
doorstep in only his leather jacket
these wheels of insanity are threatening to
run you over but all you do is let the silver
twinkle in your eyes
You're rather aggressive as these words
I'm saying to you begin to sink in and
let you drown in the worlds tyrranies
politics have nothing against the fights
that rome around in your head
your whine is admirable but I'm immune
let those tear drops fall as you stand on my
doorstep in only his leather jacket
these wheels of insanity are threatening to
run you over but all you do is let the silver
twinkle in your eyes tonight and abandon all
hope of redemption
an insomniac awaits a night of remorse
and the scars run down your legs rather than
your arms, run as th sound of a thousand
heart beats fill your recently deaf ears
your whine is quite admirable but I'm immune
let those raindrops fall as you stand on my
doorstep in only his leather jacket
these wheels of insanity are threatening to run you over but all you do is let the silver twinkle in your eyes tonight and abandon all hopes of redemption, you won't remember these words but I don't blame you, I betrayed you. |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| blah, old |
December 24, 2007 |
Why does it make me jelous
when ever he touches your skin
it's not her, oh no its him the one that
laminates all my problems
a run, a jump, a twirling down motion
the way these lives entwine so unexpectedly
it went by so fast didn't it, and I keep going on as I always have, these many seeds can't grow amongst this tainted soil
that small comfort and a warming
sensation, our bodies clash so
magnificently and I know this sounds
oh so cliche but you're my bad addiction
when it comes to these accusations I'm
nothing but a naturalist
a run, a jump, a twirling down motion
the way these lives entwine so unexpectedly
it went by so fast didn't it, and I keep going on as I always have, these many seeds can't grow amongst this tainted soil and hysterical necrophiles
these lies bring us so much closer
than brutal truths, lock him up for calling
the Earth flat and the Sun a planet
oh the ironies that keep us running
irrelevance tolerates us
a run, a jump, a twirling down motion
the way these lives entwine so unexpectedly
it went so fast didn't it, and I keep going on as I always have, these many seeds can't grow amongst this tainted soil and hysterical necrophiles leaving traces of their lusts down this already bloody path
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| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| old stuff from my myspace |
December 24, 2007 |
Listening to: Honey Clover II - Split
I'm sorry, I didn't mean for things to be this way,
There's always terms & conditions for these things,
as she asked you,"didn't you expect it?"
She knows me too well,
fifteen years and all these sacrifices
no love can be found and I'm in a morose
state but how so irrational of me to think that
she hasn't been dealt the same card in the past
Tapping fingers and racing minds
these lies won't keep me satisfied
small talks and gossip lines and you
know it's all in the classifieds
take those headlines to your grave
and leave me the guilt that's
been accumulating all these years
She knows me too well,
fifteen years and all these sacrifices
no love can be found and I'm in a morose state
but how so irrational of me to think that
she hasn't been dealt the same card in the past
And pilfering through old minds but it's not your fault,
late nights and wayward scandals,
and her loneliness will never be justified,
I can't fix all this so please excuse this
ignorance I'm trying, I really am,and all I need is time
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| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| thinking |
December 24, 2007 |
Listening to: P!ATD - The only Differenc
Feeling: special
I want to go to sleep but I can't; I just want to waste several hours of my life without worrying about everything else. That's what's good about sleep; you can get away from so many things but, sometimes I have nightmares that I just can't understand.
I wish I could learn it all; absolutely everything; philosophy, languages, psychology, ornithology; you think of it I want to know every aspect of it. I immensely doubt that will ever happen because there are so many wonders in this world and the brain can only hold so much, but I can dream right(haha irony).
I find it funny that the human population has invented boredom when there are so many amazing things in this world.
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| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| Typed last night but my brother got on for 6 hours |
December 22, 2007 |
Listening to: random crap -
Feeling: unmotivated
Here I am sitting at this computer table trying to aquire a taste for A&W cream soda, reading stories and listening to my brother play his video game. In some aspects I don't think that I really wanted this break to come, I have to turn in my careers paper on the 7th and I can't just flake, I'm on a contract; really don't want to do it. But in other aspects I guess it was a good thing for this break to arrive; all I have to worry about is that paper and atleast I don't have to carry around so many books.
I don't know why I complain about my life so much; it could be so much worse. I guess I'm just used to doing so.
Nothing really special going on for Christmas; at least not that I know of. We are just going to have a normal day; except for the exception of tearing the paper off of boxes and getting useless gifts. All I asked for was jeans. I just don't really care anymore; it's lost it's magic for me. |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| What he said |
December 20, 2007 |
Feeling: upset
I gave him the note yesterday and he wrote me back. He said we could still be friends but we would never work out and it can't happen. I can't say that I'm not upset because I am but fuck it. He says he like that I'm honest and such but w/e. Anndrea told me that someone will come out of nowhere and like me for who I am but I highly doubt that will happen.
I smell like lotion and shampoo and it's making my nose tingle. I'm supposed to be doing an Astronomy assignment but I don't really feel like it. I could care less if Orton was mad.
I guess I could always get him to "fall" for me but it would take alot of work. I don't know why I'm so desperate. I think my brain is trying to trick me into falling for him.
He's not getting back together with his ex but I don't know anymore. It's been like a rollercoaster but he keeps telling me he's been derailed. I don't believe him.
I've been over emotional lately and I don't think it's because of Larry. Actually I know it's not because of Larry. |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| Larry/ Astronomy |
December 18, 2007 |
Feeling: awkward
He's sitting to my left and I'm at a loss for words, he likes a girl named Ayla but she has a boyfriend. I don't know why or how I fell for him so fast, but I wish I hadn't. He would never want me, not even in a million years; I'm too ugly for him.
Ignacio and Doug are acting like idiots and I'm really wishing that I had an Ipod right now so I could drown everyone out with Atreyu. I pulled Ignacio's pod out and he's listening to one of the Green Day songs that I actually don't like.
I'm just having a really shitty day, I had to walk to school in the pouring rain because I missed the bus, and Pammie literally ran into me in the Den which ensued in a massive headache that is still in effect. Orton is pissing me off because she keeps walking over here(I'm supposed to be doing an assignment), I just don't give a flying fuck about Astronomy, I want to go home and sleep but I don't really feel like going to JD just because I missed school.
The doors of this school are propped open with chairs and trash cans and Ignacio just told me there is a fire drill today, *grr* I hate drills
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| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| hahaha |
December 16, 2007 |
Listening to: HIM - Wings of a Butterfly
Feeling: goofy
My sister asked where my mum was and I just said Canada then my brother says Missourri and I say Mane which goes from New Mexico to Texas to Austin Texas to Chicago and into a fit of giggles after my brother says he doesn't know anymore, he's playing a video game and I'm listening to FOB. This has been a good day so far. I watched Eragon earlier,, no matter how many times I've seen it still makes my breathing shaky and my eyes on the vurge of tears
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| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| Christmas tree |
December 16, 2007 |
Feeling: blah
We have our tree now, I think the guy from the tree stand recognized me, it was hard not to laugh from his double take, we always go to the same stand so that's probably why. I haven't changed much in appearance since last year, except that I cut off all my hair.
This is the latest we've ever gotten our tree and mum decorated it with ugly bows, it took so much whineing for her not to put her hideous pine cones on it, and my brother messed up the lights so when they're on it looks lopsided.
We put it in the corner in front of our two cieling to floor windows.
Mum refuses to put lights on the outside of the house, not even on the bushes, and this is the first time in a long time that we've actually had a house that we can do that *grr*, w/e I'll find a way to do it *evil laugh*.
This house is freezing and the heater isn't helping. While I'm sitting here typing this I have goosebumps and I'm slightly shaking. It's already up to 70 and mum would freak if I put it even higher.
Still no snow and I don't have high hopes on there being any on Christmas, we've had a bit here and theree but nothing worth getting excited over. I wish we would have a snow storm just like we did a few years back. |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| Thoughts |
December 14, 2007 |
Feeling: distraught
The bus got here early today so I actually have some time to type this. I had a dream about him and I don't know what my exact feelings are anymore, in my opinion I'm much to horrendous for him, my friends keep asking me to just let THEM ask him for me but I always decline, I don’t know why I let my life be so enticed by this boy, 90% of my life is school and I don’t even know what the bloody hell the other 5% is for, probably sleeping. I like to look at people and picture what their lives are like, I always wonder if they had to go through a past that I had to go through, I have so many scars and the people at this school keep asking about them, I think I should just start wearing turtle necks. |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| I am royally FUCKED |
December 13, 2007 |
I see him communicating with all these girls, laughing and having fun,I just wish I could be like that with him, I'm not even a blip on his radar. hHe talks to me but not like he does with other girls.He's not as comfortable with me as he is with Ayla, Mitzy, or Pammy. I don't know why or how I fell for him so quickly. On another topic, my plan is starting to go down the drain, I have no back up plan and the only skills I have is my voice. I'm in English and we're doing our career plans, the paper gives you options of military, colleges, and a job but that's not what I want to do. I want to get a Job when I turn 16 and save up money then move to Chicago and play gigs. Apperently I can't plan to be homeless *grr* |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| Death is a tragic occurance |
December 13, 2007 |
Feeling: bothered
So the Mayan calendar says we're all supposed to die on December 21, 2012. I realize that my life is just being flushed down the drain. I have about 5 years and I haven't accomplished anything that I want to accomplish. I tried searching my brain on some way that I can protect myself from this equatorial "shift" and there's nothing, absolutely nothing. I don't have a god that's going to save me or anything. All you christians have your god, and buddhist your well....buddha, satanist have satan, wiccans the gods and goddesses, pagans same, but what about agnostics or athiest what happens to them? I don't want to just waste away my life and then just die one day in a massive earthquake/flood/hurricane, w/e.But I don't know how to change that fact. I have school until 2010 and then what? 2 fucking years to live my life when there isn't even a point in getting a job or starting a band or anything. So many people that I haven't met, so many people that I haven't loved, so many heartbreaks that I haven't been through and so many lives that I haven't saved, and I just don't see the point. Why were we put on this earth if we are just going to become extinct in a few billion years. That isn't fair to the incredible amount of people that are living their lives or the incredible amount of people that have yet to live their lives. What is it every 8-15 seconds a child is born and every 20 seconds someone dies? I don't understand this anymore. If this "dooms day" is our fault for messing up our world why can't we just change it? We have 5 years right?
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| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| silently screaming |
December 10, 2007 |
Listening to: The raintree - Shoreline
Feeling: crappy
I'm so tired of feeling this way, sometimes I just want to give up and just let it all go. I know there are people in this world that have a worse life than I do but I don't know those people and these are MY torments.
I just want someone that would actually acknowledge me in this world, someone that I wouldn't be embarrassed to cry in front of.
I wish that someone could just understand me. My life is riddled with obstacles and I don't know if I'm strong enough to overcome them. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, what career I want or what I'm even capable of. |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| In class |
December 10, 2007 |
Feeling: alone
I'm at school right now and I really don't
want to be here. I don't want to see Larry
in second period. He's getting back with his
ex and he has no idea how I feel. he's stopped
hugging me and he's started to treat me differently,
I hope she says no.
Mark offered to "bitch" slap her
for me but I declined. Mark made me realize that I have
crushes on alot of people.
Haha that women thought that this was a site
connected to my assignment site, w/e gotta go.
He's probably laughing about this |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| Snow and secrets |
December 9, 2007 |
Listening to: Never Too Late - Three Days Grace
It's snowing, I hope it sticks, much more than anything I want there to be atleast an inch of snow on Christmas.
I don't even know if I'm actually having a Christmas, my mum has been rather moody lately, and my sister isn't exactly on the nice list.
I guess I'm just indifferent in that aspect, I haven't been doing anything bad but I haven't been doing anything really nice either.
I'm thinking of sending some postcards to postsecret but I don't know if I should. |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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| 8:23/ insomnias got me in a choke hold |
December 9, 2007 |
Feeling: alone
This is the earliest I've been up in awhile. I actually got a chance to get on the computer before my brother dominated it with his video game. The house is freezing and I'm watching Quarterlife.
I'm mad at him. He makes me out to be an idiot. Fuck child labor laws. So my friends are working two jobs illegally, if thats what it takes to get me away from her and on my way to Chicago then I'll fucking do it. I'm so sick of all the screaming and the fights, I'm sick of all of them and I just need to get away. I say that I'm honest but I'm not, I'm a fake |
| (0 comments) | Anything Acoustic |
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